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well, he has gone :(

well, he has gone :(

Old Sep 29th 2014, 9:03 pm
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Default well, he has gone :(

hi guys,

bit of a crappy post here! my husband left this afternoon and is currently on a flight to thailand then on to aucks then on to tauranga. feeling like iv had my right arm cut off! the kids are all over the place and my house looks like a dump! please tell me its all worth it because right now i feel as thought its not! i know this sounds really really stupid, but im terrified of terrorists on his plane! i feel like i cant sleep tonight! i know, im a complete stupid idiot! just thought id get a virtual hug from my new friends here!

lots of love and luck
gem x
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Old Sep 29th 2014, 9:13 pm
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

he'll be fine hun, he is probably asleep or watching a movie. You have the the difficult job of keeping the house in order and looking after the little ones so be gentle on yourself, remember he has the easy job. Not sure if you are a list person but try and make yourself a list of things to get done each day to keep you focused and also its a sort of count down until you all catch up with each other.
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Old Sep 29th 2014, 9:18 pm
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

Originally Posted by MrsFychan View Post
he'll be fine hun, he is probably asleep or watching a movie. You have the the difficult job of keeping the house in order and looking after the little ones so be gentle on yourself, remember he has the easy job. Not sure if you are a list person but try and make yourself a list of things to get done each day to keep you focused and also its a sort of count down until you all catch up with each other.
Thank you mrs fychan. You always know what to say! fed up already! I think it might just be a case of trying to break the habit of being with each other a lot. bless him, messy sod that he is, i'm gonna miss moaning about his socks that i find on the floor everyday! I cant remember if you had to be apart from your hubs? xx

Last edited by BEVS; Sep 29th 2014 at 9:29 pm. Reason: just tweak the text speak thing .
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Old Sep 29th 2014, 9:28 pm
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

She did. So did I.

Have a bit of a cyber hug. It is a bit dis-orienting for the first day or so, until you get the wind in your sails again.

So.
Your tasks for tomorrow & the next couple of days. Sort the house and calm the kids.
Find some fun thing for you and the kids at the weekend & take pics.

Y'know. You could always do the old fashioned thing too.

Sit down and write him a letter . Get the kids to make cards for him. Then post the lot.
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Old Sep 29th 2014, 9:37 pm
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

i remember you saying u had to be away from him. how long was it for again? fed up already! its only been 6 hours lol! i will do that tomorrow, my daughter was beyond upset! bless her! card and letter making is on the list for tomorrow! i really dont know how these lovely army wives do it! at least my hubs isnt going off to war! the way im carrying on u would think he is though! lolx
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Old Sep 29th 2014, 9:46 pm
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

my OH went out beginning of Sept, was supposed to come back 3 weeks later but laid the news after being there 4 days he had landed a job and couldn't come back.
Myself and the kids came out the following January. He did come back for a week at the end of October and then again for Christmas to help with the packing, although I had done most of it and to come get us.

he was also away for his birthday so we made cards and sent them over and took pictures of his presents and of course Skyped.
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Old Sep 29th 2014, 9:47 pm
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

Take care of yourself and your kids and go and treat yourselves somewhere and completely forget the housework. You're allowed to feel like this and in fact it would be horrible if you felt nothing......you'll soon be making your own adventure
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Old Sep 29th 2014, 9:55 pm
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

I remember the feeling well - my husband left UK mid January this year and I joined him at the end of July - it felt like an eternity!

We have a 4 year old son and 2 dogs - it was a combination of the dogs needing 6 months preparation in UK before they could fly; and my job in a school where I worked 1-2-1 with a child that I wanted to fulfil my commitment to and stay until the end of the school year.

We had ups and downs along the way - I was selling the house and car and dealing with all those little things that suddenly seem enormous when it's all down to you alone! It definitely didn't help to Skype hubby when my life felt particularly stressful and he was breezily telling me how he might get tickets to go and watch the Rugby that weekend!

I was really worried that it would be hard to maintain his bond with our 4 year old - but soon got into a Skype routine and on Friday and Saturday nights (UK) hubby would set his alarm extra early and our lad snuggled down in bed with the iPad and they would chat and tell stories for ages until our boy fell asleep.

We did break up the time by coming out twice in the UK school breaks (Feb half term for a week!! and Easter for 2 weeks) - it was an expensive option but definitely worth it.


Anyway, back to that first day ..... the worst moment for me was when I suddenly realised that the mystery pile of paperwork that had been on the kitchen table for ages was suddenly all mine to get rid of ... it's daft, but when you share a house with someone else there's always 'stuff' that you assume is there because the other person wants/needs it. All of a sudden I could just sort stuff out without worrying (I should mention that all the houseshold belongings we wanted had been packed and left UK the week before hubby left!).

Definitely write yourself lists and assign yourself tasks to do each day - then you feel like you are making progress and it sort of reminded me that there was an end goal in sight - even though for us it was a long time coming!

Hope you are feeling better soon xxx and good luck with everything x
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Old Sep 29th 2014, 10:14 pm
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

Originally Posted by smileypigface View Post
I was selling the house and car and dealing with all those little things that suddenly seem enormous when it's all down to you alone! It definitely didn't help to Skype hubby when my life felt particularly stressful and he was breezily telling me how he might get tickets to go and watch the Rugby that weekend!
Same here.

There I was up to my neck in a difficult house sale, sleeping on a floor with just a suitcase to my name & getting angst from his assorted relatives & there was he - so it seemed - away on a new adventure , telling me all he was doing or had discovered.
Even the pusscats got there before me.

I'm remembering all this now.

Forget the nice cards and stuff desperatebrit. Give him a bit of stick instead.
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Old Sep 30th 2014, 7:04 am
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

Hi desperateBrit, I know exactly what you mean, it's hard being the one left behind. Hubby came first in 2011 and I followed one month later with 5 animals, it was tough going. Hubby has recently started work in Tauranga whilst I am in Upper Hutt waiting for a home sale in order to move up there permanently. He flies up on Monday and flies back Friday and we are living a split life at the moment, and we loathe it, but I know we'll get there, and so will you. Hugs to you, and I hope the time flies by for you all.
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Old Sep 30th 2014, 7:52 am
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

Don't worry the pilot knows where he's going as he gets another gin and tonic. Oops ! I mean, don't worry. The pilot knows where he's going. As your husband gets another drink from the trolley.

Sounds like your cue to get something in a stemmed glass. Ah, if it wasn't already packed. Oh blow it, have it straight from the bottle !!
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Old Sep 30th 2014, 8:36 am
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

Have a hug and I'll just go and put the kettle on shall I?

Big changes, lots of emotions, all natural and all normal. It's not fun while you're in it but the time will pass and you've got so much going on that you'll keep busy. Before you know it you'll be here And your hubby will be fine. Maybe you could track him on flight tracker so you can see how his journey progresses
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Old Sep 30th 2014, 10:08 pm
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

Bless ya.short term painfor long term gain. I have two little ones I had over two months away fro. My husband this year.he was in uk I was in Ireland with the I laws argh.
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Old Oct 1st 2014, 8:54 am
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

Bevs, I disagree, it's big changes for everyone which ever side of the world they're on. As someone who came to NZ with kids and had to leave hubby in UK for 3 months, don't forget it's also hard for the person who has to leave all they know and their family and travel to the other side of the world and set up a new life - find a rental, schools, utilities, insurances, buy a car, etc. etc. It's a new country and everything is different, but share a common language. I know I felt quite alone knowing I was on my own here with the kids without my OH, family and friends.

Use Skype, be tolerant with each other - no one has it "better or easier", have to-do lists and remember it's short term pain for long term gain.
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Old Oct 1st 2014, 2:28 pm
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Default Re: well, he has gone :(

hi guys! so i had my first skype chat with him this morning. he was at my brothers house with all my family there! to say i was emotional as an understatement! i had a little tantrum and cried for around an hour then was ok. think i needed to get it out my system. my family seemed to think iv gone a little bit mad! i really hope its going to be worth all the pain and tears, im sure it will. thanks so much everyone for your lovely messages, its such a comfort to me this website. i really enjoying reading all your post x
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