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Are we doing the right thing????

Are we doing the right thing????

Old Nov 3rd 2009, 4:07 pm
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Default Are we doing the right thing????

Well we are in the final stages of our visa process, c/o issued altho we have had no conformation of this by letter, but according to process times we should hopefully hear early new year either way.
Its just I read others stories good and bad and I cant help when the old grey matter starts working overtime, only we have 4 children and Im wondering how this will effect them, I think about what there futures in the uk might be like, I watch friends children and how they struggle funding college or uni and then with the lack of employment and housing, crime is always on my mind with gangs causing heartache for innocent people and families.
Our youngest has just turned 4 so not sure how much he would remember of the uk and after a couple of years he would think of himself as a kiwi, but our girls are 10, 13 and 15, they are all happy and settled in school and they all have good friends.
Could anyone else share there experiences of how they settled there kids in, what pitfalls to look out for, how best to prepare them.
Thanks in advance......
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Old Nov 3rd 2009, 4:15 pm
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

Originally Posted by Mudplug View Post
Well we are in the final stages of our visa process, c/o issued altho we have had no conformation of this by letter, but according to process times we should hopefully hear early new year either way.
Its just I read others stories good and bad and I cant help when the old grey matter starts working overtime, only we have 4 children and Im wondering how this will effect them, I think about what there futures in the uk might be like, I watch friends children and how they struggle funding college or uni and then with the lack of employment and housing, crime is always on my mind with gangs causing heartache for innocent people and families.
Our youngest has just turned 4 so not sure how much he would remember of the uk and after a couple of years he would think of himself as a kiwi, but our girls are 10, 13 and 15, they are all happy and settled in school and they all have good friends.
Could anyone else share there experiences of how they settled there kids in, what pitfalls to look out for, how best to prepare them.
Thanks in advance......
The older ones especially could find it hard like my neice did when she was moved from London to Devon..BUT a few months on and she has adjusted..kids can and do adjust very well to their new surroundings. I guess much depends on where you are going to live, the neighbourhood you choose and the rental or house that you buy.

I really do believe that we ARE affected by our immediate environment. Had I chosen another area of Palmy that was not as nice as the one I live in..who knows I could be back in england now. We bought our X 3 kids over here..all much younger than most of your and they all love it. I do rarely hear of kids hating it. Good luck. 5 years next april and we all stii are very excited about being here. Life in NZ is as good as it gets for us.
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Old Nov 3rd 2009, 4:58 pm
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

Thanks Genesis,
Totally agree with the being effected by your environment we moved 4 years ago from a small friendly village near Milton Keynes to another small village in Cambridgeshire and wow what a difference, its the most unfriendly place ever, thus making us a less outgoing family.
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Old Nov 3rd 2009, 5:27 pm
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

To be honest, there is no definitive answers to this. As a very generalised answer younger kids appear to settle better, older kids may struggle. But that said, I would say it very much depends on the individual child. They might be thrilled and excited to have such an 'adventure'. If they are into sports, clubs, outside activities etc there are plenty of opportunities in NZ for them to thrive, and if you do decide to make the move I personally would seriously recommend the older ones got involved in such things from the outset.

Unfortunately the problems you describe as a worry in the UK are also prevalent in NZ. Kids that are involved in organised extra curricular activities will have their spare time filled and will be alongside like minded kids that are genuinely passionate and dedicated to doing well. Kids that are kicking around bored are more likely to fall into bad company to get their kicks - but that's the same the world over.

Access to alcohol and drugs for minors is as easy here as the UK.

The education here is different to the UK. Academically you may find the standard low in comparison. That said, a child that wants to do well will and there are plenty of opportunities for further education, work experience and universities.

Kids go to school on/just after their 5th birthday, although you can delay that until age 6. Classes therefore tend to be age-based. My two are 13 and 15 now. We came here in 2007 and they were put in years 7 and 8 - NZ intermediate school age. They were 10 and 11. They are now 13 and 15 and are in years 9 and 10 (years 1 and 2 of secondary school).

Older children I think struggle more because NZ is relatively small communities. Most local children have gone through kindy and up through school together and older children may find it hard to break into friendship groups - hence my advice re sports, clubs to assist making friends and giving them oustide interests and structured social life.

It really is all very individual and so variable that I don't think anyone can say for certain. All I can suggest is that if you're kids are keen to give it a go, then go for it. But bear in mind what worries you in UK will still be present in NZ.
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Old Nov 3rd 2009, 5:32 pm
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

Originally Posted by Mudplug View Post
Thanks Genesis,
Totally agree with the being effected by your environment we moved 4 years ago from a small friendly village near Milton Keynes to another small village in Cambridgeshire and wow what a difference, its the most unfriendly place ever, thus making us a less outgoing family.

Hi, can understand your doubts, but you don't sound too happy where you are?? guess you want to do whats best for your family and provide them with a happy, safe, secure (etc.)home, if not NZ have you thought about where else?......and then would you always be thinking 'what if'. Having doubts seems to be part of the process for most people....good on you for thinking of your family, I'm sure you'll make the right move & hope its NZ!!!

Just re-posting this .....
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore.
Dream.
Discover

B x
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Old Nov 3rd 2009, 5:41 pm
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

Originally Posted by MnB View Post
Hi, can understand your doubts, but you don't sound too happy where you are?? guess you want to do whats best for your family and provide them with a happy, safe, secure (etc.)home, if not NZ have you thought about where else?......and then would you always be thinking 'what if'. Having doubts seems to be part of the process for most people....good on you for thinking of your family, I'm sure you'll make the right move & hope its NZ!!!

Just re-posting this .....
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore.
Dream.
Discover

B x
B thats lovely

Mudplug, we too are like yourselves, we have a 15 yr old who cannot wait to go, however, we have a 12 who hates at the moment and we cannot even talk about going without him walking out of the room puts us in an awful feeling situation, as we are sure we are doing the right thing, all we could and still can say tour little one is that we are doing it for us all and just hope he is able to thank us sometime soon for making the move and the right descision

It is so hard is'nt it, as we have positive thought sone day and then a thought of uuummm??????? We have not had any second thoughts as yet, however, I am sure they will soon come once we have the go ahead wiht the visa's, going by what some others have said on here, its the thought of oh sh*t we are really going

Hope you stay with it and go for it you can do it!!!!!!!!

Tina. x
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Old Nov 3rd 2009, 6:00 pm
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

My daughter & family moved to NZ when our grandson was 14 a difficult age in any country. They have been there over 3 years and love it including my grandson.

However they have friends with 3 daughters and one of them did not settle at all even after being there 4 years. So last year they decided to come "home' for a holiday. You've guessed it she could not wait to get back to what she now calls home. She loved seeing all her family & friends but was glad when they returned to NZ.

As someone else has said most children will adapt given time.

Good luck
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Old Nov 4th 2009, 12:45 am
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

We all adapt, it's a survivial instinct. That doesn't mean it is the right thing to do for late age teenagers at all.
What did that poet say Philip Larkin? Oh yes 'they f*** you up, your Mum and Dad' or something along those lines.
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Old Nov 4th 2009, 7:51 am
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

I remember well the worries about whether or not we were doing the right thing in moving to NZ, so can understand totally where you're coming from. It's such a huge leap into the unknown...and there's no way of really knowing exactly how it's going to work out for you.

All I can say is that for us, it's been fantastic. I was happy in the UK as were my children, then aged 15 & 16, but hubby got itchy feet & an unexpected job opportunity, so we all ended up coming over here for an adventure. 18m in we all love it, the teenagers were up for the adventure from the word go, and are settled & established here. They love school, have made some amazing friends and have had some great opportunities here.

I can't say that it's perfect...it's real life after all, and both of my children are approaching exam season rapidly, so there's currently a few tensions, but I could never, would never regret taking the opportunity to move here. I'm just so lucky that we got the chance to experience this.

But only you know what's right for you.
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Old Nov 4th 2009, 10:51 am
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

Hi TeamEmbo
Some good advice there, getting the kids into clubs etc this could benefit all, do you know if they have kids lifesaver/surf clubs like in oz?
Lucky really we have outgoing kids who are looking forward to the challenge, I suppose im alittle guilty of looking at NZ through rose tinted glasses, of course there is crime throughout just as everywhere else, just hope you have educated your kids enough for them to not get involved.
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Old Nov 4th 2009, 11:00 am
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

Hi MnB
To right bloody hate where we are, horrid little place, love my house spent soooo much money doing it up, but it doesnt change the area tho........

Doesnt help my friend who moved here with us is now sun'n herself in oz!!!

We are lucky because all my girls want to have a new challenge altho they are all doing well at school and have good friends they were happier before we moved here.
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Old Nov 4th 2009, 11:11 am
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

Originally Posted by MnB View Post
Just re-posting this .....
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore.
Dream.
Discover

B x
Just to add a little balance......



All in jest of course - go for it. But always remember the words of my first rugby coach - if you're going to tackle something (OK - he said someone), then give it your all. The only way you'll get hurt is if you make a half-hearted effort! Quite philosophical for a man who was essentially a bull elephant with a beer addiction.
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Old Nov 4th 2009, 11:15 am
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

Hi Tina,
Its funny one minute I think im just being silly why would we want to leave the uk, its somewhere we know, free doctors, reasonable education system, we are lucky we have a nice house, crap area as I have said before but if I had to live with it I could, then I stop and alittle pang inside makes me feel like im wrong and then I think of nz and I get butterflies and feel the excitement about living somewhere different. We are lucky all our kids want to go, they are looking forward to the challenge, it must be so hard when you have a child who doesnt agree, I suppose all you can do is give them time and hope they will eventually understand.
Being a parent can be so hard!
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Old Nov 4th 2009, 11:16 am
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

Originally Posted by teeym View Post
Just to add a little balance......

http://site.despair.com/images/dpage/fear03.jpg

All in jest of course - go for it. But always remember the words of my first rugby coach - if you're going to tackle something (OK - he said someone), then give it your all. The only way you'll get hurt is if you make a half-hearted effort! Quite philosophical for a man who was essentially a bull elephant with a beer addiction.
Love it, totally agree, feeling much better already
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Old Nov 4th 2009, 11:28 am
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Default Re: Are we doing the right thing????

Hi Margaret,
Thankyou for your reply,
Totally agree the teenage years are very trying for both parent and child! where ever you are, but theres alot to be said about maintaining a positive attitude.
Pleased your families happy tho
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