Gail5

When I started on this journey of emigrating to NZ (almost 5 years ago now), my dream was to go as a family with my hubby and our 5 boys. But it has taken so long to sell our house (3.5 years!!!) that 2 of my boys aren't coming with us now - one is in Uni and one is going to Uni in October. We have just sold our house so the chance to go to NZ has actually arrived and I'm in a panic - how can I possibly leave 2 of my kids behind? It's their choice to stay but what kind of a mother am I to even consider leaving them? While we were waiting for the house to sell and as time went on, I accepted the fact that they would stay here but reality has hit now that they're not coming and I feel awful leaving them, I have a sick feeling in my stomach and no matter what I say to convince myself that they'll be OK I still feel terrible. Has anyone else moved to NZ and left their kids (I know they're too old to be called 'kids' but they're still our babies!)? How did you feel/cope? I hope someone can make me feel better

Gay

john and julie

Well the truth is i left home when I was 18 and never really settled after college, i kept on travelleing. Different strokes for different folks as they say. Your kids sound like young adults..old enough to decide and old enough to come or go as they please. your absence will bring a new realisation....it wont be long till they are following...especially if you load face book with excellent pool pictures, sports stadia and wine bottles. We land in Hamilton in March april ish....after I have repaired the ceiling in the dining room where the bath overflowed !!!...cheers.....john

MnB

Hi Gay
This probably won't make you feel any better but we went through the trauma of leaving our 'kids' ( 24 & 29 at the time we left) here in UK
We (OH & I) went to NZ a year ago with a view to settling (OH born in NZ) we felt we had to keep a home here ....couldn't make our son homeless!so didn't have to go through the hassle of selling up

Our two grown up 'kids' chose to stay in the UK but both were looking forward to visits to see us ........ the day we left for the airport was one of the most traumatic days I have ever experienced I had written both 'kids' a letter because I knew I would be incapable of speaking....unknown to me they had written a lovely card to us and made us a photo book as a leaving present.....took a while before I could look at either without eyes leaking.

While we were in NZ we skyped & talked on the phone frequently, we were all happy and positive....but OMG did I miss giving & receiving those Big hugs!!

We both missed our 'kids' terribly but it was my 'homesickness' that finally led to our difficult decision to come home to the UK .......both 'kids' have since said how relieved they are that we're back, they were worried about us!

Having said all of that I can honestly say I have no regrets....our adventure in NZ has changed my perspective on life.... I am more contented, appreciative and happier here knowing that I've 'scratched that itch', we've got some lovely friends to visit on our next NZ trip and who knows one day we may give it another try

I suppose the moral of our 'story' is if you can go with their blessing and its your 'dream' it's not easy .... give it a try, BUT have a 'get out clause' up your sleeve
B x

luvwelly

No I can't see myself ever doing that is my honest answer because unless you are wealthy, fares back to visit are expensive and the issue of relative lack of annual leave in NZ to make the visits, also comes to the fore. Realistically how often would you see them?

How do the other 3 siblings feel about still going and leaving all their older brothers behind?

Are there other relatives in UK who they can go to during their Uni holidays? Can't imagine how I would have felt upon going to Uni if my parents were no longer around for me on a day to day basis. Just being honest again here.

You know what type of mother you are and whether you can easily emotionally let go or not....if you return early on, it will prove an expensive adventure.....one way of looking at it, is that if you had sold 3 years ago, they might still have wanted to return to the UK at Uni stage....as they would still have been very attuned to UK life at that stage. NZ is very different and not to everyone's taste on a 'forever basis'.

Don't envy you your decision....

cappuccino

Think of it the other way - say your kids had decided to go off to another country and leave you, then how would you feel?

I also left my grown up kids behind and they are doing well and so am I! The world is a smaller place with Skype, Face Book etc... I'm sure it will all work out ok.

Jan n Neil

We left our grown up kids (his son and my son) too. My son visited us last year and commented I seemed much happier here and very settled, and he sseemed genuinely pleased for me. Skype is great too

Jan

Batty

My son (29) is in Ireland. I made the decision to leave once he'd graduated (in 2005) and that's exactly what happened. He's getting married this year and talking about going to live in San Francisco before the end of the year. His finance's family lives in Chile so I'd say it's a 50/50 chance as to whether or not he'll return to Ireland. My point is that you can't live your life for your children because it can prevent them doing what they want to do - how bad would your kids feel if you stayed for them but then they wanted to travel? The guilt would be enormous! It doesn't make you a bad mother to want to live a different life - they're adults now and have to make their own decisions and who's to say they won't want to come and live here anyway?

I got the most beautiful message from my son today for my birthday and basically he said that we don't have to talk to each other every day to know that we love and miss each other - I did have a cry but I felt really happy too. We both know I made the right decision. Good luck.