dragon_lady_bute

Hi,

Some of you may remember talking to me last year. We were dead keen on moving as soon as we could but we decided to wait until we had carried out some repairs to our house before we did anything. Because we have waited, our son is now at an age where we feel it would be best for him to finish at least his basic education before we move. If we had only applied at the time we would maybe be in NZ by now, but we would have lost loads on the value of the house.

Our son is nearly 14, currently in 2nd year, so he will soon be deciding what subjects to take etc. By the time we sell the house, find jobs etc., never mind apply for a visa, he will be well on the way to doing his exams and that is not a good time to disrupt him.

He wasn't keen on moving when we first mentioned the idea. We suggested waiting till he is 16, then he can decide whether or not he wants to come with us. He is now really keen on that idea. But that will probably cause more issues because he would need to try and either find a job or fight with current residents for a place in college!

Has anyone else had a similar problem?

Thanks in advance,


Marion

alanmacc

Hi

Tough choices, I am sure there was a thread of similar nature in the forum, Id ask this in the main forum or see if one of our lovely mods can move it over for you

dragon_lady_bute

Hi Alanmacc,

You're right. I thought I was searching in the main forum but I wasn't!!

Have found some similar questions and answers.

Thanks,


Marion

Jewelie38

Hi Marion,
I'm in a similar situation to yourself. I have a 14 yr old daughter, and 11 yr old son and a 2 yr old. My hubby is a kiwi and and we have decided to go to live in New Zealand so that we have some family around us.
I was very hesitant regarding moving my daughter from school as she is just picking her options but realised that it's never really a good time. Once u get one finished then the other one is not at a good age etc.
So.....we've decided to go at the end of this school year so that she can still pick her options again in NZ and the 11 yr old would have been starting a new school anyway.
You always hope that you are making the right decision for them but kids are very resilient and adjust very quickly....probably better then us adults....lol
I hope u find what's right for u, just don't be looking back in years to come thinking what if.....!
Julie x

Justcol

14 isnt a problem, he would be just starting yr 9 here with 5 years of school ahead of him.
you can wait till he's done his gcse's then you wait till he's finished his A'levels
then it will be university.
At that rate you'll never get here

gags

Tbh you could wait forever!
The time may never be right.
There will ALWAYS be something.
My kids are 15, 13 and 5. Our eldest will be finishing his exams this year, and I will agree, we did want to get that done. But the next wait could be our 13 year old and his studies as he is grammer stream and would be taking some exams earlier.
Or our 5 year old who has just started infant school, would we want to upset her schooling as she has just settled in.
Or the house, should we wait until the market really picks up.
It is really hard I know, and we only want to do whats best for all, but sometimes you have to be a little selfish and say to yourself 'We only have one life and our children will do what they want when they are older' and yes they are very resilient. 'Regrets....I don't want um'

george toni

sorry but i agree it sounds to me that you will be finding reasons not to come for time to come.

you waited for the house and lost money on it? with the house price crash did you really?

you wait for your son to finish school then he decides he isnt coming so you do what?

unless you have a real desire to move here and are 100% commited to the move then i'd say dont do it.

sorry to sound harsh but if you bring even the slightest bit of baggage with you that bag will become a container when you land in NZ.

make a choice one way or the other and stick with it or resign yourself to leaving your 16 year old to be behind.

george

dragon_lady_bute

Thanks for the replies. They all make sense. It is difficult to know what to do for the best.

Can I just say to George, though - yes, you are being harsh. You know nothing about our circumstances. The house bit has nothing to do with the recession. Where we live the prices have not been affected in the slightest. As I said, it is because we need to do repairs to the house. We live in a Victorian quarter villa which has not exactly been well-loved before we bought it. There is absolutely no point in losing literally thousands by selling just now.

We will need all the money we can get when we move. And, yes - it is a WHEN rather than an IF but we cannot afford to move just now anyway.

I was just looking for some ideas, not someone to shoot me down in flames and tell me I am being defeatist. Sorry if I feel that I should show my son some consideration!

Regards,


Marion

george toni

sorry if you feel that I was being harsh but I see it more as being honest.

yep your right I know nothing about the state of your house fair point but wait to do it up and along with your house prices here in NZ go up so at what point do you draw the line and say time to go?

never said dont consider your son's feelings more pointing out that two years at his age is a long time. If you are sure he will still want to come at 16 then good for you.

I was just pointing out the chance that in reality just as you decide the time is right he might not agree and decide to stay put with his freinds.

If you are prepared for that then all well and good.

so as much as you say it 'when' and not 'if' you come i'd say wait for too long and your house might be ready but will you all as a family?

all the best

george

bourbon-biscuit

Marion,

It's hard to know when to emigrate but one thing I think is certain is that it's very hard to leave older children behind. Your son at 14/15 would have several years of Kiwi schooling left to enjoy and to help him to settle, whereas if you leave it until after school you run the risk that he won't come or that he'll struggle to settle and when the going gets tough will get on a plane home.

Most people who move over with kids and settle agree that the younger the kids are, the better.

But it's OK to feel lukewarm about coming and it's fine not to come at all. To make it (I mean the whole thing, not just the visa and the actual move) you have to be really dedicated and have fire in your belly about moving over because it's tough, really tough. For years.

I wish you all the best for your decisions and plans

gags

Yes, I totally agree.
At the moment our eldest son 15 is very keen to go. He has a good social life here at the moment, a good life but luckily no girlfriend. That would put a spanner in the works I am sure
My 13yr old is ok with it and that is sooo good. We are s...t scared about it but hey ho. our big idea! I really don't think I could do it and leave them behind. NO, couldn't. For those that have done so, that has to be ENORMOUSLY DIFFICULT. We are hoping that with them all in schooling they will make lots of good friends, I will be making friends with their mums and OH will be making friends with his work collegues. Thats the rosey plan anyway. I really hope you manage to find the answers to all these really difficult decisions. You are by no means alone in those decisions or indeed your varying emotions. :

Justcol

Bet you $100 you dont come withing the next 10 years

follow_ur_dreams

Hi everyone

I'm also in a similar position. My daughter is 15yrs old and in year 10. she has a lovely group of friends but no BF at the moment which could all change!! she's really keen to go which surprised me, the only stipulation is that she makes friends out there online who she can meet when we go.

i have decided to take her out there with me in september so she can feel involved in the decision process.

ideally, i would like to be out there by summer 2011 when she's finished her GCSE's. altho realistically im not sure if thats possible as i finish my midwifery degree this year, but my partner and i dont live together (he lives 200 miles away) and his job isnt on the skills list so, if its not 2011, then she'll be startin her 'A' levels, and so we enter another period of 'its not the best time to go'!!


aaaggghhhhhh theres so many decisions and not enough time!!

george toni

it can be done.

we moved here with a 15 year old daughter also a 13,7 and 5 years old daughters as well.

should we have waited for the 15 year old to do her gcse or the 5 year old to settle in nursery or the 13 year old to start her course choices an on an on.

point is there isnt a 'right' time when it comes to children and tbh thats my point.

each family will have there own reasons to stay or go.

we asked our two girls and they were both keen. That didnt stop them hating us for it for some days and loving us for it on others. After six years here they have many good friends and a life that I at there age could only dream about.

they will also have dual nationality soon and having had to jump so many hoops to get here I think that all the stress was and is worth it as they will now forever have the ability to live and work in the UK NZ and even aussie without any of the hassle we had to get here.

Is that worth it. Well for me yep it is.Sometimes as adults we see the bigger picture and I know when they are 40 they will understand just what freedom it is we have given them.

as for midwifery I see no problems there getting a job as a new grad, as I have said matbe before Toni runs her own midwifery practice and she has a new grad working with them, she also teaches at the polytech here the midwifery degree so if you need any help or advice re work drop us a pm and she will answer them.

all the best

george

follow_ur_dreams

thanx George, i will do that. and ur so right about kids...theres never an ideal time, u just have to go for it!