pomikiwi

Hi everyone.

I married a kiwi in 2002 (in the UK) and moved out to NZ in 2003 and have been here ever since.

I LOVE it here, but have recently (maybe since having children, they are 5 and 8 now) become home sick. However, the home sickness is more for the people and not the place. I have thought about moving back to the UK but it really terrifies me for lots of reasons. We have a lovely house in a great area. Kids are happy and doing well at school. I have an amazing support system and have made some awesome friends over the last 11 years. But all my family are still in the UK.

I have read lots of negative stories about moving to NZ but I am sure there are just as many about moving to the UK. It is so hard making a decision and to do what is best for your family. It's so expensive to uproot so it's not something you can do as and when suits.

Crime in the UK worries me, yet people say here is just as bad.

Over population in the UK worries me, but is it really as bad as everyone says?

Is the cost of living here much higher than in the UK? Lots of people say everything is way more expensive here in NZ, but I guess i've been here so long now I just accept it.

Is the education system in NZ really way behind the UK? Are our NZ kids not learning as much as they should be compared to other kids their age in the UK?

Maybe I worry about things too much, but I believe our way of life is better here in NZ than it would be in the UK. But I cant help but think I am missing out important family time by stressing over things that don't really matter.

Hard to really explain my worries, but I just wondered if anyone else finds themselves in this situation. I guess what i'm trying to say is, I love living in NZ, but I miss my family and wish I could spend more time with them but is moving back to the UK worth it?

MrsFychan

HI and welcome to BE.

my first thoughts are that as you are not hankering after the UK life style but more family I would look at how you could manage to get back there and visit more often rather than a massive upheaval as you don't seem unhappy with your lot here. as for education as yours have not had the UK system they really are not missing out, from what I can see and my experience the lack of UK system in the primary years are made up in the college years. Its more a case of what career can they forge once through everything and you have years before you have to work on that one.

Louiselouise03

Hi Pomkiwi !
I just wanted to say I often find myself feeling the same. I came to NZ with my Kiwi partner Around the same time and have been feeling a sort of pull towards home since having my daughter. I'm on a visit to the UK right now, and am trying to weigh up in my mind which place is best for us. There are things that I love about my kiwi life, but I think there are so many positives about living in the UK too - family and friends is a big one.
From so far away, you do hear lots of negatives about the UK. Whenever we discuss living again in the UK - crime is something that worries my partner. I think that it all depends on the area you live in. Plenty of people are living in nice towns and villages, living similar lives to people in NZ.
You do hear a lot about overcrowding and I worry about infrastructure not coping with it. But is Auckland's population increasing as fast ? I think there are places in the UK which are less crowded and it's all about picking the right place.

On cost of living- Yes, I do think you get used to the prices of things, and just live differently.I have really noticed on this visit how cheap everything is. In the supermarket I walked around looking at the cheap prices of food, thinking about the last few years in NZ - how carefully I need to budget, plan my meals and do my shop. I'm filling my case with things like cheap ibroprofin and kids paracetemol. It's like I'm going back to a desert island.

It's hard to feel completely settled when you have another option. I heard somewhere that we are happier with irreversible decisions, as we tell ourselves that it was the right one afterwards.
In what ways do you think your way of life is better in NZ ? It's good that you have a lovely house in a good area. I always imagine that if I had that I would be more content- but maybe not.

pomikiwi

Thanks for the repiies.

Louise, I think we're better off her as I don't think we could have the kind of house and land we have here back in my hometown in the UK. We have a big section and 4 bedroom home so we are very lucky. We built it 2 years ago this xmas. We have lived in the smaller colder houses the years before and that was hard to get used to coming from the UK.

I'm also really lucky that my mum and dad (they are separated) come out to see us often. My mum comes every year and has her own circle of friends and loves it.

Both my parents who visit us regulary say they'd prefer to live in NZ (I'm in Whangarei) over the UK any day but can't due to other commitments and $$.

I just feel guilty that my family miss out on my kids. And my kids miss out on their grandparents and cousins.

moving2NZ2013

Hi Iv been here 7 weeks so can't really give any advice. All I will say from speaking to expats the longing to be around your family never seems to go away and many are stuck in limbo as they feel nz is a better place to be but the yearning for family takes it's toll on them.
I'm not close to my family as such but I am finding it very hard. I have a great life here and it's the best thing for the kids but just doesn't feel right thinking it'll be x amount of years before I see family. And that my kids are missing out. I feel v guilty. Although it's v early days for me.

Have you thought about,if your able to, go on holiday back to uk with an open mind explore jobs ect and spend some time with family.

I have meet 3 expats that have got in serious debt as a result in ping ponging back to nz after moving back to uk. They thought it would be great and family would be thrilled but the excitement didn't last long and family went about their normal life.

Come back to uk if you can and see how you feel. Hugs x

LozBeth

Hi I've been here 10 weeks, so not in a position to give any advice either, however the concerns you have raised are very familiar to me and I expect will only grow and linger over the years to come. At the moment it's just a huge sense of guilt for taking my children away from their cousins and grandparents. We're such a close family and my eldest was so very close to her cousins.

Having had my second child out here last month, I have really missed my family support and handing baby over to grandparents for a cuddle. I suspect my hormones are still crazy at the moment so I'm hoping most of this nostalgia and home sickness is due to that, but part of me thinks I'm just fooling myself and this is how I'll always feel.

The schooling here concerns me, but is still 4 years away before I have to worry about that. The lack of choice and high prices is a major disadvantage and I need to learn to accept that's just the way things are, as I'm tired of hearing myself inwardly groan at it.

If I could ship my family out (not with PSS!) then I could cope with anything and that's the main glitch, I can't.

I am flying home next June for three months so that keeps me going, so I shouldn't really complain yet, but I know that return flight will be the biggest and hardest decision in my life as I won't be returning for a couple of years and then it will only be for work saved holidays, max 4 weeks. My OH won't return to the UK, fact. I fear that if he's not there to drag me onto the plane, I may not board.

But....this place is amazing for the kids so by denying them family I'm providing them with a comparably care free extended childhood, with plenty of outdoor activity and they'll see and experience things their cousins will only see on TV. I do feel they'll be safer here and have more freedom. Plus their dad is here, so I would deny them their father if I took them back to the UK and I don't think that's my decision to make.

I guess life's a balance and you have to compromise, it's just so hard to make that decision but worrying about 'what if' isn't ideal and will just eat at you. I hope you make your peace with a decision soon.

pomikiwi

I'd be interested in seeing how our primary school compares to those in the UK.
NZ did have one of the best education systems and lots of countries modelled on NZ system. Most teachers now do not like National Standards.

Lozbeth, it's so hard having kids away from a support network. We moved to NZ pre children and if i could do it all again i would stay in the UK to have my family.

Most of the time i am settled. I guess since my brother has had his kids and my paretns are getting older I do worry about not seeing them as much. I just hope that they stay fit and healthy so they are available to keep on travelling to NZ. It's way cheaper for them to come here than us visit as a family.

If my kids ever decided they want to live in the UK when they are older, i would defo go over with them.

Robbo25

I have huge chunks of time where I feel in limbo, I have no idea why as such, I miss Wales and I miss the football culture of the UK but not much else. I have no family left (although I have two boys)which is a weird feeling in itself, so not sure why I still get these feelings after six years!

pomikiwi

Maybe it's a nostalgic thing? The UK is where we grew up so I guess always full of memories. A sense of belonging maybe?

Overall I'm settled but the days I really miss my family I feel a huge pull back to the UK. Feels like something is missing in my life. Thank goodness for skype and whatsapp

Born in Somerset

Hi PomiKiwi
I
have been here 8 years and am married to a Kiwi with two Kiwi born kids. I miss home quite often and frequently wonder what on earth led me to emigrate!

I am pretty confident I could have a good life in the part of the UK i hail from if I had the money , but unfortunately i don't ! Therefore I cannot see how I could offer my wife and sons the equivalent of the 3/4 of acre section and our little wooden home (it does not leak and its not too cold!) with all that space for the kids without winning the lottery.

To be honest I went back home this year for the first time in five years and I would not be keen to repeat the experience. It was an emotional rollercoaster and I just could not relax and enjoy it like a holiday. I was just plagued with thoughts comparing the UK to NZ , weighing up the pros and cons and trying to evaluate which was the better place and where should I be. I have decided that this was not good for me and I just have to make the best of my life here.

If you are local to me (Waikato) I would be happy to meet you in person for a beer and discussion of these hard issues.

I sincerely hope you can find some peace of mind.

pomikiwi

Thanks for your kind words, i'm up in Whangarei so i bit far to meet for a beer
I think for me it's more realising my parents are getting older and missing out that quality time with them. If only i could move all my family over here! Need to win Lotto.

Tom H

Hi

I've been here for 3 years and have had plenty of ups and downs.

It took me and the wife a trip to England to realize where our home was. Granted I was there on business for a week where as my wife was there to see family, but we both realized from that trip - where our home now is.

Have you been back to England since? I'd thoroughly recommend if you can to go back there for at least a month. It helped my wife understand where she wants to bring her family up. I accept a week may not be enough but I was experiencing life in 2009 - 2011, commuting on the tube a week like a pack of sardines, rushing to get into the office, spending 30 minutes queuing for a pret a manger sandwich etc. Parts of work that I wanted to be away from. I suppose the work life style I had in London is something that a trip back and experiencing again made me realize that I don't want to go back to that. Also, I found London completely different to the London I left - it doesn't have that buzz it used to have when I first moved there from Bournemouth.

In my sort of work, I'd have to go back to the city or work in areas I don't really want to. I'm not really a big city person, I'm more a commuter in a quiet area. What I've got in Pegasus, I'd do very well to have in England. I know there are places that I could have that sort of life style but I'd do well to get work. St Andrews in Scotland for example, cracking place but software analyst roles there, not many.

As mentioned before, go back to England and spend time there thinking can I return. Throughout that whole week I was there, I was thinking could I come back to this. Could I come back to hotel stops, tube commutes amongst others, travel delays, whinging commuters, non-deodorant wearers (urgh), working in a mixture of offices. Could I also go back to not commuting by air to foreign countries amongst others, battling to get to airports on time, avoiding traffic etc. All the work options got weighed up and I found what i'm doing now is what I was doing back there but minus the extras. Commuting to Sydney, Melbourne, Dunedin, Auckland, Wellington, New York and London (the last 2 once every 3 months), I don't think i'd have that unless I was a VP or Senior in my line of work.

However consuming a decent bag of crisps as well as nightly shopping in Tesco getting the groceries for the day did make me realize how expensive food was. In particular the fresh fruit and vegetables.

Try to dismiss your fears about the UK. Crime happens everywhere and regarding population - that's for you to think about. If you are not required to work in the city, you could go to beautiful areas like Bridgnorth, Weymouth, Cromer etc. You take the population and then minus London, Birmingham, Manchester and Leeds - you'll see the spread and decide where to move to if you go back.

pomikiwi

Yes i've been back a fair few times. 4 years ago as a family and i went last year on my own for 3 weeks. It was nice being home but i didnt think OMG i must move back. But i LOVED my family time. Seeing my brother and his children, spending time with old friends and heaps of time with mum, dad and his partner.

BEVS

Hi there and welcome to BE.

I'm a bit confused now.

Are you considering an actual permanent return to the UK & all that goes with that or not please ?

From the opening post here , you seemed to be seriously considering a UK return. In which case you may find the MBBTUK forum helpful as a reverse emigration is not for the faint hearted and a brave and difficult thing to do.

From the last post and your update thread though, that is not in your mind at all . It reads you would love your family to be closer but a permanent return is not in your mind .

As several have suggested , I have come to think that an extended stay in the UK is the way to go , if one can possibly afford that.

We have decided this is what we will do , although I am not sure how we would afford this, before committing to such an enormous decision.

pomikiwi

I'm confused mainly I guess that's why I'm unsettled. I love it in nz everything about it. But the only thing nz doesn't have is my family. So yes I guess I'm debating whether or not a permanant move would be wise, or maybe even just for a few years?? The only reason I would move back to the UK is for family and that's why I guess I'm finding it hard. I think you get used to living somewhere which is why I feel a bit scared about the population/crime/weather etc of the uk. But if I lived there I'm sure I'd adapt and my worries would go. I really just wanted to know if anyone else has these similar feelings, which of course people have replied and stated they have.