simonmarkellis

Apparently these stupid questions were posted on an NZ Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour............ enjoy.................




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Q: Does it ever get windy in NZ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

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Q: Will I be able to see kiwi birds in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

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Q: I want to walk from Auckland to Wellington - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in NZ? Can you send me a list of them in Auckland , Wellington , Christchurch and Queenstown ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in NZ ? ( USA )

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
New - Zea -l and is that island in the middle of the Pacific which
does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Auckland city . Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in NZ ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

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Q: Can I bring cutlery into NZ ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: - New-zea- la is that quaint little country , which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Auckland city , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

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Q: Can I wear high heels in NZ ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

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Q: Are there supermarkets in Auckland and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal .
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in NZ who can Dispense spider serum. ( USA )

A: poisonous spiders live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All NZ spiders are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets . You should find some for yourself when you get here.
Especially the ones with white tails .
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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in NZ , but I forget its name. It's a kind animal and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in NZ ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Auckland where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in NZ ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

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Q: I was in NZ in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Wellington *. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

spid

tee hee - very droll!

BEVS

OMG Funniest thing I have read in ages Simon.
You get karma for that piece of welcome relief mate

mandy77

The officials on that website must have a right laugh at some of these..hippo racing indeed, ha ha

Persephone

Great you have hippo racing over there, it's one of my favourite sports.

Note to self: Tuesdays, Auckland, forget clothing

Wilma & co

I WANT A DROP BEAR AND I WANT ONE NOW !!!!!!!!!
Almost p****d myself laughing!!!
Karma for that Simon - must be quiet at work today?

lardyl

these guys whould get together with the Quantas aircraft maintenance peeps......oh seems like they already did.....

happynz

Perhaps it was a Russian-American who made this request. After all, the Central Moscow Hippodrome is the largest horse racing facility in Russia.

mandy77

Ha ha, just had a vision of a bunch of hippos racing round a circuit with those tiny little jockeys trying to sit astride them

At least nobody asked if it does rain, does the rain fall upside down?

daveandjue123

[QUOTE=

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in NZ ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

[/QUOTE]

They will still be trying to work that out when the smoking ban comes in!!!!

:r

And I thought it might be a bit dull in NZ...

God bless you

Still laughing:

Maz

My second-line manager sits diagonally behind me. I am trying very very hard not to laugh audibly... thankfully he just got up and left his desk.

OMFG This goes into an e-mail co colleagues, thank you Simon!

Bo-Jangles

It is! Only someone with far too much time on their hands stole the original Aussie version, doesn't everyone know that Drop Bears are from Oz, NZ doesn't have 3000 miles of railway tracks and the jokes about the rain and Vienna make far more sense?

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney -can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only 3000 miles, take lots of water.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross ……Come naked.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races…..Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Maz

Oh come now B-J, I think we all figured that one out for ourselves. Are we allowed to have a laugh at it anyway even when it's not the "original" Aussie version?

BEVS

Yes.

I clocked it but it was still pure joy. I'm emailing it out to family and friends.
Thanks Simon.

jads

Can you imagine a place where milk is illegal, My 2 sons would have to turn into criminals and get it on the black market!! We,d have to get a cow, actually thats not a bad idea

Jads