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-   -   That time (https://britishexpats.com/forum/new-zealand-83/time-925226/)

MrsFychan May 24th 2019 8:38 pm

That time
 
so my daughter, nearly 18, heads back to the UK today. Life has not been kind to her here, from the bullying from the off, to the mishandling of medical issues - ongoing, to being a victim of a criminal act she needs a break.
I am heart broken but understand she needs to get away, to reset and just to have a rest from it all.

Wish it was all of us


Justcol May 25th 2019 9:03 am

Re: That time
 
My eldest son went back to the UK after just 18 months in NZ, never to return
It left a very big hole that was never filled.

MrsFychan May 25th 2019 9:53 pm

Re: That time
 
house messy from her packed unpacked clothes over the dining table, her bedroom a complete mess, reluctant to tidy.

How has your son found being back in UK?, know its probably going to harder for my DD as shes been away for 7 years so may not be eligible for certain things but if there are any tips that could help..

Justcol May 26th 2019 10:05 am

Re: That time
 
It's been a few years since my boy went back. As he was only out of the country for 18 months he managed to avoid any restrictions due to migrating. He was lucky enough to be able to go straight into a shared house with some of his old school mates, and from there into uni and beyond. He has found the job market to be extremely difficult. In his field, a master's degree is entry level. Of course that's not across the board but the level of competition for every post is huge.
I have no advice in how to cope with missing them once they leave. Both my sons now live in Europe and it is very difficult at times ( today was the youngests 25th birthday 😭) if you ever figure it out let me know the secret.

MrsFychan May 26th 2019 11:55 pm

Re: That time
 
The only saving grace for my girl is that she has gone back with an experienced adult traveller by all accounts, and she does have lots of family in differing sections of the UK she can call on for a bed.
Feel like we have let her down, wasn't her choice to move so far away, NZ has not been kind to her mentally, physically or emotionally and yes there are victims of crimes in every country but these happened in NZ and I think that once you associate a place with things like that you cannot really get over it. I know I begrudge the country for that and my own issues.

KOH2 May 27th 2019 2:15 am

Re: That time
 

Originally Posted by MrsFychan (Post 12689548)
she does have lots of family in differing sections of the UK she can call on for a bed.

Well, that's certainly a big help and hopefully she'll settle in quick enough.

Originally Posted by MrsFychan (Post 12689548)
Feel like we have let her down, wasn't her choice to move so far away, NZ has not been kind to her mentally, physically or emotionally and yes there are victims of crimes in every country but these happened in NZ and I think that once you associate a place with things like that you cannot really get over it. I know I begrudge the country for that and my own issues.

Don't beat yourself up MrsF - you did what you thought was best at the time.
I know what you mean about associating places with certain events - our kids were bullied too soon after arrival so they removed themselves from the NZ education system.
As for crime I feel safer here in NZ than I ever did in the UK/Europe. In fact it was having our car vandalised for the umpteenth time (amongst other things) back in the UK that finally made me snap and tell hubby I was ready to move to his homeland. It's certainly been a journey but I've grown to appreciate the lifestyle NZ has to offer.
I hope you manage to get to your happy place one day.

Robbie2010 May 27th 2019 1:04 pm

Re: That time
 
If she wants further education she'll have to pay international fees until she's been back for 3 years! That's what they tried to charge my son when he applied.(He has got a job and will wait).

MrsFychan May 29th 2019 10:54 am

Re: That time
 
not sure what her plans are, she has spoken about coming back to go to Uni in 18mth-2 years time but as we all know thats a very long time.

The initial plan on coming here was to get Citizenship and reevaluate the situation and go from there. I am not happy here, yeh shock horror, but best laid plans and all that and we just cannot afford at this time to leave,

Justcol May 30th 2019 12:14 am

Re: That time
 

Originally Posted by MrsFychan (Post 12690729)
not sure what her plans are, she has spoken about coming back to go to Uni in 18mth-2 years time but as we all know thats a very long time.

The initial plan on coming here was to get Citizenship and reevaluate the situation and go from there. I am not happy here, yeh shock horror, but best laid plans and all that and we just cannot afford at this time to leave,

Would Aussie be a viable option for you. It might offer a happier middle ground

MrsFychan May 30th 2019 5:13 am

Re: That time
 
when we first looked to move it was to OZ, even had our application in but then husband got talking to some guys there about rules around internet usage and he pulled the plug so doubt he would want to go there.
I'm looking at saving for now and see what happens when my youngest finishes college in 5 year, wouldn't be fair on here to move him.

Buzzy--Bee Jul 13th 2019 6:39 am

Re: That time
 

Originally Posted by MrsFychan (Post 12691118)
when we first looked to move it was to OZ, even had our application in but then husband got talking to some guys there about rules around internet usage and he pulled the plug so doubt he would want to go there.

Don't give up on it - I hated NZ for all the reasons you read on here most weeks, and moved back to the UK with my Kiwi wife (who was also pretty ambivalent about her country). Loving Australia (12 years in now), best of the economy and maturity of the UK and the perceived lifestyle of NZ.

Not aware of any rules around internet usage!

BEVS Jul 13th 2019 7:35 am

Re: That time
 

Originally Posted by Buzzy--Bee (Post 12709806)
Don't give up on it - I hated NZ for all the reasons you read on here most weeks, and moved back to the UK with my Kiwi wife (who was also pretty ambivalent about her country). Loving Australia (12 years in now), best of the economy and maturity of the UK and the perceived lifestyle of NZ.

Not aware of any rules around internet usage!

Hungarian friends of ours have just moved over. Their son left NZ a couple of years ago to have a life there. It was not their intention to choose Oz over NZ . It was just that NZ was not that kind to them really as immigrants despite all their very hard work and effort. ( Sick Smith MP comes firmly to mind here = ugh)

Other pals of ours moved from Nelson a good 4/5 years ago and now live in Tasmania. They just found it all rather dull after a while.

I think that had we been younger we would have given it a shot to see what panned out. I was concerned over the residency thing. Mind you looking back we should simply have given it a punt for a while.


Justcol Jul 14th 2019 12:44 am

Re: That time
 
5 years is a long time....

Kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for. A decision sooner would give your youngest 3 years of school and 2 years of college. Just my opinion which counts for nowt on here, but it wouldn't have much effect on the level of education your youngest received. Five years is plenty of time for a child to adapt. Within 6 months they would be up to speed with class mates. Of course it's your choice and I understand there's much more to a decision than education. Whatever happens in the future I hope you find peace and happiness.







Now sits and waits for comments to be taken the wrong way. 👀

MrsFychan Jul 14th 2019 6:47 am

Re: That time
 
Son is so laid back his horizontal and no doubt he would be ok and would come with me if it ever got to that stage prior to having enough money to do it sensibly rather than a knee jerk reaction to some crap in life

carcajou Jul 14th 2019 2:18 pm

Re: That time
 
Concur with the general sentiment of the others here. Five years is a very, very long time. Australia/NZ punches above its weight when it comes to uni selection - your child's tertiary education would be fine, here or there. You and your family, would certainly not be the first Kiwis to cross the ditch. 15% of all New Zealand Citizens live in Australia.

I said to another poster recently, that she needed to leverage her situation to create options and I think you need to do the same thing. If you cannot afford to leave NZ that also means you cannot afford to stay there, or at least you cannot afford to stay in your current situation. Which is different from saying you have to leave NZ.

Easier said than done of course. But putting together a few scenario plans - a go back to the UK plan, an Australia plan, a stay where you are plan, a try another part of NZ plan - might be what helps get the ball rolling and perhaps opens up some other possibilities for you. Rushed moves often lead to disaster, set a target of 2-3 years out. See what ideas you can come up with.

Pom_Chch Jul 15th 2019 6:08 am

Re: That time
 
Awww sorry to hear Mrs F, must be tough. I don't think there's much I can say only embrace your feelings, let yourself feel sad or angry and talk. Talking always helps whether it's on here or to a friendly ear.

Xx


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