Hels41

Hi All,

I'm new to this site and have been experienced pretty bad homesickness and longing for family. Myself and husband (a Kiwi) have a little 22 mth old daughter and another on the way due Sept. Been here for 5 years, love NZ, have lovely supportive friends but missing the family ties back home, as my siblings are all having kids. Are we alone, or does anyone else feel the same? Cheers Helen

shirl

No you are not alone in feeling this way. Lots of people get homesick even after many years here. It is not helped by the fact that you are having another baby and the ties for family are even stronger. Only you can know what is the right decision for you. I have been here 4.5 years and I still get homesick sometimes but then I try and remember the reasons for coming here and try to take off my rose tinted glasses about life in the UK and the reasons I wanted out! Your emotions will be all over the place due to your pregnancy. Do you have skype, are you able to see people back home through that. It sure does help and keeps the feeling of family closer. We have family in USA UK and Spain and we always skype with them. Then we have a good old chat, a cup of tea each and talk away for hours sometimes and then when we disconnect it is like we have visited with them. Except for the physical contact it is so like a visit telling each other about our days and showing stuff to them on camera. Being homesick is not something I enjoy but I know that one day I can be homesick and the next I can be so much more positive about knowing that I am where I am meant to be at any given time. Good luck in whatever you decide is right for you.

Hels41

Hi Shirl,
Thanks for the reply, I believe the hormones are likely playing havoc I guess when we moved it here it was for an adventure and initially little one's were not part of the plan. We think NZ is an lovely country, probably the most spectacular scenery in the world. Sadly, I just mourn for a relationship with my neices and nephews. decisions decisions not easy ones

Genesis

We have been here 6 years and we miss much of the UK. BUT, what would life be like back there eh? We all miss close friends and rellies but we have to try to grasp why we left in the 1st place. I am the first to moan about all the negs of life in Nz..there are many. BUT the pros outweigh the cons at the end of the day. You mention you have a small brood. What would life be like for them back in blighty by comparison to life here?

I know my 3 (all sub 10) are waaaaaaaaaaaay better off here. Only you know where the truth lies for you and your kin. I am a great believer in the fact that absence maketh the heart grow fonder. I have heard of stories where kin return to be within the bosom of their family and within weeks the novelty has worn off and both parties wondering why the returnees bothered coming back in the 1st place! Make your choice carefully!

Hels41

Thanks for all the great advice! Certainly good to get other peoples perspective on things. Just find it very difficult not sharing my daughter with Mum and sisters. I agree that NZ is a great place to raise kids, but everyone has their tolerane levels and thresholds on what they are prepared to give up

Arthur Daley

So.......you love NZ. Mmmmmmmm - What a dilemma.
I think the issue here is that you have probably missed friends and family back in the UK missing out on sharing the love you have for your daughter and the little one arriving soon is increasing your concern and that is a perfectly normal emotion.
I was unsure about going back until recently. I then made a definite decision to stay and now I am very settled.
My guess is that if you return to the UK eventually you will probably miss NZ and think about returning here.
Good luck with your decision as I know it will be a tough one.

luvwelly

If you actually didn't really want 'out of the UK', it was more a case of your marrying a Kiwi and trying NZ out then it is even more understandable that you would suffer from this.
This missing relatives thing likely won't get any better over the years, if you stay you will simply learn to live with the pangs and accept being less involved than you would like in their lives. Trips back will be infrequent with a family of 4, however much you kid yourself otherwise now.

Skype is all very well but I find the time difference is a pain with that too.
If your OH is fairly neutral on where he lives, then I say consider moving back sooner rather than later, before kids start school and feel totally Kiwi. With two young kids having a close support network is very handy. Is that here or there?
Pregnancy hormones are a total pain - no accounting for those so put off decision until after the birth maybe but no your feelings are extremely common.

I always know when my next 'return visit 'is going to be (even have an idea of my ultimate return) and just 'get on with it' until then. This has worked really well for me but not everyone can afford to plan like this.
There is no solution, you have to weigh up on balance which location suits you best.

ex geordie

After 7 years in NZ we are returning to UK . It feels the right thing to do and I know when we go back we will look at it in a different light and appriciate the good things that are there. We have been back 4 times on hol and each time it becomes harder to leave . Family circimstances have changed in the last 7 years and we now have granchildren and we want to be part of their lives . We feel as though we have come full circle in NZ it will be hard leaving the the many friends we have made but I am confident we are making the right decision.

Genesis

Good luck to you. I too would leave NZ in an instance to be with my kids and their children. NZ is good but not that good!!!! And if the OP feels that way about those back home she too will be doing the right thing. Enjoy your new life.

elizabeth_j_gill

Hi Hels.
I just wanted to say how much I feel for you; it's so tough, the whole NZ-UK tug of war, and I hope that you work it out, what you want to do.
I totally agree with another poster, who said that whatever you do, you'll probably end up thinking 'What if I'd done the other...?' but I think if you have a little family around you, making the decisions, too, then maybe it's easier to choose a path and to follow it together.
I fell in love with the most lovely Kiwi, but I haven't been able to leave the UK, my family, my life here - I kind of admire those that do. I think I would find it all so much easier if I wasn't on my own, making the decision!
Good luck, whatever you decide. I think a number of people say it, and it's easier said than followed, but I guess - nothing is un-do-able. Do as I say, not as I do, and follow your heart!

fayemd

Are you moving back to Newcastle?

luvwelly

Good luck with that...if grandchildren are involved I am sure you are making the right decision. Relationships really are what matter the most.

Hels41

Thanks for all the posts guys! Everything has given us some real food for thought. I think it comes down to lifestyle vs family connections in your home country. I place high value on my family and this has been made stronger by having my own little one. Would be easier if my OH had a strong tie with his own siblings in NZ, sadly not.

Hels41

Yes, it was more a case of marrying a Kiwi and giving his home country a go and building relationships with his family - very different from my own. The crazy thing is that my OH did not wish to return to NZ 5 years ago and wished to remain in the UK, as he felt he had a better relationship with his folks from afar. I pushed the move, glad that we did make it to this side. I may consider a trip up there on my maternity leave and assess things further.

ex geordie

Well we are heading back to north east to start with but want to settle in north yorkshire as it has some beautiful villages .Our family are spread between Durham and York so it will be ideal.