EMHA4

Hi everyone, I’m here for a bit of advice if anyone has the time.


Current situation:
Live in England
Husband has very good building site management job - very stressful, good salary, currently 45 so only eligible for NZ
I’m a dental nurse (assistant in NZ), 30 years old, work part time, currently on maternity leave
2 children (nearly 5 years old and a 6 month old)
My family live 5 minutes away and see them every week - we’re extremely close!!
Beautiful house
Happy with life and can’t really complain about too much BUT

Sick of the rat race and ultimately all that matters to me is my children and I’m genuinely fearful for their future prospects and happiness in the UK.

I’m hoping to go to university in September to study nursing.

Got a bit of a plan with my husband - see if I get accepted on the nursing program, then between now and finishing (3 years) have an extended trip to NZ or OZ to see if we actually like it, not just the idea of it. If I don’t get accepted on the nursing course then my husband needs to do his Level 6 NVQ - which he needs to do either way (he’s a bricklayer by trade and has worked his way up the ladder in the UK but I know to qualify to emigrate they want paper qualifications) and move sooner rather than later.

I’ve read a few threads about people moving and hating it. Can I have some advice/opinion about it all please?? We’re literally in the thinking stage but the serious thinking stage. We’re drawn more to NZ I think, more because if it’s down to my husband eligibility that’s our only option but haven’t/wouldn’t rule out OZ if I can do a nursing degree. I would miss my family tremendously, probably more than I realise, but I do feel as long as my kids were happy and we were able to have a decent life I’d be happy. I’m not naive enough to think NZ or OZ are perfect and everyone skips round holding hands completely loving life so some advice/opinion from different perspectives would be great. Social life, schools, term dates, medical care, working balance - anything!

My husband nearly had a breakdown towards the back end of the year because works is just so stressful and it’s all work work work, no real time to actually enjoy life. He’d leave the UK tomorrow. He says people are too scared to take risks sometimes and life just passes you by and before you know you’re too old and that’s it. Recently I’ve come round to his way of thinking and as happy and settled as I am (lived here my whole life, my son goes to the school I went to kind of thing) I want the best for my kids long term future.

This country is going down the toilet, hard working tax payers get f**k all, but if you sit on your a**e all day or come over in a boat with 6 kids you get handed everything and I’m sick of it!!! What tipped me over the edge recently was a comment from a single, school mum of 2 moaning that she can’t get car finance because she has no income but she gets more money on benefits than someone working full time - wft!!!!!

Thanks for anyone who read to end and is able/willing to advice.

Pulaski

Your motivation seems to be more to do with what you want to get away from in the UK, than what attracts you to NZ. That looks to me like a red flag for not necessarily settling happily in another country, especially as you already anticipate missing your family.

I am not in NZ, I moved to the US in 2001, a country famous, if not notorious, for having a supposedly limited social safety net, but I can assure you that we also have plenty of parasites in the US who will take any opportunity to milk the system of any public funds and charitable donations that that they can, no matter how lazy or undeserving most people think they are. In short, I recommend that you focus more on your own happiness and less on others in society who annoy you or offend your work ethic, because I can pretty much guarantee that no matter where you go in the world you will find a percentage of people who want to free-load on society.

SanDiegogirl

If you are already saying "I'll miss my family tremendously" and that you are all 'extremely close', then don't do it.

From reading the posts from those who do not like where they now live/hate where they now live/cannot settle where they now live, the majority are those who had close family and friends back in the UK. They all miss the support system these people provide; and with two young children there will, undoubtedly, be the pull of the grandparents. NZ is an awfully long way away - no quick weekend trips.

Here's a recent posting you might like to read:

Lost and Confused

EMHA4

Thank you for a different perspective, it’s good to look at it from different angles.

christmasoompa

I'd also query what you think about the UK tbh - don't believe everything you read in the Daily Mail! Given the benefit cap, the most that single mother you mentioned could be getting from UK benefits is £20,000.

I don't know why you're fearful for your children's future in the UK (it's a pretty amazing country for kids IMO), but would a move to another part of the UK be an idea maybe? Somewhere more rural with less of the 'rat race' you dislike? You'd be much closer to your family so able to visit them, and it would be heck of a lot cheaper than spending tens of thousands on an international move away too.

Hopefully your extended visit to NZ will help clarify things for you, best of luck with your decision whatever it may be.

EMHA4

For now I’m worrying about things like schools and NHS for my kids and in the long term things like their safety, everyday you hear about people getting stabbed and not just gangs but people going about their day - I could just be being paranoid and an over protective parent 🙈 but as well the over population in the UK concerns me and our inability as a country to put our own citizens first but hopefully good old brexit will help curb that.

I think the plan of the extended trip is a good idea to see if it is all it’s made out to be. Thanks for your insight.

christmasoompa

Yep. It really does sound as though you've been reading the Daily Mail! I have a 13 year old and 15 year old and don't worry about that stuff at all. They have an amazing life here. But then I live very rurally, we don't even lock our doors most of the time, never mind being near gangs with knives!

Ah. That explains the rant about people in boats. But I'm a remainer and don't see what you see.

MrsFychan

racist much, you'd fit it well in NZ. bit bloody ironic seeing as you want to emigrate to another country.

EMHA4

through the LEGAL channels 👍🏻

jarv5116

I'm pretty sure bricklayer is on the skills shortage list.
If you are missing your family already just thinking about imm8grating. I would think long and hard before moving over other side of the world it's not easy.
Then the slightest hiccup and homesickness you will make an excuse to go home and spend a hell of alot of cash in the process probs 15 to 20k at least.
I been here nearly 2 years and just starting to adjust and settle it's not easy.
What part of England do you live in?

Justcol

​​​​​That shit is everywhere, if it eats you up now, wait till you learn about the treaty of waitangi and see how kiwis and the government give millions and millions of dollars to Maori.

Here's a few of the negatives just so you are aware

We have a drug problem way bigger than the UK
Domestic violence is off the scale
Child abuse is almost expected in some communities
Organized gangs are rife and growing
Prison population is near record levels
Housing costs are unreal, there's a real chance your children may never own a home
The political parties are corrupt and money talks
The electoral system is laughable. We have MP's who were never elected
the country is sat comfortably in China's pocket
Immigration rules are bent for Chinese with money
Home ownership rulers are bent for Chinese
The whole country is racist as f##k

I've been here almost 12 years and love it. But you have to put things into perspective.
If you can learn to leave the UK behind, don't compare NZ to the UK and can overcome the home sickness, which can be crippling for some, it's a great place to be.

Do 5 years, get citizenship and you then have instant automatic access to live and work in OZ.

However, like others I feel your motivation is flawed. I'd look to find a happy place closer to home and family. Stop watching the news, stop reading the Daily Mail and step away from social media. The UK still has some fantastic places to live and raise a family. , Maybe try somewhere more rural with a slower pace of life. Devon cornwall, all the Yorkshire Moors, Cumbria, Northumbria are all beautiful areas where you can have a bit of space to breathe You need to stop allowing all the racists and haters from influencing you. So what if someone else, who you don't know and have never met is getting a benefit. Seriously on a day to day basis how does that impact on your life in any way.
Live your own life luv.

jarv5116

That's a funny comment.
you can't look back and compare anything or it will drive crazy.
You have got to look at positives if I sat and thought about all negatives u would tan your wrists or be on flight home.
Most of the stuff I would agree with but it doesn't effect my day to day living and I love it out here.
Think me and my wife have been very lucky decent jobs and been looked after since been out here.
Also we are better off in nz financially. but it doesn't work like that for everyone.
I like the weather I have wore flip flops and shorts for 2 years wore trainers twice and jeans once.
I like beach. there for everyone. bbq, drive your car, ride your horse, dirt bike quad, sailing, swimming, fishing, jetski no one batters an eye lid what your doing.
I like steak and cheese, mince and cheese pies, sausage rolls, and Apple donut cream cakes lol
domino pizza large 5 dollars bro. takeaways are mega cheap.
Enjoy night markets for food too.
There ain't as much traffic.
If I want to go into the city at weekend it's stress free as the place is empty.

hallie_day

Have a read through a couple of my replies - I think the 'bike riding kids' and 'lost and confused' and you will see how it feels from a newbie with primary age kids point of view, but in a nutshell:

Schools - there is no consistent curriculum and it is pretty widely accepted that there is a lack of academic learning until year 9 when it becomes so intense a lot of kids give up the sports they have prioritised over learning in previous years. My year 6 daughter has done very little work in the first month of this term.

Medical care - only free until 13 and dental care is very expensive compared even to private UK dentists

Kids activities - kids are just as, if not more obsessed by devices. Yes, there is more opportunity for organised sports but it is such an obsession that free play suffers (in my experience). At our school most kids have an activity 3-4 days a week, usually not at school and from 4-5pm so difficult logistically for two working parents. For example, after Easter my daughter will have rugby Monday and Saturday, netball Wednesday and my son will have soccer on Wednesday and Saturday, and Flippaball Saturday and Sunday. Both have swimming lessons on Tuesday. It is rare in our area (North Shore) for both parents to work full time, not because they can afford not to but because of childcare and activities. As they become teenagers there is little to do and a lot of hanging around beaches at night which isn't as wholesome as it sounds and a pre-curser to the drug problem Col mentioned.

Quality of life - it's very expensive to live, people tend to work longer hours and work later in life even than at home because they cannot afford to stop. Our supermarket shop in the UK was £100 per week for a family of 4, here is closer to $500/£250 and we are pretty frugal. Depending on where you live it is likely to be difficult to survive without 2 cars, rates are high, household insurance is high, electricity is expensive (gas doesn't seem common).

Friends and family - stating the obvious, but it is a very long way - very expensive and time consuming to visit home. And for people to visit. My dad is ill and can't travel and my brother is a senior police officer who is unlikely to ever get enough annual leave to make visiting worthwhile and his kids are coming up to GCSE age. Friends will also find it tricky financially and taking annual leave. So I will do everything in my power to go back every year but this will be a struggle.

However, please take my opinion with a pinch of salt - I came here reluctantly with a Kiwi partner and it seems that British couples who both decide to come fare better.

christmasoompa

The vast majority of immigrants in the UK came legally too. You’ve got to admit that there is a certain irony in you wanting to move to NZ to give your family a better life, but feeling the way you do about those that have moved to your country to do the same.

Remember if you do move abroad, you’ll then be the immigrant and people may look at you the same way.......

Timmy Chch

NZ is amazing and amazingly shite at the same time! You really have to take the rough with the smooth, all of the above bad things are true yet there are equally as many great things. There's way more opportunities if you're in the right line of work, whilst brickies are in demand, brick houses aren't mega popular - I don't know the stats but it's predominantly timber framed and whilst Auckland ain't as bad as everyone makes out, you'd wanna be on mega money and 2 salaries to live there comfortably. There's a reason why thousands of expats are happily here and why lots seem to shout down people with the slightest bit of hesitation on here! Go big or go (stay at) home!