EdwardP_London_P_Expat

Hello all,

I'm a 29 yr old, brit, male, living in London and I'm originally from Birmingham. I have been in London for 2.5 years and I've been with my kiwi girlfriend 1.5 years and shes a few years older. I work as an analyst.

I've come on here because I'm hoping to find some good advise as things have been really tough with my gf recently. She's been in London for 6 years and always thought she'd be happy to stay however there was a death in her family earlier in the year and after she went back for the funeral things have completely changed. She now says she realises how much her fam & friends mean to her and she's desperate to move home and wants to go within a year.

Which is where the problem is - I'm not sure if I can commit to moving to Auckland. First off I haven't actually been to Auckland the furthest I've been is Aus when I backpacked the East coast 10 years ago (and loved it). Tbh (no offense to any kiwi's) but from what I've read and heard NZ can be quite boring depending on the person. I'm living in London but I'm over crowed public transport etc. so I do like the idea of moving somewhere quieter and more manageable. There seems to be a lot of negative vibes on these expat forums towards Auckland - are there any ex Londoners in Auckland who can tell me what the transition was like?

I'm also wondering if there are any expats who were in my situation - did anyone move to NZ for their OH who was desperate to go? Did it put much strain on their relationship? How long did you plan for because my situation feels a little rushed to me.

On a separate note my gf has also talked of moving to Melbourne - which I haven't been to either - when I did Aus I landed in Sydney and backpacked to Cairns. I've been put off by how expensive things seem to be in Melbourne and I'm used to London prices....

Anyway that's it - any advise much appreciated. Particularly from any Londoners who've moved to NZ (particularly Auckland). Anybody who moved for their OH who was desperate to get home.. ANy advise on life in Auckland - jobs for Analyst/ IT, leisure (I'm a golfer with 3 handicap), nightlife in Auckland, public transport - (do people drive everywhere?), cost (is it as expensive as Melbourne?) - weather?

Thank you for reading Ed

BEVS

Do you love this girlfriend ?

You can make a move to NZ using a working holiday visa. That would allow you to experience NZ. If it worked out you could look to stay.

You need to investigate work opportunities.

Charismatic

Executive summary: I'm ****struck, should I move half way round the world for her?

HTH .

MrsFychan

come on over on a temp visa as suggested or just a visitors visa (gives you 6mths here) and see how it goes. make sure you have all the necessary documents you need to submit a partners visa if it all works out well

mcgarnagle

I've never understood the negativity towards Auckland on this place. If you're worried about adjusting from life in London, Auckland is the only city in NZ you should be thinking about. It's relatively small, but it's a whole lot bigger than everywhere else.
Personally, I wouldn't / couldn't live anywhere in NZ other than Auckland and I genuinely think it's a great city and love living here (I'm from Dublin originally but lived in the UK for 8 years before coming out here).

Golf - there are plenty of courses which range from ordinary to fantastic depending on what you want to pay.
Public Transport - not great but fine if you live in the inner suburbs which I presume you will when you first get here.
Nightlife - depends what you're after. I'm in my thirties and have noticed a worrying trend that I prefer to go out in the afternoon / early evening and leave the nightlife to the youths. There are plenty of great bars and restaurants although I think Auckland is lacking in 'proper' pubs.

Snap Shot

I'll tell you my story.

In 1992 I met a British born kiwi in London, he was 29 and his two year OE was four months from ending. I was 24 and single. He was great to be around and we started a relationship that led to our marriage in 1994. I told him before we got married that I did not want to live in New Zealand (just not interested, in my view it's to similar to Britain, i.e. nothing to be gained from living there and I knew New Zealand and I would not be a good fit) and I did not want children ('cause I don't want to be a parent).

If he married me thinking I would change my mind, then, that way led to divorce. Also, he was sceptical of NZ employment laws and some of the social issues in Auckland at least as that's where he came from. I believed this and I told myself that as he loved me and was commited to me he was therefore commited to life in Britain. It turns out I made that promise on his behalf but I've nearly finished cringing through that one. Oh well, I live and learn.

Anyway, while we were visiting NZ in 1994 so I could meet my future in-laws, whilst we were there, tragically his father died of a sudden heart attack. In the days after this, I asked him if he wanted to live in New Zealand now. He did not have a job at that time. He replied, 'what be unemployed in New Zealand instead of Britain ?' I thought, ok, that's me told. It also confirmed that he really did not want to live in NZ. After his father's funeral we came home to Britain and got on with our lives.

Anyway, fast forward to Summer 2006. September 2005 my mother had died. My husband was mowing the lawn and working the process of moving to NZ in his head. He finished what he was doing, came back in the house and said, 'I've just had a terrible thought'. I wondered what he was referring to. He further remarked, 'we could sell this house and move to nz, both get jobs and live mortgage free.' At that split second I felt my stomach lurch and I held on to the kitchen worktop for support. I said ok. I said we probably will go, I just need time to grieve for my mum. I was astounded that I had to ask for time to grieve for my mums death and all the family hoopla that had come in the months afterwards. He has admitted, recently, that he could have handled it better i.e. informing me of his decision for us to move to NZ.

Anyway, once 'agreement' had been reached there was no going back. The die was cast. The following years were spent planning and preparing. He remarked, 'I want to see my little nieces'. That remark went straight to my heart. It wasn't until we got to New Zealand that he said, 'I didn't come here for them'. Them meaning his family, his 78 year old mother is alive and lives in Auckland. His sister is married with three kids and also lives in Auckland. I think he needs to make up his mind. Also during discussions about our move to NZ he really had a, 'yeah, like you'd know, you're not going to stop me' look on his face.

Once, just out of the blue before relocating to NZ was mentioned, appropos of nothing at all he said, 'if we'd had kids, I'd want them to go to school in New Zealand' Inwardly I thought, 'good job we're not having kids then'. I was astounded at that remark. There was no point discussing it because said children did not and will not exist.

So anyway, here we are in NZ. We've been here since Feb 2011. We're living off of his salary because whilst I'm getting job interviews, I'm getting no job offers. We're in danger of falling behind financially because we are a single income household and me being out of work is doing my head in.

I knew before we left that whilst I was saying, 'forever' about living in NZ, I was just humouring him. I'll give it five years and then we go home is all I was prepared to commit to. I didn't furnish him with that information until we got to New Zealand. I'm a little scamp aren't I ? I didn't want to be the bad guy for saying no to moving. Even though I'd already told him that I didn't want to live in NZ in 1994. For some reason, that meant nothing when he was working the process in his head in 2006.

I felt I would have become his jailer if we stayed in Britain. I felt that I would have ended up throwing him out so he could have gone to NZ via the divorce court. I came to NZ, largely, to save my marriage. What I've got to ask myself is, 'is it worth saving ?' The jury is still out on on that one. I had not heard the phrase, 'the emotional gun' until recently. That's a new way of saying emotional blackmail. I've told my husband the next time he holds, 'the emotional gun' to my head I will tell him to pull the effing trigger.

My attitude to relocating to NZ was, 'ok, we can be in Britain discussing our move to NZ or we can be in NZ discussing our move to Britain.' So, with that in mind, lets get to NZ soonest. If the only thing that was going to stop him whining about living in NZ was to live in NZ, then here we are. Did I do it to teach him a lesson ? Hell yes !

He had no concept of things going wrong in NZ. He had planned it all in his head. I had to work up the nerve, twice, to ask him whether he would claim unemployment benefit from the NZ government referring to when he worked here in the 1980's. Both times he was non committal with his answer . No safety net, no, 'Plan B'

Hopefully, he is now in the process of removing his head from up his backside and we can see a clearer future i.e. next chapter, move to Britain. He has said all along that if one of us isn't happy then it isn't working and we come home. Well, I'm not happy, so looks like my five year plan is working !

Don't let her crash her doubts and possible future mid life crisis right across your life, your future. If she's not happy in either Britain or NZ then she won't be any fun to live with in the long term (if that's what's planned). Why should you have to be supportive through the emotional upheaval when she's brought it upon herself ? New Zealand is a foreign country. She may be in love with the past. A past that doesn't involve you and that's quite hurtful. She'll be busy reintegrating into New Zealand. She might not have a great deal of patience with you seeing it as totally foreign, 'cause it isn't to her.

Charismatic

Tl;dr.

Snap Shot

Please explain what this means.

Charismatic

It's sort of a joke: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/tldr

I suppose it depends on if you see BE as a form or message boards (or a playground ).

Catchafire

Get a WHV and come over for 12-23 months. But only if you really love her and vise versa.

Regarding negative vibes....well you look at any branch of this forum and there will be people unhappy with their lot no matter where they are. Its up to you how successful any move will be.

I chased a girl around the world! Now she's my wife.

shocked kiwi

if you are in love with her move - you should be able to live on the surface of the moon and think its the most amazing place ever, if you are truly happy and in love.

A Rush And A Push

I agree with this.

(well, I'm not that bothered about golf myself, but I agree with the general sentiment)

To the OP - I moved here at about the same age you are now. I'd never lived in London but had always lived in or near big UK cities. I found plenty to do in Auckland in terms of cinema/bars/gigs/nights out. It's not London but probably comparable to a UK city like Leeds or Manchester in terms of stuff to do. It's mostly a lot prettier than Leeds or Manchester too (I've lived in both). And has nice beaches and almost always a decent summer.

I agree with advice to get a working holiday visa and give it a go.

Snap Shot

tl;dr (abbreviation for too long; didn’t read) is an internet slang expression commonly used in discussion forums as a shorthand response to previous posts that are deemed unnecessarily long and extensive. Due to its indiscriminate usage by many, tl;dr is frequently considered as spam or meaningless replies by both those unaware of the term and those who are familiar with the meaning.[/COLOR]

Snap Shot

Are you single ?

Assanah

I am a big city girl. Auckland to me is boring, it is more like living in a big village with huge traffic problems than living in a city.