Terrified of making the wrong move
Apr 6th 2016, 6:54 am
#31
Looking for my marbles.
Joined: Jul 2013
Location: durham, durham, England
Posts: 730
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
What is the worst that could happen? Would it be the end of the world if you moved to NZ and then discovered it had been the wrong decision? You would come home. You may have spent a lot of money in the process but you will have experienced something that only most people dream of. I have made wrong decisions multiple times throughout my life and I'm still happy. You just take a step back, take a deep breath and change what you don't like. That's what happened to us and I wouldn't change anything. My daughter was 5 years old and the experience has been a positive one for her. A country cannot change the way your daughter will grow and develop as an adult. We all have rules for our children, some are safer than others, and that reflects how we care for them and keep them safe.
Only you can answer your question. Whatever you decide, this forum will offer good advice and support. Good luck.
Only you can answer your question. Whatever you decide, this forum will offer good advice and support. Good luck.
Apr 6th 2016, 2:05 pm
#32
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 66
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
[QUOTE=escapedtonz;11911463]
That is one of the main reasons why we dreamed of moving to another country. Over the years we have seen the deterioration of the uk and the increase in crime and didn't want our babies to be subjected to that. We wanted a whole change of lifestyle for us all, somewhere much cleaner/greener/safer, less traffic and people. A place where we could have a more outdoorsy lifestyle yada yada.
That is my major reason for wanting to leave the UK - don't get me wrong it is a great place to live and we are so lucky in lots of ways here that a lot of people take for granted. Our daughter was very unexpected and if it was just us, we would take bigger risks. Our daughter is our number one priority but of course our life has to be considered in that we will be happy too - as one of the BE members said she could go off to Nepal once she's older so we need it to be right for us too!
Yes there are downsides just like any country but NZ hasn't disappointed us whatsoever. It had lived up to our expectations and we love life here way more than we did in the uk and without close friends and family. Those sacrifices are difficult to make but you can't live your life for others. You have to do what is right for you and what makes you happy.
This is one of the things I am terrified of, I have a small lovely family here (my sister will be moving to Oz in the next few years), and I am very close to her as is my dd. I have great friends too, but at the end of the day sometimes you have to make sacrifices in what is right for you as a family. I will of course keep close contact by Skype and I hope if we do decide, that I can make some great friends in NZ.
The risk of migration being a mistake can happen to anyone of us taking the plunge. I'm glad to say it hadn't come to that at all for us. It has been a very positive move but seriously, at the end of the day, is it such a tragedy if it does become a mistake ??? Just pack up and go home.
We played it safe and kept our home in the uk for a couple or three years, changed the mortgage to interest only and rented it out so at least if we decided it was a mistake we could go back.
We will have to sell our house to fund the move overseas, so we have no "safety net" to fall back on. I think my trouble is I over analyse everything so my research is driving me insane
- I need to make a decision. Thank you - the BE forum is a great place for advice.
You only have one chance in life to enjoy the adventure so why waste time stressing about whether a decision is the right one or not. If your gut feeling is saying migrate to NZ then it's possibly the right thing to do and if so just get on with it, commit to it and be happy with your decision.
That is one of the main reasons why we dreamed of moving to another country. Over the years we have seen the deterioration of the uk and the increase in crime and didn't want our babies to be subjected to that. We wanted a whole change of lifestyle for us all, somewhere much cleaner/greener/safer, less traffic and people. A place where we could have a more outdoorsy lifestyle yada yada.
That is my major reason for wanting to leave the UK - don't get me wrong it is a great place to live and we are so lucky in lots of ways here that a lot of people take for granted. Our daughter was very unexpected and if it was just us, we would take bigger risks. Our daughter is our number one priority but of course our life has to be considered in that we will be happy too - as one of the BE members said she could go off to Nepal once she's older so we need it to be right for us too!
Yes there are downsides just like any country but NZ hasn't disappointed us whatsoever. It had lived up to our expectations and we love life here way more than we did in the uk and without close friends and family. Those sacrifices are difficult to make but you can't live your life for others. You have to do what is right for you and what makes you happy.
This is one of the things I am terrified of, I have a small lovely family here (my sister will be moving to Oz in the next few years), and I am very close to her as is my dd. I have great friends too, but at the end of the day sometimes you have to make sacrifices in what is right for you as a family. I will of course keep close contact by Skype and I hope if we do decide, that I can make some great friends in NZ.
The risk of migration being a mistake can happen to anyone of us taking the plunge. I'm glad to say it hadn't come to that at all for us. It has been a very positive move but seriously, at the end of the day, is it such a tragedy if it does become a mistake ??? Just pack up and go home.
We played it safe and kept our home in the uk for a couple or three years, changed the mortgage to interest only and rented it out so at least if we decided it was a mistake we could go back.
We will have to sell our house to fund the move overseas, so we have no "safety net" to fall back on. I think my trouble is I over analyse everything so my research is driving me insane
- I need to make a decision. Thank you - the BE forum is a great place for advice. You only have one chance in life to enjoy the adventure so why waste time stressing about whether a decision is the right one or not. If your gut feeling is saying migrate to NZ then it's possibly the right thing to do and if so just get on with it, commit to it and be happy with your decision.
Apr 6th 2016, 2:11 pm
#33
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 66
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
What is the worst that could happen? Would it be the end of the world if you moved to NZ and then discovered it had been the wrong decision? You would come home. You may have spent a lot of money in the process but you will have experienced something that only most people dream of. I have made wrong decisions multiple times throughout my life and I'm still happy. You just take a step back, take a deep breath and change what you don't like. That's what happened to us and I wouldn't change anything. My daughter was 5 years old and the experience has been a positive one for her. A country cannot change the way your daughter will grow and develop as an adult. We all have rules for our children, some are safer than others, and that reflects how we care for them and keep them safe.
) we cannot keep coming back and forth - but I agree with our comment, what is the worst that can happen - we can always come back and live in another part of the UK and will never know if we do not take the risk. Yes that is very true, I sometimes wish I had a crystal ball - the forum is great. If you don't mind me asking why did you return to the UK?
Last edited by MrsFychan; Apr 6th 2016 at 8:19 pm. Reason: Again editing quotes
Apr 6th 2016, 2:41 pm
#34
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: bute
Posts: 9,740
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
Unless you are really sure that you want to go - stay in the UK
Apr 6th 2016, 2:47 pm
#35
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 66
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
Thank you - I am sure of the fact that I would like to come to NZ, but I am terrified re getting a job and it being the right place for my daughter - working is something that is really important to me and I can see a few threads where jobs are so hard to come by - that would send me straight back to the UK.
Apr 6th 2016, 3:24 pm
#36
Looking for my marbles.
Joined: Jul 2013
Location: durham, durham, England
Posts: 730
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
I don't mind you asking why we returned at all. 😀
I'm speaking from our experience only. The cost of living was too high. We struggled and even looked at hopping islands to the South but we would have still struggled to buy our own property out there. Owning a home was very important to us and so was a decider to come back home. I also missed my sister terribly and we knew if we stayed then a trip back to the UK would not be possible. Those were the main reasons.
We did lots of research on NZ beforehand but research and actually moving out there are totally different. I don't regret anything though. We did spend a fortune but it was all worth it. My daughter settled really well in both countries ( I think I worried more than her!) I can't even say that we will stay in the UK for the rest of our days. 😎
I'm speaking from our experience only. The cost of living was too high. We struggled and even looked at hopping islands to the South but we would have still struggled to buy our own property out there. Owning a home was very important to us and so was a decider to come back home. I also missed my sister terribly and we knew if we stayed then a trip back to the UK would not be possible. Those were the main reasons.
We did lots of research on NZ beforehand but research and actually moving out there are totally different. I don't regret anything though. We did spend a fortune but it was all worth it. My daughter settled really well in both countries ( I think I worried more than her!) I can't even say that we will stay in the UK for the rest of our days. 😎
Apr 6th 2016, 3:50 pm
#37
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 66
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
. � ���� Thank you.
I'm speaking from our experience only. The cost of living was too high. We struggled and even looked at hopping islands to the South but we would have still struggled to buy our own property out there. Owning a home was very important to us and so was a decider to come back home. I also missed my sister terribly and we knew if we stayed then a trip back to the UK would not be possible. Those were the main reasons[/QUOTE]
I have seen that the cost of living is extremely high, particularly food and clothing. We have a huge mortgage here, and will sell as it is too high to maintain, we did not plan our dd - she is our life though wouldn't have it any other way. My sister is moving to Australia in around 3 years as she has a daughter there, (and one in NZ too) so one of my reasons is to be close to them, if we leave it too long we will not be able to come on a particular visa, that will mean very few visits, if any, to see my sister. Like you, I am very close to her, she is like a dear friend to me and has been a massive support to me since having my dd. We would like to think we can buy once we have settled, but we are realists as well, and it may not be possible. My partner is an HGV driver/trainer and I am a legal secretary so we don't earn fortunes. Did you live in Auckland? That is so expensive from research, although a great place I think this is out of our price range. We are looking at Wellington, mainly because that is where my niece is, but also it is a "town". I do like a bit of bustle as I come to work in London.
I can imagine that you can research to the end of the earth and still have no idea until, like you say, you take the plunge. That is so nice to know that you do not regret anything, and a life adventure you will always have to look back on. I think like you, she will settle, it is me worry guts! I hope you are very happy now you are back in the UK and if you plan to move overseas again good luck.
I'm speaking from our experience only. The cost of living was too high. We struggled and even looked at hopping islands to the South but we would have still struggled to buy our own property out there. Owning a home was very important to us and so was a decider to come back home. I also missed my sister terribly and we knew if we stayed then a trip back to the UK would not be possible. Those were the main reasons[/QUOTE]
I have seen that the cost of living is extremely high, particularly food and clothing. We have a huge mortgage here, and will sell as it is too high to maintain, we did not plan our dd - she is our life though wouldn't have it any other way. My sister is moving to Australia in around 3 years as she has a daughter there, (and one in NZ too) so one of my reasons is to be close to them, if we leave it too long we will not be able to come on a particular visa, that will mean very few visits, if any, to see my sister. Like you, I am very close to her, she is like a dear friend to me and has been a massive support to me since having my dd. We would like to think we can buy once we have settled, but we are realists as well, and it may not be possible. My partner is an HGV driver/trainer and I am a legal secretary so we don't earn fortunes. Did you live in Auckland? That is so expensive from research, although a great place I think this is out of our price range. We are looking at Wellington, mainly because that is where my niece is, but also it is a "town". I do like a bit of bustle as I come to work in London.
We did lots of research on NZ beforehand but research and actually moving out there are totally different. I don't regret anything though. We did spend a fortune but it was all worth it. My daughter settled really well in both countries ( I think I worried more than her!) I can't even say that we will stay in the UK for the rest of our days. � ����
Last edited by MrsFychan; Apr 6th 2016 at 8:21 pm. Reason: again editing quotes
Apr 6th 2016, 5:57 pm
#38
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2016
Location: Suffolk
Posts: 744
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
If you like more bustle and more chance of a job, Australia may be a better choice.
It is a much bigger country and as far as I know there is a much greater demand for HGV drivers.
[There was a TV series recently where a driver from the UK had moved to Oz and was now coining it as an HGV instructor.]
So if you have family in Oz then it is worth considering.
It is a much bigger country and as far as I know there is a much greater demand for HGV drivers.
[There was a TV series recently where a driver from the UK had moved to Oz and was now coining it as an HGV instructor.]
So if you have family in Oz then it is worth considering.
Apr 6th 2016, 7:11 pm
#39
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 567
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
I'll be a little bit blunt but one thing I'll pick up on is that your husband has said it's your decision alone but that you can't go back and forth. That doesn't sound very positive for him supporting you if you struggl after the move. MrH and I have always said it has to be a joint decision for us to apply for visas and try to make the move. We're creeping ever closer to making it happen, sometimes I wibble and have, "What the very heck are we doing!?" days and sometimes he does but we always come back to why we chose to try and make the move when we visited two years ago. I couldn't cope if he said it was my decision so my fault I was struggling and tough luck. 
Apr 6th 2016, 7:18 pm
#40
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: bottom of the world
Posts: 4,533
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
Thank you - I am sure of the fact that I would like to come to NZ, but I am terrified re getting a job and it being the right place for my daughter - working is something that is really important to me and I can see a few threads where jobs are so hard to come by - that would send me straight back to the UK.
Please remember, there is a bit of a "prove yourself first" attitude down here.
Many have gone through it, you have to gain your "kiwi experience" first
before many are prepared to give you the job you deserve. It can be very frustrating
Apr 6th 2016, 8:37 pm
#41
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2009
Location: South Auckland
Posts: 2,228
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
What I think a lot of British people forget is that they are migrants. Migrants into a new country always struggle to find work - it's not a kiwi thing, it happens to migrants in the UK too. It's a big risk if you are leaving a comfortable lifestyle with a job. Don't underestimate that.
Another thing I notice brits do is expect to move to the best areas with the top schools. That costs money, just as it does in the UK. Why would you expect NZ to be any different? Fortunately there are nice places to live within access of good schools, and you have to make compromises based on your budget - just like you do in the UK.
Another thing I notice brits do is expect to move to the best areas with the top schools. That costs money, just as it does in the UK. Why would you expect NZ to be any different? Fortunately there are nice places to live within access of good schools, and you have to make compromises based on your budget - just like you do in the UK.
Apr 7th 2016, 11:12 am
#42
Just Joined
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 20
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
Hi Cindy, it's certainly a big decision and I would question the 'give it a go, what can go wrong' response. I agree with jmh, people do forget they are migrants, things are done differently over here and attitudes are different.
We left a very comfortable lifestyle, good jobs, great schools, etc - the grass was already green. I viewed this as a positive because I wasn't escaping anything. I have found however that matching even the basics has been difficult - finding a decent house for instance. Whilst the sun shines a lot and I love love love the beach for me it's been hard work. Another example, we have found it difficult to find schools on a par with the ones are children were at in the UK, general shopping is so limited and expensive, there's lots of sport however little to no cultural/history type stuff for the children. I could go on but most of these things have been covered and are often about personal preference anyway.
No-one wants to think just negatively but there are many many things that can go wrong, and it could be an expensive mistake. What happens if your partner absolutely loves it here and you don't? You can't just go back with your children. Living and working here is different to the UK, for example the driving is awful, much higher death toll than the UK. Finding a decent rental in a good area near a good school is not easy - just as it would be difficult for someone arriving in the UK.
That said, I don't regret coming here but I can't wait to get back home :-)
We left a very comfortable lifestyle, good jobs, great schools, etc - the grass was already green. I viewed this as a positive because I wasn't escaping anything. I have found however that matching even the basics has been difficult - finding a decent house for instance. Whilst the sun shines a lot and I love love love the beach for me it's been hard work. Another example, we have found it difficult to find schools on a par with the ones are children were at in the UK, general shopping is so limited and expensive, there's lots of sport however little to no cultural/history type stuff for the children. I could go on but most of these things have been covered and are often about personal preference anyway.
No-one wants to think just negatively but there are many many things that can go wrong, and it could be an expensive mistake. What happens if your partner absolutely loves it here and you don't? You can't just go back with your children. Living and working here is different to the UK, for example the driving is awful, much higher death toll than the UK. Finding a decent rental in a good area near a good school is not easy - just as it would be difficult for someone arriving in the UK.
That said, I don't regret coming here but I can't wait to get back home :-)
Apr 7th 2016, 7:05 pm
#43
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2014
Location: Kerikeri
Posts: 718
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
Two comments on Fours Seasons post.
Anyone thinking of returning to Uk after say five years away wants to do some research - you might be surprised at the rapid changes usually for the worse.
Second the tendency is to think the wife won't settle in NZ. In our case my English wife thinks NZ is wonderful (in most aspects) dragged me back screaming and is staying for good :-). Whereas I (the expat kiwi) accept it is a mixed bag and would be happy to live just about anywhere if it involves new experiences, places. Depends on your mindset.
Anyone thinking of returning to Uk after say five years away wants to do some research - you might be surprised at the rapid changes usually for the worse.
Second the tendency is to think the wife won't settle in NZ. In our case my English wife thinks NZ is wonderful (in most aspects) dragged me back screaming and is staying for good :-). Whereas I (the expat kiwi) accept it is a mixed bag and would be happy to live just about anywhere if it involves new experiences, places. Depends on your mindset.
Apr 7th 2016, 8:59 pm
#45
.
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
Posts: 2,744
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
With regard to how things have changed in Britain in the last, say, five years. (On Maundy Thursday on the way back from running an errand I had to drive around the edge of a police cordon. The Armed Offenders Squad had to shoot a suspect who was wanted on bail. It was the only way to bring him to the ground. I've never had to do that in Britain.)
I don't doubt there's been changes in Britain and unlikely to be for the better, but hey.
People who are happy in (insert destination country of choice) seem to be terribly miffed by people who are leaving to return home, especially if it is to Britain.
What's that about ? I thought people learned to have a positive frame of since living in New Zealand.
I don't doubt there's been changes in Britain and unlikely to be for the better, but hey.
People who are happy in (insert destination country of choice) seem to be terribly miffed by people who are leaving to return home, especially if it is to Britain.
What's that about ? I thought people learned to have a positive frame of since living in New Zealand.
Last edited by Snap Shot; Apr 7th 2016 at 9:23 pm.
