Terrified of making the wrong move
#46
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
..........
I don't doubt there's been changes in Britain and unlikely to be for the better, but hey.
People who are happy in (insert destination country of choice) seem to be terribly miffed by people who are leaving to return home, especially if it is to Britain.
What's that about ? I thought people learned to have a positive frame of since living in New Zealand.
I don't doubt there's been changes in Britain and unlikely to be for the better, but hey.
People who are happy in (insert destination country of choice) seem to be terribly miffed by people who are leaving to return home, especially if it is to Britain.
What's that about ? I thought people learned to have a positive frame of since living in New Zealand.
First 20 years of our marriage we lived in ten countries, 17 houses yabba yabba and one of the things I have learnt is you can't go back! Places change, people change etc so at a minimum you need to treat it as a new experience rather than a return to a previous life.
Last edited by Kotare; Apr 7th 2016 at 9:33 pm.
#47
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
I agree. We can't go back to 2011 when we left Britain as that would take a time machine. Couldn't go back in time to any previous date as it goes.
However, we could return to Britain and it would be the date of arrival and we take things from there.
We can't go back to where we used to live and pick up where we left off like the last five years never happened. Although, it might just feel like it, and what would be wrong with that ?
I would like to visit our old home town (everybody sing....'there are places I remember').
As for living there again ? Well, that's anybody's guess. Been there, done that, pick again.
However, we could return to Britain and it would be the date of arrival and we take things from there.
We can't go back to where we used to live and pick up where we left off like the last five years never happened. Although, it might just feel like it, and what would be wrong with that ?
I would like to visit our old home town (everybody sing....'there are places I remember').
As for living there again ? Well, that's anybody's guess. Been there, done that, pick again.
#48
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
Its fear. Fear that because others have found they made a "bad" choice, they may have made a similar bad choice but don't realise it yet. Its a variant of the herd instinct.
#49
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
Actually in many cases it is those who have made a bad choice trying to convince others that NZ will be a disaster for them (may be may be not) and how dreadful it is in NZ :-)
#50
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
The regulars on here will probably's remember. I was not disrespectful to NZ and I tried to explain how I was feeling as I really thought I was alone with my thoughts. I ended up with quite a few abusive replies which was the last thing that I needed at that time. I did receive some support from a couple of people for whom I will always be grateful. I agree with what Snapshot wrote.
When a person is struggling with a major decision they need support. It is not a competition against countries. I sat with a work colleague a few weeks ago who is from Poland. She misses home so much and was quite upset. We talked about what she missed about Poland and what she didn't like about the UK. I didn't feel the need or want to defend the UK. This was not the time or the place. I also did not put her country down. I find this happens in NZ the minute a person decides they want to return home. A huge defensive wall appears. The UK is far from perfect and so is NZ. Every country has its flaws. I love to hear stories of people who go to NZ and its a success. Good on them!
#51
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Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
The difference is that most people know and are more than willing to put up with and admit that everything in the UK is not perfect, we'll all jolly along and often join in with the rest of the world who like to bang on and take the piss about the Poms, Brits and all the UKs shortcomings in a full and frank manner - people generally expect the worst and become quite surprised to find things are not that bad afterall.
When the boot is on the other foot and you dare to cross the line and say anything remotely unfavourable about Kiwis and all things New Zealandy, the defences are immediately up and it all starts to get a bit nasty. The tiniest bit of feedback that suggests all is not as it could be, or doesn't show NZ in a good light will bring out the bile and venom.
When the boot is on the other foot and you dare to cross the line and say anything remotely unfavourable about Kiwis and all things New Zealandy, the defences are immediately up and it all starts to get a bit nasty. The tiniest bit of feedback that suggests all is not as it could be, or doesn't show NZ in a good light will bring out the bile and venom.
#52
Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
I totally agree. The comments about whinging/moaning POMs is indeed slanderous/unwarranted and NZ obviously has the same national inferiority complex that drives the Scots and Welsh attitude to their neighbour.
#53
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Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
[QUOTE=LittleGreyCat;11915544]If you like more bustle and more chance of a job, Australia may be a better choice.
It is a much bigger country and as far as I know there is a much greater demand for HGV drivers.
[There was a TV series recently where a driver from the UK had moved to Oz and was now coining it as an HGV instructor.]
So if you have family in Oz then it is worth considering.
Australia is definitely a no go at the moment I think as our skills are not on the skills list. I am a qualified hairdresser as well, but I would not want to do this and I think with the 457 visa, you have to work in the capacity you applied - although I could be wrong. The ironic thing is my partner could get heaps of work but because of the skills criteria and he is 51 (past the visa application age ) he would not be able to do this, unless of course, he had a sponsor, he recently trained and assessed an Australian driver here, who said he would make a good living out in Oz, but again, HGV Driver is no longer a skill that is required by Australia. My niece is there and is a citizen but the family visa does not stretch to that, only siblings or parents. Thank you.
It is a much bigger country and as far as I know there is a much greater demand for HGV drivers.
[There was a TV series recently where a driver from the UK had moved to Oz and was now coining it as an HGV instructor.]
So if you have family in Oz then it is worth considering.
Australia is definitely a no go at the moment I think as our skills are not on the skills list. I am a qualified hairdresser as well, but I would not want to do this and I think with the 457 visa, you have to work in the capacity you applied - although I could be wrong. The ironic thing is my partner could get heaps of work but because of the skills criteria and he is 51 (past the visa application age ) he would not be able to do this, unless of course, he had a sponsor, he recently trained and assessed an Australian driver here, who said he would make a good living out in Oz, but again, HGV Driver is no longer a skill that is required by Australia. My niece is there and is a citizen but the family visa does not stretch to that, only siblings or parents. Thank you.
#54
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Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
[QUOTE=Hazelnut;11915598]I'll be a little bit blunt but one thing I'll pick up on is that your husband has said it's your decision alone but that you can't go back and forth. That doesn't sound very positive for him supporting you if you struggl after the move. MrH and I have always said it has to be a joint decision for us to apply for visas and try to make the move. We're creeping ever closer to making it happen, sometimes I wibble and have, "What the very heck are we doing!?" days and sometimes he does but we always come back to why we chose to try and make the move when we visited two years ago. I couldn't cope if he said it was my decision so my fault I was struggling and tough luck.
Thank you, I probably made it sound worse than the quote was . He just does not want to be "ping ponging" as he said it will cost a lot of money to go over, but as lots of people have said if I do not like it I can come back. I have explained to him that if we do make the move then we will both give it a year, if in that time, one of us is very unhappy/not settling etc then we will come back to the UK. We have a daughter and the one thing I have to make sure of (for my own sanity) is that if the worst happened and he wanted to stay and me go, or vice versa, where would I legally stand with my daughter, but we have both agreed that it needs to be a joint decision on both parts. I get wibbles all the time. I just wish I had that crystal ball with all the answers.
Thank you, I probably made it sound worse than the quote was . He just does not want to be "ping ponging" as he said it will cost a lot of money to go over, but as lots of people have said if I do not like it I can come back. I have explained to him that if we do make the move then we will both give it a year, if in that time, one of us is very unhappy/not settling etc then we will come back to the UK. We have a daughter and the one thing I have to make sure of (for my own sanity) is that if the worst happened and he wanted to stay and me go, or vice versa, where would I legally stand with my daughter, but we have both agreed that it needs to be a joint decision on both parts. I get wibbles all the time. I just wish I had that crystal ball with all the answers.
#55
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Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
Thank you, that must be very frustrating when you have the knowledge and experience! Although I realise it should be the way to go, hey I will be an immigrant, but that is how the cookie has to crumble!
#56
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Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
What I think a lot of British people forget is that they are migrants. Migrants into a new country always struggle to find work - it's not a kiwi thing, it happens to migrants in the UK too. It's a big risk if you are leaving a comfortable lifestyle with a job. Don't underestimate that.
Thank you. I would never forget this, and would feel privileged to be allowed in another country. We don't have a rich lifestyle at all, but I do have a job I love (I hope I would be successful at getting a job in the same capacity in NZ as the PR would rest with me).
Another thing I notice brits do is expect to move to the best areas with the top schools. That costs money, just as it does in the UK. Why would you expect NZ to be any different? Fortunately there are nice places to live within access of good schools, and you have to make compromises based on your budget - just like you do in the UK.
Thank you. I would never forget this, and would feel privileged to be allowed in another country. We don't have a rich lifestyle at all, but I do have a job I love (I hope I would be successful at getting a job in the same capacity in NZ as the PR would rest with me).
Another thing I notice brits do is expect to move to the best areas with the top schools. That costs money, just as it does in the UK. Why would you expect NZ to be any different? Fortunately there are nice places to live within access of good schools, and you have to make compromises based on your budget - just like you do in the UK.
#57
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Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
Hi Cindy, it's certainly a big decision and I would question the 'give it a go, what can go wrong' response. I agree with jmh, people do forget they are migrants, things are done differently over here and attitudes are different.
We left a very comfortable lifestyle, good jobs, great schools, etc - the grass was already green. I viewed this as a positive because I wasn't escaping anything. I have found however that matching even the basics has been difficult - finding a decent house for instance. Whilst the sun shines a lot and I love love love the beach for me it's been hard work. Another example, we have found it difficult to find schools on a par with the ones are children were at in the UK, general shopping is so limited and expensive, there's lots of sport however little to no cultural/history type stuff for the children. I could go on but most of these things have been covered and are often about personal preference anyway.
We left a very comfortable lifestyle, good jobs, great schools, etc - the grass was already green. I viewed this as a positive because I wasn't escaping anything. I have found however that matching even the basics has been difficult - finding a decent house for instance. Whilst the sun shines a lot and I love love love the beach for me it's been hard work. Another example, we have found it difficult to find schools on a par with the ones are children were at in the UK, general shopping is so limited and expensive, there's lots of sport however little to no cultural/history type stuff for the children. I could go on but most of these things have been covered and are often about personal preference anyway.
No-one wants to think just negatively but there are many many things that can go wrong, and it could be an expensive mistake. What happens if your partner absolutely loves it here and you don't? You can't just go back with your children. Living and working here is different to the UK, for example the driving is awful, much higher death toll than the UK. Finding a decent rental in a good area near a good school is not easy - just as it would be difficult for someone arriving in the UK.
Are you going back to the UK for good? Thank you for your replies.
Last edited by MrsFychan; Apr 8th 2016 at 6:11 pm. Reason: editing quotes - if you do not know how to quote then reply please pm me
#58
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Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
Second the tendency is to think the wife won't settle in NZ. In our case my English wife thinks NZ is wonderful (in most aspects) dragged me back screaming and is staying for good :-). Whereas I (the expat kiwi) accept it is a mixed bag and would be happy to live just about anywhere if it involves new experiences, places. Depends on your mindset.
Last edited by MrsFychan; Apr 8th 2016 at 6:12 pm. Reason: quotes again
#59
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Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
Thank you, that is kind. What is the reason for wanting to return to the UK?
Last edited by MrsFychan; Apr 8th 2016 at 6:08 pm. Reason: editing quotes
#60
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Re: Terrified of making the wrong move
With regard to how things have changed in Britain in the last, say, five years. (On Maundy Thursday on the way back from running an errand I had to drive around the edge of a police cordon. The Armed Offenders Squad had to shoot a suspect who was wanted on bail. It was the only way to bring him to the ground. I've never had to do that in Britain.)
What's that about ? I thought people learned to have a positive frame of since living in New Zealand.
Last edited by MrsFychan; Apr 8th 2016 at 6:13 pm. Reason: quotes