cornerofsilence

I need some advice please.

We have our 3 year old (4 in November) granddaughter coming to live with us shortly.

Her mother has decided she wants a life of her own (she is not our daughter) Daisy is her 3rd child. Her first live with her Grandmother the 2nd live with his father and Daisy will live with her father and us.

I need to know about playschools and school. If there is anyone out there who knows about this subject I would like to hear from them.

Daisy at present is in Spain her father is taking her back to England and then on to NZ.

Our son name is not on his daughter’s birth certificate not because he did not want it but because daisy’s mother wanted to claim benefits.

I know this is a lot to ask but I know this is not uncommon in this day and age.

It is 10 years since my last child left school.

I would be please to hear from anyone who knows about this subject please.

uk+kiwi

Hi Susan,

My heart really went out to you when I read this post.

I am very interested in education and therefore have quite a lot of knowledge on this matter, however since I am not in NZ, I am sure there will be others on the forum who will be able to give you better more localised advice, but thought I would try.

However, I really wanted to send you my heartfelt best wishes for this next chapter in your life (Daisy is marginally younger than my youngest daughter Freya) and to pass on the following information which I hope may be of some help to you:

1) Daisy is at the right age to join a preschool/kindy. And you probably still know that she will then start school on or very close to her 5th birthday, but you will need to pre-register, especially for the better schools with zoning and possibly deadlines - but you have plenty of time for this so don't worry!

The National Office of the Ministry of Education is based in Wellington - www.minedu.govt.nz ('things to know' then 'starting school' options from the homepage). You can call them on +64 4 463 8000. Lots of good information to read about and feel informed.

2) www.piperpat.co.nz
This is an excellent website for finding a preschool/kindy/playgroup, and also primary/secondary schools. Click on the 'NZ links' on the homepage, then 'NZ Education' and it will come up with another drop down menu enabling you to choose the age appropriate education you want.

3) For school reports, see www.ero.govt.nz/reports
I would have a look at this (use the search facility for school name or suburb) when choosing between a couple of primary schools. Some kindys/pre-schools are on there too. The higher the decile rating, usually the better the school, although the decile rating is in fact determined by the socio-economics of the immediate neighbourhood in which the school is located, not a score of the school's actual achievements.

So in a while, I would also advise you and your son to visit a few schools you may consider, to get a feel for them and how they may or may not be suitable for Daisy. Some have regular open mornings, others you phone and get a one on one meeting/tour. Ask lots of questions.

And also, I thought it may be worth considering some form of custody protection for your son, if he hasn't already. I'm sure I don't need to explain why. I would also recommend a blood test to prove he is the father (sorry, I don't mean this to sound that bad), and then ask Daisy's mother to agree to the custody with him.

Good luck to you all. I hope Daisy brings you much joy, and that you have lots of energy! Carmen.

cornerofsilence

Thank you for all your help.

He did consider having a d&a test last time Daisy's mum left her with him but he is convinced she is his. I know he will now have to do something for his own protection.

Susan

bookemjano

Tried to give you karma for this Carmen, but it wouldn't let me! A lovely, thoughtful and helpful post.

Susan - good luck to you, I'm sure Daisy will bring you a lot of happiness that will far outweigh the difficulties with the situation, and I'm sure she'll appreciate your love and care so much.

adnil

hi there, I am in the same boat as yourself, but Kiwi grandson, now left with us in UK after mum brought him on holiday.
When we had care of our grandson in NZ, I got heaps of support from GRG grandparents raising granchildren.

uk+kiwi

You are very welcome , and thanks for your kind words Jan.

80s Chick

When I read your post I was quite concerned about the legal implications of your situation. If your son is not on the birth certificate then you are effectively taking a child with which you have no LEGAL connection abroad. This is fine if her mother has absolved all responsibility, but Daisy is not yet 4. If in four years' time for example, Daisy's mother sorts herself out and finds herself a new partner and wants to reassemble her family, legally she has every right to and can say that you abducted Daisy. I know this is not true and I'm sure you'll be able to prove that you have cared for and loved Daisy, but a judge has to work from a legal position not a moral or emotional one. I know this might seem harsh but you need to protect yourself, your son, and most of all Daisy. It's not healthy for her to be moved from pillar to post (but I don't need to tell you that). I hate to be bleak, but under the Hague Convention, for babies born after December 2003 if the father is named on the birth certificate he is automatically entitled to parental responsibility if he's been proved to take an interest in the child's life (i.e. legal responsibility for the child, and therefore the right to remove the child from the country, choose schools, doctors etc.). As your son is not named his situation is very difficult. There may be a silver lining if the mother is prepared to sign responsibility over to you and/or your son. There is virtually no limit to how many people can have parental responsibility (PR) in English law but it MUST be approved by the current holder(s) of PR (i.e. Daisy's mother). Please don't treat this lightly or you might really get the runaround in a few years' time. If you choose your language carefully you might be able to persuade Daisy's mum to do this and to protect Daisy. It's a simple procedure and only costs about £120 (a small price for Daisy's security). If you google 'Parental Responsibility Order' you'll find some helpful advice. I think it's a shame that Daisy's siblings are scattered but I admire you for taking her on. I've already sent you some good luck karma. Feel free to PM me for any other info. Jeez, I shoulda been a lawyer.

Regards

Phyl

JAJ

This is sound advice. UK law must be observed, and if the child's mother won't go through the necessary processes, it's a problem you need to face up to now rather than in a few years time if the mother 'changes her mind' (which happens a lot). It's important that you and child are protected from this, or at least you know the legal situation from the outset.

If the mother wants to abandon her, but won't sign whatever legal papers are needed, then the only alternative is a court order.

Also - if you live in New Zealand then you'll surely want the child to have NZ resident status and citizenship. The NZ Immigration Service will almost certainly look for evidence that UK custody laws have been observed.

It is essential to get legal advice from a family law specialist solicitor in the UK.

If you are only permanent residents of New Zealand, and have not got New Zealand citizenship, then it's strongly advisable to apply for this as soon as possible.

Also - what are the circumstances of her presence in Spain? Has she been living there a long time, or is she a Spanish citizen? If so, there might be Spanish legal implications to consider as well as those of the UK.


Jeremy