Struggling

Old Mar 17th 2020, 11:01 am
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Default Struggling

I've just read that UK restrictions could last 18 months - until a vaccine is developed and released.
Given how sick my dad is, if I cannot travel before then, there is a likelihood I won't see him again....

I was depressed about being here before Coronavirus kicked off and did not think I could feel any worse. I was facing the choice of staying with my husband and trying to manage the resentment and anger I feel because he pretty much forced me to move, or separating from him and having to stay anyway because he probably won't let me take the kids home. There was a bit of light on the horizon - a trip to the Sunshine Coast at Easter to see my cousins and a friend from London, and 4 weeks in the UK in July. Losing these has pretty much tipped me over the edge.
I have no support in NZ except for a group of school mums I met a couple of months ago, so I am going through the hardest and most mentally challenging period of my life entirely alone, while trying to keep afloat for the kids and cheerful when I speak to my parents. I have told my friends at home a bit, but it's so 'big' that I'm struggling to talk to them because it's such an arse to communicate at decent times. Husband works for the family business so sees his parents and brother regularly, and he moved out for 10 days at the end of Feb to stay with his mum so they all know what's going on but no one has reached out. Not even a text to check I'm ok.
I don't know how I am going to get through this.

I apologise for being melodramatic but everything seems very dark right now.
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Old Mar 17th 2020, 11:06 am
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Default Re: Struggling

I must add that the mums have been BRILLIANT, but as new friends, I am conscious about being negative every tine I see them.
They also include an English mum and three kiwis who have lived in the UK for long periods so they do 'get it' more than most!
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Old Mar 17th 2020, 8:58 pm
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Default Re: Struggling

I'm sorry you are struggling Hallie! It's a thoroughly shit situation that the world has been thrust into.

Keep talking to your mum friends and maybe try and schedule a time to speak to your UK friends however difficult it might seem.

Also try not to read the news too much or scroll through social media, there's so much mis-information out there and it won't help with mood in general. There's a lot that we as a population don't know at the moment so having to wait 18 months is probably not entirely accurate.

Chin up, keep going and don't buy too much bog roll 😜
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Old Mar 17th 2020, 9:19 pm
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Have you already booked your flight to the UK in July? If so, then until such time as the either the airline or the UK Government shuts down all flight operations from anywhere in the world you have not lost the opportunity to go.

If your father is in such a dire state (and from reading your past posts he is suffering from Parkinsons) then, personally, I would wait to see what happens - and in July, if your flight is still available, I would go.

You might spend all your time at home with your parents with no other visitors, but that won't be so bad will it ?
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Old Mar 17th 2020, 11:07 pm
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Sorry to hear of your angst. Re the lack of communication from those would hope to hear from...... sounds like something I could have written. So, so many people, even before this CV19 thing are and were atrocious at communicating IMHO, no idea why this is given comms has never been so easy....seeing as everyone seems to be permanently on their bloody phones!!

Over time I have grown to realise the only person you can trust on and rely upon is yourself. Some may say this is sad. But it comes from my frame of reference over 61 years and personally I feel most humans are disappointing in their attitude and behaviour. Most, not all.
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Old Mar 17th 2020, 11:47 pm
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Default Re: Struggling

Hi Hallie. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so down, it's not a nice place to be. If you haven't already please have a chat with your GP, she/he is there to look after your mental health just as much as your physical health. You really need to take good care of yourself and seeing your doc is the all important first step. I'd send you a hug but given that they're a bit on the nose right now I'll send you a very sincere elbow bump instead - *bump!*
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Old Mar 17th 2020, 11:51 pm
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Default Re: Struggling

Originally Posted by Genesis View Post
Sorry to hear of your angst. Re the lack of communication from those would hope to hear from...... sounds like something I could have written. So, so many people, even before this CV19 thing are and were atrocious at communicating IMHO, no idea why this is given comms has never been so easy....seeing as everyone seems to be permanently on their bloody phones!!

Over time I have grown to realise the only person you can trust on and rely upon is yourself. Some may say this is sad. But it comes from my frame of reference over 61 years and personally I feel most humans are disappointing in their attitude and behaviour. Most, not all.

I do tend to agree with you here Genesis..sad but true..

Sorry to hear about your situation Hallie, I have no advice at all but plenty of people here will have a good virtual shoulder to lean on..
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Old Mar 18th 2020, 4:51 am
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Default Re: Struggling

I have every sympathy. Apologies for not getting back to you today. I had a message from my eldest brother this morning, which has just sunk in this afternoon. My sister-in-law is now in a cancer hospice and the outlook is poor. I wish I could jump on a plane and be there to support him. I can't do anything as I'm now in quarantine for the next fortnight. OH is in Welly tonight when I could do with a huge hug.

​​​​Right now I'm feeling drained but I shall be in touch in a day or two. Do give serious thought to what Spouse of Scouse has advised, she is a wise owl.
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Old Mar 18th 2020, 5:13 am
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Default Re: Struggling

Originally Posted by Vitalstatistix View Post
I have every sympathy. Apologies for not getting back to you today. I had a message from my eldest brother this morning, which has just sunk in this afternoon. My sister-in-law is now in a cancer hospice and the outlook is poor. I wish I could jump on a plane and be there to support him. I can't do anything as I'm now in quarantine for the next fortnight. OH is in Welly tonight when I could do with a huge hug.

​​​​Right now I'm feeling drained but I shall be in touch in a day or two. Do give serious thought to what Spouse of Scouse has advised, she is a wise owl.
Oh my goodness I'm genuinely sorry to hear that Vitalstatistix πŸ˜“
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Old Mar 18th 2020, 5:26 am
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Default Re: Struggling

Originally Posted by Mishclark View Post
Oh my goodness I'm genuinely sorry to hear that Vitalstatistix πŸ˜“
Thank you so much. I'm a bit of a mess right now. Hope you're coping okay.
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Old Mar 18th 2020, 5:39 am
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Default Re: Struggling

Originally Posted by Vitalstatistix View Post
Thank you so much. I'm a bit of a mess right now. Hope you're coping okay.
I totally understand what you are going through, I've been there. .

I'm great, just a little bored hence my larger amount of time online but all good.

You take care ❀
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Old Mar 18th 2020, 5:54 am
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Default Re: Struggling

aww guys, sorry to hear this.
Vital - you may find that you being on the opposite time zone will help your brother as you will be up when others are not. I know it helped my son during his accident to have us to chat to when everyone else had gone home or bed and he was unable to sleep.
Hallie - we also have flights back to UK end of June to bring DD back. but with the increase in covid 19 numbers today I have spent most of the day trying to change her existing flights, it beggers belief that they actually wanted to charge us practically the same price to change the dates as the cost of the flight. SO we have just booked her a new flight and left the existing ones in place and see what happens.
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Old May 9th 2020, 2:42 am
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Default Re: Struggling

Hi Vital
I am so sorry to read your post about your losses and the helplessness that you feel. The sadness and frustration must be all-encompassing.
This is why I came back on here after a little while away - to connect with people who 'get it'.
My friend's dad is due to come here in October, but Qatar cancelled his flight yesterday - I thought there would be a 'wait and see' attitude for this time period but apparently not.
As it's becoming clear how difficult it is going to be to visit home, I feel another bit of me ebb away. My mum and dad have both had falls and ended up in A&E this week - dad with a dislocated finger that needs surgery, and mum cracked her head open and needed stitches. There is bugger all I can do. My flights in July are useless, probably for 18 months. Dad's Parkinson's is so bad he can barely talk or type now so all those people telling me 'imagine if this had happened before all the technology' can, quite frankly ***** off. I'm feeling very emotional about it.

I kind of disappeared at lockdown - some of you may have seen my posts on the Coronavirus thread when my brother in law jumped off a plane from LA and surprised my husband and parents so the whole family disappeared to their beach house to isolate leaving me with the kids in lockdown for two weeks. Well my husband didn't speak to me for the whole of the two weeks either because I posted on FB about it. I have been to the doctors and diagnosed with severe depression, but he still blames me for not making an effort here (ie. socialising with and entertaining his family and friends) and for being angry and miserable. He said that he is going to leave me after lockdown when the kids are back at school, as he wants to 'have fun', but he won't let me take the kids back to the UK so I am going to end up on my own here, only having my kids half the time.

It turns out that the business that we moved out for, and that his parents were going to give to him and his brother, is actually in a family trust with his parents as sole shareholders and no plans to change ownership. Finding out that I am here on a lie hurts. He told everyone, my family, our friends, his old boss that he would own the business. Apparently this is quite a common thing (the family trust), used to avoid tax and evade creditors and marauding wives.

I hope that everyone's loved ones back home are safe and sound.x
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Old May 9th 2020, 8:22 am
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Default Re: Struggling

I'm so sorry to read your update Hallie, I'm not particularly good with the written word but definitely thinking of you, I wish I were closer, I'd take you out for a coffee..

Keep on this forum though, there are plenty of supportive people even if we can't physically help you. ❀️
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Old May 9th 2020, 9:56 pm
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Default Re: Struggling

Originally Posted by hallie_day View Post
It turns out that the business that we moved out for, and that his parents were going to give to him and his brother, is actually in a family trust with his parents as sole shareholders and no plans to change ownership. Finding out that I am here on a lie hurts. He told everyone, my family, our friends, his old boss that he would own the business. Apparently this is quite a common thing (the family trust), used to avoid tax and evade creditors and marauding wives.
It seems to be a whole industry in hiding things behind closed doors here and things are never quite as they first appear when you delve a little deeper into the sham; unfortunately the law here supports people to do that legally through Family Trusts, 'Look-Through Companies' to avoid tax and gain benefits that they otherwise would not be entitled to and offers name suppression to people that break the law.

Pretty sad really that your husbands parents don's even trust their own sons with their inheritance but as you say it's probably due to an obsessive fear that the divorced wives and grandchildren might get a wee slice of their pie.
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