weejie

Me too

Phyl x

j19fmm

Thank you both ,
how are you Bevs?

klaney2006

Well done hun, I have all my fingers crossed. Hopefully you'll get a really positive response.

I found CAFCASS to be really helpful and understanding as I was concerned as to what they talk to the child about. The lady I had explained it all, and even said that I could allow another family member or a friend in with my child to make them feel comfortable. You may want to consider that for your son if he's feeling scared about it. However it is very informal and its mostly done through play depending on child's age. The child doesn't have to talk if they don't wish.

As for me, I had my court date on the 9th Feb and I was really getting stressed as I didn't know what to expect but thankfully after a very stressful morning of car playing up, snow problems and getting child late into school. I made it safely there to court.

My ex arrived 45 mins late with a smug face and spent most of the morning try to catch my attention and flirt with me. I was not impressed and eventually he was removed from the waiting area. He then tried to discredit me with the CAFCASS report (they contact social services to see if the child is known to them). I had asked Social Services for help around three years ago as I was having major knee surgery, however I didn't pursue the case and my ex tried to make out I was now an unfit mother.:curse:

He then demanded immediate contact which my solicitor refused, he then asked for indirect contact which was refused by the judge, due to his lack of commitment.

The judge then ordered us back to CAFCASS for another 8 weeks of mediation and to talk to my daughter. She wants to see her father, which I have no problems with, however she only wants to see him out of curiosity. This is to be expected as the last time she saw her real father she was only 10 months old. She's upset over the fact that he's delaying our move. She's growing closer to my new partner and keeps asking him why we just can't go. He's answering it the best he can.

We are back in court on the 27th April, so I've had to change my flight details as we were due to fly back from our easter holiday on the 26th April. My ex asked the judge if he could get his train tickets paid for, for each mediation visit and his next court appearance. His solicitor told him that he had already had his train ticket paid for and that they were not paying for his next trip. He was not a happy chap at this point.

My solicitor felt it wasn't a good time to bring up the fact that I wanted to leave the UK as she felt it would be better to go through mediation and see if he attended. So we sit and wait. CAFCASS have told me so far that they can not get in touch with him, his phone has been disconnected.

So wish me luck and I'll keep you informed.

j19fmm

Hey there, thank you for the finger crossing!
I've just emailed the CAFCASS lady I saw and tried to explain how I would feel if we were refused permission to go to NZ. I'm sure I now sound like a complete nutter!! But to be honest I live and breathe NZ. Checking job vacancies everyday, looking at houses with the kids, emailing my cuzzies in NZ. It's also a hard situation when I say one thing and EX says opposite, how on earth is she supposed to know who's telling the truth? When my daughter read the statement her Dad sent to Court she was livid. She asked me what was going to happen as on the front it says "I make this statement believing the contents to be true.." and it so blatently isn't? Guess that's between him, his Solicitor and his conscience.
It's all so long and dragged out isn't it? We don't see CAFCASS again til Easter hols and Court again end of May.
Wish you all the best, I'll cross my toes for you, sorry keeping fingers for myself

klaney2006

I totally empathise with you. I feel the same way about the US. I'm always looking at houses, jobs etc. My daughter loves being with her cousins, so much to the point that I hardly see her, she's out with them making friends, seeing places etc.

My ex told the court that he had been ill for 8 years, and was not able to contact me and that we had moved, change numbers etc. All of which was completely untrue. My daughter aged 8, asked me to give her a dad a note, which I duly passed onto my legal team and they read it in court and it simply said, in broken english .. "why did you leave me if you love me"

My ex then turned to the court and said that I had put my daughter up to writing it. I just shook my head. It shows me that he is doing this all out of spite, presumbly because I am now in a position where I can divorce him, without his say.

Thankfully he hasn't found out about the US, although I suspect one his friends may of tipped him off, so I am bracing myself for his reaction on the 27th, when my legal team announce it to him.

I thank you for the fingers crossed and I understand having fingers crossed for yourself. I do the same

weejie

Everything crossed for you both

Phyl x

j19fmm

Two steps back...just had phone call from the CAFCASS lady to say she's not coming to see us tomorrow after all, she's handed the case back to her Manager. This is 6 weeks after I first saw her. She has decided that as EX says he has met her before she can't continue with the case. Fair one, but why wait til now??? We'll have to wait for a new officer, new meetings and new reports. So not a lot of chance of being ready to submit their report to Court by 11th May, Court date set for 27th May. Gutted. Don't want to complain as don't want to be seen as a pest OH has taken a day off work tomorrow as she wanted him here too, could have done without losing the money at this time too...

weejie

WTF!!!!! Surely she must have known this before now? I would be fuming to say the least. It's not fair to waste 6 weeks of your life like this,surely they know it's hard enough going through this kind of thing without these last minute setbacks? Chin up,join me in the bar need a drink myself( explanation there)

Phyl x

j19fmm

When I had my initial meeting with her she said her daughter had gone to EXs school but that he hadn't taught her and she herself had never met him. OK by me then. But when EX got back from his meeting he told the kids what a lovely lady she was, he'd met her before and taught her daughter...well you never know with him, power and control etc. Anyway weeks ago DD sent her an email saying she didn't think it was very fair as she might like Dad more as she'd met him before etc. No reply til last week. Said we could get someone else if we wanted. We felt it was ok still. But today she changes her mind. I do see the problem, either one of us could complain at a later date, but why now? The day before the meeting with the kids? God knows how long this will set us back.
Sorry, that became a rant
Left you a message in the bar too, Phyl. Thank you for your thoughts, xx

klaney2006

How devastating ... I can imagine the anger you maybe feeling. Try to keep a positive outlook on it. I can see the conflict of interest it may cause. You may finds that since she passed it on to someone else then it works better in your favour. Keep looking forward you'll get there ...

As I said before we are both in a similar field, I was due back in court on the 27th April, CAFCASS was given a month to write a report. Unfortunately they never received the court order so our first appointment will be on the 20th April, they have asked for an extension till the 18th May.

Keep being positive ... these setbacks are there to test us and when we pass you'll feel fantastic. I'm here if you need to holler, scream, chat.

j19fmm

Thank you x

paulocimini

We have just started our visa process and think we have the same problem! Our eldest has a different biological father to myself.

She is 11, has not seen him for 5 years, he has never paid any maintenance or seen her for more than the odd weekend.

Unfortunately his name is on the birth certificate.

What advice would you give me?

j19fmm

Hi there, to start with do you or OH have any contact with the father? Phone or letters? Do you actually know where he is? Obviously the first thing to do is ask his permission, you never know! You will get no where with the emmigration process without a legal letter giving his consent (or from Court).
If it's a no or you can't contact him, get yourself to a Family Lawyer, usually you can get a free 1/2 hour to start with. Given the history of no contact or support and age of daughter things should go your way even if you go to Court.
There have been several cases of absent parents stopping the emmigration even though they have no contact so be aware.
If you have a job to go to that can make your case stronger too.Bit of a chicken and egg scenario that one.
Good luck to you and feel free to email or PM if you have specific questions you think I can help with

squiddley

HI,i started this thread off some months ago,because we were in a similar position,because i have two step daughters and needed to get permission off there father to go to NZ.... anyway have managed to get things sorted...
If you have a read through the very early threads there is some very good information also links to other websites where can gain some excellent information and help...
Hope this is of some help....

paulocimini

Thanks for the advice, we do have his number, somewhere, so I guess it may be worth trying him to see if he will agree (slim chance).

We were advised to just go ahead and hope they would miss the fact that there is a different name on the birth certificate