Some Reassurance
May 22nd 2007, 7:34 am
#1
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2007
Location: Christchurch, England
Posts: 14
Some Reassurance
Two things that are playing on our mind at the moment while starting the process off emigrating are:
1: How the relatives/friends will take it and will they ever talk to us again! My parents are fine and support us all the way, but we know the Mother-In-Law will be a nightmare.
2: How did you all get on with making new friends and fitting into life in a new Country?
Many thanks in advance to you replies. Just need some reassurance really.
Jon
1: How the relatives/friends will take it and will they ever talk to us again! My parents are fine and support us all the way, but we know the Mother-In-Law will be a nightmare.
2: How did you all get on with making new friends and fitting into life in a new Country?
Many thanks in advance to you replies. Just need some reassurance really.
Jon
May 22nd 2007, 8:33 am
#2
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,298
Re: Some Reassurance
Two things that are playing on our mind at the moment while starting the process off emigrating are:
1: How the relatives/friends will take it and will they ever talk to us again! My parents are fine and support us all the way, but we know the Mother-In-Law will be a nightmare.
2: How did you all get on with making new friends and fitting into life in a new Country?
Many thanks in advance to you replies. Just need some reassurance really.
Jon
1: How the relatives/friends will take it and will they ever talk to us again! My parents are fine and support us all the way, but we know the Mother-In-Law will be a nightmare.
2: How did you all get on with making new friends and fitting into life in a new Country?
Many thanks in advance to you replies. Just need some reassurance really.
Jon
Some rellies went bent..stuff' em I say!!!! Don't want to sound hard but at 46 I expected to be 'allowed' to follow my dreams and not be held at 'emotional gunpoint' by a bunch of demented elders!!!
It's my life, no one elses and we ALL came here willingly..and love it!!!! those who support you..good on them..they are true to you and worth their weight in gold!! As for new friends and fitting in well that's a tricky one. depends on what type of person you are. I personally feel I have fitted in well....I rarely whinge and spend much of my time telling folk how wonderful I think NZ is..and it is to me! I do not compare UK/NZ..sure I miss stuff, lots of stuff, but this is my new adopted home, my new life and I feel VERY lucky to be here. The last 2 years here whilst GREAT fun have not been easy, however I love it more here with each week inspite of all the issues the move has bought to my little doorstep.
Making friends? I am the type to knock on neighbours doors..I figure it highly unlikely that anyone will knock on my door....here or in the UK, so I take a very proactive stance and get in amongst it!! Have some really great friends here after 2 years and would say that our social life is about 10 times better here than it was after 46 years in the UK!!!
It will not be easy. You will miss friends, relatives, familiarity and lots of other things you take for granted. the only way to find out if the pros outweigh the cons is to do the move!! You will soon know. Hopefully you will love it as much as Kate and I and our 3 very little rascals!! NZ rocks!!
Where are you going, what do you do and where are y'all from? Any kiddies?
I am a house husband, Kate's a nurse and we are from Northants. Pleased to be soooooooooooooooooooo far away!!!!!!!
May 22nd 2007, 8:45 am
#3
`
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,612
Re: Some Reassurance
Hi Banjo.
Both our surviving parents are elderly. I think we did knock the wind out of their sails a fair bit to be honest. My MIL told my husband that she would never see him again !
My Father acted in a similar way to when my Mum died.At the time it was a nightmare. No verbal condemnation but a certain amount of withdrawal. Looking back I can see it for what it was . Complete shock and a form of bereavement . He thought I would always be there . At the time , a tiny part of me felt he was the one being a bit unfair. Of course, that's a nonsense. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. We were caught up in our new opportunity and move. I so wish I had put that aside more and taken more time to understand his feelings and his , understandable, reactions
At that time , I also tried to console - or perhaps justify - myself with thoughts of email, phones, skype and , of course, the visits out from the UK to NZ. I even thought we would bring him biz class.
As it stands really , we have phone calls. WebCams are hopeless and he will never be fit enough to make the flight here.
Once I left for NZ, it was two years before I saw him again. When we left after that visit to the UK , he told my husband he felt he would never see me again. Wisely ,Phil passed this onto me and I have made sure my Dad knows I have always got arrangements in place to go back to see him & that when he needs me , I will be there. He is my Dad. I will see him this September. This helps both of us .
As it turns out, my Dad has coped far far better than I ever thought possible. He has his own life and friends and makes the best of everything as far as he can healthwise. He certainly doesn't spend time dwelling on us now being the other side of the world. Parents can be far more tough & adaptable than we give them credit for. He is not unhappy. He has his own life. He was a bit tough on us at the time though.
For many people here, their parents can come to visit. Some come for months on end
and those that have the joy of their parents visiting are often torn between 
and :curse:.
Will they ever talk to you again ? It'll be tough for them but of course they will. They love you. you gotta take the rough with the smooth.
We have been in NZ for three years now. We left a great circle of friends back in the UK . I like to think that we have settled into our new NZ life quite well. It didn't happen overnight. It took time . We didn't try and hot house ourselves into a community or to make friends & we didn't plonk our feet down here and shout the odds about how wondrous it all was. We just let it wash over us and happen naturally. The first year was a tiny bit isolating and there were teething problems but there again we were finding our feet and growing to understand our new country and the people that live here . They were getting to know us.
One day , we just looked up and found we had a place in the community. A small place but it was our place and we belonged. We also have some extremely close friends. Several of them in fact. Three years on , we could throw a party and have a full house of people that would want to be there because it's us. They are our friends and they are a right mix too. All nationalities. Just as we had in the UK.
I suppose the first budding friendships happened a couple of months after we arrived here & they have simply grown ever since. The first ones came through my husbands works. He was the only pom in among a bunch of Kiwis.
Then came friendships built within the community we settled in & , inevitably, some friendships with ex-pats from all over the world.
We simply arrived & it went from there. It will be the same for you too.
My husband 'settled' far quicker that I did. Maybe because he had to get out there and work. He is a plumber. He is sssoo laid back you wouldn't think he was a right one on the rugby or football field.
He IS a right one . First red card in Dorset RFU. Feisty is what the local footie team call him.
I found it a bit harder. It's not that I compared UK to NZ. Nelson to Dorset . It's that I simply mourned all that was familiar & everything and everyone that I loved. Bournemouth Bay and the sight of Old Harry Rocks. Paxo stuffing. All sorts of odd things.
I can't tell you if Phil felt that way. I think he did some days but not to the same degree. He is far more accepting of life than I am. However, I strive more & that's what got us to NZ.
We spent days wondering what on earth we had done and then we spent days hugging ourselves for managing to land in such a wonderful place. Up , Down, Up , Down we went.
I cried buckets over me Dad and then was exhilarated for driving a couple of hours for a days skiiing.
I wanted long twilight summers evenings in the New Forest or on the Purbecks and then was totally blown away by the Marlborough Sounds and Golden Bay right on my doorstep.
Three years on, will we be going back to live in the UK? I think the answer is No......although never say never. Like Poppy2 says, there is a whole life and world to experience.
Would my Dad want us to live back in the UK ?
Yes - coz we would be near.
No - coz he feels we are better here overall.
Do we fit in. Yis!!! I feel we do. We are comfortable here . We made a good choice. We have two homes now. Here and Bournemouth. We are lucky.
Both our surviving parents are elderly. I think we did knock the wind out of their sails a fair bit to be honest. My MIL told my husband that she would never see him again !
My Father acted in a similar way to when my Mum died.At the time it was a nightmare. No verbal condemnation but a certain amount of withdrawal. Looking back I can see it for what it was . Complete shock and a form of bereavement . He thought I would always be there . At the time , a tiny part of me felt he was the one being a bit unfair. Of course, that's a nonsense. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. We were caught up in our new opportunity and move. I so wish I had put that aside more and taken more time to understand his feelings and his , understandable, reactions
At that time , I also tried to console - or perhaps justify - myself with thoughts of email, phones, skype and , of course, the visits out from the UK to NZ. I even thought we would bring him biz class.
As it stands really , we have phone calls. WebCams are hopeless and he will never be fit enough to make the flight here.
Once I left for NZ, it was two years before I saw him again. When we left after that visit to the UK , he told my husband he felt he would never see me again. Wisely ,Phil passed this onto me and I have made sure my Dad knows I have always got arrangements in place to go back to see him & that when he needs me , I will be there. He is my Dad. I will see him this September. This helps both of us .
As it turns out, my Dad has coped far far better than I ever thought possible. He has his own life and friends and makes the best of everything as far as he can healthwise. He certainly doesn't spend time dwelling on us now being the other side of the world. Parents can be far more tough & adaptable than we give them credit for. He is not unhappy. He has his own life. He was a bit tough on us at the time though.
For many people here, their parents can come to visit. Some come for months on end
and those that have the joy of their parents visiting are often torn between and :curse:.Will they ever talk to you again ? It'll be tough for them but of course they will. They love you. you gotta take the rough with the smooth.
We have been in NZ for three years now. We left a great circle of friends back in the UK . I like to think that we have settled into our new NZ life quite well. It didn't happen overnight. It took time . We didn't try and hot house ourselves into a community or to make friends & we didn't plonk our feet down here and shout the odds about how wondrous it all was. We just let it wash over us and happen naturally. The first year was a tiny bit isolating and there were teething problems but there again we were finding our feet and growing to understand our new country and the people that live here . They were getting to know us.
One day , we just looked up and found we had a place in the community. A small place but it was our place and we belonged. We also have some extremely close friends. Several of them in fact. Three years on , we could throw a party and have a full house of people that would want to be there because it's us. They are our friends and they are a right mix too. All nationalities. Just as we had in the UK.
I suppose the first budding friendships happened a couple of months after we arrived here & they have simply grown ever since. The first ones came through my husbands works. He was the only pom in among a bunch of Kiwis.
Then came friendships built within the community we settled in & , inevitably, some friendships with ex-pats from all over the world.
We simply arrived & it went from there. It will be the same for you too.
My husband 'settled' far quicker that I did. Maybe because he had to get out there and work. He is a plumber. He is sssoo laid back you wouldn't think he was a right one on the rugby or football field.
He IS a right one . First red card in Dorset RFU. Feisty is what the local footie team call him.I found it a bit harder. It's not that I compared UK to NZ. Nelson to Dorset . It's that I simply mourned all that was familiar & everything and everyone that I loved. Bournemouth Bay and the sight of Old Harry Rocks. Paxo stuffing. All sorts of odd things.
I can't tell you if Phil felt that way. I think he did some days but not to the same degree. He is far more accepting of life than I am. However, I strive more & that's what got us to NZ.
We spent days wondering what on earth we had done and then we spent days hugging ourselves for managing to land in such a wonderful place. Up , Down, Up , Down we went.
I cried buckets over me Dad and then was exhilarated for driving a couple of hours for a days skiiing.
I wanted long twilight summers evenings in the New Forest or on the Purbecks and then was totally blown away by the Marlborough Sounds and Golden Bay right on my doorstep.
Three years on, will we be going back to live in the UK? I think the answer is No......although never say never. Like Poppy2 says, there is a whole life and world to experience.
Would my Dad want us to live back in the UK ?
Yes - coz we would be near.
No - coz he feels we are better here overall.
Do we fit in. Yis!!! I feel we do. We are comfortable here . We made a good choice. We have two homes now. Here and Bournemouth. We are lucky.
May 22nd 2007, 10:00 am
#4
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2007
Location: Christchurch, England
Posts: 14
Re: Some Reassurance
Thanks for the replies. I know my parents would move over with us and probably my sister too. They have all been to NZ and loved it. Alas, I think my parents are too old to move out permanently, but no doubt they could split their year between UK and NZ.
Genesis: We consist of me, wife and two kids (age 3 and 1), plus a dog! We currently live in Christchurch, Dorset and are hoping to move to Christchurch, NZ. Like you, I am also a HomeDad, although I still manage to work part-time on Fridays and some weekends.
I can imagine I will also be a HomeDad in NZ as my wife has a higher earning potential than myself. I can always return to work when the kids are at School full-time. Being a HomeDad has advantages that people, especially at “Mum & Tot” groups soon recognize you. I find over here though that it is hard to break into the inner circle of Mum’s! Are there many HomeDads in NZ?
Regards,
Jon
Genesis: We consist of me, wife and two kids (age 3 and 1), plus a dog! We currently live in Christchurch, Dorset and are hoping to move to Christchurch, NZ. Like you, I am also a HomeDad, although I still manage to work part-time on Fridays and some weekends.
I can imagine I will also be a HomeDad in NZ as my wife has a higher earning potential than myself. I can always return to work when the kids are at School full-time. Being a HomeDad has advantages that people, especially at “Mum & Tot” groups soon recognize you. I find over here though that it is hard to break into the inner circle of Mum’s! Are there many HomeDads in NZ?
Regards,
Jon
May 22nd 2007, 10:29 am
#5
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,298
Re: Some Reassurance
Thanks for the replies. I know my parents would move over with us and probably my sister too. They have all been to NZ and loved it. Alas, I think my parents are too old to move out permanently, but no doubt they could split their year between UK and NZ.
Genesis: We consist of me, wife and two kids (age 3 and 1), plus a dog! We currently live in Christchurch, Dorset and are hoping to move to Christchurch, NZ. Like you, I am also a HomeDad, although I still manage to work part-time on Fridays and some weekends.
I can imagine I will also be a HomeDad in NZ as my wife has a higher earning potential than myself. I can always return to work when the kids are at School full-time. Being a HomeDad has advantages that people, especially at “Mum & Tot” groups soon recognize you. I find over here though that it is hard to break into the inner circle of Mum’s! Are there many HomeDads in NZ?
Regards,
Jon
Genesis: We consist of me, wife and two kids (age 3 and 1), plus a dog! We currently live in Christchurch, Dorset and are hoping to move to Christchurch, NZ. Like you, I am also a HomeDad, although I still manage to work part-time on Fridays and some weekends.
I can imagine I will also be a HomeDad in NZ as my wife has a higher earning potential than myself. I can always return to work when the kids are at School full-time. Being a HomeDad has advantages that people, especially at “Mum & Tot” groups soon recognize you. I find over here though that it is hard to break into the inner circle of Mum’s! Are there many HomeDads in NZ?
Regards,
Jon
Kind regards, Dom.
May 22nd 2007, 11:18 am
#6
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: Porirua, Wellington, NZ
Posts: 645
Re: Some Reassurance
Like the others we had mixed reactions - my parents totally supported us. They didn't want us to go but understood and supported our reasons for leaving. Danny's parents took it really badly! They wouldn't even discuss it Danny lost his dad last year and we were glad we told them before that happened. My parents are coming out in December for 10 weeks, Danny's mum is still debating it, we think she'll come out once and never come back. She still gets upset when we phone, although it's imprivin with time.
As for friends, it is hard to leave friends, Danny found it harder than leaving family! We have made some good friends here and have a great social life, albeit different to the one we had in the UK but that's OK. The hard thing is not having friends who know you really, really well but that will come with time. We don't turn down any invitations and take our turn at hosting things and it works for us. The majority of our friends are Brits but we do have some kiwi friends too. As Genesis said you have to put some effort in but in our experience the effort has been appreciated an reciprocated.
As for friends, it is hard to leave friends, Danny found it harder than leaving family! We have made some good friends here and have a great social life, albeit different to the one we had in the UK but that's OK. The hard thing is not having friends who know you really, really well but that will come with time. We don't turn down any invitations and take our turn at hosting things and it works for us. The majority of our friends are Brits but we do have some kiwi friends too. As Genesis said you have to put some effort in but in our experience the effort has been appreciated an reciprocated.
