bearskin

How well have we blended into NZ life? Good question.

I would summarise us as moving to NZ just to live somewhere different. We weren’t looking for “a new life” - in fact, NZ was about no.5 on our list of possible destinations, and only really came to the fore as my brother had lived here in the 1990s.

I think we have done OK. I do a similar job to the work I did back in England, but Mrs Bearskin has re-trained and works in a totally different job now. We live in a desirable family-friendly suburb that has seen house prices escalate hugely – but that also happened in Bristol – I bought my first house in 1996 for £38,500 and by the time we left in 2003 we sold our house for £190,000 (so it’s not just an Auckland thing…).

I do genuinely believe that if you work hard and make the right choices (even if you can call some of that just luck), you can do well anywhere; and I think that is especially true in NZ, and I think it is something that NZers – and Aussies – believe in. They don’t have too much time for whingers and can be quite hard-nosed. I am naturally conservative and not a flash harry, and although most people would also say that is also part of the general character of Nzers… you could be forgiven about thinking the opposite if you happened to be out in town and bump into the number of flashy nouveau riche (who have perhaps just made some quick money in property) rich pricks in Auckland. I’m not surprised the rest of NZ looks down on Aucklanders.

One thing we have suffered from a bit is this – we have found that as people have migrated, they become naturally competitive in the social climbing stakes – I know you have to make new networks and build friendships.. of course you do.. but to behave like you’re back in the bitchy high-school-bully world of the school playground again, gets a bit much. We have literally had the misfortune of getting involved with a couple of pushy migrant psychos who have created havoc in social settings – setting people against each other, breaking up marriages etc, all in the game of ‘getting ahead’. As such, we have retreated from making friends with other UK migrants, and gone to relying on our ‘native' NZ friends – who don’t have that over the top manic-ness of the recent migrant.

I have kept my head down at work and “done the hard yards”, as has Mrs WB. We have slowly got ahead, and I concede that we were ‘lucky’ to come over to NZ when houses were still fairly affordable (although it didn’t necessarily seem that way on one wage for several years) but we’ve put in thousands of hours of hard graft on our house – fixing up botched NZ-handyman work, re-doing the whole landscaping on the section, painting, flooring… you name it.

We have also lived quite conservatively. In 13 years we have gone back to the UK as a family once. I went back on my own when my Mum was ill, and we’ve had three trips to Australia on holiday. Camping is still our main method of having a holiday. A meal out is still a rare treat, but the kids don’t want for much. I would say they don’t know they’re born. The opportunities here for a great childhood are awesome. Scouts is still quite big here – hasn’t been hounded out by overly PC-regulations yet, and both my kids have spent a lot of time cocking round in Scouting. Also, some sports here are superb – the local rugby club and the local Surf Lifesaving Club get a lot of visits from us during the respective seasons for example, and we all volunteer as much as we can. I look back on my childhood in the 70s/80s as being pretty good, but I reckon a childhood spent in NZ would take some beating.

Have we ‘lowered our expectations’ as the nay-sayers would cry? I don’t think so. I can acknowledge that NZ will have less to offer to most people aged over 18 and under 40 than the UK does – it’s not going to be amazing career-wise, but we have both kept our standard of living as it was in England. Luckily I loathe shopping and TV-watching as leisure pursuits!

Reading this back, it does sound like I have been lucky. One thing sticks with me though – when we were close to going back to the UK on holiday – and we went for a month – people would say “ooh you lucky thing”, and I would counter that luck had nothing to do with it.. We had done extra hours at work and saved the cash for over a year, and done careful planning to maximise what we would get from every penny we spent on the trip. Luck hadn’t all that much to do with it, as it doesn’t with life in general, I find – everything, after breathing, is a choice.

You’ve heard me say it before. Stop, breathe in and smell the roses once in a while. Quit trying to squeeze one more drop of amazingness out of an already fantastic life.

Yes, I know.

SSky

Yes, that's exactly what I was asking. I forget sometimes that folk on here don't know I've been here since Jan 2004.

As an aside, my bessie long time mate here is kiwi, so I wasn't been anti kiwi.

SSky

This is so true with us too!

SSky

I loved all the input in this thread, thanks for sharing guys :-)

BEVS

I know.

Where is Fooferfish. He usually pops up once a year.

bearskin

Do you definitely think that is related to living in NZ and feeling like a cuckoo in the wrong nest... or is it maybe just that life is an ever changing thing, and you feel like you are playing catch-up sometimes?

I had a milestone birthday this year (within the last month) and although i smile and wave, there's no doubt that it has had an effect on the psyche. Just because change is inevitable doesn't mean it is always plain sailing.

Pom_Chch

Ahhh Foofs.. and Catcha

BEVS

Catcha of the very fine wine .
Foofer roofer made good.

Both came out around the same time as myself, Ssky, Bearskin et al. We were the class of 2003/2004.

scrubbedexpat094

Congratulations and how come? Just being nosy . Did you get married at the Rotunda?

wez130

Yes, we got married in the Rotunda...



Well, we weren't originally going to get married there, We had booked and paid for a venue in Tindalls Bay which was owned by a celebrant, however, she was put in a position where she had to sell, about 4 months before we were due to marry, we were in the UK so finding another venue at such short notice, from over here, was going to be problematic. Luckily for us, my wife's parents live in Arkles bay, and her mother liaised with the celebrant to find another venue and relayed back to us. We were put in touch with Gulf harbour lodge and we liked the look of it so went for it.

southerner

We were also around then too... although as rest of class knows I'm a returning kiwi so not who Sky was directing question at. But Mrs Southerner made some interesting comments recently (she is a Brit) that she would not want to go back now, so guess that is her at least feeling at home and I think some of that is she is integrated into the culture.


Doesn't mean she is a fan of everything kiwi, but she is more likely than not to take the good and bad together rather than get too upset about particular things that are different.

Pom_Chch

My uncle posted this article the other day, thought some of you might find it interesting as well as comforting perhaps. She talks about no where really feeling like home any more after returning as a long-term expat among other feelings that seem to crop up on the forum regularly:

BBC - Capital - How expats cope with losing their identity

Kotare

A lot of truth in that. The first 20 years of our marriage we lived in 17 houses in 9 countries (in various Forces), throw in attachments in a handful more and I have no real 'national identity' left. I have retired to the country I admire and grew up in (but not born in) but could live moderately happily anywhere.

jmh

Feel similar. I could live anywhere. On the topic of friends, my old friends, i.e. from school days, had travelled and lived abroad too, so I found it really easy to pick up friendships after 30 years We chatted about what we'd been up to all those years. However, as said in the article, it is harder to make friendships after 40. Fortunately I'm happy with my own company, plus I have a lot of family in Auckland, so it's not a problem for me.

Being a migrant changes you, so I think it's ok to meet up and relate to other migrants. Do what feels good, not what others say you should.

jmh

I recommend people follow the facebook link in the article - there are some interesting personal stories not presented in the article.