Bo-Jangles

Yes absolutely all of that too, contrary to opinion of some on here I am ever the optimist always looking for the bright side, don't take myself or things too seriously and can make light of and laugh most things off.

Sometimes I crave British humour, pleasantries and basic 'niceness'. We watch The Great British Bake Off and all kinds of crap on TV just to get our fix of wit, banter and camaraderie. We absolutely loved 'The Great Pottery Throw Down' series that just ended; it was just such an unexpected delight and so heartwarming. Certainly we enjoyed their company and a pleasure to have such lovely people in our lounge of a Saturday night.

garethwm

Oh come on. Dont try and make sense of your unhappiness by suggesting New Zealanders arent nice. On the whole, they are.

Pom_Chch

Lots of generalizations (as per usual) towards Kiwi's. If that's your experience then fine, but lets not tar everyone with the same brush.

95% of the time I feel like I belong. I often joke to my friends that I'm a Kiwi trapped inside a Pom's body I have no issues with sense of humour, I don't feel left out or in a strange environment. In fact I felt more like that in the UK.

I think a lot of feelings about not belonging or fitting in are probably quite common in most expats no matter where you are coming from or going to. Perhaps I am an anomaly in all this, at least on the forum, but perhaps not in "real" life.

BEVS

I believe Ssky is asking the 'long timers' . From that I took it to mean those of us that have been here for a good ten years or more. Perhaps even those that came knowing no-one. Not married to a Kiwi , nor have friends or relatives that would have helped the transition in some way.

I took it to mean how did those of us in that category feel about our NZ lives after a good decade or more of actually living out our lives here.

Ssky was asking those of us in that group to share if we felt able.

Bearskin would be a good one to post about this.

This isn't about happiness, misery or an emotion like that. It is hard to describe what Ssky is asking about , although I 'get' it. In a way she is asking us old timers if we have assimilated or not. Even then that isn't quite the right word. Perhaps it is about our sense of identity & belonging which is complicated but important .

This is what Ssky wrote-

I would be very interested myself to hear from more old timers.

scrubbedexpat094

I haven't added to this thread because I wasn't sure what Ssky meant by 'long timers'.

We'll have been here 10 years in January this time around. Do I qualify ?

BEVS

In my eyes , yes.

I've taken a decade as a good long time. To some maybe the bench mark is over 5/6 years. I dunno. I'm getting on for 13 blimmin' years.

wez130

Off topic, but i got married at Gulf Harbour last December

Kotare

Perhaps it is down to personality type. My English wife joined a couple of clubs (nearly all kiwi) is treated totally 'normally' and is fully assimilated after a year. OK she is a professional expat who knows how to quickly integrate and makes an effort.

In her words 'just accept kiwis are more family oriented like the French'.

We lived here for three years (2006—9) and she had to be dragged away! She prefers the relaxed lifestyle in NZ with the 'we are all in this together' attitude. If I tried to leave again there would be much shouting and screaming so I guess that answers the question :-)

Kotare

Congrats - Has the honeymoon finished yet :-)

Pom_Chch

Point taken. I really didn't know what "long timer" meant, that is open interpretation. However, my point remains. Length of time in a country is irrelevant when pulling people up on generalizations about locals. That's all

BEVS

My post was not aimed at you in particular. Rather that some seem to have misunderstood the nature of Ssky's opening post.

The thread doesn't appear to be too heavy on damning generalisation & one does find those types of comments all throughout BE about all sorts of nationalities . It is the nature of the beast. Rather like the comments that infer that if someone does not feel a good fit with a country , then it is somehow a personality defect.

Perhaps once in a while we could let such comments go or if they are that bad, report them.

... is aimed at those of us that have been here a good while. It isn't about batting around looking to make connections , joining clubs to be with people, finding friendships and that annoying little phrase "putting oneself out there" . Those of us that have been here years have been there , done that and are past that.

Ssky is asking if after all of this over the years, do we feel we have blended well.

It's interesting.

Kotare

If that is aimed at my post Bevs - I didn't talk about personality defects. At the end of the day some people are extroverts, join clubs find it easy to mix - some people are introverts and find that harder (and most people are in between - but I suggest the former will find it easier to fit in and settle. I except those who just want max wilderness sans people who probably find NZ heaven.

My answer to the OP was that my wife has settled in and is deliriously happy (it is the sav blanc).

BEVS

You have missed the point .

What about the outgoing folk that have joined the clubs, are not shy to try and mix and all that lark & over a good many years too but still do not feel 'blended' . That's what Ssky is talking about . I 'get' that.

Bugger all to do with outgoing or introspective. More to do with the sense of identity.

Kotare

Not sure why the country you are living in affects your identity, unless you are talking the Tebbitt test aspects. But just so you get one positive response - after a few years my wife identifies much more with the kiwis than the Brits :-)

bearskin

No I wouldn't