Should we move back?
Nov 12th 2015, 6:38 am
#16
.
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
Posts: 2,744
Re: Should we move back?
I get a little tired of people thinking moving half way around the world is some how going to create a super group of new best friends.
Agree
Yes folks are a little friendlier here but in general that extends to a quick natter when out walking the dog or a short chat in a cafe or bar
I agree. Even though I don't own a dog, but, you get the idea.
Kiwis are really like everyone else
Yep. IMO. Personally, I find them to be mostly stand-offish to the point of cold. To be friends with someone you need some sort of common ground. For me, this is hard to find with kiwis. I'm just to different (foreign) for them to be comfortable with.
I dont need any more friends but I realise some people do
You can make someone's acquaintance but developing from that to being friends is tricky/nigh on impossible. Let's just say it's a two way street. Pretty much as JC has described. That, for me, is a reference to kiwi's rather than ex-pats.
Most British expats in this area have been here for forty odd years and are just finishing off their retirement, enjoying being grandparents, prior to the arrival of the grim reaper. I would have more in common with people my own age. (Please refer to the beginning of the first paragraph...and repeat.)
.
Agree
Yes folks are a little friendlier here but in general that extends to a quick natter when out walking the dog or a short chat in a cafe or bar
I agree. Even though I don't own a dog, but, you get the idea.
Kiwis are really like everyone else
Yep. IMO. Personally, I find them to be mostly stand-offish to the point of cold. To be friends with someone you need some sort of common ground. For me, this is hard to find with kiwis. I'm just to different (foreign) for them to be comfortable with.
I dont need any more friends but I realise some people do
You can make someone's acquaintance but developing from that to being friends is tricky/nigh on impossible. Let's just say it's a two way street. Pretty much as JC has described. That, for me, is a reference to kiwi's rather than ex-pats.
Most British expats in this area have been here for forty odd years and are just finishing off their retirement, enjoying being grandparents, prior to the arrival of the grim reaper. I would have more in common with people my own age. (Please refer to the beginning of the first paragraph...and repeat.)
.
Last edited by Snap Shot; Nov 12th 2015 at 6:54 am. Reason: Formatting
Nov 12th 2015, 6:47 am
#17
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2014
Location: Auckland
Posts: 46
Re: Should we move back?
People aren't necessarily looking for a super group of friends.
Heck I'd be happy if I could have a friendly chat with 1 adult a month that isn't a my husband.
Heck I'd be happy if I could have a friendly chat with 1 adult a month that isn't a my husband.
Nov 12th 2015, 7:02 am
#19
.
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
Posts: 2,744
Re: Should we move back?
It's a good job I live in my head and other than that mostly entertain myself. I don't do puzzles, they bore me rigid but lately I wonder if an interesting picture would inspire me. How old am I ? 12 ?
I draw the line at those grown-up colouring in books (no pun). I live like a retired person as it is, I just refuse to cave in.
I'm still looking for paid employment. Same old broken record.
My voluntary work makes me feel useful but it's a support role. There's regular staff meetings but voluntary work is our only frame of reference, plus they are enjoying an active retirement. Sorry to say this, but, kiwis are something of a mystery to me. Well, except the one I'm married to
Last edited by Snap Shot; Nov 12th 2015 at 7:49 am. Reason: found the emoticon I was looking for
Nov 12th 2015, 7:24 am
#21
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 696
Re: Should we move back?
Can you expand a wee bit more on why you want to move back. No worries if you don't want to but this place is pretty good to help unpick some of the stuff going on in our heads.
Why do you feel NZ would be a better place for children? We've all had our moments of rose tinted glasses about NZ or the UK, but I think it is dangerous territory to get into thinking things like that.
As you say, with four children it's a big risk. I think it would be silly to move if you could never afford to move back, but that's me. It must be awful to feel "trapped" somewhere.
Christchurch is extremely expensive these days, and although the rebuild is underway it's a fair few years off completion and I think it's fair to say Chch may well be unaffordable for lots of people when it's complete. The Auckland housing situation is insane so unless you have loads of equity it will be very difficult to buy a house. Schools in most cities are strictly zoned, and has with the UK people buy property in the 'right' zone. Not quite as black and white as that but you get my drift.
I can totally understand how some British expats would not consider anywhere outside of Auckland. I am in Dunedin and most of the time it feels very provincial. It's isolated and whilst our quality of life is probably higher our standard of living is definitely lower.
On the friends front, just imagine if you came here and the situation was exactly the same. I think a lot of it is to do with numbers really. In the UK you have 60 million people in the same amount of space, you are bound to pick up a few more friends. MegMac is right, school is not always conducive to making friends. I am used to just about the whole class of school parents picking up kids in the UK, here it is a mere handful and people hardly talk to me or my husband. As I'm a returning kiwi I am lucky to have family and friends here but having said that a lot of my friends have moved on or we haven't been close friends for years (I was in the UK for 12 years). I also find it quite difficult to relate to some people here and it's not really as simple as moving on to the next group of people (back to the numbers thing). I have managed to make friends with two school/kindy mums and my neighbour but I do miss my school mum friends.
Unfortunately, I don't think there is an answer to your question. No-one can tell you if you will make friends. In the early days the isolation and lack of support, friendship, loneliness is extremely hard and you have to ask yourself if you are really prepared to leave all of your support networks, familiarity for another shot in NZ. It's very easy to convince yourself you didn't try hard enough last time but really look and why you left NZ and is it worth all the hassle and expense to come here and find yourself feeling the same way.
It is very possible to build up a good support network here and feel part of the community, but there is no guarantee. Even as a returning kiwi I feel like I have to pay my dues and it will probably take years to build up the networks/support/social life I left all those years ago. Also, remember that kiwis do tend to socialise a bit differently. People are busier than ever (just like the UK, we're not all having bbq's and on the lake!) which is why schools/kindy's are such a good way to socialise with other parents but sometimes you just don't click for whatever reason.
Good luck it's not an easy decision to make!
Why do you feel NZ would be a better place for children? We've all had our moments of rose tinted glasses about NZ or the UK, but I think it is dangerous territory to get into thinking things like that.
As you say, with four children it's a big risk. I think it would be silly to move if you could never afford to move back, but that's me. It must be awful to feel "trapped" somewhere.
Christchurch is extremely expensive these days, and although the rebuild is underway it's a fair few years off completion and I think it's fair to say Chch may well be unaffordable for lots of people when it's complete. The Auckland housing situation is insane so unless you have loads of equity it will be very difficult to buy a house. Schools in most cities are strictly zoned, and has with the UK people buy property in the 'right' zone. Not quite as black and white as that but you get my drift.
I can totally understand how some British expats would not consider anywhere outside of Auckland. I am in Dunedin and most of the time it feels very provincial. It's isolated and whilst our quality of life is probably higher our standard of living is definitely lower.
On the friends front, just imagine if you came here and the situation was exactly the same. I think a lot of it is to do with numbers really. In the UK you have 60 million people in the same amount of space, you are bound to pick up a few more friends. MegMac is right, school is not always conducive to making friends. I am used to just about the whole class of school parents picking up kids in the UK, here it is a mere handful and people hardly talk to me or my husband. As I'm a returning kiwi I am lucky to have family and friends here but having said that a lot of my friends have moved on or we haven't been close friends for years (I was in the UK for 12 years). I also find it quite difficult to relate to some people here and it's not really as simple as moving on to the next group of people (back to the numbers thing). I have managed to make friends with two school/kindy mums and my neighbour but I do miss my school mum friends.
Unfortunately, I don't think there is an answer to your question. No-one can tell you if you will make friends. In the early days the isolation and lack of support, friendship, loneliness is extremely hard and you have to ask yourself if you are really prepared to leave all of your support networks, familiarity for another shot in NZ. It's very easy to convince yourself you didn't try hard enough last time but really look and why you left NZ and is it worth all the hassle and expense to come here and find yourself feeling the same way.
It is very possible to build up a good support network here and feel part of the community, but there is no guarantee. Even as a returning kiwi I feel like I have to pay my dues and it will probably take years to build up the networks/support/social life I left all those years ago. Also, remember that kiwis do tend to socialise a bit differently. People are busier than ever (just like the UK, we're not all having bbq's and on the lake!) which is why schools/kindy's are such a good way to socialise with other parents but sometimes you just don't click for whatever reason.
Good luck it's not an easy decision to make!
Nov 12th 2015, 8:16 am
#22
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,148
Re: Should we move back?
Hi All, Just looking for some advice really like. We lived in NZ 6 years ago for 3 and a half years. We lived in Auckland and then Christchurch. Whilst there we had a daughter. We never really settled we were in rented accommodation and moved a fair few times because of the houses being sold. It was me that wanted to come back I found it a real struggle being on my own with a baby and despite being an outgoing person found it really hard to make friends. I know have 4 children and live in Kent but I am considering coming back I know my children would have a much better life in Christchurch than I can ever give them here. Just wondering if others can tell me how they found it? Any particular areas that you feel have made a great home? Are there British Expat meet ups etc? (I know there is a SA and an Irish society.) any advice would be much appreciated, obviously we wouldn't be able to come back to the UK so easily next time because of the children and if course the cost. Thank you in advance x
Nov 12th 2015, 8:23 am
#23
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 21
Re: Should we move back?
Can you expand a wee bit more on why you want to move back. No worries if you don't want to but this place is pretty good to help unpick some of the stuff going on in our heads.
Why do you feel NZ would be a better place for children? We've all had our moments of rose tinted glasses about NZ or the UK, but I think it is dangerous territory to get into thinking things like that.
As you say, with four children it's a big risk. I think it would be silly to move if you could never afford to move back, but that's me. It must be awful to feel "trapped" somewhere.
Christchurch is extremely expensive these days, and although the rebuild is underway it's a fair few years off completion and I think it's fair to say Chch may well be unaffordable for lots of people when it's complete. The Auckland housing situation is insane so unless you have loads of equity it will be very difficult to buy a house. Schools in most cities are strictly zoned, and has with the UK people buy property in the 'right' zone. Not quite as black and white as that but you get my drift.
I can totally understand how some British expats would not consider anywhere outside of Auckland. I am in Dunedin and most of the time it feels very provincial. It's isolated and whilst our quality of life is probably higher our standard of living is definitely lower.
On the friends front, just imagine if you came here and the situation was exactly the same. I think a lot of it is to do with numbers really. In the UK you have 60 million people in the same amount of space, you are bound to pick up a few more friends. MegMac is right, school is not always conducive to making friends. I am used to just about the whole class of school parents picking up kids in the UK, here it is a mere handful and people hardly talk to me or my husband. As I'm a returning kiwi I am lucky to have family and friends here but having said that a lot of my friends have moved on or we haven't been close friends for years (I was in the UK for 12 years). I also find it quite difficult to relate to some people here and it's not really as simple as moving on to the next group of people (back to the numbers thing). I have managed to make friends with two school/kindy mums and my neighbour but I do miss my school mum friends.
Unfortunately, I don't think there is an answer to your question. No-one can tell you if you will make friends. In the early days the isolation and lack of support, friendship, loneliness is extremely hard and you have to ask yourself if you are really prepared to leave all of your support networks, familiarity for another shot in NZ. It's very easy to convince yourself you didn't try hard enough last time but really look and why you left NZ and is it worth all the hassle and expense to come here and find yourself feeling the same way.
It is very possible to build up a good support network here and feel part of the community, but there is no guarantee. Even as a returning kiwi I feel like I have to pay my dues and it will probably take years to build up the networks/support/social life I left all those years ago. Also, remember that kiwis do tend to socialise a bit differently. People are busier than ever (just like the UK, we're not all having bbq's and on the lake!) which is why schools/kindy's are such a good way to socialise with other parents but sometimes you just don't click for whatever reason.
Good luck it's not an easy decision to make!
Why do you feel NZ would be a better place for children? We've all had our moments of rose tinted glasses about NZ or the UK, but I think it is dangerous territory to get into thinking things like that.
As you say, with four children it's a big risk. I think it would be silly to move if you could never afford to move back, but that's me. It must be awful to feel "trapped" somewhere.
Christchurch is extremely expensive these days, and although the rebuild is underway it's a fair few years off completion and I think it's fair to say Chch may well be unaffordable for lots of people when it's complete. The Auckland housing situation is insane so unless you have loads of equity it will be very difficult to buy a house. Schools in most cities are strictly zoned, and has with the UK people buy property in the 'right' zone. Not quite as black and white as that but you get my drift.
I can totally understand how some British expats would not consider anywhere outside of Auckland. I am in Dunedin and most of the time it feels very provincial. It's isolated and whilst our quality of life is probably higher our standard of living is definitely lower.
On the friends front, just imagine if you came here and the situation was exactly the same. I think a lot of it is to do with numbers really. In the UK you have 60 million people in the same amount of space, you are bound to pick up a few more friends. MegMac is right, school is not always conducive to making friends. I am used to just about the whole class of school parents picking up kids in the UK, here it is a mere handful and people hardly talk to me or my husband. As I'm a returning kiwi I am lucky to have family and friends here but having said that a lot of my friends have moved on or we haven't been close friends for years (I was in the UK for 12 years). I also find it quite difficult to relate to some people here and it's not really as simple as moving on to the next group of people (back to the numbers thing). I have managed to make friends with two school/kindy mums and my neighbour but I do miss my school mum friends.
Unfortunately, I don't think there is an answer to your question. No-one can tell you if you will make friends. In the early days the isolation and lack of support, friendship, loneliness is extremely hard and you have to ask yourself if you are really prepared to leave all of your support networks, familiarity for another shot in NZ. It's very easy to convince yourself you didn't try hard enough last time but really look and why you left NZ and is it worth all the hassle and expense to come here and find yourself feeling the same way.
It is very possible to build up a good support network here and feel part of the community, but there is no guarantee. Even as a returning kiwi I feel like I have to pay my dues and it will probably take years to build up the networks/support/social life I left all those years ago. Also, remember that kiwis do tend to socialise a bit differently. People are busier than ever (just like the UK, we're not all having bbq's and on the lake!) which is why schools/kindy's are such a good way to socialise with other parents but sometimes you just don't click for whatever reason.
Good luck it's not an easy decision to make!
The reason to move back is purely for the lifestyle we could offer our children there. It is expensive here too, we are lucky we have a lot of equity in our house living near London the prices go up all the time. So it wouldn't really be a problem property wise. We would be able to afford to come back but obviously it is expensive to go back and forward for flights never mind anything else.
Your response has been really useful. I suppose I really need to be honest with myself and think that if the situation was the same as before would I be happy. The truth is I don't think I would, but I am really fighting with what I think would be a better safer place for my children to grow up in. Glad it isn't just me x
Nov 12th 2015, 8:51 am
#24
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,148
Re: Should we move back?
The reason to move back is purely for the lifestyle we could offer our children there. It is expensive here too, we are lucky we have a lot of equity in our house living near London the prices go up all the time. So it wouldn't really be a problem property wise. We would be able to afford to come back but obviously it is expensive to go back and forward for flights never mind anything else. Your response has been really useful. I suppose I really need to be honest with myself and think that if the situation was the same as before would I be happy. The truth is I don't think I would, but I am really fighting with what I think would be a better safer place for my children to grow up in. Glad it isn't just me x
Nov 12th 2015, 9:57 am
#25
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Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Gloucestershire
Posts: 2,201
Re: Should we move back?
I'm in the UK and will be visiting NZ for the first time next year, so can't really help on that score, just as another mum. However, I would say that one of the loneliest times in my life was when my kids were small. I found making friend so difficult, but have relaxed with time so make friends much more readily now. In short, I feel I am a different person now and I find I am more happy with a more superficial friend (ie, coffee and natter rather than deep and meaningful) than before. What I'm saying is that you may well fair(sp?) much better this time, as you will be a different person because having kids does that to you (both good and bad!). The best thing I have found is playdates and birthday parties. The social interaction they bring is very valuable. You have a "captive" parent if you like. Sorry "the kids aren't quite ready yet, come in for a coffee" is both plausible and effective and you're on home territory! The kids are able to socialise in their own environment too which is nice. It sounds ruthless but I once made one of my now best friends after deliberately serving the kids' lunch late so the parent had to stay. We still laugh about it now! Schools may well dictate where you live, as well as jobs, so that is one element you wouldn't have had to consider last time around. A city may have suited last time whereas now a small town would work better for you this time. Good luck with your decision; it's certainly not easy. I may well be back for similar advice after our reccie next year.
Last edited by Damson; Nov 12th 2015 at 10:00 am.
Nov 14th 2015, 5:32 am
#26
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Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 21
Re: Should we move back?
Lived in Kent myself and agree that it's not cheap when it comes to property, but still don't understand why kids would have a better lifestyle in Christchurch. There's nothing you can't do in the UK, be it basketball, football, swimming and plenty of kids have become lawyers, doctors etc.
Nov 14th 2015, 5:40 am
#27
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Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 21
Re: Should we move back?
I'm in the UK and will be visiting NZ for the first time next year, so can't really help on that score, just as another mum. However, I would say that one of the loneliest times in my life was when my kids were small. I found making friend so difficult, but have relaxed with time so make friends much more readily now. In short, I feel I am a different person now and I find I am more happy with a more superficial friend (ie, coffee and natter rather than deep and meaningful) than before. What I'm saying is that you may well fair(sp?) much better this time, as you will be a different person because having kids does that to you (both good and bad!). The best thing I have found is playdates and birthday parties. The social interaction they bring is very valuable. You have a "captive" parent if you like. Sorry "the kids aren't quite ready yet, come in for a coffee" is both plausible and effective and you're on home territory! The kids are able to socialise in their own environment too which is nice. It sounds ruthless but I once made one of my now best friends after deliberately serving the kids' lunch late so the parent had to stay. We still laugh about it now! Schools may well dictate where you live, as well as jobs, so that is one element you wouldn't have had to consider last time around. A city may have suited last time whereas now a small town would work better for you this time. Good luck with your decision; it's certainly not easy. I may well be back for similar advice after our reccie next year.
The same can be said about the UK with people moving for schools etc..
So I am not too worried about that.
I think it has always been in my mind to go back to NZ. My husband is the one who tells me I need to be realistic and if I was as lonely last time what would be different. My children go to Beavers so think I could help with that or maybe do some voluntry work. Sounds like I am talking myself into it.
Either way I need to decide before my eldest starts High school to give us all a good shot at it x
Nov 15th 2015, 6:12 pm
#28
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,148
Re: Should we move back?
Sure, but couldn't you move to a more rural place in the UK? We're in Ireland outside the city and are also never too far away from beautiful places, it's less populated etc. It's not as if Christchurch doesn't have crime. You have plenty of gangs and drugs in Christchurch.
Nov 18th 2015, 8:26 pm
#29
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 14
Re: Should we move back?
Hi, just thought I'd share my experiences. I do think having kids helps you to know more people. I moved to a new suburb in Auckland this year. My daughter is at Kindergarten and does a few other activities. I've found people are really quick to give you their phone number if the kids seem to be getting on, saying, 'we should get them together for a play date.' So, next thing you are sitting in different peoples kitchens having a chat while the kids play. I think I used to be a bit reserved about asking to meet up with people I'd just met, but now I realise it's quite acceptable to suggest a meet up. My husband has come back from the playground at the weekend with phone numbers of people who want to meet for play dates.I didn't meet as many new kiwis before having my daughter, it seems easier, but maybe people its the same in the UK for families.
Also for those with babies/toddlers, there are lots of playgroups here where the mums stay and I found it was a good place to make friends as everyone's looking for the same thing.
Also for those with babies/toddlers, there are lots of playgroups here where the mums stay and I found it was a good place to make friends as everyone's looking for the same thing.
Nov 20th 2015, 2:32 am
#30
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Joined: Oct 2014
Location: North Canterbury
Posts: 487
Re: Should we move back?
We have permanent residency so can come back. We have 2 children that have kiwi passports so just need to apply for visas for the other two children learn. We have a house to sell, my husband works in IT so job wise it shouldn't be a problem. My only concern is feeling isolated and sad to say but lonely. That said when we moved back to the UK we moved to an area where we didn't know anyone because it was cheaper and have done ok. I think with the kids at preschool and school it would make a difference? Well I hope it would.
Don't come to Christchurch for IT jobs. I'd seriously consider Wellington first, then the Tauranga area.
Nothing wrong with the city, just the IT pay here is decreasing and is a lot less attractive than Wellington. There was a survey done by Absolute IT that can back this up. I know in my role, the average pay is $7,000 more in Wellington than Christchurch - and also from research, cost of living seems cheaper up there. Auckland wages are also higher than Christchurch as expected but the cost of living is a lot more. The average IT salary in general is $18,000 higher in Wellington than Christchurch
There's a thing Absolute IT did here that you may want to look at...
http://www.absoluteit.co.nz/2015/11/...-in-nzs-south/
Plus, more IT jobs are showing up in Tauranga now. Demand there is quite high.
Last edited by Tom H; Nov 20th 2015 at 2:37 am.