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Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Old Apr 24th 2018, 8:01 am
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Default Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Hey Peop's!

Need some advice/opinion!

I have been in NZ about a yeah and a half now. I do love it here however I must admit it has its up's and downs. After not really enjoying my last job I was firmly ready to head back home.

So I have just taken a new 6 month contract with the intention of doing this and heading back to the UK, I really miss my family, specifically my sister and my cheeky 5 year old niece. I also have a partner over there who if I did go back would be waiting for me, I know it would be a good life.

However I am really starting to enjoy my job, for the first time in years I actually look forward to go to work and really feel valued. I have been told their is a chance I may be extended or asked to stay permanently. As I am enjoying my job I am really starting to enjoy living here.

I am really 50/50, half of me thinks am I going to regret not seeing my family and niece and potentially wasting an opportunity to be with someone awesome, the other half is really starting to love it here and I know I will regret leaving, part of me will always want to stay.

Anyone else be in this situation? Any advice? Super grateful for anything :-)
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Old Apr 24th 2018, 8:23 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

what visa are you on? why not wait until you see if you get offered a full contract.

would your partner be able to come out?

Family is always the tough one
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Old Apr 24th 2018, 8:43 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Work to residence visa till 2020. They could but don't think they would, too much responsibility at home (work on a family farm).

That's my current plan to wait to see what happens, but I wish I didn't feel so torn about what decision I make :-/
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Old Apr 24th 2018, 9:20 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Well, if your partner won't come out, then you've got a problem and a choice to make.

Maybe start there.
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Old Apr 24th 2018, 8:11 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

If your partner truly can’t or won’t consider coming out to you, and you are genuinely considering a permanent role here then frankly the two of you need to discuss and decide what your future is. I worked overseas from my partner in the 90’s but there was a clear plan and constant work for her to join me. I’m not sure a never-ending long-distance relationship is a thing.

The rest is a tough balance, family pull vs your desires - only you can decide that.
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Old Apr 25th 2018, 10:47 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

if your partner is so awesome why did you leave, potentially to never return
surely they are not THAT awesome or you wouldnt have left in the first place.
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Old Apr 26th 2018, 8:23 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Originally Posted by Justcol View Post
if your partner is so awesome why did you leave, potentially to never return
surely they are not THAT awesome or you wouldnt have left in the first place.
i reckon when one half of partnership leaves the other it's because the other isn't that awesome. Is that what you're meaning?
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Old Apr 26th 2018, 9:11 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

I actually met my partner over here, we had an awesome 6 months and they were there for me when needed them. At the time we discussed me going back I wasn't happy as the job I was in really wasn't that great, however now I really do love the job I have and here, the pull to go back is less and less :-/

I think I know the answer, just hoping someone has been in the same situation and can say yep been there....here are my thoughts
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Old Apr 26th 2018, 10:39 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

if the 96 in your username is anything to go by you are still fairly young so I personally would be saying a 6month relationship shouldn't be stopping you doing what you feel would be the best thing for you.
As for family they have their own lives to be getting on with and as much as you would love to be nearer to them again don't let it stop you doing what you want would be best for you.
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Old Apr 27th 2018, 10:47 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Originally Posted by MrsFychan View Post
if the 96 in your username is anything to go by you are still fairly young

As for family they have their own lives to be getting on with and as much as you would love to be nearer to them again don't let it stop you doing what you want would be best for you.
I wish lol, add a few years on and that is about correct. Thank you anyway, I think you are right. Doing the right thing is maybe just chilling out and working out if it is here or England that I truly want to be, relationship or no relationship.
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Old Apr 27th 2018, 12:09 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Originally Posted by murphy96 View Post
I wish lol, add a few years on and that is about correct. Thank you anyway, I think you are right. Doing the right thing is maybe just chilling out and working out if it is here or England that I truly want to be, relationship or no relationship.
Great idea! I was going to say similar to Just col but didn't quite know how to say it.

I would look at it in two ways, do you see a long term future with your partner that is overseas? If yes, then it shouldn't be too hard.

As for the job and staying in NZ-you sound like you are enjoying it more and more, from personal experience, I would stay while you can. If you are meant to be together, you will be.

Good luck!

michelle
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Old May 23rd 2018, 11:19 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Why can't you move your family and partner over there once you've settled down properly? why have they stayed in England?
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Old May 23rd 2018, 9:28 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Originally Posted by SLMorris87 View Post
Why can't you move your family and partner over there once you've settled down properly? why have they stayed in England?
because Immigration would need to see a committed relationship which would mean a conjoined life of at least 12 months. Unfortunately you can no longer live somewhere with who ever without some gain to the country, so there are rules and criteria to adhere to.
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Old May 24th 2018, 7:38 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Originally Posted by bearskin View Post
i reckon when one half of partnership leaves the other it's because the other isn't that awesome. Is that what you're meaning?
That cant be true, my ex left me and I'm incredibly awesome...!!!
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Old May 24th 2018, 7:50 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should go (now.... now you have that tune in your head)

Originally Posted by Justcol View Post
That cant be true, my ex left me and I'm incredibly awesome...!!!

She was obviously looking for someone who was more empathic than yourself, if your posts are anything to go by.
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