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Settled..unsettled.

Settled..unsettled.

Old Mar 20th 2013, 1:53 am
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Default Settled..unsettled.

At the suggestion of our glorious Bevs here is the thread about 'not being sure.'

Almost 8 yrs in and whilst NZ offers much to my family (and me in many ways) I feel very unsettled. One would have thought that with time pangs of desire for the UK and Europe would have gone to the back burner. But no. Have been back twice to the UK in 8 years and remember why I left (too crowded!). But I keep thinking I could live in the UK in a less populous area. But how would that serve my 3 children who are 12 and 10x2? Would Kate get a really good job like she has now?

Sometimes it is hard to make sense of it because of all the inponderables eh?
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 2:06 am
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

Originally Posted by Genesis View Post
Sometimes it is hard to make sense of it because of all the inponderables eh?
+1

P.S. would another 6 years be to much to ask until your twins have left school ?
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 2:33 am
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

Why not relocate to another area of NZ? Palmy is not the best place is it?

And does your wife feel the same? And why not do some voluntary work, join a club get out and about be friendly to all people, smile! You might find it makes a difference.

Being happy in yourself makes all the difference and of course a few GOOD friends or even one good friend is all it takes, took me a few years to realise that!

If the pull of the uk is that strong you need to talk it though.

Good luck!
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 3:27 am
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

Originally Posted by Snap Shot View Post
+1

P.S. would another 6 years be to much to ask until your twins have left school ?
No, no bother at all. I will lie in the bed I made. I would never make Kate or children move from here. For me I think it is more about 'I would like an adventure, if possible'. I think that is where my unsettledness comes from.
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 3:31 am
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

Originally Posted by love30stm View Post
Why not relocate to another area of NZ? Palmy is not the best place is it?

And does your wife feel the same? And why not do some voluntary work, join a club get out and about be friendly to all people, smile! You might find it makes a difference.

Being happy in yourself makes all the difference and of course a few GOOD friends or even one good friend is all it takes, took me a few years to realise that!

If the pull of the uk is that strong you need to talk it though.

Good luck!
One of my best mates has just moved 3 streets away, he used to live on the manor but moved out of town a few years back. He will be back now in early April. Have just bought an old classic car so I am making efforts to put some zing in my life.

Moving to another part of NZ is not an option for many a reason. I am not unhappy per se, I think I have lost my way a bit in all the tribulations I PM'd you about. Getting back on track. The good parenting class has been a boon.
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 5:00 am
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

Top 5 Gensis to do list

Buy a Harley
Get a face tattoo
Go and egg Mark Hotchin's house
Become a foreign exchange dealer/financial adviser
Join a roller derby team
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 6:34 am
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

Originally Posted by Catchafire View Post
Top 5 Gensis to do list

Buy a Harley
Get a face tattoo
Go and egg Mark Hotchin's house
Become a foreign exchange dealer/financial adviser
Join a roller derby team
A bike has been considered. Don't know if I have the balls to do it again. My mate has a new bike so may be he will swing me round?

Too old for a tatt!!!

Can't be arsed to fly to Oz to egg baldy.

I have been a financial adviser and was crap at it...most likely ditto re forex dealer!!!

Have knackered right foot so the last option is a no go.


The old Bimmer cabriolet is a start and it will be my 1st proper boys only road trip up to Napier on the bus to fetch it back with Felix who is almost 12. Really looking forward to that.
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 6:34 am
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

Originally Posted by Genesis View Post
At the suggestion of our glorious Bevs here is the thread about 'not being sure.'

Almost 8 yrs in and whilst NZ offers much to my family (and me in many ways) I feel very unsettled. One would have thought that with time pangs of desire for the UK and Europe would have gone to the back burner. But no. Have been back twice to the UK in 8 years and remember why I left (too crowded!). But I keep thinking I could live in the UK in a less populous area. But how would that serve my 3 children who are 12 and 10x2? Would Kate get a really good job like she has now?

Sometimes it is hard to make sense of it because of all the inponderables eh?
Hang in their Genesis mate. I wish I could offer more; perhaps I will when I've had a chance to ponder over your post a little. In the meantime, despite all of the little tiffs that happen on here, I do believe this a place where these issues can be discussed to the benefit of the people going through it. I hope you find some way forward, and perhaps it will be come from the bods on here like. In the meantime, you could always go for a drive in your new motor - let rip a little...
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 6:37 am
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

Originally Posted by GoingIn2011 View Post
Hang in their Genesis mate. I wish I could offer more; perhaps I will when I've had a chance to ponder over your post a little. In the meantime, despite all of the little tiffs that happen on here, I do believe this a place where these issues can be discussed to the benefit of the people going through it. I hope you find some way forward, and perhaps it will be come from the bods on here like. In the meantime, you could always go for a drive in your new motor - let rip a little...
Cheers mate. Can't wait for that lusty straight 6 and all those 2,500 cc's at the behest of my right trotter!!! Getting it Sat. 1pm. It really is a lovely looking car and very rare with such low k's NZ new etc.
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 8:59 am
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

It is a bloody hard place to be Genesis, but feel comfort that there are plenty of people who are unsettled then settled.

We are not even 3 months in and I wonder if we have done the right thing. I love everything about NZ and especially Dunedin...but, but, but.....I am REALLY missing our family in the UK (go bloody figure). I thought I had the whole reverse culture shock thing figured out, but missing family (in laws) has really hit me for six. I of course expected to miss them but I REALLY miss them. I miss nothing about the UK per se (lifestyle wise) but can definitely now see how people are bored here. I definitely have too much time to think about things as I am still at home with my two girls, trying to keep busy and meet/reconnect with friends but it is a slow process. I feel torn, I don't necessarily want to live in the UK but not sure i fit in here anymore either I wish it was easier!
Just taking it day by day at the moment.

I think if you are that unsettled you need to explore it further. I try not to think in absolutes I.e kids can only have a better life in (insert country of choice). There are advantages and disadvantages to living anywhere, we just need to decide which disadvantages we can ignore or put up with the most?

It's ******' hard though!
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 10:28 am
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

I have felt the same things living in UK

Maybe its just a personality or age thing, some people sit for a while then need to branch out or try new things, meet new people. Maybe just moving would help but back to UK would probably be ok for a short while, then the reasons you left would start niggling away, may even be worse because you have seen what elsewhere has to offer

I have never worked in the same place more than 3yrs (until current job), or lived in same house more than 6-7yrs, but because my wife will not move away from her family I seem to be getting more unsettled, currently sitting in office planning taking tomorrow off to go skiing (and i am hopeless) just to let some steam off. I have wanted to move for the last 7-8yrs I now know I probably won't but doesn't stop me coming on here, filling in EOI form, looking at houses, jobs and newspapers

Maybe your new car and your mate being close will help, but you should talk to your wife and see what she wants tell her how you feel might help

Last edited by Jobry01; Mar 20th 2013 at 10:35 am.
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 11:32 am
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

Originally Posted by Catchafire View Post
Top 5 Gensis to do list

Buy a Harley
Get a face tattoo
Go and egg Mark Hotchin's house
Become a foreign exchange dealer/financial adviser
Join a roller derby team
hahahahahaha!
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 7:14 pm
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

It will be all right in the end. If its not all right now, its because you aren't at the end yet.

Life is full of cycles and this will be one of them
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 7:17 pm
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

Originally Posted by dannigirl View Post
It is a bloody hard place to be Genesis, but feel comfort that there are plenty of people who are unsettled then settled.

We are not even 3 months in and I wonder if we have done the right thing. I love everything about NZ and especially Dunedin...but, but, but.....I am REALLY missing our family in the UK (go bloody figure). I thought I had the whole reverse culture shock thing figured out, but missing family (in laws) has really hit me for six. I of course expected to miss them but I REALLY miss them. I miss nothing about the UK per se (lifestyle wise) but can definitely now see how people are bored here. I definitely have too much time to think about things as I am still at home with my two girls, trying to keep busy and meet/reconnect with friends but it is a slow process. I feel torn, I don't necessarily want to live in the UK but not sure i fit in here anymore either I wish it was easier!
Just taking it day by day at the moment.

I think if you are that unsettled you need to explore it further. I try not to think in absolutes I.e kids can only have a better life in (insert country of choice). There are advantages and disadvantages to living anywhere, we just need to decide which disadvantages we can ignore or put up with the most?

It's ******' hard though!
Hi DG, have followed your progress from South London with interest. Like me you are a stop at home mum ( I have fitted into this predominantly woman's world with worrying ease!!). I feel lucky that I can be at home whilst Kate persues her career and earning more than I probably could have.

I do need to look at how I can improve my lot here because we ain't going anywhere any time soon and I am cool with that in some ways because if only for low population density NZ is awesome!!

Life is indeed a compromise and all places will have their bug bears. We have everything we need here and a little more (apart from UK friends and family and the odd ancient building.......and roads with median strip, and cheap cars, and M&S and great food supermarkets, etc, etc).

I do accept NZ is a great place to be for our family as a whole. I just miss stuff right now. We have an 8 week trip booked come Xmas 2014 so will look forward to that and in the mean time will enjoy all the wonders that NZ has to offer us....which are manifold.
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Old Mar 20th 2013, 7:18 pm
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Default Re: Settled..unsettled.

I feel the same - unsettled - so I completely get "it". I have been here in the UK since 1997 and I now want to go back to NZ. All the "smart money" would say stay here - you have a job, a nice house, happy kids. I wonder why I think a move (back) to the other side of the world will help this "blah" feeling. I was watching some programme on tv about "the creative brain" and it said that sometimes we need to do the same things in a different way to really make us think more creatively. So maybe that is why doing the usual things (work, school, shopping etc) but in a different country, makes us change our thinking and not just our lives. Just a thought....
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