Separation
Jul 6th 2011, 2:38 am
#1
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 8
Separation
Hello I am looking for some advice in a sticky situation I am in.
My partner of 16 years and wife of near 10 years has out of the blue wants to separate from me. We moved to NZ just over 3 years ago with my 2 boys now 6 and 8 years of age. I have tried to reason with her to no success and she has been doing all the stuff behind the sense such as child support, and benefits stuff, she seems to be able to get all the free advice from community law and I get no help. I have been forced out of our rented property, she taken 1/2 the money, and at the moment day to day care of the boys. She has gone to family court and we did counselling, but she seems to be in such tunnel vision and is very defensive, which make it hard to get any type of sense out of situation. I am living with a friend at the moment. What I really asking from anyone out there is what can I do, my wife is a lost soul, but I need to have the boys in my life as much as possible, but it seems everything is going for her, already child support has rang me up saying how much I have to pay? I have not even had any say? I feel I at least should get my boys 50%, after all I feel I have done no wrong in my relationship, yet because she is unhappy, she has torn my family apart. Please help, Thank you in advance.
My partner of 16 years and wife of near 10 years has out of the blue wants to separate from me. We moved to NZ just over 3 years ago with my 2 boys now 6 and 8 years of age. I have tried to reason with her to no success and she has been doing all the stuff behind the sense such as child support, and benefits stuff, she seems to be able to get all the free advice from community law and I get no help. I have been forced out of our rented property, she taken 1/2 the money, and at the moment day to day care of the boys. She has gone to family court and we did counselling, but she seems to be in such tunnel vision and is very defensive, which make it hard to get any type of sense out of situation. I am living with a friend at the moment. What I really asking from anyone out there is what can I do, my wife is a lost soul, but I need to have the boys in my life as much as possible, but it seems everything is going for her, already child support has rang me up saying how much I have to pay? I have not even had any say? I feel I at least should get my boys 50%, after all I feel I have done no wrong in my relationship, yet because she is unhappy, she has torn my family apart. Please help, Thank you in advance.
Jul 6th 2011, 2:57 am
#2
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,298
Re: Seperation
Hello I am looking for some advice in a sticky situation I am in.
My partner of 16 years and wife of near 10 years has out of the blue wants to separate from me. We moved to NZ just over 3 years ago with my 2 boys now 6 and 8 years of age. I have tried to reason with her to no success and she has been doing all the stuff behind the sense such as child support, and benefits stuff, she seems to be able to get all the free advice from community law and I get no help. I have been forced out of our rented property, she taken 1/2 the money, and at the moment day to day care of the boys. She has gone to family court and we did counselling, but she seems to be in such tunnel vision and is very defensive, which make it hard to get any type of sense out of situation. I am living with a friend at the moment. What I really asking from anyone out there is what can I do, my wife is a lost soul, but I need to have the boys in my life as much as possible, but it seems everything is going for her, already child support has rang me up saying how much I have to pay? I have not even had any say? I feel I at least should get my boys 50%, after all I feel I have done no wrong in my relationship, yet because she is unhappy, she has torn my family apart. Please help, Thank you in advance.
My partner of 16 years and wife of near 10 years has out of the blue wants to separate from me. We moved to NZ just over 3 years ago with my 2 boys now 6 and 8 years of age. I have tried to reason with her to no success and she has been doing all the stuff behind the sense such as child support, and benefits stuff, she seems to be able to get all the free advice from community law and I get no help. I have been forced out of our rented property, she taken 1/2 the money, and at the moment day to day care of the boys. She has gone to family court and we did counselling, but she seems to be in such tunnel vision and is very defensive, which make it hard to get any type of sense out of situation. I am living with a friend at the moment. What I really asking from anyone out there is what can I do, my wife is a lost soul, but I need to have the boys in my life as much as possible, but it seems everything is going for her, already child support has rang me up saying how much I have to pay? I have not even had any say? I feel I at least should get my boys 50%, after all I feel I have done no wrong in my relationship, yet because she is unhappy, she has torn my family apart. Please help, Thank you in advance.
You may not get her back but there are legal ways and means for you to have acces to your kids. Also you need to be in touch with the family tax credit people for your share of family tax credits (if applicable) for the time you have with them. Best of luck.
PS this happened to a mate of mine and he did eventually get it all sorted. Time is of the esssence.
Jul 6th 2011, 5:49 am
#3
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,820
Re: Seperation
I'm sorry I can't offer any advice but I do really hope that you can sort something amicably, even just for your boys. I second Genesis and recommend that you go to see a lawyer ASAP and find out your rights too.
I wish you the very best of luck
I wish you the very best of luck
Jul 6th 2011, 5:59 am
#4
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 28
Re: Seperation
Hello I am looking for some advice in a sticky situation I am in.
My partner of 16 years and wife of near 10 years has out of the blue wants to separate from me. We moved to NZ just over 3 years ago with my 2 boys now 6 and 8 years of age. I have tried to reason with her to no success and she has been doing all the stuff behind the sense such as child support, and benefits stuff, she seems to be able to get all the free advice from community law and I get no help. I have been forced out of our rented property, she taken 1/2 the money, and at the moment day to day care of the boys. She has gone to family court and we did counselling, but she seems to be in such tunnel vision and is very defensive, which make it hard to get any type of sense out of situation. I am living with a friend at the moment. What I really asking from anyone out there is what can I do, my wife is a lost soul, but I need to have the boys in my life as much as possible, but it seems everything is going for her, already child support has rang me up saying how much I have to pay? I have not even had any say? I feel I at least should get my boys 50%, after all I feel I have done no wrong in my relationship, yet because she is unhappy, she has torn my family apart. Please help, Thank you in advance.
My partner of 16 years and wife of near 10 years has out of the blue wants to separate from me. We moved to NZ just over 3 years ago with my 2 boys now 6 and 8 years of age. I have tried to reason with her to no success and she has been doing all the stuff behind the sense such as child support, and benefits stuff, she seems to be able to get all the free advice from community law and I get no help. I have been forced out of our rented property, she taken 1/2 the money, and at the moment day to day care of the boys. She has gone to family court and we did counselling, but she seems to be in such tunnel vision and is very defensive, which make it hard to get any type of sense out of situation. I am living with a friend at the moment. What I really asking from anyone out there is what can I do, my wife is a lost soul, but I need to have the boys in my life as much as possible, but it seems everything is going for her, already child support has rang me up saying how much I have to pay? I have not even had any say? I feel I at least should get my boys 50%, after all I feel I have done no wrong in my relationship, yet because she is unhappy, she has torn my family apart. Please help, Thank you in advance.
Go ahead and enjoy your life buddy...10 years from now you'll be feeling terrible if you miss even one day of your today's life. Take a look at people with nasty diseases; say thank god for your health, book a luxurious junket and enjoy the moment.
Jul 6th 2011, 6:35 am
#5
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2002
Location: Christchurch NZ
Posts: 179
Re: Seperation
How long do you expect to live? 90? 110? 135?
Go ahead and enjoy your life buddy...10 years from now you'll be feeling terrible if you miss even one day of your today's life. Take a look at people with nasty diseases; say thank god for your health, book a luxurious junket and enjoy the moment.
Go ahead and enjoy your life buddy...10 years from now you'll be feeling terrible if you miss even one day of your today's life. Take a look at people with nasty diseases; say thank god for your health, book a luxurious junket and enjoy the moment.
Not everyone can easily shed sixteen years of “togetherness” not to mention the thought of losing their children…… how insensitive can you be?
Its easy to spout crap when your not in the other persons shoes, but maybe you would think twice if it was you.
I don’t often jump into a thread like this, but honestly, what a bullshit comment mate.
Sounds like you were “burned” and are still feeling rather “bitter” over the experience!
Jul 6th 2011, 6:40 am
#6
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2002
Location: Christchurch NZ
Posts: 179
Re: Seperation
Keeny69…. Personally can’t offer any legal advice mate, but just to say we aren’t all so insensitive here. Whatever happens, hope things work out for you (all). They have a way of doing that, but sometimes it does take a while.
All the best.
All the best.
Jul 6th 2011, 6:50 am
#7
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 28
Re: Seperation
How old do YOU expect to live Kev?
Instead of the bullshit "what a pity what a pity" type of advice our mate has to look ahead -> that's the point your trying not to comprehend.
He has to be realistic with his available cards and time:
1- Sign a contract with Kleenex, get 2 trucks a day tissues and keep crying out. See your ex going out with someone else? I'm going to...
2-Put all the damage behind; think about your sons and the rest of your life. You can be a successful engineer, businessman or even professor. Back to Uni? get a certification? a better job? Carribean holiday? South of France? Barcelona with the sons? how about watching the World cup 2014 in Rio? how about sending the kids to the MIT?
You're going to have N years to do either 1 or 2 - sounds like some people have already chosen 1 for you; but it's your choice now. There's nothing to die for unless your own invaluable life and kids.
Instead of the bullshit "what a pity what a pity" type of advice our mate has to look ahead -> that's the point your trying not to comprehend.
He has to be realistic with his available cards and time:
1- Sign a contract with Kleenex, get 2 trucks a day tissues and keep crying out. See your ex going out with someone else? I'm going to...
2-Put all the damage behind; think about your sons and the rest of your life. You can be a successful engineer, businessman or even professor. Back to Uni? get a certification? a better job? Carribean holiday? South of France? Barcelona with the sons? how about watching the World cup 2014 in Rio? how about sending the kids to the MIT?
You're going to have N years to do either 1 or 2 - sounds like some people have already chosen 1 for you; but it's your choice now. There's nothing to die for unless your own invaluable life and kids.
Well that’s really great advice “masky”. This poor sod is so desperate he has poured his heart out on an “Expat” forum in what appears to be a desperate plea for help. He’s obviously upset and worried, so the flippant remarks you have made (how long do you expect to live?), well I’m sure that will help him a lot.
Not everyone can easily shed sixteen years of “togetherness” not to mention the thought of losing their children…… how insensitive can you be?
Its easy to spout crap when your not in the other persons shoes, but maybe you would think twice if it was you.
I don’t often jump into a thread like this, but honestly, what a bullshit comment mate.
Sounds like you were “burned” and are still feeling rather “bitter” over the experience!
Not everyone can easily shed sixteen years of “togetherness” not to mention the thought of losing their children…… how insensitive can you be?
Its easy to spout crap when your not in the other persons shoes, but maybe you would think twice if it was you.
I don’t often jump into a thread like this, but honestly, what a bullshit comment mate.
Sounds like you were “burned” and are still feeling rather “bitter” over the experience!
Jul 6th 2011, 6:56 am
#8
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2002
Location: Christchurch NZ
Posts: 179
Re: Seperation
How old do YOU expect to live Kev?
Instead of the bullshit "what a pity what a pity" type of advice our mate has to look ahead -> that's the point your trying not to comprehend.
He has to be realistic with his available cards and time:
1- Sign a contract with Kleenex, get 2 trucks a day tissues and keep crying out. See your ex going out with someone else? I'm going to...
2-Put all the damage behind; think about your sons and the rest of your life. You can be a successful engineer, businessman or even professor. Back to Uni? get a certification? a better job? Carribean holiday? South of France? Barcelona with the sons? how about watching the World cup 2014 in Rio? how about sending the kids to the MIT?
You're going to have N years to do either 1 or 2 - sounds like some people have already chosen 1 for you; but it's your choice now. There's nothing to die for unless your own invaluable life and kids.
Instead of the bullshit "what a pity what a pity" type of advice our mate has to look ahead -> that's the point your trying not to comprehend.
He has to be realistic with his available cards and time:
1- Sign a contract with Kleenex, get 2 trucks a day tissues and keep crying out. See your ex going out with someone else? I'm going to...
2-Put all the damage behind; think about your sons and the rest of your life. You can be a successful engineer, businessman or even professor. Back to Uni? get a certification? a better job? Carribean holiday? South of France? Barcelona with the sons? how about watching the World cup 2014 in Rio? how about sending the kids to the MIT?
You're going to have N years to do either 1 or 2 - sounds like some people have already chosen 1 for you; but it's your choice now. There's nothing to die for unless your own invaluable life and kids.
Are you on medication?
Jul 6th 2011, 7:54 am
#13
Account Closed
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 196
Re: Seperation
Hello I am looking for some advice in a sticky situation I am in.
My partner of 16 years and wife of near 10 years has out of the blue wants to separate from me. We moved to NZ just over 3 years ago with my 2 boys now 6 and 8 years of age. I have tried to reason with her to no success and she has been doing all the stuff behind the sense such as child support, and benefits stuff, she seems to be able to get all the free advice from community law and I get no help. I have been forced out of our rented property, she taken 1/2 the money, and at the moment day to day care of the boys. She has gone to family court and we did counselling, but she seems to be in such tunnel vision and is very defensive, which make it hard to get any type of sense out of situation. I am living with a friend at the moment. What I really asking from anyone out there is what can I do, my wife is a lost soul, but I need to have the boys in my life as much as possible, but it seems everything is going for her, already child support has rang me up saying how much I have to pay? I have not even had any say? I feel I at least should get my boys 50%, after all I feel I have done no wrong in my relationship, yet because she is unhappy, she has torn my family apart. Please help, Thank you in advance.
My partner of 16 years and wife of near 10 years has out of the blue wants to separate from me. We moved to NZ just over 3 years ago with my 2 boys now 6 and 8 years of age. I have tried to reason with her to no success and she has been doing all the stuff behind the sense such as child support, and benefits stuff, she seems to be able to get all the free advice from community law and I get no help. I have been forced out of our rented property, she taken 1/2 the money, and at the moment day to day care of the boys. She has gone to family court and we did counselling, but she seems to be in such tunnel vision and is very defensive, which make it hard to get any type of sense out of situation. I am living with a friend at the moment. What I really asking from anyone out there is what can I do, my wife is a lost soul, but I need to have the boys in my life as much as possible, but it seems everything is going for her, already child support has rang me up saying how much I have to pay? I have not even had any say? I feel I at least should get my boys 50%, after all I feel I have done no wrong in my relationship, yet because she is unhappy, she has torn my family apart. Please help, Thank you in advance.
Really sorry to read your post, where in NZ are? Maybe one of us could point you in the direction of a sensible legal advisor.
I am only new to NZ, but if you are anywhere near Invercargill I would happily ask around for you.
J x
Jul 6th 2011, 8:13 am
#14
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Pakaraka
Posts: 3,264
Re: Seperation
Hello I am looking for some advice in a sticky situation I am in.
My partner of 16 years and wife of near 10 years has out of the blue wants to separate from me. We moved to NZ just over 3 years ago with my 2 boys now 6 and 8 years of age. I have tried to reason with her to no success and she has been doing all the stuff behind the sense such as child support, and benefits stuff, she seems to be able to get all the free advice from community law and I get no help. I have been forced out of our rented property, she taken 1/2 the money, and at the moment day to day care of the boys. She has gone to family court and we did counselling, but she seems to be in such tunnel vision and is very defensive, which make it hard to get any type of sense out of situation. I am living with a friend at the moment. What I really asking from anyone out there is what can I do, my wife is a lost soul, but I need to have the boys in my life as much as possible, but it seems everything is going for her, already child support has rang me up saying how much I have to pay? I have not even had any say? I feel I at least should get my boys 50%, after all I feel I have done no wrong in my relationship, yet because she is unhappy, she has torn my family apart. Please help, Thank you in advance.
My partner of 16 years and wife of near 10 years has out of the blue wants to separate from me. We moved to NZ just over 3 years ago with my 2 boys now 6 and 8 years of age. I have tried to reason with her to no success and she has been doing all the stuff behind the sense such as child support, and benefits stuff, she seems to be able to get all the free advice from community law and I get no help. I have been forced out of our rented property, she taken 1/2 the money, and at the moment day to day care of the boys. She has gone to family court and we did counselling, but she seems to be in such tunnel vision and is very defensive, which make it hard to get any type of sense out of situation. I am living with a friend at the moment. What I really asking from anyone out there is what can I do, my wife is a lost soul, but I need to have the boys in my life as much as possible, but it seems everything is going for her, already child support has rang me up saying how much I have to pay? I have not even had any say? I feel I at least should get my boys 50%, after all I feel I have done no wrong in my relationship, yet because she is unhappy, she has torn my family apart. Please help, Thank you in advance.
It's a horrific time for you all, sound off all you like, you won't be the first
Good luck x
Jul 6th 2011, 9:10 am
#15
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,298
Re: Seperation
How long do you expect to live? 90? 110? 135?
Go ahead and enjoy your life buddy...10 years from now you'll be feeling terrible if you miss even one day of your today's life. Take a look at people with nasty diseases; say thank god for your health, book a luxurious junket and enjoy the moment.
Go ahead and enjoy your life buddy...10 years from now you'll be feeling terrible if you miss even one day of your today's life. Take a look at people with nasty diseases; say thank god for your health, book a luxurious junket and enjoy the moment.