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Scared about move...help

Scared about move...help

Old Nov 29th 2006, 12:29 am
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Default Scared about move...help

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Hi my names Mandie, i'm new to this site and thought I'd write, say hi and ask for your views.

I'm a midwife and my husband's a test design engineer, we have two girls aged 15 & 12.

I came out to NZ (Christchurch) in June on a work placement for 3 weeks followed by 2 weeks when my husband joined me for a look about. We both liked it but it was different to how we imagined it would be...we loved the people, open space, fewer cars. We're now in the process of getting things sorted to make the move. I've got midwifery registration and am now waiting for a job to come along so i can apply for a work to residence visa.

I'm now however worrying that i'm making the right decision and am scared about the 'what if'. I don't think it helps that my husband wasn't as keen as me to begin with and said that if it happens and if i get a job he'll go and if i don't then he's happy to stay. I've always said that I'd rather go and give it 5 years and if it doesn't work then think then where I'd like to live, but he says if we go it'll be for good. I just don't want to get to 60/65 and regret not doing it.

I'm really excited about it one minute and then the next i feel sick thinking about it. Is it normal to go hot and cold about making the move?

Any views, comment or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you
Mandie x
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Old Nov 29th 2006, 12:57 am
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Default Re: Scared about move...help

Hi,,
Moving forever and moving for five years are two completely different wavelengths.
Many people feel most comfortable about having an escape clause. This might mean a rented out property in the UK, keeping pounds in a UK bank account, keeping in touch with old work colleagues, keeping money aside for a trip back to the UK after a certain period of time.
"What if" is a way of living your life in the past or the future, not in the present. I try to have a system of Plans A, B and C in my head. I might not always know what they are, but I try not to ever feel that I don't have any choice.
If you were moving to Dublin, for example, what would both of you want to do? Moving to NZ does have some unique issues, the combination of distance and cost to get back to the UK can make things seem more final than what they actually are.
And yes it is normal to be blowing hot or cold... I think all of us on here have had times when we have second guessed our decisions. Maybe this means that the idea is a good one, but the timing is not? Or maybe it means that you need to think less and do more ?
Good luck in your decisions.

Last edited by Apple12; Nov 29th 2006 at 1:03 am.
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Old Nov 29th 2006, 1:00 am
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Default Re: Scared about move...help

Hi Mandie and welcome to the site, I'm sure you will find it really useful and interesting as there are loads of nurses that post here, plus it's a good place to come for advice, chats, arguments etc!
However! I'm not the greatest at giving advice as me and my family (husband, son and daughter) just decided one day to come as visitors for 6 months to see what we thought and decide once we were here. That was 4 years ago! So it worked for us and we dont have any regrets. But it doesn't work that way for many people.
You should get quite a balanced view from other posts which are sure to follow, but I can understand your predicament, I would have felt the same if I had actually put any thought into it! My advice would be, come over, give it a try, you might be glad you did!
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Old Nov 29th 2006, 1:11 am
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Default Re: Scared about move...help

Originally Posted by Mandie.H
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Hi my names Mandie, i'm new to this site and thought I'd write, say hi and ask for your views.

I'm a midwife and my husband's a test design engineer, we have two girls aged 15 & 12.

I came out to NZ (Christchurch) in June on a work placement for 3 weeks followed by 2 weeks when my husband joined me for a look about. We both liked it but it was different to how we imagined it would be...we loved the people, open space, fewer cars. We're now in the process of getting things sorted to make the move. I've got midwifery registration and am now waiting for a job to come along so i can apply for a work to residence visa.

I'm now however worrying that i'm making the right decision and am scared about the 'what if'. I don't think it helps that my husband wasn't as keen as me to begin with and said that if it happens and if i get a job he'll go and if i don't then he's happy to stay. I've always said that I'd rather go and give it 5 years and if it doesn't work then think then where I'd like to live, but he says if we go it'll be for good. I just don't want to get to 60/65 and regret not doing it.

I'm really excited about it one minute and then the next i feel sick thinking about it. Is it normal to go hot and cold about making the move?

Any views, comment or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you
Mandie x
hi mandie
we were very similar to you . we got at PR with hubby applying under skilled migrant.
i wasn't bothered either way, if we were accpeted fine, if not no worries
we had never been before. i said i would give it 6 -12mths.
nearly 8 mths later.....................................we love it, once we were accepted i really wanted to come & we looked on it as an adventure & as you said , I just don't want to get to 60/65 and regret not doing it.
i knew we had done the right thing on the drive from airport to hotel in auckland.
i yes i thought oh god what am i doing ?????!!!!!!!!!!, but so far so good
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Old Nov 29th 2006, 2:07 am
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Default Re: Scared about move...help

Originally Posted by Mandie.H
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Hi my names Mandie, i'm new to this site and thought I'd write, say hi and ask for your views.

I'm a midwife and my husband's a test design engineer, we have two girls aged 15 & 12.

I came out to NZ (Christchurch) in June on a work placement for 3 weeks followed by 2 weeks when my husband joined me for a look about. We both liked it but it was different to how we imagined it would be...we loved the people, open space, fewer cars. We're now in the process of getting things sorted to make the move. I've got midwifery registration and am now waiting for a job to come along so i can apply for a work to residence visa.

I'm now however worrying that i'm making the right decision and am scared about the 'what if'. I don't think it helps that my husband wasn't as keen as me to begin with and said that if it happens and if i get a job he'll go and if i don't then he's happy to stay. I've always said that I'd rather go and give it 5 years and if it doesn't work then think then where I'd like to live, but he says if we go it'll be for good. I just don't want to get to 60/65 and regret not doing it.

I'm really excited about it one minute and then the next i feel sick thinking about it. Is it normal to go hot and cold about making the move?

Any views, comment or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you
Mandie x
Hi Mandie

Its totally normal to feel that way, thats the good news....bad news is its probebly gonna get worse the closer the time comes.

I dont think anybody who has moved hasnt had days of asking :is this the right thing" I think in order to qualify as an expat, you also have to have had what i term "a Burger King moment"

What is a "Burger King Moment" i hear you ask...

Mine was sitting in a Burger King, alone in a strange country, having had issues getting my license exchanged, living in a pretty dodgy apartment because its all I could get on short notice with no in-country references, cold and dark outside asking myself "what did I do"....

I think its a rite of passage.

I am of the opinion you are better off regretting making a move than regretting and always wondering "what-if". Your hubby may say now if he moves its for ever, dont argue the point with him, but in reality it isnt forever right away.

Give yourself 2-3 years, keep an exit strategy in case it all goes belly up and worse case scenario is your back in the UK, a bit poorer money wise perhaps but with life experiences you could not have bought otherwise. And that's the worse case scenario.

Dont be naive, do your homework and prepare as well as you can, but also go with an open mind and be adaptable. The country is not going to change to accommodate you, you have to be willing to accommodate it. (although nobody can make me feel passionate about Shortland Street over here)

So dont worry too much if you feel up and down about it all, its normal.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do
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Old Nov 29th 2006, 7:02 am
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Default Re: Scared about move...help

I'm now however worrying that i'm making the right decision and am scared about the 'what if'. I don't think it helps that my husband wasn't as keen as me to begin with and said that if it happens and if i get a job he'll go and if i don't then he's happy to stay. I've always said that I'd rather go and give it 5 years and if it doesn't work then think then where I'd like to live, but he says if we go it'll be for good. I just don't want to get to 60/65 and regret not doing it.

Hi Mandy,

We have all gone through the same emotions and "what if's". I'm a nurse in the community, we've been here for 5 months and all feel settled and happy. Our son (19yrs old), says that it's the best thing that we've ever done for him. He wasn't keen at first - the usual, missing the mates stuff. If you need any info on the nursing side, just send me a pm.
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Old Nov 29th 2006, 8:32 am
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Talking Re: Scared about move...help

Thank you all so much. It really helps to hear other people's stories and views. Although i have spoken to my husband to say that it's normal to feel anxious about move I've not told him the depth of my anxiety as i know he'll just say 'well let's not bother then', he's a person that doesn't like change very much, although will do fine once the change has been made.

The good thing though is that he's tight fisted where money is concerned...and I've started paying out quite a bit of money now so he'll not want to see that money go to waste....Of course i'm not looking for things to pay out so he'll not be able to say we're not going, MUCH!!!

Thanks again for your help
Luv Mandie x
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Old Nov 29th 2006, 8:55 am
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Default Re: Scared about move...help

Originally Posted by Mandie.H
Thank you all so much. It really helps to hear other people's stories and views. Although i have spoken to my husband to say that it's normal to feel anxious about move I've not told him the depth of my anxiety as i know he'll just say 'well let's not bother then', he's a person that doesn't like change very much, although will do fine once the change has been made.

The good thing though is that he's tight fisted where money is concerned...and I've started paying out quite a bit of money now so he'll not want to see that money go to waste....Of course i'm not looking for things to pay out so he'll not be able to say we're not going, MUCH!!!

Thanks again for your help
Luv Mandie x
Welcome to the site and the life of a wanna be expat

This is now the second time me and my family have gone down this road. The first time was a few years ago when my wife, who was preggers at the time, changed her mind

Well 3 years later and we are back here again. Everyday we go through the should we/should'nt we thing. Its just one of those things which will we will keep on going through until we DO move.

If she changes her mind again Im divorcing her
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Old Nov 29th 2006, 8:55 am
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Default Re: Scared about move...help

Originally Posted by Mandie.H


I just don't want to get to 60/65 and regret not doing it.

Nothing wrong with being 60/65, you just get a little bit more miserable.........
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Old Nov 29th 2006, 1:47 pm
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Default Re: Scared about move...help

[QUOTE=Mandie.H]Thank you all so much. It really helps to hear other people's stories and views.

Hi Mandie, I am also a newwie, been reading the thread for a while but finally plucked up the courage to post. I totally understand your concerns and really find reading this forum useful, in fact am addicted!!
My concerns re move are my children, they are aged 4,2 and 3m and am hoping it is the right thing to do as we are doing it for them. We havent done a reccy yet although our EOI was selected last week.
Look forward to reading about your journey and may get the nerve to post again!!!

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Old Nov 29th 2006, 4:15 pm
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Default Re: Scared about move...help

Hi Mandie

I'm a midwife too. I think your fears are quite normal, this is a HUGE move . On the positive side, you have been to NZ & got a feel for the place, which will be helpful. However, I don't think anyone can be certain it is the "right thing" until they have been there for at least a year.

We are emigrating 7 wks tomorrow & somedays I feel & other days I'm like :scared: . This is our 2nd attempt at emigrating to NZ. We did it once last year, OH went in Feb 2005 & I followed on in the May (once the house was sold). Dave settled in very quickly, he enjoyed his job & worked with great people. I, on the otherhand didn't settle. We were living in a noisy apartment & I didn't like the ward I was working on (all post-LSCS & resented by some of the obstetric nurses, though I got on with most staff). I got really stressed with it all & had panic attacks. We also had other stuff going on which I won't bore you with . So we returned to the UK Aug 2005.

I don't regret returning to the UK as it helped us to gain some perspective. However, NZ can't be that bad if we have decided to give it another go . My advice to you is:
1). Accept that your feelings are normal. You'll have good, bad & indifferent days wherever you are in the world.
2). Maintain a spirit of adventure about the whole experience.
3). Don't compare NZ & the UK.
4). Congratulate yourself on being brave & having the courage to take charge of your life. If it doesn't work out then at least you tried.
5). If all else fails have a , at least you won't care then!

Good luck Mandie & see you over there
Annie
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Old Nov 30th 2006, 9:22 pm
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Default Re: Scared about move...help

Originally Posted by Mandie.H
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]
don't then he's happy to stay. I've always said that I'd rather go and give it 5 years and if it doesn't work then think then where I'd like to live, but he says if we go it'll be for good. I just don't want to get to 60/65 and regret not doing it.

Mandie x
I think your husbands we are going for good attitude is good, (I"m sure he doesn't really mean it though)because it is easy to change you mind quickly when things don't go your way in the first few months.

My hubby changed his after 3 months and wanted to go home but we had an prior agreement that we would stay for two years mimimum and then make a decission.

Remenber after 2 years you get your returning residents visa which leaves you free to come and go as you please for the rest of your life. Wouldn't that be an advantage to the kids who in future wouldn't have to go through immigration

I would say it took us nearly three years to really settle and to accept everything the way it is here, its not easy and no-one said it would be.

Good Luck
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Old Nov 30th 2006, 9:25 pm
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Default Re: Scared about move...help

Originally Posted by jueinnz
I think your husbands we are going for good attitude is good, (I"m sure he doesn't really mean it though)because it is easy to change you mind quickly when things don't go your way in the first few months.

My hubby changed his after 3 months and wanted to go home but we had an prior agreement that we would stay for two years mimimum and then make a decission.

Remenber after 2 years you get your returning residents visa which leaves you free to come and go as you please for the rest of your life. Wouldn't that be an advantage to the kids who in future wouldn't have to go through immigration

I would say it took us nearly three years to really settle and to accept everything the way it is here, its not easy and no-one said it would be.

Good Luck
agree...sort of....
agree that you shoudl make a promise to come for a longish period of time, and two years is a good timeframe because it gives you an indefinite returning residents visa.

dont think its necessary to say "im coming for good", its nice to know if it all goes tit up you can still go back. but dont make it too easy to go back or you will, set yourself two years for example
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