TeamEmbo

Our first 'visitors' from the UK were ex husband with prospective wife no.4 in tow, after 4 years of no contact whatsoever with children. They came. Messed kids head ups again after spending only 8 days of their 3 weeks in NZ with the kids and left. No tears shed over that departure.

Andrew Cross - that must have been such a shock and is so sad. Hope your mum and you are coping ok and that all goes well when she visits at Easter

hjmilligan

Thanks Sarah,
Yes thier first visit and really like NZ,and say we have done the right thing moving here,but it is soo far away,but they know now that we are happy and settled and that helps them when they are back in the UK.

Helen

Kerry W

I know just how hard it is to say goodbye, a flight took off from the airport just 10 mins ago with my 16 yr old daughter on!! She was here 3 weeks, I pretty much held it together at the airport but cried all the way home and bawled my eyes out as I watched the plane take off from our window. We spent so much quality time together, will really miss her, does it ever get any easier??? I will just cherish the memories of the last few weeks and will look forward to her next visit in 18 months time gulp!

spid

OH, that must have been very hard - i empathise a lot - and sorry no it will never get any easier because you love her. Try not to wish the next 18 months away but cherish the memories of these last 3 weeks and make her stay longer next time.

That's the trouble with children - when you want them around they aren't and when you want them out of the way they hang on to the apron strings. Mine is at boarding school and I so want her home, yet sometimes when she is home and being clingy I look forward to her going back (only for a second or two).

CHin up.

uk+kiwi

Yes.

Slightly different personal positive experience. Hubbie & I have been together 18 years this year, having met at 18. This was during a gap year, when he came to join his parents who were living in the UK, as was I (he's a kiwi.)

However he went back to NZ to go to university. So after we had been together about 6 months (but thought it was a forever thing after about a week - it's weird but some of you will know what I mean) he used to go away for 12/13 weeks, come back to the UK for 2 weeks and so on. We were lucky that he could return for every holiday, although since I was at uni too, we were not together the entire time he was in the same country as me.

The first goodbye made me physically ill. I can remember it like it was yesterday. We both got glandular fever. In hindsight, the goodbyes were particularly worse because sub-consciously I would worry about whether it would work out, bearing in mind that we were both enjoying our independence at uni. We couldn't afford many phone calls and weren't hooked up with e-mail and webcams like we are now. His letters were a lifesaver, but infrequent. (I've kept them .) But the path of true love survives many things. This went on for three years and it did get easier.

We have both commented that it is MUCH easier being the one to leave. Leaving him in NZ (I went out twice myself whilst he was at uni) was a lot easier emotionally than him leaving me in the UK. And he realised this when I visited him (and subsequently left him) in NZ. Maybe this is why is is harder than expected with visitors from the UK. A bit harder perhaps than the original departure, uplifted with adventurous undertones.

When I look back I can't believe what we went through. But now we're married with two beautiful children. Although I generally find 'goodbyes' difficult and emotional now, I suspect somewhat because of this painful experience.

But it does get easier. A lot easier.

uk+kiwi

I think it does. For instance, although small in comparison, I was very upset the day both my children started school (sad at the loss of having them at home with me) but this was short lived as a new routine/norm started. I think it's similar. It will always be hard, but all other things being equal (ie daughter's state of well being), it gets easier.

My best friend emigrated to NZ two years ago. She is one of a handful of people that I love. We both cried a lot when she left. We've since had two or three goodbyes, all of which have been a lot less upsetting. I can get through them without crying now.

We don't say goodbye as a rule in our (hubbie's) globally dispersed family and friends that we are close to. 'See you soon' works so much better and more natural than 'until next time' which is what we really mean.

spid

I think you are right in a way - especially when it comes to spouses. WHen I met hubby (also along time ago, 19 yrs!) we had to be apart for the first two years. And like you we knew within the first couple of weeks that this was 'it'. Initially he always came to see me and then left and i did find that horrid and traumatic, and as you say in the early stages of a relationship you always worry that you wil last even if you know you want it too. Eventually, I passed my driving test and could go to him and leaving was much easier than being left. And as time has gone by and marriage and 3 kids have ensued I don't have those doublts anymore - and email helps. At the moment he is away again (6 weeks ish) with work - and seeing him off was hard but also had an element of 'just go and then you'll be back sooner'. But we do email every day now.

I think (IMPO)that it can be much tougher with kids - mine has been boarding for 2 years now (she's 13) and it doesn't get any easier, in fact it seems to be getting harder. Maybe once she is older it will be easier. I know my mum said she found it difficult even when we were married with kids - we would always be her babies and she would always miss us. I know that the physical parting does get easier in a way (less tears as you accept what is happening) but inside my heart tears open just as much each time. Maybe I'm just to sensitive and overemotional. I sort of don't want to state that it will get easier when my experience is that it doesn't but i understand that it may for others.

j19fmm

Auckland airport has been awash many times with my tears as i left my (9) cousins and uncle to return to UK. I don't have much in the way of extended family here, mainly my kids and my dad and he generally travels out to NZ with me.Only this new year when i came back i was travelling with my man (been together 18 months now) and boy did it make it easier. That and the fact we WILL move there one day.
Can't imagine how hard it must be to see your daughter take off, guess i'll find out one of these days.....

notlob1

like people have said at least they have had the oppotunity to come over, im really new to this and will be saying goodbye to friends a family end of march which will be hard on everyone plus have family saying oh we wont be able to come all that way plus the cost plus time off work, keep smiling its a small world now

mark and kim

We say goodbyes on Tuesday after a six week visit from Mark's parents. We have started to feel sad and we don't know when we will see them again although I think they will be over again next year. It is so hard seeing them with their grandchildren and knowing they will find it so hard to go. Then we have it all again as my parents arrive in 2 weeks time so the next goodbye looms in April.
We all know this part wasn't easy but it is something we have to deal with when we get visitors and I am so glad they have been able to come to visit.
Better get the tissue ready,
Kim