Road repairs Kiwi style
#1
Enjoying retirement
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2008
Location: Rural Taranaki
Posts: 320
Road repairs Kiwi style
Extracts from the Kiwi road repair manual
1) Choose a section of road with no potholes, bumps or ridges. This will save money because no repairs will be needed to the road base
2) Put out dozens of cones and 30kph signs. These should extend at least 2 kms either end of the area to be repaired.
3) Do nothing for three weeks.
4) Strip the surface of BOTH carriageways. Never even concider repairing one side at a time, as this would minimise the inconvenience to road users.
If it hasn't rained by teatime pour 1000s of liters of water on to the road base,turning it into something closely resembling wet concrete. This will ensure the maximum damage to paintwork. Repeat the watering daily
5) Do nothing for three weeks.
6) Without doing any repairs (see step 1) cover the now lumpy and potholed surface with a thick layer of hot tar and stones. NEVER roll the stones in, why bother when this will be done for you by passing cars, besides which rolling in would mean that stone damage to paintwork and windscreens would be greatly reduced, minimising insurance claims. Very undisirable.
7) Do nothing for three weeks.
8) Paint new road markings and remove cones and 30 kph signs. Doing this before sweeping will maximise stone damage to paintwork and windscreens.
9) Do nothing for three weeks
10)Sweep the loose stones off the road surface including the newly painted road markings.This will give the new markings a nice worn look. Do not remove the loose stone, just pile them on the shoulder so that wind and rain will carry them back onto the carriageway, ensuring maximum stone damage to paintwork and windscreens.
The result will be perfect, indistinguishable from when you started.
11)Do nothing for 3 weeks
12)Dig up the road again because some prat forgot to repair the watermain/sewers/powercable that run underneath
Always remember that the primary responsibility of a road repair crew is to cause maximum inconvenience to motorists and the maximum damage to their cars.
1) Choose a section of road with no potholes, bumps or ridges. This will save money because no repairs will be needed to the road base
2) Put out dozens of cones and 30kph signs. These should extend at least 2 kms either end of the area to be repaired.
3) Do nothing for three weeks.
4) Strip the surface of BOTH carriageways. Never even concider repairing one side at a time, as this would minimise the inconvenience to road users.
If it hasn't rained by teatime pour 1000s of liters of water on to the road base,turning it into something closely resembling wet concrete. This will ensure the maximum damage to paintwork. Repeat the watering daily
5) Do nothing for three weeks.
6) Without doing any repairs (see step 1) cover the now lumpy and potholed surface with a thick layer of hot tar and stones. NEVER roll the stones in, why bother when this will be done for you by passing cars, besides which rolling in would mean that stone damage to paintwork and windscreens would be greatly reduced, minimising insurance claims. Very undisirable.
7) Do nothing for three weeks.
8) Paint new road markings and remove cones and 30 kph signs. Doing this before sweeping will maximise stone damage to paintwork and windscreens.
9) Do nothing for three weeks
10)Sweep the loose stones off the road surface including the newly painted road markings.This will give the new markings a nice worn look. Do not remove the loose stone, just pile them on the shoulder so that wind and rain will carry them back onto the carriageway, ensuring maximum stone damage to paintwork and windscreens.
The result will be perfect, indistinguishable from when you started.
11)Do nothing for 3 weeks
12)Dig up the road again because some prat forgot to repair the watermain/sewers/powercable that run underneath
Always remember that the primary responsibility of a road repair crew is to cause maximum inconvenience to motorists and the maximum damage to their cars.
Last edited by NakiMan; Dec 6th 2012 at 8:52 pm.
#3
Re: Road repairs Kiwi style
Now you wouldn't be talking about the Hawera - Wanganui road would you????
We drove it on Sunday - what a bloody mess our car was in afterwards!
We drove it on Sunday - what a bloody mess our car was in afterwards!
#4
Enjoying retirement
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2008
Location: Rural Taranaki
Posts: 320
Re: Road repairs Kiwi style
But I guess it would apply to pretty much any roadworks in the country
#6
Enjoying retirement
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2008
Location: Rural Taranaki
Posts: 320
Re: Road repairs Kiwi style
Me neither
In 40 years driving in the UK, I never had to have a windscreen replaced.
In 6 years in NZ I've had three
And honestly, its all down to the crappy method we use for road repairs.
Haven't these guys ever heard of Tarmac?
In 40 years driving in the UK, I never had to have a windscreen replaced.
In 6 years in NZ I've had three
And honestly, its all down to the crappy method we use for road repairs.
Haven't these guys ever heard of Tarmac?
#7
Re: Road repairs Kiwi style
I suspect UK-spec tarmac would just melt in the summer here, Saudi had a similar obvious temp issue, they used similar road repair materials back in the 90's when we were there.
Also worth considering I suspect the GDP/road km is much less here than in Europe, consequently cheaper repair techniques and materials...or no road!
Also worth considering I suspect the GDP/road km is much less here than in Europe, consequently cheaper repair techniques and materials...or no road!
#8
221b Baker Street
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Miles from anywhere, Victoria, Australia.
Posts: 14,125
Re: Road repairs Kiwi style
Don't worry my NZ friends, Australia keeps you company with strange road repairs.
Tiz true, the heat makes a difference. Also, apparantly they used to use some sort of glue in the top dressing. This was found to be carconagenic and has been removed.
I still think the fact that one can drive from Melbourne to Perth on sealed roads is quite and achievement.
I love countries with low poulations. One of the drawbacks is that low road usage means relatively expensive costs.
Tiz true, the heat makes a difference. Also, apparantly they used to use some sort of glue in the top dressing. This was found to be carconagenic and has been removed.
I still think the fact that one can drive from Melbourne to Perth on sealed roads is quite and achievement.
I love countries with low poulations. One of the drawbacks is that low road usage means relatively expensive costs.
#9
Re: Road repairs Kiwi style
Oh and the Isle of Man imports a road crew from Ireland every few years and does repairs "in bulk"...with appropriate commitment to quality....
#10
221b Baker Street
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Miles from anywhere, Victoria, Australia.
Posts: 14,125
#14
Re: Road repairs Kiwi style
The weather does play havoc with the road surfaces,particularly mountain passes. Used to result in it being broken up into potholes and 'eggs' of tarmac. Had a fair few tankslappers after hitting some of them without warning at erm mmm *?@ kmh. (Get off bike for a change of undercrackers)
#15
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: In a large village called Auckland
Posts: 5,249