rx8ist

This is my first post, so please be kind...

We currently live in the USA, and raising kids here is pretty insane: the horrible notion of play-dates, dumbed-down education system with too many rules, paranoid parenting, hyper-scheduled kids, stressed soccer moms, extreme consumerism, etc etc.

We just returned from a one-month trip to NZ, and it seems like a saner place for children (and adults!). So naturally we started fantasizing about moving. Wellington in particular caught our attention. However, we didn't really examine family life in NZ.

So here's my question:

What do the lives of children look like in NZ in general, and Wellington in particular?

For example, do 9-13 year old kids play unsupervised in the street with their mates? Are parents busy driving little kids from one activity to the next, or do children have most afternoons unscheduled? Do kids just pop over to each other without a 2-week notice? How are the schools? Are parents less paranoid in NZ? Are there pick-up games in the park, or is everything organized? Is there a lot of helicopter parenting? Is there a lot of peer-pressure to have the latest brand of snickers?

Any input and observations would be wonderful. Thank you very much.

theduke

Firstly, I thought there was only one brand of snickers and that was Mars, but hey ho maybe Pams have their own brand now!

Kids do get taken to lots of afterschool activities, and do play outside unsupervised, parents are less paranoid here, no mad consumerism, which was a huge difference from UK.

Personally my kids are never in the house they always either out playing with their mates in the street or over at their mates house playing in their street and we live in Auckland.

Now Wellington, that's a different kettle of fish, it is to windy for the kids to play outside, their balls get blown away and they get blown off their bikes etc etc , but I am sure they still love playing outside. Seriously dont know about Wellington living but I do visit there for 2days every week working and find it all ok.

Good luck in your decision.

kiwinow

I think you'll find there's a mixture of parenting styles and expectations. There will be some parents who have their kids in activities every day after school, but many only have one or two after school actiivities and are free to play. The amount of dropping in to friends without notice is determined by whether or not your children's friend's parents work. Where we live many parents work, so we have to organise a friend to play the night before, but in the weekends it's a case of getting on the phone and then getting on your bike.

We don't live in Wellington but our kids play unsupervised at the school , after school, but this will vary according to where you live. We've never had trouble at the school but some do. I allow them to walk to the local park and play with friends (my youngest is 10). Over 8 year olds are allowed in the local pool without parents, but I wouldn't leave the younger one at the beach or let her walk around town just yet - around 11 or 12 and that would be OK. If you come you may need to check with several local parents to get a balanced picture of safety for your area. Having said that, there are always the odd crimes against children even in a safe area.

Homework for primary kids may be simply daily reading and spelling, or a weekly worksheet or tasksheet. If the child or parents are so busy it's causing stress you can reevaluate homework with the teacher. High school students may have 30 mins to 1 hour homework per night, but that can vary from nothing one day to 2 hours another.

I think you'll find kids generally less materialistic and more accepting that some kids don't have the income to buy lots of nice things. However, if you go to a private school you may well encounter materialism and credit card kids. Incomes tend to be lower here, so that determines people's expenditure. Overall I'd say kiwis are more laid back, but you'll always find a stressed soccer mum or dad wherever you live.

southerner

My perception is that kids grow up a little slower here than in the UK or US, which IMO is a good thing. But sooner or later they will become normal teenagers with all that it entails.

Our kids are kept fairly busy with activities, probably 3-4 things per week for our 7 yr old, and 4-5 for our 9 yr old. But we live in Dunedin where driving anywhere is a maximum of 7-8min. They probably catch up with friends once a week or so, normally but not always prearranged.

Like everywhere in the world kids probably are kept in cotton wool a bit more than would have been the case when we were growing up.

rx8ist

What an embarrassment typo, and I could not find the edit button. Is there one?
And of course, thanks for the mindful reply!

rx8ist

Thank you. I wonder if there are major differences between cities/neighbourhoods, e.g. Dunedin vs Wellington.

I must say that I liked Dunedin a lot, but the coffee in Wellington was better...

kiwinow

Welly is more cosmopolitan and busier. Dunedin is a Uni town. I'd expect Welly kids to grow up faster, but not that much.

love30stm

Can I swap with you?

Genesis

NZ is faaaaaaaaaar from perfect, we have manifold problems, just like anywhere. HOWEVER I beleive NZ is one of the nicest places to bring up kids..one of the reasons we came. Kids here generally (well in Palmy anyways) are just so kind and considerate. We had some rotten stats come out saying NZ 11 year olds are some the of the most bullied kids in the western world, indeed my 5-6 year old was bullied at school. So I don't have rosy glasses on and have at first hand experienced poor teaching poor headship and bullying..all from one school. We simply changed school OUR problem sorted. BUT I still think for many reasons this is the place to be for kids to grow. 4 years on and still loving it!!

kiwinow

In our newspaper yesterday a survey by ASB bank declared that Dunedin was the best town to live in. They looked at things like art and culture, schools, communtiy feel and knowing your neighbours, pride in the look of the city etc. Mind you Wellington was very close behind in third place. I actually doubt you'll see much difference between the two places in terms of your kids. However, Wellington is windy but central, there is more to do, the wages are higher but so are the house prices and rentals. Dunedin gets very cold and snowy in winter and can become cut off by road, there is a rich art culture and it is an attractive place, but oftern shows and entertainment, especially from overseas, tend to come no further south than Christchurch. House prices are cheaper but so are wages generally.
The one thing that occurred to me after writing the last post is that snaller towns don't necessarily mean more innocent kids. We live in the regiohal town of Timaru and there is little to do for teenagers, so you get bored kids hanging out and drinking. NZ does have a bit of a drinking culture and kids from age 14 tend to be pressuring parents to buy alcohol. Sometimes in a larger town that happens later because there are other options. That's a negative, but overall I think you'd get away from the sorts of problems you want to in either town. My choice would be Wellington if it's affordable but Dunedin is a cute town too.

Black Sheep

If your thinking is anywhere at all along the lines that because a system that you're not happy with is 'different' elsewhere, it must be 'better' there, please do try to keep in mind the old saying about being careful what you wish for!!

I notice you haven't asked about the academics side of schooling in NZ? How important - or unimportant - is this to you? Would your kids attend private school or public school here?

Have your children experienced much bullying at their school(s) in the States? There is much bullying in schools here, but then I'm not sure how one would NOT have this problem in schools that 'do not have too many rules'. (I'm not clear, BTW, exactly how you mean that 'too many rules' and 'dumbed down education system' are connected ? Actually, I'm not sure exactly what you mean by 'dumbed down education system', would help if you could clarify?)

I'm curious to know too what you mean by NZ seeming a 'saner' place for children, in what exact way? Do you know that the driving age here is 15 - what did you think of the driving here? Or that there is a very strong boy/girl racer culture in just about every city and town here - did you notice this on your visit? There is also, as already mentioned, a long- and well-established underage binge-drinking culture here (the official drinking age is 18). A larger percentage of teens drop out of high school here than in the USA as well - there is certainly not the parental/societal pressure here on kids that there is in the States for them to at least get a high school degree before venturing out into the world.

BTW, what are 'pick-up games' and 'helicopter parenting'?? I can make a guess, but would prefer to be sure! And what part of USA are you in? Sorry for all the questions, but just want to be sure I understand correctly what you're asking. Might help too to know what you WANT for your kids, as well as what you don't want.

Kiwiprincess

You know what, I don't think, other than beach volleyball or beach cricket, that I have ever really seen pick up games in parks here. Generally they are organised through schools or clubs. In saying that, I do see a lot of people playing games - I just don't see people joining them.

Not sure that really makes sense. Basically, kids (& adults for that matter) may play a game of rugby/touch rugby in the park, but I don't recall seeing people join them. Ever.

I can only say what my childhood was like in Wellington and I am 29 so no doubt it has changed. But the best way I could describe it would be suburban. Until we were older (notwithstanding the days spent on Sega or Playstation) we mainly played outside at the local parks. As we got older (high school) it was mainly a few cafes in the city, still around parks, or shopping. Yes, the dreaded shopping mall. It kept us out of trouble though.

When we got older we also went into the city for movies and food (eg Burger King, McDonalds - not high class dining!). In 6th and 7th form the general rule was "get the midnight train home". I should also add, we didn't drink. So there was never a problem of boozed teenagers in our group. We went to the movies and were good little darlings

Also, right from primary school and through high school it was quite normal to have access to school pools or tennis courts (for instance). Often if you played tennis for a club you were able to go down there with friends and have a game - the upshot of this meant of course that we actually had something to do.

I actually have to agree with the comment about not assuming that country kids are more innocent than the city ones. I freely admit I had a pretty innocent childhood growing up in the suburbs of Wellington. Because we had access to movies and entertainment (and the "midnight train home") my group of friends simply didn't have the free time to go get stoned and do bourbon shots at 14. Ok to be honest it was not something my friends and I were into, and no doubt there are plenty who were. My point was though that we did have things to entertain ourselves with. If that makes sense.

Kiwiprincess

Oh and the beach. The beach formed a big part of the summer. Even if it was simply to go and lie on the beach.

But I am not a parent. So what do I know. There's more availability to access bad stuff now - especially through sites such as bebo etc. Whilst my friends and I had cell phones in high school (again, 6th and 7th forms so year 12 & 13) it wasn't like now where kids have 2 phones (vodafone and telecom) and they can communicate with their friends at 4:00 and be sneaky should they wish to without anyone really know. It took more effort and cunning for us to do it