jjthefridge

Advice required,

My son lives with his mother, he's been staying with me for the past couple of weeks as his mother has been in hospital.

I put it to his mother the other day about him moving to New Zealand, she flatly refused even when i said we'd have a pot of money to fly him home if needed or we'd help her with flight cost to come out. Still refused, (i feel most of it is she'd lose any benefits she gets having a child), he may be able to come out when he's 14/15. We've told him that he may not see us for at least a year if not more. Can you use an nz solicitor to sort out child matters of does it have to be done in the uk. Hopefully he'll bug her so much that she lets him go.

any one anything similar

any advice much appreichated

j.j

luvwelly

Having read your post...I am left wondering...what does your son want to do?

It reads as if it is all about just what you want....dismissing your ex-partner's love for your son as just wanting to keep her benefits is unbelievably callous of you.

If she has half the love I feel for my kids (we do actually grow them inside our bodies you know) she will most definitely not want him to go to the other side of the world...and neither would I, nor any other Mother I know.

jjthefridge

Think my son is 50/50 he'd like to come with me and he'd like to stay with his mum, unfortunatly she isn't good for his confidence.

Think what would happen is he'd come out for summer holiday for six weeks and love it. then bug her constantly

It be nice to get a divored fathers point of view.

jjthefridge

further to my last,

She even won't allow him to live with me in uk. claims he's too young.

garryhg

don't know how old your child is,my my eldest child was 13 when we came here,and that in itself was traumatic for her,and that was with both parents going....seems a lot of pressure to put on a young childs shoulders choosing between parents....it would be hard for a child not seeing either of there parents for a year or so....

can't help with the legal side of things i'm afraid...but gl ..jacky

jjthefridge

My son is nine so quite young still, can imagine its very hard for children moving abroad huge up heaval,
all I can think is invest in realy good webcams and contact my son as much as i can, and let him decide when he's older.

Kerry W

I went through the same thing. It took 3 years for the courts to decide that my daugher could stay in the UK and my son come to NZ (that was their wishes and decision as they were old enough to make up their own minds 12/13). We came to an agreement with the courts to fly my son and daugher our to see parents once a year for the next 3 years. My piece of advice is don't put your son under any necessary pressure to move as I learnt, its a hard enough decision for him to make deciding between parents (or the court to make dependant on his age). I don't envy your position or your sons but good luck. I hope everything works out well for all of you.

brussels_sprout

Women are just irrational entitlement princesses who think more of their shoes than their families, that's my experience anyway. I am sure she will let your son fly to NZ if the price is right. Yes try to see a NZ solicitor, although you can be sure she will be getting legal aid and you will have to pay from your own pocket

Maz

^^^ BS

brussels_sprout

You are an exception !

irnbru14

When are you planning to move out to NZ? Do you have a date planned or could you wait a few years til your son is a little older, then put it to him and his Mum again?

Its a big move for anyone, uprooting from friends and family and familiarity and taking a big step to as far away from the UK as you can just about live. The question is, at the age of 9, is your son in a position to decide between which parent he sees all of the time and which one he sees very very occasionally? Is it a fair thing to ask of a child of that age?

Whatever the current status of the relationship between you as parents is I would imagine the single most important thing is your son growing up knowing and seeing both of his parents?

NZ is not the UK, it is very far from home no matter if you can afford regular flights, its not just a wee journey away, its a lot of change to go through for you as well as for a 9 year old who will hardly ever see his Mum. Perhaps you move over and he comes to visit during the holidays, let him see your life here and let him see if its something he wants, let him have real information based on what he sees rather than relying on information from either you or his Mum.

Again, just my random thoughts on the matter

UKNZAUS

But the rest of us aren't? Really, if you must slate your wife everytime you hear of any argument between husband and wife, can you please just stop tarring us all with the same brush as your wife.....

In my eyes, it's the quickest way to lose the sympathy you've been given here....

UKNZAUS

Sorry to the OP too, I don't really want to comment on something so personal I hope you all manage to agree about this amicably and soon - if only for your son's sake

Maz

Credit where credit is due to all the wonderful women in the world, please, Martin... Also, everyone on this site has been extremely supportive to you, please don't tar all women with the same brush, it's just not fair.

karonious

I'm saying this as a woman, not as a moderator - Martin, that post is completely out of order. You say that is your experience but you have managed to insult all women and bellittle us all because of your personal cirumstances. Enough.