Fooferfish

Well I did my trip back to Poole to catch up with my dad and family , he had not been in good health for many a year and my mum said " I think you should come back " and how right she was ? I was in 2 minds not to go , but I'm glad I did. , had 14 amazing days taking mum and dad out , got to celebrate his 80th birthday with friends and family , went to some of his favourite places , ate and drank in every cafe dad could find lol.

The distance away from family never gets easier , especially when you know their time is running out ?

I even got to see some places on the purbecks that we should to frequent as a family years ago , kimmeridge bay , worth mattravers , corfe castle , to name a few .

Not long after I got back to nz , my dad went down hill fast and ended up in Hospital and finally passed away on the 28th . My sister had called to say he was slipping away and then We got the call early hours 130 am Tuesday nz time to say dad had passed away, was up for hours and ended up staying home for the day .

So the timing was right and I'm glad I made the effort to go back when I did , we also. Sent our daughter back last year and she got to spend time with her gramps to.

For most of us these things will crop up from time to time and we have to deal with them as they arise , I was a lucky one and got to spend time with My folks , but I know some pass away so suddenly that those of us in nz don't get the chance to say. Goodbye? So for all of you in nz with folks back in another country , do your hardest to keep in contact as much as possible ?

Nige , dunedin since May 05 xx

Snap Shot

Sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have recent happy memories as well as the long standing memories too.

Pom_Chch

Hi Foof,

Sorry to hear about your dad. Think of the good times that make you smile, it helps

simonmarkellis

Awesome post, thank you for sharing... I'm so sorry for your loss, it's very hard loosing loved ones from so far away, but i'm so happy that you got to see your family and spend some great time with them....

Fooferfish

The distance does make it harder and that flight to and from never gets any easier ?

I have decided not to go back and my mum says the same , I have planted a seed I their minds that they can now travel to nz for Christmas as dad couldn't travel , so now it's time for them to see this place ?

Thanks for the replies , helps with the process x

It's hard getting back into nz life, the jet lag is always horrible , but a small price to pay for such memories ay ? I struggle with the change back for a few weeks , and we all realise why we came to nz and. Having been back there with all those millions of people and traffic jams , it brings me peace .

BEVS

Hi Nige.

Very sad to read that your dear old Dad reached the end of his days. Doesn't matter the age does it. It's always too soon and we always want more time.

What is absolute, is that he waited for you because he loved you so. Your Mum & Dad will have had the 6th sense to know the time was coming & you listened to that call.

You did the most caring, loving thing possible out of love , by giving you all the chance to be together again. Both your Mum & Dad will forever bless you for that.

So very important to be there for the living when those that love us need us most. Too late when they are gone.

Your Mum is right. You do not need to be there physically for his final farewell. You can do that here. Your family will do that there.

Fingers crossed then that your Mum makes it out to NZ for a visit.

As for the days ahead. Be very kind to yourself. The days will be hard and sharp at first but in time ,the jagged edges of loss will smooth away and you will find you still have your Dad right there in you and your children.


All the best to you Nige.

M
x

Sue

I'm so sorry to read this Nige, but glad to read you got to spend some quality time with him. It's those memories that will get you through the next few days. As BEVS says, be kind to yourself.

Big hugs {{{ }}}

davros1984

Sorry to hear your sad news, I can relate.

This is one of those examples that makes it really hard to live here sometimes. It does sound like you did absolutely the right thing by going back and spending such good time with him. One of the things I've realised (especially in the last year or 2) is how important family are, how you do need each other.

Hopefully they make it out to you at Christmas - all the best.

MrsFychan

so glad you got to spend that time with him and it must be of some comfort to you and your family that you did.

RobDon

+1 xx

Sparkleydiva

Hi there

Am very sorry to hear your dad died. I really do understand what you have done, as I did exactly the same 2 years ago. Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and a prognosis of 4-5 months, so I returned twice, once with my daughters and the second time with my husband to see Dad while he was well and able to go out and about. He died a month after I returned and I did not go back for his funeral.

I managed to get a video link to the crem and that was really helpful and bought a bottle of his favourite kiwi wine and had a toast then.

It's tough being over here, but you did a great thing, spending time with them when they're alive and not after that. As for your mum visiting, mine came out here for the first Christmas, and has just gone back after her second visit on her own.

Take care, my best wishes are with you, and I do really understand

Bo-Jangles

Truly sorry to read this Fooferfish ; what bittersweet twists and turns our lives do take and I am so glad that you decided to go and spend time with him and closed off the last chapter of his life in such a happy and memorable way.

Take care

cappuccino

So sorry to hear of your loss Nige. I'm happy for you that you spent quality time with your dad and family recently and have wonderful memories to cherish.

Sick relatives so far away is something we all dread and when it happens it's really horrible for everyone. You made the right choices.

All the best. Take care.

vetnurse1

A very timely post for me personally too, thank you for sharing. My dad has been given 2 months at best, and I have the dilemma of whether to return now while he is still ok ish and probably miss the end and the funeral, or risk going back towards the end and staying for the funeral, not really seeing my dad as I remember him, if I see him at all. Tough choice. It's not easy and every time my wonderful brother (who has given up his job to look after him) rings with an update I feel an immense guilt. Partly for not being there now, but also for not having been there and spending these last precious years with him.
The benefits of hindsight eh?

Persephone

Sorry to hear about your Dad. But, glad that you had that chance to visit and enjoy some time with him.
Take care Nige
P x