Please Help Me

Old Aug 13th 2009, 7:37 pm
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Default Please Help Me

I'm not sure if you are familiar with the posts of RobDon - they are my parents who are emigrating with my family to Rotorua, New Zealand. I'm their 19year old son. My name is Jack and I'll be using this forum as much as I can. They left today and right now I'm in work STILL crying my eyes out and couldn't possibly regret my decision to stay in the UK anymore than I do. After a few days of very emotional goodbyes, My dog went on Tueday, Cat on Wednesday and worst of all my family left today, a matter of hours ago. My older brother Andrew,22; Younger sisters Natalie,16 & Laura,12; And my Mum & Dad. I foolishly didnt realise how much they meant to me. I haven't stopped crying for two days and hate myself for saying I wasn't going when the truth is I was just absolutely terridfied of the idea. But now I really want to join them, I'm sure I'll feel better in a few days but I feel sick at the idea of being here alone and I haven't ate anything since yesterday evening. I've told them that I plan to join them as soon as humanly possible and as soon as they arrive they will start trying to get me over there.

IF anybody has any idea what I'm going through please get back to me with any advise on how to speed up the process of getting back to my family.

Last edited by RobDon; Aug 13th 2009 at 7:39 pm.
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 7:51 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

I can't answer your question, but I just wanted to say I really feel for you. You have got to look after yourself, you must still eat and be strong, i am sure it would really upset your parents and make them feel helpless if you weren't looking after yourself.

Could you fly over and join them anyway and then do the PR application when you get here?

I'm really sorry I'm not alot of help, I just wanted to answer you to be strong, dry your tears and fight for what you want.

Keep us all posted and very very good luck.
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 8:00 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

Hi,

Just wanted to say that our thoughts are with you at this difficult time.
You say you are going out there - do you have a date to work towards?
My parents moved out to Spain a few years ago and I was gutted. Now I have got used to the fact and we are now moving to NZ. I know this wont help now but things to get better with time.
Do you have any friends or family that you can speak to here in the UK?

Good luck with what you decide

Jx
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 8:17 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

Hi Jack
I just had to reply to your post, so heartbreaking
We also left our 19 year old and 23 old son in UK, their choice of course
I remember the older boy saying goodbye and sobbing on my shoulder. The younger son put a brave face on, but I am sure he cried in secret
I think it is good that you keeping your options open and that time will tell
You must like previous post, take care of yourself and do keep on the forum so others can help
By the way we have the younger children with us, so we know what like to split families, after 16 months we all cope, by telephone, internet and the webcam
One thing I must say is my boys have become men, and I know will never stop missing them

D

P.S I see you are in Liverpool I can PM details my boys in Preston, may help to talk to them to see how they coped
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 8:34 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

I have friends and family here and we are all hurting. I've just never felt like this before. Never understood the phrase "You don't know what you've got until its gone" until now. I can't explain how bad I feel. Not just for myself but also for my family, especially my mother who cried and absolutely pleeded with me for months and me being incredibly stubborn at the time wasn't interested. She asked me 24 hours ago if i wanted a ticket on the plane as it wasn't too late. And i declined because although I was having second thoughts I was determined to atleast give it a go on my own. I broke my mothers heart and that hurts so much more than it sounds.
I'm gonna get something to eat now because I have to, even though i don't feel hungry at all. Datewise there isn't one - as soon as i have enough money I'm outta here. I signed a 6month lease on my flat but I don't think I can last that long without my family. Its only been hours at the moment and I feel sick just thinking about being here without them. I may have to pay the remaining 6months on my rent but the landlord rented the place to me as a favor as he doesnt rent to people under 28. He mentioned when i signed it that if I decided to go out there later on he would try and sort something out. My parents have vowed to get onto the immigration in New Zealand as soon as they arrive which should be on Saturday evening. My Mum&Dad promised to start saving as soon as they get there, along with me to get me there sooner rather than later. Fortunately I have a pretty well payed job so it shouldn't take too long but its most likely going to seem like forever. Thanks for your concern.
I'd also like to say to anybody who is staying in the UK while close relatives emigrate anywhere; just go - Especially if they're ALL going. I'm still hurting from my family and I'm certainly have many more cries, but the things I was staying for really aren't that important. I can make new friends even though my current ones are long-term friends and we're a close gang. My other members of the family have promised to visit so I have a lot more to loose than gain by staying. My parents & older brother Andrew have told me how proud of me they are even though they would've liked me to go with them, for at least trying to stand on my own two feet and I'm quite proud of myself for that to be honest. But I can always try living on my own closer to my family if thats the way I choose to go. I Know that I'm babbling on a bit but I feel so much better talking to people about this. Thanks again for your concern if you read to the bottom
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 8:38 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

Originally Posted by kiwichicks View Post
Hi Jack
I just had to reply to your post, so heartbreaking
We also left our 19 year old and 23 old son in UK, their choice of course
I remember the older boy saying goodbye and sobbing on my shoulder. The younger son put a brave face on, but I am sure he cried in secret
I think it is good that you keeping your options open and that time will tell
You must like previous post, take care of yourself and do keep on the forum so others can help
By the way we have the younger children with us, so we know what like to split families, after 16 months we all cope, by telephone, internet and the webcam
One thing I must say is my boys have become men, and I know will never stop missing them

D

P.S I see you are in Liverpool I can PM details my boys in Preston, may help to talk to them to see how they coped
I put on a brave face as long as I could but my mum crying in my arms, as well of my dad who I've only ever seen cry when his mother passed away a few years ago. That set me off and I've just been so emotional. Every 10 mins or so i'll start crying again. But I can take solace in the fact that I'll see them really soon and I didnt let my stubborness block me any longer. I'd be interested to here what your boys have to say - especially the younger one. Its one of those things you learn from and I'm going to have to take this one on the chin and just look forward to getting there and seeing my family again rather than regret not going with them when I had the chance.
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 8:52 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

When I realised my mistake, I told myself and my family that I'd made a mistake and was really sorry for any pain that I'd caused them - particularly my mum. I said to myself "Right Jack! Are you gonna give it a try on your own? or go with them to the unknown?" I decided that I wasn't as ready as I thought I was and that possibly the best thing to make me really mature was to atleast give it ago. As all members of my immediate family are going, I shouldn't have a problem getting over there so that is what i decided. I decided before they actually left that I was going to follow them as soon as I could. To make it easier for them I promised that I was right behind them.
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 9:01 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

Sweetheart, the emotions are quite understandably all over the place right now. Things will settle down in time, although I know it seems hard to believe right now. Fortunately you have lots of options, and can go to visit or stay when you want. Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing. You are young and have the world at your feet - literally.
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 9:15 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

You keep talking about it, and people here will listen and believe me there are a lot of nice people on here.
And every time you get a post back it will lift your spirits a little bit. believe me it works. Its good therapy on here, and its free

I have kids roughly the same age as you and I know how bad your mum would feel knowing she left you behind, it would have devastated me.
The key here is to eat and stay strong and think positive.

Can you imagine how bad your mum would feel if she knew that you werent looking after yourself. The guilt alone would drive her nuts.
You are harbouring enough guilt at breaking your mums heart. Its lovely to see that your mum means so much to you. Mums and their Sons eh!!

Dont worry about the money thing, you should worry about that later. Money doesnt buy you happiness.
You will make new freinds, the Kiwis are a hugely freindly bunch and funny with it.
Keep your chin up and stay positive and lets hope lots of people on here give you loads of postive thoughts.
Take Care of yourself and keep us posted on your little adventures.

Big Hugs from a Mum!!!



Originally Posted by RobDon View Post
I have friends and family here and we are all hurting. I've just never felt like this before. Never understood the phrase "You don't know what you've got until its gone" until now. I can't explain how bad I feel. Not just for myself but also for my family, especially my mother who cried and absolutely pleeded with me for months and me being incredibly stubborn at the time wasn't interested. She asked me 24 hours ago if i wanted a ticket on the plane as it wasn't too late. And i declined because although I was having second thoughts I was determined to atleast give it a go on my own. I broke my mothers heart and that hurts so much more than it sounds.
I'm gonna get something to eat now because I have to, even though i don't feel hungry at all. Datewise there isn't one - as soon as i have enough money I'm outta here. I signed a 6month lease on my flat but I don't think I can last that long without my family. Its only been hours at the moment and I feel sick just thinking about being here without them. I may have to pay the remaining 6months on my rent but the landlord rented the place to me as a favor as he doesnt rent to people under 28. He mentioned when i signed it that if I decided to go out there later on he would try and sort something out. My parents have vowed to get onto the immigration in New Zealand as soon as they arrive which should be on Saturday evening. My Mum&Dad promised to start saving as soon as they get there, along with me to get me there sooner rather than later. Fortunately I have a pretty well payed job so it shouldn't take too long but its most likely going to seem like forever. Thanks for your concern.
I'd also like to say to anybody who is staying in the UK while close relatives emigrate anywhere; just go - Especially if they're ALL going. I'm still hurting from my family and I'm certainly have many more cries, but the things I was staying for really aren't that important. I can make new friends even though my current ones are long-term friends and we're a close gang. My other members of the family have promised to visit so I have a lot more to loose than gain by staying. My parents & older brother Andrew have told me how proud of me they are even though they would've liked me to go with them, for at least trying to stand on my own two feet and I'm quite proud of myself for that to be honest. But I can always try living on my own closer to my family if thats the way I choose to go. I Know that I'm babbling on a bit but I feel so much better talking to people about this. Thanks again for your concern if you read to the bottom
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 9:17 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

I'd like to thank everyone who has responded. Just talking to other people about this has helped me feel better and I'm starting to get my appetite back. I'll visit this forum as much as I can (in work at the moment) and keep you up to date.

PS. My boss is a good old friend of my dad and he called my dad earlier to see if i wanted the night off. I declined because I think I would have been a million times worse if I was just sitting in the flat alone. My flat is over the road facing my old home(probably not the smartest idea) but more importantly, its in the same area I know and love. I'm close to my friends & family and my flat is actually next door to my Grandparents.
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 9:21 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

If you have read any of their posts or encountered them before, my mother qualified as a nurse and due to the NHS being in trouble she was forced to look elsewhere and I fully support her. I'm sure she'll read these posts once she's there. love you mum. cant wait to see you. love you all so much.
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 9:25 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

AW Jack
You poor thing.
Dont really know what else to say really. You'll get lots of support here though xx
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 9:29 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

I really really appreciate everybody's help & support. I genuinely feel better, more confident in myself and if I keep coming back to this forum I'm sure the time will fly.
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 9:48 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

Originally Posted by RobDon View Post
If you have read any of their posts or encountered them before, my mother qualified as a nurse and due to the NHS being in trouble she was forced to look elsewhere and I fully support her. I'm sure she'll read these posts once she's there. love you mum. cant wait to see you. love you all so much.
Hi Hun,

My heart goes out to you Jack. I only spoke to your mum and dad a few weeks ago. We will be heading out to NZ later in the year and we will only be about an hour away from Rotorua. I suggested we all meet up at some point. I am a nurse too. It is lovely to read how much your family mean to you.

They will be upset when they read your posts but they will also be so so proud of their independent lad. We all make decisions in our lives which at times, turn out to be the wrong ones. Sometimes bad decisions have to be made before we can identify the right one. You are at that crossroads now.

You made a brave decision to come on here and voice your pain. Rest assured we will be here for you in the meantime and maybe one day, I'll meet you over there, in the land of the long white cloud...sweet as bro!...Err thats am oldie trying to sound cool...how sad is that x
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Old Aug 13th 2009, 10:12 pm
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Default Re: Please Help Me

Originally Posted by Numptyhead View Post
...sweet as bro!...Err thats am oldie trying to sound cool...how sad is that x
haha, hope I meet you there. As I said, I have no dates set, just as soon as I can.
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