Is NZ for you?

Old Feb 23rd 2007, 11:31 pm
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

Originally Posted by Wiz'n'Ton View Post
Ahhh, Bert, nice to have you back!
Do you mean 'Ahhh, Victor Meldrew, nice to have you back!
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Old Feb 23rd 2007, 11:34 pm
  #17  
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

Originally Posted by Mandie.H View Post
Do you mean 'Ahhh, Victor Meldrew, nice to have you back!
heh You have to admit though, One Foot in The Grave *is* funny, as is Berty Baby when he's on form

Last edited by Wiz'n'Ton; Feb 23rd 2007 at 11:35 pm. Reason: Eye carn't spel for tofe
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Old Feb 23rd 2007, 11:37 pm
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

Originally Posted by Wiz'n'Ton View Post
heh You have to admit though, One Foot in The Grave *is* funny, as is Berty Baby when he's on form
Berty baby...now that's funny
ooooh maybe good name for cat!!! although i still like Humphrey!!!
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Old Feb 23rd 2007, 11:51 pm
  #19  
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

Originally Posted by Amber and Chris View Post
...Try replicating Saskatchewan (our current home):

1. Sit in your freezer.

2. In the dark.

3. For eight months.

4. That's it.

NZ has got to be better than this...!

It's warmed up this week to minus 20 C; last fortnight temp was around minus 40 and never got above minus 25.
Totality irrelevant, but I once had a penpal in Saskatchewan. Temperatures sound about right!!!!!
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Old Feb 24th 2007, 5:35 am
  #20  
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

Originally Posted by Wiz'n'Ton View Post
Ahhh, Bert, nice to have you back!
Is it? Really?

Hey Burt,
I have an idea. Why don't you ask Sue to start an anti-nz forum for you and nerine and others of your ilk to play in
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Old Feb 24th 2007, 8:20 am
  #21  
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

Funny post Burt ...
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Old Feb 24th 2007, 9:00 am
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

sounds idyllic!
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Old Feb 26th 2007, 3:10 am
  #23  
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

I could have sworn I replied to this but apparently I didn't!

Funny
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Old Feb 26th 2007, 8:20 am
  #24  
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

Go to your doctors, pay him £50 and ask for Prosaic.


Excellent

One online dictionary defines prosaic as:
"Lacking in imagination and spirit; dull".

Why on earth would you be asking him for that? Sounds like you already have plenty!
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Old Feb 26th 2007, 10:27 pm
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

Originally Posted by Burt Badger View Post
Emigrating to the other side of the Earth can be both emotionally and financially draining. It can cause your marriage to breakdown, children to divorce parents and mental health problems.

To give you a taste of NZ without leaving your own home try the following:

1. In your back garden build a very large shed. Divide the shed into rooms, ensuring that you DO NOT insulate it or provide adequate heating. It helps if your garden slopes 30 or so degrees. The shed (NZ House) MUST have a roof made of "Wriggly Tin" or "Long Run" (posh name) This is to ensure you get the full benefit of the noise caused by the constant rain.

2. Take your kids out of their current schools, and then do tons and tons of research to find the worst schools in your area. Enroll your kids immediately. If they are not offered drugs on their first day complain to the Head Teacher! Don't let your kids do any research of their own and don't encourage them academically. Start brainwashing your kids with statements like "Your so sporty!" This apparently makes up for under achievement.

3. Go into work and ask your boss to give you a 30% pay cut. During the meeting offer to work Saturdays for free.

4. Carry on paying your Council Tax, but ask your local authority to reduce their services to you. Insist on disposing of your own rubbish and start calling your local tip the "Transfer Station".

5. If you are conducting this experiment in the winter then every morning get the garden hose and spray the entire inside of your shed. Walls, ceilings and especially windows must all be dripping wet. Throw open all the doors and windows to dry the place out. If any family members complain of feeling cold and ask to light the fire shout "Toughen up you pommy bastard!" at them.

6. NEVER heat your house in any way - It is classed as being a waste of money!

7. Buy a large bag of gravel / stones. Find a local gang of kids and pay them to thrown the contents onto your roof all night long. The stones against the wriggly tin will sound just like the rain. You will need to hire the gang of kids for at least 8 months of the year to replicate the frequency of the rain storms.

8. Go to the worst supermarket you can find and ask to buy any food from them that is only fit for animal consumption. Pay 5 times the price marked on the food and prepare you dinner with it. Keep any leftovers as these will be needed to feed you for the next 4 days.

9. By now some members of your family will be suffering from depression. NZ has the highest rate of depression per capita, so don't panic. Go to your doctors, pay him £50 and ask for Prosaic.

10. Never watch the news and never read a national news paper which may tell you about events outside a 10 mile radius of your shed. Insist that everyone in the house only watches sport on the TV. No matter how badly your chosen team play always say that they are the best in the world!

This should get you going and into the spirt of things. I'll give you all a couple of weeks and then continue

Enjoy!

Burt


Pure excellence!!!
Because it's all true. There's not much exaggeration here.

If you're doing the experiment, remember - if you live more than 40 kilometers from the largest city, you will have to ask the town to turn off your water supply, then buy a ridiculously expensive, ugly plastic water tank, and start collecting rainwater off the roof, animal droppings and all. There's a good chance your water will not meet World Health Organisation standards for safe drinking water, but at least the bacteria is free! And when there's an extended drought, you get to spend well over $200 dollars to have someone refill the water tank.


Note that the shed (NZ house) will cost more to build than a large, sturdily
built, insulated home with double-glazed windows And that's a fact.
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Old Feb 27th 2007, 8:16 am
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

Originally Posted by The Weezer View Post
Pure excellence!!!
Because it's all true. There's not much exaggeration here.

If you're doing the experiment, remember - if you live more than 40 kilometers from the largest city, you will have to ask the town to turn off your water supply, then buy a ridiculously expensive, ugly plastic water tank, and start collecting rainwater off the roof, animal droppings and all. There's a good chance your water will not meet World Health Organisation standards for safe drinking water, but at least the bacteria is free! And when there's an extended drought, you get to spend well over $200 dollars to have someone refill the water tank.


Note that the shed (NZ house) will cost more to build than a large, sturdily
built, insulated home with double-glazed windows And that's a fact.
wonder if weezer and burt are one?
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Old Feb 27th 2007, 8:35 am
  #27  
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

Originally Posted by dreamfish View Post
wonder if weezer and burt are one?
Oh yes, I remember now. The Weezer was the one who hated NZ because there was no hiking...
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Old Feb 27th 2007, 9:26 am
  #28  
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

Originally Posted by The Weezer View Post
If you're doing the experiment, remember - if you live more than 40 kilometers from the largest city, you will have to ask the town to turn off your water supply, then buy a ridiculously expensive, ugly plastic water tank, and start collecting rainwater off the roof, animal droppings and all. There's a good chance your water will not meet World Health Organisation standards for safe drinking water, but at least the bacteria is free! And when there's an extended drought, you get to spend well over $200 dollars to have someone refill the water tank.
The ugly tanks are usually hidden in some way... either by trees, hedges or large plants, the newer houses have them underground. Our 2 ugly tanks are at the back of our house. We have never been ill from the ugly tank water either in our rental property or in the house we now own. The ugly tank water here tastes a lot better than the reticulated water up nearer Auckland...that tastes gross and even my friend who is on reticulated wont drink her water and loves it when she comes here and has a drink of proper water.... droppings and all.
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Old Feb 27th 2007, 2:23 pm
  #29  
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?








About all of it
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Old Feb 27th 2007, 8:50 pm
  #30  
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Default Re: Is NZ for you?

I cannot attribute any credibility to this post because burt failed to observe the singularly most insidious, dangerous, pestulent and illegal-in-other-countries (or should be) hazard of them all.... the sausages... by comparison, the rest - although true - are a minor inconvenience
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