The New Zealand Joke Thread
 

Subject: little old lady



Defense Attorney:

Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:

I am 86 years old.



Defense Attorney:

Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?



Little Old Lady:

There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.



Defense Attorney:

Did you know him?



Little Old Lady:

No, but he sure was friendly.



Defense Attorney:

What happened after he sat down?



Little Old Lady:

He started to rub my thigh.



Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him?



Little Old Lady:

No, I didn't stop him.



Defense Attorney:

Why not?



Little Old Lady:

It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.



Defense Attorney:

What happened next?



Little Old Lady:

He began to rub my breasts.



Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him then?



Little Old Lady:

No, I did not stop him.



Defense Attorney:

Why not?



Little Old Lady:

His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!



Defense Attorney:

What happened next?



Little Old Lady:

Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him

"Take me, young man. Take me now!"



Defense Attorney:

Did he take you?



Little Old Lady:

Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!"



And that's when I shot him, the little b@stard.:thumbsup:

Re: The New Zealand Joke Thread
 

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand , walks into a small
>village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.
>
>He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi G'day, mind
>if I talk to your dog?"
>
>Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
>
>Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
>
>Dog: "Doin' all right."
>
>Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)
>
>Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the
>villager)
>
>Dog: "Yep"
>
>Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
>
>Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes
>me to the lake once a week to play."
>
>Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)
>
>Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
>
>Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
>
>Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
>
>Horse: "Cool"
>
>Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)
>
>Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
>
>Horse: "Yep"
>
>Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
>
>Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
>me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
>
>Kiwi: (total look of amazement)
>
>Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
>Kiwi: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar."
>
>