Fan1975

Hi, new poster here.

My husband and I and our 6 yr old son have been planning our move to Timaru for the last 9 months, all the time planning I was on board with the idea, but once the flights were booked I became incredibly nervous, feeling sick and getting upset about the move. I know the benefits of the move i.e, having more family time as my husband would have "normal" working hrs and weekends pretty much free.

Just wondered how people got over the nerves please ?

Ali

barnsleymat

There's no getting over the nerves, you're at the start of the emigration roller coaster. I went off my head the 2 weeks leading up to us leaving, it didn't lift until i was sat on a plane on the Heathrow runway. The adventure had started right then for me.

Hold on tight, it's going to get worse as your departure date creeps closer, it's all completely normal. It will get better though.

bourbon-biscuit

I think the above poster is correct: it's a rough ride to the runway! It's also very hard to know if the nerves mean anything more than understandable anxiety about the change. Try to find the head space to check in with yourself and be as sure as is possible that you want to move overseas

Fan1975

I am a person that lets nerves get to me and cant stand feeling sick. Did the feeling subside once you arrived or stay for a little while whilst settling in ?

I had been looking forward to it till the nerves set in.

barnsleymat

The nerves totally went as soon as the adventure started, that for me was as the plane was on the runway.

You'll be a wreck when you say goodbye to your mates, same as saying goodbye to your family, leaving your house for the last time, your last day at work. The little things will start to set you off, you'll doubt everything you're doing and it'll nearly break you but it soon gets better once you've done all your goodbyes and you're underway.

Buckle up and hold on tight, there's some serious turbulence on the way and I'm not talking about the flights.

Strangely there's some people that take the whole move in their stride and it doesn't bother them, I'm not one of these people. It rocked me to the core and nearly broke me, the worse 2 weeks of my life.

Pom_Chch

I'm one of those. Sometimes I feel like I might have a heart of stone after reading how people feel when emigrating! I literally had no negative feelings what-so-ever. I was happy to be going and excited for the adventure. There were some nerves but nothing that over shadowed the feeling of happiness to be heading to NZ. My parents came to see us the day before we left and there were no long drawn out emotional good byes. It was a hug and my mum said "bye then, have a nice life and we'll probably come out in a couple of years." Now that I've been here for two and a half years I sometimes miss people but not massively. God, I sound like a right cow! But those are my honest feelings.

nikkijane88

I've only been here 8 months but no big emotions. A few tears at the airport with my parents but that's cause mum started, and an odd thought to myself on the runway. Not sure if it was the fact I went for a weeks holiday before arriving here but not been homesick at all... I'm not saying it won't happen but so far we are all settled and wouldn't change anything

desmondo84

Been here a year and feel the same. Never think of back home really. Miss the cheap stuff in the UK but that's about it... (so far....)

Fan1975

It's good to hear that it is normal, and that others have gone through it too. Wish it didnt have to get worse before it gets better tho ?!!! What did you do to get through it ?

Hazelnut

I've gone through a through transitional experiences and I find Kalms (a valerian supplement from most pharmacies or bigger supermarkets) are a wonderful thing. I also do meditation although that's a bit late for you to start but it might help. Try looking up mindfulness and being in the moment guides, there's some more off the wall sites but there's also some good, medical related ones too.

Some of it is just being iron willed enough to wrench your mind away from the hamster wheel of, "That's the last time I'll....xyz" or "What The F*** Am I DOING!!!". Every time you have a negative thought try and turn it positive or recall the reasons you're doing this in the first place, it's not easy but it helps.

I do find myself chanting, 'exciting adventure' at times when my brain is in full blown, 'AAAAAAARGH it's going to be a catastrophe!' mode.

Brandy in a milky hot chocolate before bed also helps

barnsleymat

I drunk heavily and convinced myself I'd be back for a holiday within 6 months to make the 'goodbyes' more like 'see you soons'

Fan1975

To Hazelnut, yes I too have bought Kalms, trying to only taking them on really bad days.

To Barnsleymat, my husband suggested drinking !!

I am trying to tell myself I just need to get through the next couple of weeks.

Persephone

Hi there,
It all sounds completely normal!
I was the same: I'd researched everything, got a residency visa and was all ready to go. Then I booked the one way flight and had a melt down What was I doing moving to the other side of the world? Why hadn't I thought this through properly? Have I gone insane?

Luckily that passed in a few days and I was back on track. It wasn't feeling homesick so much as the normal apprehension anyone has when changing their lives so completely but just all in one big lump and multiplied by 1,000
I got through it by thinking about what the worst was that could happen-which was that it didn't work out and I returned to the UK. I could live in either country so that wouldn't bother me.

All the best, try not to worry too much and have a few drinks [they do help!]

karen87

I had my meltdown on our stop over in San Francisco, which in hindsight, we shouldn't have done because I think it would have been easier if we'd have just gone straight through! Anyway...

Even though we've only been here three months it has been a rollercoaster ride thinking if we'd get jobs etc. and if the risk was worth it, but not for one minute have we regretted making the decision to give it a go. Its been a fantastic adventure already and it's opened our eyes to how we could live long term.

Nerves are a completely normal process, especially when making and executing such a weighty decision. It does get better though, at least it has for me! It helped to think of the long term picture, such as how much better our lives will be in years to come if we stick it out here and get over the homesickness feelings. Plus, taking a trip out to the beach/national park/scenic area always helps and washes away any nerves I was feeling and reminds me this was the right decision!

Baz036

I came over with a group of people recruited almost ten years ago. Spent a great deal of time with three and their families in a small south island town so got to see the whole gambit of emotions.

Have to say for me it was easy, but others not so. One family returned after 9 months as it was obvious that they were never going to settle, one returned after four and a half years as one of the couple suffered from the same issue. Two of us are still here and loving it.

From witnessing this I can say probably the biggest issue is the attitude you have. If you look for reasons not to stay then nothing will ever be right. It is easy in these circumstances to just find the points you do not like and then the cycle becomes ever perpetuating until you have no course of action open to you other than return - or stay and hate it.

For my wife and I the needs of us as a couple and the things we aspire to were so much more abundant in NZ than in the UK. We support each other and remind each as to the reasons we emigrated. We found that having that conscious decision to find the benefits rather than the concerns helped immeasurably.

It is the little things such as embracing the fact that we are sometimes a few years behind (especially down south!) the UK and seeing that as a positive.

I remember a conversation I had with one of those that returned. One minute they were extoling the fact that social issues found in the old country were just surfacing here some ten years after they experienced them and enjoying the sense of comfort that gave them over the UK, but one minute later they were complaining that they did not have a supermarket open 24 hours so they had to plan their lives better!

What I am trying to say is it suits some and not others. For those undecided and somewhere in the middle it will be YOUR attitude that makes or breaks it for you. If you seek out the best bits for you, whatever they may be, then you would be more likely to stay.

Good luck and godspeed.