kato33

Great news...........now just keep thinking about your reasons for doing all this and you should be alright.

When all is said and done, you are putting YOUR family first and that can only be a good thing.

Good luck to you and the family.

Nici

P2L

Congratulations the McGowans
welcome to the insane world that is emmigration. Lots of help and support are available to you here, so use it

Happy Celebrating

zummerzet_lou

I've just found this thread, and couldn't have come at a better time as I'm feeling extremely down about our decision.

We are just in the midst of getting our ITA processed so are about 3-6months away from actually arriving on NZ shores.

Hubbies folks, my Dad and friends have all been hugely supportive, even though they have told us we shall be missed.

My Mum is another story ... I told her just as we submitted our EOI back in June 2007. She won't really talk about it, but is laying on the guilt trips thick and fast .. from her moving down to be closer to u, to abandoning her, the fact we've never been to NZ (fair comment I know), how she can't afford to visit us, that she'll never see the grandchildren again .... it goes on.

I completely sympathise with her .. and I feel incredibly guilty about laying this on her, almost to the point where I feel like jacking in the emigration idea.

Not really sure if there is anything I can say or do ...

Lou

Bo-Jangles

The only thing you must do is carry on with your dream and try to to let your mother's insecurities and emotional blackmail stop you. She wouldn't surely want you to give up on your hopes and dreams to keep her happy, would she?

You will hear the same of many people who have been through the same. Once she finally comes to terms with herself that you are really going through with this, she will realise that it is not the end of the world, she can pick up a phone and speak to her daughter and granchildren almost anytime she likes (we have the technology) and she WILL come around. Heck, I am sure before you know it she will have saved up all her pennies and will be making plans to visit you.

Maz

Oh Lou

I think we've all been there to some degree or another.

Here's my story:

Scenario #1
MIL, lived less than 4 miles from us in the Chicago 'burbs

Thought it was great that we went somewhere "exotic" *on holiday only* in April last year. Which was our recce when I had a total of 3 interviews.

She then changed her tune, as soon as we got back, knowing our possible emigration thoughts, to "glad you've got that NZ nonsense out of the way". Of course she only said this to her son, never to me.

She got her son - my hubby - to one side, many a time before we left, trying to put him in the middle. "Oh I'll never see my granddaughter again boo hoo ****ing hoo" etc etc etc, when she never gave a rat's arse about seeing her other two grandkids (now fully grown and in their 20s) when they were growing up. She has zero problem with affording the flights either, and has the offer of chaperones on them, too.

Scenario #2
My parents, I have lived a minimum of 4,000 miles from them for over 12 years now

Fully embraced the idea of us going to NZ on hols, but there was a phone miscommunication and my Mum honestly didn't hear that I was going to take my CV with me. They'd always known I longed to visit the Antipodes, but didn't know about a possible desire to move here. I'd always most certainly expressed a fondness for going to NZ rather than Oz.

We have my parents' only grandchild. Yep. I feel awful about that, but I cannot bring myself to have my daughter grow up in the EU (daughter and I are citizens, hubby just needs to apply for his Irish citizenship and passport, then he's golden too). Mostly for language barriers (hubby too) but also because of the culture.

My parents, while sad / gutted that we were moving to NZ, were actually extremely pleased that we were leaving the USA. I was too. And hubby hasn't really missed it either, only a few people. Of course he misses his Mum a bunch, but that's only natural.

We have a better life here. We have a better family life (only need one salary), school for the littl'un is better, we don't have to shell out a minimum of US$1,000 a month for healthcare premiums

Oh, and our social life is beyond comparison

Nerine

Lou leaving close family behind is the hardest part of emigration, try to get her to see it as some sort of extended holiday for you, it doesn't have to be for life - you could try it for a couple of years and then move on like we have, or you could decide to move back to the UK.

Maz

Very true. It doesn't have to be for life. But often it is. I will never move back to the UK. And wild horses couldn't drag me back to the US unless our daughter decided to make her life there. The only place I might possibly move back to - the only place I've felt homesick for - is France. However, there we have a language-barier problem for hubby and daughter.

I still miss France...

Weird, I know.

But people don't always miss the places they're from or were born.

When we left NZ after 3 week s last April, there was a horrible void in me.

The USA wasn't home after 11 1/2 years, but NZ was home. Far more than England could ever have been.

I don't know if that makes any sense. And I applaud those who move here (especially those nuts enough to do it without a recce you know I love you really! heart: ) without living elsewhere. i consider myself blessed to have had the luxury of moving here "in bits"... by myself to France ; then a number of years later to my new husband's home country ; then to a completely different country!

zummerzet_lou

I'm trying soo hard not to let my Mums attitude affect this decision but it's so hard.

Although I'm in my mid-thirties, she has this ability to make to feel like a small child, and has always been very good a manipulation - but it's taken me until now to really see this.

The trouble is, I know that the only thing she'd be "happy" with, is for us to stay put. Even if I were to suggest we moved a few counties away, I'm pretty sure I'd be getting the same treatment.

It's kinda reassuring to hear of other peoples bad experiences as I mostly read about all the support etc that people have got, and the negative experiences seem to get lost.

thanks for letting me ramble ..... off back to pack a little more - completion day on Friday and we have PSS in tomorrow to pack our house up!!

Lou

Am Loolah

Oh Lou,

Are we related?

My mum was exactly the same, especially the bit about having moved to be nearer us and the Grandchildren. My children are her only grandchildren. We asked her to move with us, thankfully she declined.

We came anyway! In the end the more I harped on about how supportive my Dad and step-mum were the more she really knew she'd have to change her attitude - it worked.

She's just arriving back in the UK today, having been over here for 3 months, not with us all that time! She's 74, single and has a pace maker. If she can do it, hopefully others will too!

Now we have MIL arriving this week -

spid

My MIL is fine - it was something she always wanted to do but her hubby wouldn't let her. My Bro is cool, my sister less so but okay, and my dad odd. Sort of gives us his blessing but worries about not seeing the kids as much - and when did he last see them? 14 months ago! Is he going to see them in the foreseeable future - no! So why is he now worrying? If we lived 5 mins down the road from him he still wouldn't want to see us -so why is he playing the guilt trip? He didn't invite us to his house warming - but did the rest of the family. When he got married to the wicked witch (step-mum obviously) all the rest of the kids on both sides were catered for and found accomodation - us? We had to pay for a bed and breakfast and at the wedding reception ate off the floor as there weren't enough tables for us as well. Do I really give a SH1T whether he sees the kids or not? NO, not really.:curse::curse:

Sorry, rant over, parents eh, can't live with them, wouldn't have lived without them - but can live 12,000 miles away from them.