McGowans

Did anyone experience any neagtivity from friends and family when you made your announcement about NZ? My mum and sister are particularly negative, citing distance, support, dreamer etc and are starting to get us down. Interestingly brother and father are hugely supportive, one has travelled the other lives in Spain.

We can't get it through to mum why we want to go and parents-in-law are OK about it, though feel they are not voicing their concerns- namely when will they see their grand-children again.

We don't want to fall out about this but feel a huge row brewing. You wouldn't think we're late thirties!

deboltz

i havent told my family yet, we are not going for a few years yet but we have told the in-laws (they are fine about it)

my family are a nightmare at the best of times, i may even just email them when and if i ever get there

dazal

Totally understand where your coming from. We had exactly the same thing when we left. Not from family though as dont have much family really but from our friends! Not all of them but some of our closest friends gave us such a hard time. They just couldnt understand why we were going, well me really. They could understand why my OH wanted to as he is a kiwi but they couldnt understand it from my side. All the explaining I had to do constantly was annoying enough and the total lack of support but we also got little digs and comments whenever they could possibly get them in!!! Grrr

It does make a decision thats hard enough anyway, even harder.

Even when we got here, we used to get emails all the time saying how wonderful things were back home and when are we coming home. Just stuff you really dont need.

I dont know why people do it, may be its their way of dealing with the loss and if they give you a hard enough time you wont go!

You just have to roll with it I think, as difficult as it is.

happynz

No problems at all. I don't have any close friends and my family basically were, 'What are you waiting for? Get going!'

McGowans

Hmmm, I didn't expect them to be overjoyed, and have asked my mum if she woud have preferred me not to have mentioned it until we went. Then we got the '...and I didn't like the way you told me' speech. Can't win. Perhaps that's why I need to be on the other side of the world (as she keeps pointing out where it is!)

simonmarkellis

For us, yes exactly the same, but we just involved family in all our discussions and over time they came to respect our decision and saw why we were giving it a go. We skye home two times per week so we can see family and it helps.

garryhg

hi jacky g here.....sorry to here you are facing this negativity,but probably best to bite you tongue just now....you will probably regret it when you move...

they will most likely change they probably just need to come to terms with it themselves.both our families have been really supportive,its me that wasn't,probably saying everything your parents and sister was saying...

i had to come to terms with it myself before i could start feeling positive,be patient they will come round,

but i can understand how you feel as you do need everyone round you to be positive,as you yourself have your low days...try having a quiet word in there ear,suggest that you need them to be positive for the kids sake(sorry don't know if you have any)didn't read all the thread....gl

Gill and Rob

I know exactally where you are coming from !!! My sister was a complete b**ch about us moving to NZ. However it hadn't occurred to her that she lived 300 miles away from her home town (and 90% of her family) and had done for years !! It wasn't until later that the " who's going to look after Mother bit" surfaced !! Guess since we live in NZ SHE will have to !!!
4 years later and she still doesn't speak to us about our move here.

Mum (and Grandma) on the other hand both COMPLETELY understood why we wanted to moved to NZ. And now my brother is thinking of coming over for a year or two with his family.

Mixed reaction from freinds.

Gill

danny.f

Exactly the same-Don's family superb,but mine we're full of tears all the time,trying the guilt complex thing. My dad had just died the year before,and my sister hasn't lived in Liverpool for 15 years,and was upset she'd have to move back after all this time. In the end,it's a case of tough shit-my turn now.
3 kids and my family are my priority now. The fact I can make this decision is in fact a huge testimony to my mum and dad,and says they've done a great job.
We're also late 30's,and life's priorities change. As time moved on,it was a little easier-but the guilt thing is still tried on some phone occasions. Tough. My life.
When you get here-you'll see it's the right thing to do. Trust me, I'm a nurse!

Gill and Rob

Trust me as well, cos' I'm a nurse too.

Gill

happynz

Trust them. Nurses are way cool!

Ash1

Hi,

We had a mixture of responses. My dad wouldn`t talk to me but mum totally understood but was devastated. Some friends were supportive and some began to distance themselves immediately. One close friend cried nearly every time we saw them and in the end we began to avoid them as it was getting us down.
Immigration is a big word to use and on reflection I wish that we had just said that we were going to live in NZ for a while, to give people a chance to adjust. I also wish we hadn`t told our friends so soon as it made the last 3 months in the UK very drawn out.
Everyone reacts differently but in my opinion the last thing you need is an argument. Maybe sit down and discuss calmly before it reaches that point. Some people take it very personally.
Good luck
Ash

Maz

That's rather telling, isn't it? My family are all very well travelled and have far fewer problems with our move than my MIL. The only time she's left the US was to go to our 2nd wedding reception in my parents' back garden in May 1995... She is point-blank refusing to renew her passport to visit, after saying she would (and getting many "alriiiight"s from me and hubby, and verbal pats on back ).

Other way round here. My parents are fine with it and planning to spend a fairly large amount of time with us, once they come over, pretty much to make the very long journey worthwhile! They're both in their 70s and absolutely fighting fit, but hate prolonged air travel, which is understandable.

Just try to stay calm. Make sure that however they feel about the move, you all hug and tell each each other you love each other before you leave. It will be tough to do after that!

No, you can't. Sometimes you just have to accept that you will be blamed for wanting to live your own life the way you want to. This is just another of the guilt-trip things.

Note to self: I need a new webcam. Mine only seems to run in stop-motion. (Am I using it incorrectly?)

That's pretty much what it boils down to. Your partner and children are your priority. The parents that can accept that graciously have done a great job, and have learnt that their children can live their own lives and make their own decisions. They've learnt to let to.

Boopy

My family were very supportive, but hubby's went abit cold on NZ. They just didn't mention it - like if they didn't talk about it, it wouldn't happen. They fine with it now were here.

joshgifford

At the end of day it,s your lives and you can,t live it for other people.Go for it you only live once .Went through exactly the same negativity,i think a lot of it is jealousy and not having the balls to do the same type of thing especially from friends.Good luck