MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

We have just suffered a close friends bereavement and OH has changed his mind about going to NZ. It was his friend and it has affected him deeply.
So after putting 10 months of research into the move, convincing kids & family...........I am just meant to understand.:curse:
Kids are upset and my family think its a mistake not to go as they were very supportive.
Now I am left wondering whether he is going to change his mind in a few months or should I plough my energy into finding a proper job and start to settle down here again.
We would usually book holidays for Oct and Xmas just now. Kids are being asked to go to BB, school camps etc in May/June time so deposits need to be paid.
Craig was a great guy and lived life to the full. He was excited for us to be going on our adventure and would still have wanted us to go.
I know if i put my foot down and said we are going then he would commit but I dont want to be insensitive and also scared that I do that and NZ isnt for us and I have forced the move at the wrong time.
Another close friend has a seriously ill husband (MND) and my OH is now saying we shouldnt be going so that we can be supportive to our friends (feel a bit guilty that I am more inclined to think....................life sooo short we should go for it)
Grief is a horrible thing so not sure what to do/say.
Any advice?

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

easy answer

go without him!!

real answer,

encourage him to see the positive side of things.
would his friend think he was making a mistake
isnt life for living, and making decisions for the better
you can always come home if need to
unsettling the kids agin as set heart on going.
etc etc.

perhaps continue without him knowing

or harsh reality, said surely should this be a joint decision not just his.

perhaps a family vote? anon if needs be

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

We're in a smiliar situation. We're actually trying to get a visa for OZ but sadly my husbands brother was rushed into hospital on boxing day for an emergency brain op but died on the 30th of december aged only 44. If we left the UK now we'd have to leave my 77 year old father in law on his own and he's already quite frail. He's told us not to change our plans but my husband is not sure what to do at all now. To add to our troubles im actually going off the idea of OZ slightly and warming more to NZ :unsure:

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

Thanks Krestsaf. To the point. Thats really the way Im thinking.

Hi Oz dreamer, So sorry to hear your sad news. Where abouts in Scotland are you? Its so tricky to know what to advise in your situation. Is father-in-law really OK about yous going? Any other friends/relatives nearby to set your minds at rest?

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

cant father in law come too?

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

Hi, does your father in law have much support from other friends and familly? I was really keen on Oz but my husband wasnt and went along with it for me really. The heat was a big issue for him and plus he really wanted to go to NZ. Work and promotions got in the way so we didnt go through with our plans to Oz. After a re think and another change of jobs we decided we wanted to emmigrate and as i have a sister in NZ i compromised and we are off to NZ in Aug. If it doesnt work out we would try some where else before returning to the UK (probally australia). IM really keen on NZ now, we've done a lot of research and it offers everything we want apart from wages!!

If you are having doubts look in to the alternatives but i think you both need to look at wether your husband will leave his dad at the moment. Take a bit of time out to think things through you both need time to grieve before making any big decisions.

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

I suggested that but he said he didn't want to leave his home. His older sister lives in NZ and has done for over 50 years!

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

Im in Fife, in a village not far from Cupar. There are family here but not immediate family, who don't have much to do with him.

Hope everything works out for you, maybe your other half just needs a little time to grieve....

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

hello there,you are from our neck of the woods,

we are from tayport and moved here last july....husband went to school in cupar.....quite a few tayport lads moved to oz in the past few years......

hi jill sorry to hear your news.....garry's cousin just died in the past few weeks(cancer) and she was only early 40's,very sad....but her husband e mailed us and said she had always wanted and intended going to nz for a holiday as her brother now lives here....

i think you oh needs a bit more time to come to terms with this sad news,but you should also try to make him see life is to short ....there but for the grace of god go any one of us.....but maybe give him a few more weeks before you make any hasty decisions.....gl jill............jacky

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

How long has it been since his friend died? Maybe he just needs a little time to grieve his loss!

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

My husbands best friend died back in April and we have both been surprised at the strength of his feelings/sadness at what a very sudden loss.He was unable to look to far ahead which was very frustrating for me:thumbdown: even though I did try to understand.
All I can say that although he was extremely depressed initially, after about 3/4 months he started to see things differently ie that we dont know what the future holds and we have to live life to the full.
Not a day goes by that we dont mention his friend but he is now able to move forward.
Hold on to your dreams ... but you may have to adjust your plans:unsure:
Good luck
Jackie.x

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

Thanks for all your replies.

His play died on New Years day after a very brave fight for the 3rd time against melanoma cancer.

We have been close friends for 7 years partying most weekends.

He was a gem of a guy and everyone loved him..................he was 41........leaving wife of 37 and kids 11 & 9.

We along with other friends have been there through thick and thin this year, hospital/hospice/house visits and even spent the fair fortnight with them to help share the burden of the drives to the beatson and just to give support in general to them

It was absolutely heartbreaking to see the disease destroy him and he still put on a brave face to the end.

My OH has lost both his parents young and I think this has brought it all back to him.

We all deal with grief differently so Im going to give him some space and see what happens.

p.s. if you know anyone with this disease make sure they get 6 monthly FULL body scans. He/we believe the NHS were too lackadaisical with him............blasting only his arm with chemo and half body scans the first 2 times and then after the all clear 10 months later he was riddled..................so sad.

Thanks for all your advice.:thumbsup:

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

Hi Jill,

just read this and your email you sent, just wanted you to know I,m thinking of you all, and sending my love, what you have been through with your friend is a huge thing, but a couple of months down the line things may seem different again, so don't give up all hope.
Will be in touch again soon.
Marika x:)

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

Thanks Marika. We might have turned a corner. Will let you know.:D

Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
 

Well I guess might is better that a definate NO! Hope everything works out the way you hope. Thinking of you xx