MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
#1
MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
We have just suffered a close friends bereavement and OH has changed his mind about going to NZ. It was his friend and it has affected him deeply.
So after putting 10 months of research into the move, convincing kids & family...........I am just meant to understand.:curse:
Kids are upset and my family think its a mistake not to go as they were very supportive.
Now I am left wondering whether he is going to change his mind in a few months or should I plough my energy into finding a proper job and start to settle down here again.
We would usually book holidays for Oct and Xmas just now. Kids are being asked to go to BB, school camps etc in May/June time so deposits need to be paid.
Craig was a great guy and lived life to the full. He was excited for us to be going on our adventure and would still have wanted us to go.
I know if i put my foot down and said we are going then he would commit but I dont want to be insensitive and also scared that I do that and NZ isnt for us and I have forced the move at the wrong time.
Another close friend has a seriously ill husband (MND) and my OH is now saying we shouldnt be going so that we can be supportive to our friends (feel a bit guilty that I am more inclined to think....................life sooo short we should go for it)
Grief is a horrible thing so not sure what to do/say.
Any advice?
So after putting 10 months of research into the move, convincing kids & family...........I am just meant to understand.:curse:
Kids are upset and my family think its a mistake not to go as they were very supportive.
Now I am left wondering whether he is going to change his mind in a few months or should I plough my energy into finding a proper job and start to settle down here again.
We would usually book holidays for Oct and Xmas just now. Kids are being asked to go to BB, school camps etc in May/June time so deposits need to be paid.
Craig was a great guy and lived life to the full. He was excited for us to be going on our adventure and would still have wanted us to go.
I know if i put my foot down and said we are going then he would commit but I dont want to be insensitive and also scared that I do that and NZ isnt for us and I have forced the move at the wrong time.
Another close friend has a seriously ill husband (MND) and my OH is now saying we shouldnt be going so that we can be supportive to our friends (feel a bit guilty that I am more inclined to think....................life sooo short we should go for it)
Grief is a horrible thing so not sure what to do/say.
Any advice?
#2
Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
easy answer
go without him!!
real answer,
encourage him to see the positive side of things.
would his friend think he was making a mistake
isnt life for living, and making decisions for the better
you can always come home if need to
unsettling the kids agin as set heart on going.
etc etc.
perhaps continue without him knowing
or harsh reality, said surely should this be a joint decision not just his.
perhaps a family vote? anon if needs be
go without him!!
real answer,
encourage him to see the positive side of things.
would his friend think he was making a mistake
isnt life for living, and making decisions for the better
you can always come home if need to
unsettling the kids agin as set heart on going.
etc etc.
perhaps continue without him knowing
or harsh reality, said surely should this be a joint decision not just his.
perhaps a family vote? anon if needs be
#3
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Cupar, Scotland
Posts: 183
Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
We're in a smiliar situation. We're actually trying to get a visa for OZ but sadly my husbands brother was rushed into hospital on boxing day for an emergency brain op but died on the 30th of december aged only 44. If we left the UK now we'd have to leave my 77 year old father in law on his own and he's already quite frail. He's told us not to change our plans but my husband is not sure what to do at all now. To add to our troubles im actually going off the idea of OZ slightly and warming more to NZ
#4
Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
Thanks Krestsaf. To the point. Thats really the way Im thinking.
Hi Oz dreamer, So sorry to hear your sad news. Where abouts in Scotland are you? Its so tricky to know what to advise in your situation. Is father-in-law really OK about yous going? Any other friends/relatives nearby to set your minds at rest?
Hi Oz dreamer, So sorry to hear your sad news. Where abouts in Scotland are you? Its so tricky to know what to advise in your situation. Is father-in-law really OK about yous going? Any other friends/relatives nearby to set your minds at rest?
Last edited by jill1420; Jan 14th 2008 at 1:02 pm.
#5
#6
Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
We're in a smiliar situation. We're actually trying to get a visa for OZ but sadly my husbands brother was rushed into hospital on boxing day for an emergency brain op but died on the 30th of december aged only 44. If we left the UK now we'd have to leave my 77 year old father in law on his own and he's already quite frail. He's told us not to change our plans but my husband is not sure what to do at all now. To add to our troubles im actually going off the idea of OZ slightly and warming more to NZ
If you are having doubts look in to the alternatives but i think you both need to look at wether your husband will leave his dad at the moment. Take a bit of time out to think things through you both need time to grieve before making any big decisions.
#8
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Cupar, Scotland
Posts: 183
Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
Thanks Krestsaf. To the point. Thats really the way Im thinking.
Hi Oz dreamer, So sorry to hear your sad news. Where abouts in Scotland are you? Its so tricky to know what to advise in your situation. Is father-in-law really OK about yous going? Any other friends/relatives nearby to set your minds at rest?
Hi Oz dreamer, So sorry to hear your sad news. Where abouts in Scotland are you? Its so tricky to know what to advise in your situation. Is father-in-law really OK about yous going? Any other friends/relatives nearby to set your minds at rest?
Im in Fife, in a village not far from Cupar. There are family here but not immediate family, who don't have much to do with him.
Hope everything works out for you, maybe your other half just needs a little time to grieve....
#9
Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
we are from tayport and moved here last july....husband went to school in cupar.....quite a few tayport lads moved to oz in the past few years......
hi jill sorry to hear your news.....garry's cousin just died in the past few weeks(cancer) and she was only early 40's,very sad....but her husband e mailed us and said she had always wanted and intended going to nz for a holiday as her brother now lives here....
i think you oh needs a bit more time to come to terms with this sad news,but you should also try to make him see life is to short ....there but for the grace of god go any one of us.....but maybe give him a few more weeks before you make any hasty decisions.....gl jill............jacky
#10
Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
We have just suffered a close friends bereavement and OH has changed his mind about going to NZ. It was his friend and it has affected him deeply.
So after putting 10 months of research into the move, convincing kids & family...........I am just meant to understand.:curse:
Kids are upset and my family think its a mistake not to go as they were very supportive.
Now I am left wondering whether he is going to change his mind in a few months or should I plough my energy into finding a proper job and start to settle down here again.
We would usually book holidays for Oct and Xmas just now. Kids are being asked to go to BB, school camps etc in May/June time so deposits need to be paid.
Craig was a great guy and lived life to the full. He was excited for us to be going on our adventure and would still have wanted us to go.
I know if i put my foot down and said we are going then he would commit but I dont want to be insensitive and also scared that I do that and NZ isnt for us and I have forced the move at the wrong time.
Another close friend has a seriously ill husband (MND) and my OH is now saying we shouldnt be going so that we can be supportive to our friends (feel a bit guilty that I am more inclined to think....................life sooo short we should go for it)
Grief is a horrible thing so not sure what to do/say.
Any advice?
So after putting 10 months of research into the move, convincing kids & family...........I am just meant to understand.:curse:
Kids are upset and my family think its a mistake not to go as they were very supportive.
Now I am left wondering whether he is going to change his mind in a few months or should I plough my energy into finding a proper job and start to settle down here again.
We would usually book holidays for Oct and Xmas just now. Kids are being asked to go to BB, school camps etc in May/June time so deposits need to be paid.
Craig was a great guy and lived life to the full. He was excited for us to be going on our adventure and would still have wanted us to go.
I know if i put my foot down and said we are going then he would commit but I dont want to be insensitive and also scared that I do that and NZ isnt for us and I have forced the move at the wrong time.
Another close friend has a seriously ill husband (MND) and my OH is now saying we shouldnt be going so that we can be supportive to our friends (feel a bit guilty that I am more inclined to think....................life sooo short we should go for it)
Grief is a horrible thing so not sure what to do/say.
Any advice?
#11
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: Bridgend, South Wales
Posts: 100
Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
All I can say that although he was extremely depressed initially, after about 3/4 months he started to see things differently ie that we dont know what the future holds and we have to live life to the full.
Not a day goes by that we dont mention his friend but he is now able to move forward.
Hold on to your dreams ... but you may have to adjust your plans
Good luck
Jackie.x
#12
Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
Thanks for all your replies.
His play died on New Years day after a very brave fight for the 3rd time against melanoma cancer.
We have been close friends for 7 years partying most weekends.
He was a gem of a guy and everyone loved him..................he was 41........leaving wife of 37 and kids 11 & 9.
We along with other friends have been there through thick and thin this year, hospital/hospice/house visits and even spent the fair fortnight with them to help share the burden of the drives to the beatson and just to give support in general to them
It was absolutely heartbreaking to see the disease destroy him and he still put on a brave face to the end.
My OH has lost both his parents young and I think this has brought it all back to him.
We all deal with grief differently so Im going to give him some space and see what happens.
p.s. if you know anyone with this disease make sure they get 6 monthly FULL body scans. He/we believe the NHS were too lackadaisical with him............blasting only his arm with chemo and half body scans the first 2 times and then after the all clear 10 months later he was riddled..................so sad.
Thanks for all your advice.
His play died on New Years day after a very brave fight for the 3rd time against melanoma cancer.
We have been close friends for 7 years partying most weekends.
He was a gem of a guy and everyone loved him..................he was 41........leaving wife of 37 and kids 11 & 9.
We along with other friends have been there through thick and thin this year, hospital/hospice/house visits and even spent the fair fortnight with them to help share the burden of the drives to the beatson and just to give support in general to them
It was absolutely heartbreaking to see the disease destroy him and he still put on a brave face to the end.
My OH has lost both his parents young and I think this has brought it all back to him.
We all deal with grief differently so Im going to give him some space and see what happens.
p.s. if you know anyone with this disease make sure they get 6 monthly FULL body scans. He/we believe the NHS were too lackadaisical with him............blasting only his arm with chemo and half body scans the first 2 times and then after the all clear 10 months later he was riddled..................so sad.
Thanks for all your advice.
#13
Re: MY LIFE IS ON HOLD
Hi Jill,
just read this and your email you sent, just wanted you to know I,m thinking of you all, and sending my love, what you have been through with your friend is a huge thing, but a couple of months down the line things may seem different again, so don't give up all hope.
Will be in touch again soon.
Marika x
just read this and your email you sent, just wanted you to know I,m thinking of you all, and sending my love, what you have been through with your friend is a huge thing, but a couple of months down the line things may seem different again, so don't give up all hope.
Will be in touch again soon.
Marika x