dannigirl

Hi Hinesh,

Thanks for your post, your situation is unfortuately my worst nightmare!!!
I think having grown up in London - NZ and especially Dunedin will be a huge culture shock for you. I know when I came here it took me at least a year to settle in. Even though it was of the most exciting times of my life it was such a change is lifestyle and it took some getting used to. I just had to throw myself into different things and get on with it (By that I'm not implying you didn't I just needed to get out and meet people and it made it much easier). It was very different for me at that stage because I never planned on staying long term.

It is a difficult dilemma to solve. What do you it is that is preventing you from settling?

Wishing you lots of luck and keep us updated on how things go.

Dannigirl.

dannigirl

Oh Kiwilass I am even more confused than ever! One minute I want to live in Cardiff the next I want to move home. It is so hard because the more I think about it I can really see such benefits of both countries. I was on the bus the other day going around Parliament Square (on the way to the NZ shop to stock up on goodies) and I got all nostalgic about London and how much I would miss it - OMG what is that about???

Our plan now is to go home for a visit next year, have a good look at Wellington in terms of work, housing etc then come back and do our sums, do a big list of pros and cons and then make some sort of decision.

There was a great post by JMH (I think) the other day on the 'I wish' thread that kind of summed it up for me...it was along the lines of life is what you make it...made me really think that whatever country we end up living in it will be up to us to make it work to be happy.

1kiwibird and kiwi irish how are you both getting on?

Hope everyone is not too cold in NZ, we just had an amazing weekend of hot weather in London...yippeeeeee I missed having a fruju though.

ExKiwilass

Frujus! OMG! I think you're right....there are beautiful things about both countries. The history and closeness to europe...the isolation of nz...

Beautiful weather here too...I love the Vancouver spring & summer.

I wonder what OH would make of actually living in NZ - like hinesh he looooved his road trip. I'm still hoping we'll make it there for a year soon I suspect he'll find it very parochial.

Hinesh

Hello Vitalstatistix,

You may be rite, Dunedin is totally different from Chch and it does help alot having friends. I will be going to Chch in a week or so with only positives. Are you from Chch?

scrubbedexpat094

No, OH used to live there as a teenager. We are both English & now live north of Auckland. I've been for a visit & liked it for that but I personally wouldn't want to live there - too cold.

Hinesh

Hi Dannigirl,

I wish it works out well for you if you decide to return to nz with your partner.

My main reasons for not being able to settle is...a zero social life (in Chch when I move in a few weeks I will be trying to meet people from expats) I'm a big sports fan and living in NZ you miss out alot of sport because of time difference and availabilty and also the work situation, I have really struggled to find decent employment in Dunedin and so that is added stress, we are moving to Chch for better opportunities. Not being able to settle is really straining our relationship. I tend to complain about nz to my wife alot mainly because nothing has gone well for me so far. I am hopeful for new beginings in Chch but in the back of my mind I really am thinking of going back home. The work situation is really bad and we are both on work permits and it's stressful and takes alot of time when you intend to move town, as you have to hand in a whole new application. We are currently waiting to get our new work permits, we are expecting it in the next week or so.

I wish we would have stayed in london, as she settled better their then I am here and plus we argue more now which does not help.

will deffo keep you updated with how things unfold and please keep me updated with what you choose, NZ or Cardiff. I have been to wales a few times and I love cardiff, better then london but the pay is less, as you said.


Hinesh

Hinesh

Your rite Chch is cold, I get scared looking at the weather sometimes... thought Dunedin was really cold but not that much compared to Chch. I wish nz had central heating!!!!

ExKiwilass

I thought you said she was a kiwi? why is she on a permit then?

southerner

Hinesh,

I hope the change of scene does the trick. Its easy to get stuck in a rut and having a good job is very important!

Kiwi-Irish

No, no closer to knowing where to live ....
We certainly don't want to go anywhere at the moment with this credit crunch on. OH is keen to go now though, and since this I can't help but wonder if we'd be doing the right thing. There's heaps of disadvantages to going back ... really don't know.
I'm with you on the Central Heating Hinesh, its just so ridiculous that NZ doens't have it, I grew up on the South Island as a child and one of my main memories was being cold, especially the winter mornings getting dressed by a fan heater. There's a real mentality about having to "toughen-up" ... and if you were to moan too much about the cold houses people just think you're a wuss. Every time me and my OH go to visit my parents my mum has to drag out an old 60's style bar heater from the garage! Auckland is the only place I could consider going now.

Kiwi-Irish

Danni's right - it will take you longer than 10 months to settle. You have to give anywhere between 2-3 years.

Cassie 10000

We don't bite, promise

janek

Don't let your memories get the better of you, they are just that; memories and they belong in the past, sorry now I am stating the obvious....
I grew up on the SI too before the invention of fan heaters...we had an open fire to get dressed with, Mum would get up before the sun to light it for us so we did not have to get dressed in the cold...wusses that we were!

I am sure [although who am I to say] that if you returned to NZ you would not live your life the same as you did all those years ago.

One of the advantages and privileges of living in a country like Britain is that you should be able to earn good money, so that if you returned here you would not be transported back to the conditions of your childhood.
I did the hard yards in London, and I am not wealthy by any means, but if I were to have spent those 20 or so years in NZ I would be much worse off than I am now......this is not an unusual situation with other cultures where the inhabitants use Britain to earn the beans [so to speak], lots of West Indians return to the West Indies and lots of Indians return to India, if they can afford to.

southerner

Its seems a shame to rule out living somewhere because of something that is so easy for you to fix (and especially sad you think Auckland is your only choice )

I'm one of those who grew up when it was usual to sit in front of a fan heater first thing in the morning. We've moved to Dunedin and without a lot of cost or bother installed heating and insulation so we are comfortable.

Bellasmum

I think Auckland is a great choice southerner.

Hinesh I get the impression from your posts that you may have dug yourself into a deep hole about life in NZ.

As others have said 10 months is nothing in terms of the adjustment moving from country to country.

I may be wrong and tell me if I am but I wonder if in your mind coming to NZ was still connected to being here in holiday mode.

If that is the case then maybe you need to put aside some of those negatives you feel about life in NZ and concerntrate that energy on restoring/retaining your relationship with your wife.

At the end of the day one of you will always be living out of the country of birth and childhood.

I am a Kiwi married to a Brit and I know that unsettled feeling very well but I realise your situation is especially difficult if you can't find work. But I also believe that life is what you make it regardless of where you live and difficult times always pass eventually especially if we can work through them as a team.

If I was you I would take a big deep breath each morning, tell yourself you will and can hang in there and take each day as it comes. Once you find work I am sure you will begin to see a glass that is half full and before long summer will be on it's way.

In the long term we are all the masters of our own destiny but we do have to make it happen, it doesn't just come to us.

I wish you all the very best for your future and if you do end up in Auckland and ever need anyone to help you full that glass of yours up let me know.

Gosh I have burbled on a lot not too sure that you will find it helpful but I sure hope it doesn't make you feel worse.

Take care