moving2NZ2013

Hi

Iv never been close to family as such. I have a few v good friends back in the Uk.
I moved here august thought I was doing ok. Little down over Christmas but thought it's just the time of year.

finding things really hard today. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

for those who have been here longer than me. do you still get that sinking feeling when you think if all the people you've left behind.

I really don't want to live in UK. Guess you can't have the best of both worlds

LauraNotts

First of have a big hug and a cuppa.

I have been here since July 2013 though I have been lucky enough to have one trip back since. I find I still have days where I think WTF did I do this for? But they are gradually getting fewer and father between as I get more accustomed to how things work here and have fewer surprises. I don't expect they will ever entirely go away because I am far away from what will always be my home.

As a sort of weird reassurance thing, just over six months isn't all that long in the grand scheme of things. I think I started to feel a lot more settled once I started to make friends over here. That takes time and it is never ever easy to hear that it will take time when you're struggling. But it does happen if you let it.

Keep your chin up and if it helps then make a list of all the reasons you left and use that when you're having a down day. I find reading the daily mail website does it for me nicely

Stormer999

Yes it hit wifey a few times early days I had a few times when I needed to get out my "reasons" list to stop my memory from playing tricks. It goes away slowly so don't be concerned. Stop thinking about the past and concentrate on the future, and believe me NZ has a brighter future than anything you left behind.

Chocoholics

Yes know that feeling! First 6 months were pretty bad but things did get better. We now have some great Kiwi friends here and expats too. I think it really helps having both. Its early days for you so hopefully it will get better for you too.

escapedtonz

Personally it was a massive relief for me to leave the UK so since arrival March 2012 I haven't looked back.
It has taken my wife a lot longer to settle and for the first 12 months at least she was homesick.....not because she missed the UK but more she just missed her family and close friends.
It has got easier for her with time and since we made friends in Wellington they can be leaned on for support just as they lean on you for support being the majority of them are also ex pats from all over the world. She also felt a lot more settled when she went back to work as those many hours of being on her own with nothing to do had disappeared.
So we did 2.5 years in Wellington and got to a position where we were all happy, but we didn't like the weather!!!
We moved to Tauranga November 2014 and love life up in the Bay Of Plenty. The weather is just soooo much better, warmer, hardly any wind yada yada.
Mrs still has her sad moments missing family and still harps on about missing stupid things like prawn cocktail crisps and proper chicken / beef stock to name a couple but overall she is much much happier here now and settling well. She knows the lifestyle and opportunities for our little boy far outweigh any ideas about going back to the UK.
For me I'm loving it, but I've been doing that since I stepped off the plane in 2012.
Planning a holiday in Fiji or somewhere similar this year and a long weekend in Oz, maybe the Sunshine Coast so the UK will be fading into the ether as every day passes albeit we never forget about our family and friends and keep in touch regularly.
We're planning a trip back to the UK next year for 3 weeks in "summer" with a few days at Disneyland Paris on the way back so that'll be the ultimate test for the Mrs having to leave family again. It'll be difficult for the both of us as parents aren't getting any younger and it might just be the last time we see one or two of them - you just never know!!! We'll defo be coming back here though. NZ is our home now and will be for many years until our boy decides what he wants to do with his life. Wherever he goes permanently I'm sure we'll follow so we've got at least 15 years until that decision can be made so with that in mind we are planning for the future, transferring pensions, thinking about buying a home here etc.

Tom H

Have you recently had an "event" where you wished you had family or close friends with you?

Sometimes there are events where the negative of being 15000 miles away hits hard. I personally struggled when our place of residence got red stickered after Decembers earthquake as being homeless isn't something I wish on anyone. It does make you a more stronger person mind, going through events by yourself. Although dealing with the insurers, builders and the corporation that deals with this has really added a few grey hairs. It's not all sunshine out of the countries backside here

I can't really give you much advice apart from stay strong. There is a light at the end of all tunnels. If you need anyone to talk to or vent your frustrations out, you can send me a PM if you like. I'm no Dr Phil but i'd be happy to help as much as I can

moonie2011

My son gets very upset about missing friends so I told him, each friend you make liken them to a friend you had in the uk, depending on how good a friend they are, what you do with them etc. it can also work with family, friends that are like family members
Give it time, you'll get there

Justcol

no matter how long you've been here you'll still have moments when you think, I wish such and such was here to see this, or you'll find yourself
in a situation where you'll feel you need the shoulder of an old familiar friend who obviously cant be there with you or sometimes you just
miss being surrounded by all the things that were, at the time, so insignificant yet so familiar. The good news is it passes with time.

M_and_M

*hugs*

First year or two even, is quite tough. (I have been here 21 months), Think about what you just did, you changed almost everything about your life, all at once. I found it hard hard hard a first and often thought WTF did I do this for.

Although I don't think I have the 'perfect life', what exactly is that? It's probably something that we strive for that doesn't exist.

I am much happier. Yes, I have down days, down periods, but then I focus on the things that I DO HAVE that I didn't have before.

I now don't think I would rush back to live, necessarily, but there's still things here I wish were different. Comparatively, I am nearer to perfect than I was in the UK.

Hope that helps

bourbon-biscuit

Some good advice on here, although none acknowledges that for some (many but probably not most) people that feeling never goes away and can even intensify - that's why so many expats return to their home country!

scrubbedexpat094

I have been here for 8 years now and still miss my friends in the UK a great deal. I'm just used to having friends who drop in on a whim but I find friends here prefer to meet up for a coffee by appointment. It's less spontaneous and I feel like I'm there for an allotted time!

The difference in friendships here crystallised for me in Nov 2013 after I had an op. Not one of my friends rang, texted or called in on me to see if I was okay or if I needed anything. I couldn't drive and could only walk a very short distance for a couple of weeks. I've never felt so lonely or so hurt. I just know this wouldn't have been the case in the UK.

Since then, I have formed a closer friendship with a friend who feels pretty much as I do and I know I can count on her in times of need. b

I've never been particularly close to my family but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to come to terms with not living closer to my parents. I feel quite guilty being so far away and not being able to do anything for them. I know they don't begrudge me living here. My Mum hasn't been in good health for a number of years now & is gradually getting worse, so that is a huge worry for me.

On the plus side, it's early days for you and you will go through peaks and troughs. Things like Christmas can pull you down as you remember past times and the good times you had. I do feel for you, so be gentle on yourself and try to plan something fun/different to do to give yourself something to look forward to.