Hoyo

So, given all you have said, what is the best way to make mates here? Cos I for one am dying to know the secret!

Dolores

Ohhh Bellasmum....................very eloquently put It had just occured to me yesterday to post about not 'making an appointment' to go and visit someone!

Dolores

Hoyo.............did you read my first post? - have you tried that?

Funny that you should all be complaining about Kiwis though - we spent 2 and a half years in the UK (as an expat) and found it very hard to make friends there as well...................and in fact left with no what you would call 'life-long' friends .............same in Australia

Campbells

Why is that ?

So what is the real history ? Did someone kick someone’s ass a hundred years ago ? Get over it and get on with it. The world experienced two world wars and had to move on from grudges. Perhaps there is something to learn from the rest of the world. Can you imagine that as being a possibility ?


So why don’t you tell us. ?

A given !


Well you said it !


Personally I think this is the real problem. That’s why we have “everything” according to the Kiwi way.






Some nations have learnt how to express their vibes and hearing things you may not want to hear is just like understanding that losing is a part of winning.


Actually friendship ( the topic of the post) is about two parties as is any relationship otherwise it is just dictatorship. Actually I believe that attitude is a big part of the problem. Most ex-pats come here to New Zealand with a lot to offer the country in ways of skills etcetera. This is what is commonly known as a win / win situation. In other words you have something I want and I offer you something in return.

You also have to remember that New Zealanders a country has a marketing drive on to “invite” people to the country. The picture is not offered as come and fit in “or else”.

The marketing of New Zealand is that Kiwi’s are open to other cultures and opinions.



That’s pretty simple to solve. Just be friendly Kiwi’s and just ask.



Not according to the majority of this thread. You should not have to feel obliged, as once again, that is not what true friendship is about. So what is it that Kiwi’s like to get into deep conversation about, share that with us instead of trying to bang us on the heads and try to convert us to Kiwi’s. It is something I cannot be and that should be acceptable to you and other Kiwis.

So if you are not a nation of chatters, what do the Kiwis do whilst they hang around the coffee shops during the day?

It sounds like you feel there is some form of distaste about being a Brit because of some of history in New Zealand. It always amazes me that most countries tend to chose what they remember and that is that if it wasn’t for great British people like Churchill Kiwis would be speaking Japanese.

So perhaps selective memory is part of the problem.

Perhaps if Kiwi’s could be more friendly to Brits the centre of Auckland would start to look European rather than Asian.

Dolores

I agree 100% with your last statement Campbells...................I personally think that NZ has gone 'overboard' on the Asian immigrants to the detriment of other nationalites!!
But you are still exhibiting the same behaviour patterns that we (as Kiwis) find so irritating "...........a lot to offer the country....." - we have worked with Brits all around the world and, even if you don't realise you do it, you send out strong signals of 'superiority' - which doesn't tie in with our News led perception of the UK ...............In fact in our last place of employment (in the UAE) they refused to employ Brits because that was the way they acted!!
So, if you really want to make NZ your 'home' - what to do.
a. Arrange a casual party/barbeque (invite the kids) invite the people you would like to know better.
b. On a Saturday/Sunday ring up someone in the morning and say "we are going to such and such a Mall (near them) this morning and though we might pop in and see you guys after - will you be there?"
c. Tell a family you know "we are going to such and such a beach on Saturday/Sunday would you and your family like to come as well?" - if they are busy on Saturday - offer to change the day to Sunday.
d. .........or we are going to such and such a forest for a picnic would you like to come - same as for above.
There are some suggestions for you to try - but above all else remember our 'social life' is casual. NZers are also generally reticient so until you know someone REALLY well lay off the rude/crude and lewd jokes - they will only make us feel uncomfortable!!

happynz

Off the cuff remark, I know, but kinda ignorant in so many ways. Is Auckland supposed to be...erm, what exactly?

How are nationalities other than Asian being negatively impacted? How is New Zealand going 'overboard' on Asian immigrants?

Hoyo

Have you ever been to Auckland?

In a few years time they will outnumber the Maoris........

Is that a bad thing?


I don't think so, but Winston Peters sure does!

Campbells

Ahem!

A quick Google does not back up your comment re Brits in UAE http://www.shelteroffshore.com/index...bai_lifestyle/


“The inimitable Dubai lifestyle is being enjoyed by greater numbers of Britons annually and according to the latest statistics from the British embassy in the UAE the number of Britons living in Dubai has doubled in just four short years to reach 100,000 in the emirate and 120,000 in the UAE as a whole.”

Thanks for your input but exactly what you have done in your post is what is so irritating.

We have friends dotted around the planet and certainly do not see ourselves as anti-social or lacking the social skills to make new friends. On the other hand, your response is how I would address our four-year-old son.

This for me is typical, instead of opening up to the possibility that perhaps Kiwis could do better at opening themselves up to other cultures (non-Kiwi) you would rather offer a lecture in how to invite someone for a barbecue.

Come on, admit it!

In terms of the serious skills shortage in the country that is a major handbrake for the economy “perhaps” if you tried seeing immigrants as offering something for the country it could be a completely new concept that could work better.

What you think?

Re the rude & crude, does that include jumping on cars in host countries?

Hoyo

Dynamite post!

My overall opinion on how to make kiwi mates is....become an identikit Kiwi!!!!

That means, losing your accent, losing an "Opinion", losing the desire to "talk shite or take the piss" - keep yer mouth SHUT and you'll be right, losing your "British" identity, losing any strong opinions you may have, after all we don't want any poms coming here and telling us how to run the show...losing so very much.....for so very very little.I could go further, but I understand this is a family affair....

Nah, stuff that, i am happy with my very small expat friendships. I was interested in this thread cos I have been through it myself. But even before I posted I knew my opinion : I don't want kiwi mates. I am happy with my ex pat friends where we don't have to be "staunch" can have a "laugh" can take the "piss' and don't "get our knickers in a twist" when we here controversial "opinions".

And that is just my opinion....

Campbells

English speaking for 1 !

TeamEmbo

I think Campbell's reply and quotes sum up perfectly the pompous Brit attitude to the rest of the world. We, as Brits, are not better, superior, nor do we have all (or even any if the state of England is to go by) of the answers. No wonder Kiwis avoid making friends with Brits like you blowing there own trumpet all over the Kiwis homeland!

I for one am here to learn a different way of life not to make NZ into a Little Britain.

Woodlea

A bit contradictory old chap!

If it wasn't for the Kiwis, Aussies, Indians, Kenyans.........etc etc....and the Yanks....and the Russians, oh and the Brits we'd all be speaking German and Japanese, or then maybe Russian.

I blame the bloody Romans - they started it.

Hoyo

mainly the russians I would have thought....I'd hardly compare 12000 kiwi losses (no matter how tragic) to 24 millions russians.

happynz

Many of the Asians that you see in Auckland's CBD are English language students, so I think at least they are having a go at learning English. How's your Chinese, bub?

luvwelly

Dolores
Thanks for your honesty about the 'superiority' thing....it's all useful information from where I am standing. Just as valid as the 'always give positive answers' idea which I know I always felt myself when asking people if they liked the UK.
I firmly believe that people have to have a reason to want to make friends with you...hence why so often you have to make the first move as the newcomer...I think this applies to most western cultures where people lead busy lives.
I had a long chat with a lady in the park the other day while our kids were playing, at the end of it she suggested exchanging phone numbers and addresses which I was pleased to do but I know it will be me who will have to make the next move for it to progress, which I will do. I am an older mother however and so was she, so that was our connection...I think you always need some kind of connection.