darbydoo

Hi everyone, haven't been here for a while!

So yesterday marks our 6 months of living in Auckland. Not sure where that time went!

I was wondering if you could share ways you have managed to make friends? Although my husband and I are friendly with people at work, this is where it ends. We haven't made any friends really outside of work, and not sure how to go about it.

I've joined meet ups, but I guess it feels a bit weird!

How long did it take you to establish a group of social friends? Any suggestions welcomed

MrsFychan

I met up with people from here and took things from there, sorry but in Wellington so a bit far to come met up with you

nikkijane88

My husband is Air Force so for starters I only knew his friends, then met people through work... But one of the best things I did was asking people if they wanted to go for dog walks, met some good friends doing that and it's been brilliant.
Just starting up at a gym now as well so hoping that can bring some new faces too.

LauraNotts

I joined a sports team.

It takes quite a long time I've found. I think I'd been here about 10 months before I realised I had an actual bone fide friend. But now I have several and am happy. Stick at it, join clubs and you'll get there

Snap Shot

I've lived here for over four years and haven't made one friend.

I've had stints of paid employment, done voluntary work, gone to a few of my husband's works socials, gone to exercise classes. All the usual stuff.

Kiwi's are hard work because they are so stand-offish. I genuinely don't understand where they get their 'friendly' reputation from.

I might exchange a few pleasantries with the checkout operator in a shop but apart from that the only person I talk to and spend time with is my husband.

That makes a long boring day with no job to go to even longer and more boring. Oh well, that's just the way it is.

LauraNotts

I'm sorry that's been your experience Snap Shot where do you live? I found it a lot easier once I moved to a bigger urban centre.

Pom_Chch

It takes time. Only after a couple of years here did we both feel we had made proper friends. You know, that stage where acquaintances and work colleagues become genuine friends and people you would choose to spend time with. A girl at work who I am friendly with started out as small talk, then we ended up on a training course together, then it became coffee, then she invited me to join her running group and now I would call all of them friends. My partner arranged a touch rugby game one lunch time a week with his work mates and he has become friendly now with 2 of the guys. Now we all meet up together including wives/girlfriends. This happened over a two year period though and not something that happened straight away. Seems to me that sports and activities are the way forward!

I personally don't like some forms of "forced" socializing such as drinks out with people who I don't know. I would much rather join a sports team and make friends that way as I know we already have one common interest. Try www.meetup.com - there are heaps of groups on there to choose from. Also try NZ Newcomers Network (they are on facebook too). They might have some meet ups going on in your area.

I don't find Kiwi's stand offish in any way shape or form. I've found the ease of conversation among strangers to be a breath of fresh air actually The benefit you will have, Darbydoo, is that you live in a big city so there will be lots of options for you. Out in the provinces will likely be a different story.

newkiwi

It is harder in NZ (and to some extent Aus), because the locals often meet up at home so its hard to get to know people. Also work colleagues do not go out that much, often having to drive back home straight after work.

Joining a sports team is a good option. Meetup groups work well also, it does take a bit of time to meet people you feel comfortable with and it takes a few misses.

I found NZ the hardest of all places to make friends, of all the places i moved to.

It wil take a good year or so to feel settled.

I found the period from about 3 month to one year to be the most difficult, you are over the "honeymoon period" and not yet really established. So 6 months is just going to feel tough, dont get too disheartened.

Snap Shot

Thanks. Kiwi's are an insular bunch and any attempt at conversation is met with a blank look or the genuine blush of embarrassment. Or worse still, that look of 'why are you speaking to me ?' even if you recognise the person from earlier. The panic stricken look of, 'what do you want from me ?' comes as a surprise when all I've said is good morning.

A colleague I worked with briefly was really nice to me when I needed some Panadol or something similar once. She saw me looking in the First Aid box at work and remarked that too many people had been helping themselves to the pain killers and I could ask the boss if I needed any. (I'd rather not ask the boss who nodded towards the person I was reporting to when I approached her one morning just to say good morning as a courtesy. So that was, 'you don't need to speak to me/I don't expect to even have to acknowledge you' if ever I saw it.)

The next day I smiled at the colleague who was nice to me the previous day, thinking I might have the, 'green shoots' of a friendship. She just looked at me and half blushed/half smirked as if to say, 'yeah alright love, cool it.'

I live in Whanganui, a small town on the east coast of the central north island of New Zealand. Population 43,000.

My husband is the only salary earner, (I can't seem to find a job, for some reason, despite my best efforts I've only got temporary jobs which have been few and far between) we won't be moving to a larger town in New Zealand. To much upheaval. I've toyed with the idea of moving to Wellington but my husband isn't keen. The National Office of the NZ govt dept that he works in isn't as nice as the offices he works in here. He assumes the National Office of any other Wellington based organisation will be about as inspiring !

It might be interesting as I've never lived in a capital city before. However, I would hate to overdo Wellington and end up getting bored of it.

Yes, I do find it ironic that I've moved from Britain to NZ to suit him but he's not keen on moving just 120 miles from here to Wellington. I wouldn't want to leave our house or this town just to go through all the upheaval of relocating to Wellington i.e. sell the house (wouldn't want to rent it), live in rented accommodation, rehome the cat in our interim rented house that's even if they take pets etc etc.

(It's no biggie, I find New Zealanders dull and witless. The idea of being friends with any of them makes me cringe.)

There was someone at an exercise class this morning who was surprisingly chatty. I think she's friends with someone my husband knows. So, if that makes me, 'socially acceptable' in this small town, then so be it ! I'm not expecting any conversation or coffee date etc extra to our mutual interest. So, no change there, then.

Should we ever leave this town, I won't have a job to resign from or friends to say goodbye to.

LauraNotts

Again I am sorry that you are unhappy here and that you have had bad experiences. That is sad. But I have to say that ALL of my good friends here are Kiwis, ALL of them. They are good and kind and funny people and I am glad to know them. I don't find labeling an entire group or country of people negatively to be a useful exercise and I try not to do it.

Pom_Chch

Says the person married to a Kiwi

Do you show him your comments at all?

dannigirl

Thank you for calling me dull and witless SnapShot. Maybe you should look a bit closer to home as to why YOU can't friends or get a job for that matter. Because if your social interaction in real life is a smidgen of what/how you post online then I'm sorry to say you come across as very bitter, smug and just plain nasty. I realise you may be lashing out but there is no need to be so dramatic and generalise.

Maybe it's time to look at what you "put out there" in terms of interacting with other people, because I don't think Whanganui or NZ is your problem at all.

Back to the OP, kiwis do socialise slightly differently. Every country or new cultural situation I have been in I have had to reach out to people in some way, shape or form...online, through other people, school mums, I have even given people my number if I strike up a conversation and think we might get on or that we're in a similar situation - mum that could meet up for coffee in the day. Six months is no time at all, keep trying you'll get there! Stay positive and if you are ever in Dunedin you are more than welcome here for a cuppa and a cheese roll or something else🍸🍷🍸🍷

dannigirl

Exactly, makes you wonder doesn't it.....

Snap Shot

PomChCh

Yes I do show him my comments. I get along with him.

To bad you didn't read all of my post. Oh well.

Snap Shot

So you do blame me. Thank you.

I'm inspired by you kiwi positivity.