Lost and Confused
Feb 27th 2020, 10:01 am
#31
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 127
Re: Lost and Confused
hallie_day - the comments about everything annoying you, I really get.
I have told my husband that if I feel that the bad days out weigh the good days I will leave with or without him. Saying that though it would only be once the youngest,14 atm, has left college and is set a career or travel daughter left at 17 and went back to UK, she is coming back this July but has her own plans which by all accounts, at the moment anyway, doesn't seem to involve staying in NZ for long.
I have this idea that maybe in 10 years time we will go house sitting around the islands and then maybe beyond.
Your travel back to UK should go well, 7 & 10 means at least they can handle quite a bit of the process themselves but also means you won't have time to fret about things as you will be looking out for them.
I have told my husband that if I feel that the bad days out weigh the good days I will leave with or without him. Saying that though it would only be once the youngest,14 atm, has left college and is set a career or travel daughter left at 17 and went back to UK, she is coming back this July but has her own plans which by all accounts, at the moment anyway, doesn't seem to involve staying in NZ for long.
I have this idea that maybe in 10 years time we will go house sitting around the islands and then maybe beyond.
Your travel back to UK should go well, 7 & 10 means at least they can handle quite a bit of the process themselves but also means you won't have time to fret about things as you will be looking out for them.
I'm glad to hear there are good days :-)
I just can't see the wood for the trees at the moment.
How did it feel when your eldest went back? I think I would be distraught - in a lot of ways 17 is still so young.
Yes, we'll survive the travel and in some ways it may be easier on our own.
Feb 27th 2020, 10:06 am
#32
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 127
Re: Lost and Confused
I'm in Christchurch , I do love it though!
I first moved here about 11 years ago but personal circumstances took us back to Sydney. (I'm Australian ). I'm on my own though and have been for around 8 years so it was easier to sort myself out.
I chose to move back to Nz as I needed a fresh start and am lucky enough to have friends here. I still get a bit lonely as everyone is partnered off but I'm also good at doing things on my own, and there's plenty to discover in Canterbury.
My girls are 21 and 18, 21 is staying in Oz, 18 year old possibly joining me next year. It's up to her. There are advantages to this - I'm short and she's 6ft, I need someone to get stuff off the shelves I can't reach! 😊
I first moved here about 11 years ago but personal circumstances took us back to Sydney. (I'm Australian ). I'm on my own though and have been for around 8 years so it was easier to sort myself out.
I chose to move back to Nz as I needed a fresh start and am lucky enough to have friends here. I still get a bit lonely as everyone is partnered off but I'm also good at doing things on my own, and there's plenty to discover in Canterbury.
My girls are 21 and 18, 21 is staying in Oz, 18 year old possibly joining me next year. It's up to her. There are advantages to this - I'm short and she's 6ft, I need someone to get stuff off the shelves I can't reach! 😊
And as another shorty with a 10 year old who is rapidly catching up, good to see teenagers have a use!
Feb 27th 2020, 7:16 pm
#33
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: bottom of the world
Posts: 4,533
Feb 27th 2020, 11:54 pm
#35
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 127
Re: Lost and Confused
I had a long swim today (ok, so the National Aquatic Centre is better than Tooting Leisure centre) and tried to work out tangible rather than emotional problems and this is where I got to and what I need to discuss with Husband.
If I take away the all-consuming homesickness that might or might not improve, and the current dislike of all things NZ, there are still outstanding problems about the move that for me are insurmountable.
I would not have come here if I had known:
Spend less time with the children
Our disposable income would plummet
Less annual leave and therefore fewer holidays (I've only just found out about the 10 days at xmas thing when I need 3 weeks in July for the UK. Ironically he is ok as he works for his own business and they are flexible re holiday)
My career/experience would be null and void and I have to start again
Work longer hours for less money
A poorer standard of education (in my opinion)
Most of these points assume I go back to work, but not doing so raises it's own set of problems.
If I take away the all-consuming homesickness that might or might not improve, and the current dislike of all things NZ, there are still outstanding problems about the move that for me are insurmountable.
I would not have come here if I had known:
Spend less time with the children
Our disposable income would plummet
Less annual leave and therefore fewer holidays (I've only just found out about the 10 days at xmas thing when I need 3 weeks in July for the UK. Ironically he is ok as he works for his own business and they are flexible re holiday)
My career/experience would be null and void and I have to start again
Work longer hours for less money
A poorer standard of education (in my opinion)
Most of these points assume I go back to work, but not doing so raises it's own set of problems.
Feb 28th 2020, 6:23 am
#36
MODERATOR
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 9,077
Re: Lost and Confused
Thanks for your post.
I'm glad to hear there are good days :-)
I just can't see the wood for the trees at the moment.
How did it feel when your eldest went back? I think I would be distraught - in a lot of ways 17 is still so young.
Yes, we'll survive the travel and in some ways it may be easier on our own.
I'm glad to hear there are good days :-)
I just can't see the wood for the trees at the moment.
How did it feel when your eldest went back? I think I would be distraught - in a lot of ways 17 is still so young.
Yes, we'll survive the travel and in some ways it may be easier on our own.
We're going over in July and she's coming back with us, her plan, she says, is work here for a few months then she will either go to Uni, she talking OZ for that but thats going to cost an arm and a leg or she going to go off travelling again looking at teaching English as a foreign language. I'm so impressed with her courage, she had a few truly awful years here so leaving for her was a very good move for her well being and take her out of the spiral.
Feb 28th 2020, 6:37 am
#37
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2016
Location: Christchurch NZ
Posts: 469
Re: Lost and Confused
As for child number 2, people will find me scaling the shelves of Countdown to reach things until she decides whether ahe comes over or not. Otherwise I'll need to buy a step ladder to take out 😁
Feb 28th 2020, 8:15 am
#38
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 138
Re: Lost and Confused
I had to check all of these replies...I didn't write them in my sleep did I? Seriously it's as if you have all taken the words out of my mouth. Long story short, husband in NZ and I'm in UK and we are rebuilding our relationship over Whatsapp. He isn't ready to return home so I'm going to give it another go in a couple of months. That will mean leaving a job and house but the loneliness is too much. I know it's not forever as he has a contract and has agreed to return to UK at the end of it. However I'm still worried that I might be making a mistake. We love each other but the third person in this relationship, I.e. NZ, is a thorn in my side. I'll be North Shore as well btw so think we should get together and form a support group. Not to moan but to connect and really support. Love to all. Thanks for listening!
Feb 28th 2020, 9:18 am
#39
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: In a large village called Auckland
Posts: 5,249
Re: Lost and Confused
Last edited by Bo-Jangles; Feb 28th 2020 at 9:21 am.
Feb 28th 2020, 9:54 am
#40
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2016
Location: Christchurch NZ
Posts: 469
Re: Lost and Confused
As an Aussie I can confirm I'm a step ahead in the lingo department, I don't even understand myself at times..
Feb 28th 2020, 8:29 pm
#41
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 293
Re: Lost and Confused
I had a long swim today (ok, so the National Aquatic Centre is better than Tooting Leisure centre) and tried to work out tangible rather than emotional problems and this is where I got to and what I need to discuss with Husband.
If I take away the all-consuming homesickness that might or might not improve, and the current dislike of all things NZ, there are still outstanding problems about the move that for me are insurmountable.
I would not have come here if I had known:
Spend less time with the children
Our disposable income would plummet
Less annual leave and therefore fewer holidays (I've only just found out about the 10 days at xmas thing when I need 3 weeks in July for the UK. Ironically he is ok as he works for his own business and they are flexible re holiday)
My career/experience would be null and void and I have to start again
Work longer hours for less money
A poorer standard of education (in my opinion)
Most of these points assume I go back to work, but not doing so raises it's own set of problems.
If I take away the all-consuming homesickness that might or might not improve, and the current dislike of all things NZ, there are still outstanding problems about the move that for me are insurmountable.
I would not have come here if I had known:
Spend less time with the children
Our disposable income would plummet
Less annual leave and therefore fewer holidays (I've only just found out about the 10 days at xmas thing when I need 3 weeks in July for the UK. Ironically he is ok as he works for his own business and they are flexible re holiday)
My career/experience would be null and void and I have to start again
Work longer hours for less money
A poorer standard of education (in my opinion)
Most of these points assume I go back to work, but not doing so raises it's own set of problems.
Everything is totally different I stopped comparing things after a month or it would have driven my crazy.
Just try and role with it there is plus sides and negatives to everything and variables.
Feb 29th 2020, 5:41 am
#42
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 293
Re: Lost and Confused
I think you need to stop trying to compare everything with back home if I'm honest. Especially money and wages and everything like that.
Everything is totally different I stopped comparing things after a month or it would have driven my crazy.
Just try and role with it there is plus sides and negatives to everything and variables.
Everything is totally different I stopped comparing things after a month or it would have driven my crazy.
Just try and role with it there is plus sides and negatives to everything and variables.
Feb 29th 2020, 9:15 pm
#43
MODERATOR
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 9,077
Mar 1st 2020, 6:53 am
#45
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2017
Location: levin
Posts: 51
Re: Lost and Confused
husband did send me an app that helps you make friends in Auckland using a unique logarithm. I sent him an app for dating in your 40s for when I divorce him. Patronising twat.
I'm so sorry, I can't offer you any advice at the moment for PEEING meself laughing at that part of your post.
I've got my own issues at the moment and you made me laugh out loud - for real - with this......thanks for making me laugh for the first time in months
I'm so sorry, I can't offer you any advice at the moment for PEEING meself laughing at that part of your post.
I've got my own issues at the moment and you made me laugh out loud - for real - with this......thanks for making me laugh for the first time in months