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Lonely and want to move back

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Old Dec 7th 2017, 8:07 am
  #31  
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Default Re: Lonely and want to move back

Thank you to those of you that offered me some sensible advice. I’m pleased to say I’m feeling a lot better and much more positive about a future in New Zealand. I think a combination of hormones being all over the place after what I went through, general home sickness, and a lack of close friends all contributed to my mini meltdown.
I did take my husbands advice and get off social media for a few weeks, which helped - not being able to see all the lovely things that my friends back home are doing did actually help. We got away as a family for a weekend to Auckland, which was a good way to temporarily remedy my cabin fever in Taranaki.
I would still 100% rather be living in the UK (or at least closer to the UK) but I’ve come to accept that it’s very unlikely to ever happen as my husband doesn’t want to leave NZ - he has a good job here, friends and family nearby, has worked hard to renovate our house and he loves the culture here.
I suppose in every relationship, someone has to compromise, especially when each partner comes from opposite sides of the world. It just so happens that it’s me doing the compromising. We’ve agreed that I should go back to the UK for a holiday every 1-2 years to keep my homesickness at bay, so that’s better than nothing.
Anyway, just wanted to update that I’m feeling better!
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Old Dec 7th 2017, 11:06 am
  #32  
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Default Re: Lonely and want to move back

Thanks Gill. So pleased that you are feeling better. Places and time change all of us, often in ways we don't foresee. Try not to think in terms of "100%" simply "preferring" is a better way to look at it. Regular holidays back will help considerably, and communications do also make expat living that much more manageable.
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Old Dec 7th 2017, 7:44 pm
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Oh that's fantastic news x
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Old Dec 28th 2017, 11:14 pm
  #34  
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Default Re: Lonely and want to move back

Hi, I'm new around here!

I can understand where you are coming from. I moved to NZ at 17. I've been here over 10 years now and I am happily married.... but .... I am so bored and so lonely.

My husband works alot and I don't really have any "close" friends here. Even though I left at a young age I had such strong friendships and I still miss them everyday.

My husband is considering moving over with me. We're only 27 and don't have kids (yet) but we do have a house and 3 animals. I am so torn as to what to do. I worry he won't be happy and I worry i'll get there and it won't be what I expected.

We're going over for a month in July, hoping that helps make up our minds.
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Old Dec 28th 2017, 11:31 pm
  #35  
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Default Re: Lonely and want to move back

Originally Posted by BucksGal View Post
Hi, I'm new around here!

I can understand where you are coming from. I moved to NZ at 17. I've been here over 10 years now and I am happily married.... but .... I am so bored and so lonely.

My husband works alot and I don't really have any "close" friends here. Even though I left at a young age I had such strong friendships and I still miss them everyday.

My husband is considering moving over with me. We're only 27 and don't have kids (yet) but we do have a house and 3 animals. I am so torn as to what to do. I worry he won't be happy and I worry i'll get there and it won't be what I expected.

We're going over for a month in July, hoping that helps make up our minds.
Hey BucksGal,

Have you and your husband thought about doing an OE? You're young and free (mostly!) You don't have to make any long-term commitments about where you want to live just yet so head out and see the world. Oz and Canada have working holiday programmes - travel a bit, work a bit. The world is your oyster
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Old Dec 28th 2017, 11:35 pm
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Default Re: Lonely and want to move back

Originally Posted by Pom_Chch View Post
Hey BucksGal,

Have you and your husband thought about doing an OE? You're young and free (mostly!) You don't have to make any long-term commitments about where you want to live just yet so head out and see the world. Oz and Canada have working holiday programmes - travel a bit, work a bit. The world is your oyster
Hey Pom_Chch

We moved to Chch for a few years! Came back to Auckland. Yes we have thought about that, it is a good option I suppose I should actually do more thinking around that. I just worry about leaving our jobs, and animals!
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Old Dec 28th 2017, 11:40 pm
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Default Re: Lonely and want to move back

Originally Posted by BucksGal View Post
Hey Pom_Chch

We moved to Chch for a few years! Came back to Auckland. Yes we have thought about that, it is a good option I suppose I should actually do more thinking around that. I just worry about leaving our jobs, and animals!


It is a scary thought - but exciting! My partner and I did it back in 2011, we're not a huge amount older than you now (early 30's). It was the best thing we did and we'll do it again in future when we can get away with taking a career break. We pretty much chucked our jobs in, after one year we went back to the UK and got new ones before moving on again to NZ. All depends what you do I guess and how easy it is to gain employment for you. As long as you have some savings and are careful with what funds you do have.

Yes, the animal one is hard
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Old Dec 28th 2017, 11:45 pm
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Default Re: Lonely and want to move back

Originally Posted by Pom_Chch View Post


It is a scary thought - but exciting! My partner and I did it back in 2011, we're not a huge amount older than you now (early 30's). It was the best thing we did and we'll do it again in future when we can get away with taking a career break. We pretty much chucked our jobs in, after one year we went back to the UK and got new ones before moving on again to NZ. All depends what you do I guess and how easy it is to gain employment for you. As long as you have some savings and are careful with what funds you do have.

Yes, the animal one is hard
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to discuss with my husband

A lot of my friends I made in NZ have moved to Chch recently. I wonder if a move back there would help. I hate being so unsure all the time haha. What age did you move to NZ?
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Old Feb 16th 2018, 1:07 am
  #39  
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Default Re: Lonely and want to move back

Originally Posted by Snap Shot View Post
By the way, what do you do for work if you don't mind me asking ? What does your husband do for work. How is your son settling in ?
Hi Snap Shot,

I don't think I ever replied to this question - I bake, garden, teach English and am involved in several community organisations (on a voluntary basis) - certainly keeps me busy.

My husband still runs his business in the UK with the only difference being that now he spends a few nights/week awake to be able to answer queries and communicate with clients over there. He's also reconnected with friends and people he knew growing up here and is involved in trying to promote Wanganui to the wider world.

Our son is planning his great escape back to civilisation when he turns 18 - that's his prerogative - we've done enough of the big city stuff and are quite happy in this quiet corner of the world.

I miss England every now and then but we're heading over to Europe for the northern summer so will get my fix of civilisation and should be OK for another couple of years
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Old Mar 2nd 2018, 8:44 pm
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Default Re: Lonely and want to move back

Originally Posted by barnsleymat View Post
Book a flight back here and come spend a couple of weeks around your old pals, if after that you still want to move back tell your husband you're off and if he doesn't want to join you then so be it.

Life's too short to be miserable in NZ, we know that and that's why we are back.

His excuses for not wanting to move here are pathetic to be honest, he'd walk into a job in the UK and the whole Chav thing is just like thinking all kids in NZ grow up as Bogans.

Don't cut yourself off from Social Media and your old mates, he's only suggesting that to make his life easier.

If you want some advice from someone that has successfully moved back to the UK recently PM me. Some Kiwi's have such a weird view of the UK, it's living in the NZ bubble, it's messes about with their brains.
Sadly it’s not quite that easy, you’ve lived in NZ for more than 12 months therefore you’re under their jurisdiction. You cannot remove your child without either your husbands permission or a ‘leave to return’ order. If you try you could end up with legal action from you husband under The Hague Convention - sadly I learnt the hard way!
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Old Mar 3rd 2018, 2:56 pm
  #41  
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Default Re: Lonely and want to move back

Originally Posted by KOH2 View Post
Hi Snap Shot,

I don't think I ever replied to this question - I bake, garden, teach English and am involved in several community organisations (on a voluntary basis) - certainly keeps me busy.

My husband still runs his business in the UK with the only difference being that now he spends a few nights/week awake to be able to answer queries and communicate with clients over there. He's also reconnected with friends and people he knew growing up here and is involved in trying to promote Wanganui to the wider world.

Our son is planning his great escape back to civilisation when he turns 18 - that's his prerogative - we've done enough of the big city stuff and are quite happy in this quiet corner of the world.

I miss England every now and then but we're heading over to Europe for the northern summer so will get my fix of civilisation and should be OK for another couple of years
Good. I hope all continues to go well for all of you.
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