Lonely and Homesick
 

Been in NZ for 10 years, living in Masterton but i find the place really boring now. I miss my two sons, my grandchildren and my friends. Hubby does not seem to have any desire to go back but I so want to go back to England and be with the people I love. I have friends in Masterton but not the kind I need. I spend all day alone and only have my dogs for company. Better friends in the Hawkes Bay area but we have a business and a house to sell before we can go anywhere. I just dont know what to do next. I drink during the day and then hide that fact from my husband, I cry a lot and if I did not love him so much I would jump on a plane right now and go back. I feel so lost, homesick and I have never been so lonely in my life.

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

Eesh, that's not good.
Time to front up to hubby and get yourself back. Life's too short to be that unhappy.

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

You have to tell your husband just what you have posted here, you sound in a very bad place and the reliance on having a drink to get you through the day is very bad for you.

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

Hi, you are not in a great place and empathise with you, like the others have stated you need to discuss this with your husband sooner rather than later so it can be dealt with.

In fact do this today if you have not done so already, you have nothing to loose and everything to gain.

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

If it were your husband with these feelings would you want to know he was hurting so badly, of course you would and I'm sure he will listen and support you through this rough patch and make plans to get you into a better place, best wishes, I agree life is too short to be so very sad xx

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

In 2009 when I spent a month on my own in NZ job hunting I was invited to Masterton for a job interview at a huge printing company on the outskirts of the town. They offered to fly me down but as I'd had enough of flying and I had a car I decided to drive, it took me 7 hours but I enjoyed it. I arrived in Masterton just after dusk and found a motel and checked in, I asked the motel owner for direction to somewhere I could grab a drink and some food. She pointed me to a TAB. Driving through Masterton made the alarm bells sound and then spending a few hours amongst the locals in the TAB made me realise there was no way on earth we'd last more than a month there. I drunk way more than I should have the night before an interview and went to the interview just to be polite really, they invited me to stop for the day but it was pretty pointless, I jumped in the car and got the hell out of town.

So I can totally understand why you're struggling. NZ is quiet enough anyway without moving to a quiet bit of a quiet country.

My advice. Do whatever makes you happy and makes you stop hitting the bottle, if that's moving home then come on home. If hubby lover you as much as you love him he'll be totally understanding. Show him this thread. Send him a link to it if you can't do it face to face.

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

This is very sad.

Some thoughts...in an attempt to help, from afar...

I wonder, how were your first years in NZ? Did you ever manage to think of NZ as home rather than the UK? As others have said, drinking alone is not good & will undoubtedly fuel feelings of melancholia. Are you sure your Husband hasn't discovered that you drink? Whether he has or not may be significant...
Any chance of a social daytime activity, voluntary work for example? Reaching out on here is a good start. Despite the presence of family in the UK is the grass really greener on the other side?

None of the above helps you directly but maybe, just maybe we can get you thinking beyond today's despair, I hope so for your sake.

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

I'm country hopping here, but can I suggest you and go visit your doctor too (today, tomorrow) and get help.. I'm not sure how dependent you feel on alcohol but I honestly feel some medical intervention is required..

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

Thank you all for your support. My first few years in NZ were great we did a lot of stuff and went out quite a bit but the dynamics of the group has changed and we rarely do anything now. I dont believe that the grass is greener back in England but the people I love are. I have talked to my husband at length and he does understand how lonely I am and supports me as much as possible. There is not much to do in Masterton, we have joined the local Camera Club which gets us out once a month but they can be very cliquey here and I even tried to join the WI and got ignored!!!! I am determined to not drink during the day (i dont do it every day) and I know that is not the answer. We have recently talked at length and we want to move away from this area to somewhere where we have friends we know we can do lots with and to a place that actually has a variety of things to do both during the day and evenings (Masterton has not got a lot going for it). But until we can sell our business we cannot make the next move. This could take years but at least we have now made the decision to get out of here asap and find life somewhere else in NZ.

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

"we have joined the local Camera Club which gets us out once a month but they can be very cliquey"

At least you haven't lost your sense of humour.




...I'l get my coat

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

Never meant that the camera club were but it was a good joke even if i never meant it LOL

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

HI Jacqui, Know where you are coming from and do agree that a trip to the Doctors in the short term is a way of getting a new life started.

Out of curiosity, why do you have to sell your business? is it not something that can be managed from afar or moved even? Or could you start looking into doing that. Do you not work in the business? if not is it something that you could maybe do?

If selling the house is a need to move then do that now rather than later and just rent where you are for the time being maybe (?).

Hawkes Bay is only 2 1/2 hours drive away, how about getting up there for long weekends on a regular basis, start looking for an area and get to know the locals and estate agents, go to open homes and auctions in both area's and get yourself well informed on the whole processes.

Is there any projects within the home that need doing before you sell? how about putting your mind to that.

As you say you have spoken to your husband and he agrees you can start to make that happen that way you will be focused on the future and not dwelling in the past

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

We have to sell the business as we want to retire. It is a mower service and repair business. Our friend in Hawkes Bay is an estate agent. We cant rent as we have two dogs and live in a 5 bedroom house with 3 acres, chickens etc etc. We have put the business up for sale so once we have done that we can move on. When we purchased it 4 years ago it had taken four years to sell (been run down but we have picked it right back up again). The problem is whoever buys the business needs to know how to repair mowers, chainsaws, hedgecutters line trimmers and all the other things so not an easy business to sell.

Re: Lonely and Homesick
 

Instead of selling it why not consider bringing in someone your husband can train over say a year, then move on...or shift the business lock stock and barrel to wherever you want to be and sell it there at your leisure, it might take 4 years still but you will be happier and you have experience of building a business up already...just a thought.