Lonely - any advice?
 

Hi there, this is my first forum post so hopefully I don't mess it up!

My name is Chloe, I'm 22 and I moved to NZ last September to be with my boyfriend who is a kiwi after doing a year of long distance.

I like it here but I really struggle with missing my family and friends in the UK. I've always been a very sociable person especially as I only left University last year, but I find it incredibly hard to meet people over here and make friends. So much so it's making me want to move home.

I was wondering if anyone on this site had any advice on how to meet people here?

I live in a small (compared to in the U.K.) town where everyone seems to already have their own friends, there isn't much of a night life so meeting people my own age is a bit of a struggle.

Sorry for the rambling post but I've never done anything like this before!

Re: Lonely - any advice?
 

Hi Chloe, many people have the same problem, its about putting yourself out there. any local clubs around? Do you have a Neigbourly site?

where abouts are you?

Re: Lonely - any advice?
 

Hello :) I'm in the Wairarapa, I joined the gym but the classes I went to I was by far the youngest there. I currently live quite out in the sticks but hopefully will be moving into the town by the end of the month, so fingers crossed things get better then!

Re: Lonely - any advice?
 

Have you tried Meetup? Just search for your area/nearest town
http://https://www.meetup.com/cities/nz/masterton/

Re: Lonely - any advice?
 

Join a sports or social club, or take a part time/evening course at the local (?) tech college.

Re: Lonely - any advice?
 

Hi Chloe, I really feel for you, it took my wife and I long time to make good friends and we live in Auckland. As most of the others have suggested it is about getting yourself out there and I appreciate this can be difficult for some as they've never had to do it before, but you say you went to Uni so I think you will be fine, just be your authentic self and get out and join a club or take a lesson in something you've not tried that interests you and you'll start getting there.

Re: Lonely - any advice?
 

Hi Chloe,
Sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely. It must be difficult to move without any established friendships or connections. I would strongly recommend meetup.com and also eventbrite.com for other events. It's a great way to meet people and like everyone has already stated, you just have to put yourself out there and be open to new opportunities.
Let us know how you get on :)

Re: Lonely - any advice?
 

If this is Masterton you might very well be the youngest person in town :p. Younger people tend to move to cities so it might be worth thinking about where you want to work.

Re: Lonely - any advice?
 

Are you living in your boyfriends home town? Perhaps discuss with him the possibility of moving to Wellington together, both of you in the same situation of finding your feet might help. When I moved to the UK from NZ at 25yrs it was a great working environment that landed me a social circle with like minded people, 15yrs later three of those colleagues are some of my closest friends who I miss dearly now I'm back in NZ. I will also mention I was bone achingly lonely, I cried a lot, I was desperately homesick... but it got better with time, we ended up thriving there for a very long time.

Re: Lonely - any advice?
 

Hi Chloe !

Really refreshing to see your post, excuse my rambling here its my first post. To cut the story short. I came here when I was 22 (2012) met my kiwi partner Luke and ended up staying here, I was in Queenstown until last year and just moved to Wellington. Im 27 now and just finding my feet still really, Queenstown is a bubble and its great being back in Wellington. I never expected to be in NZ this long. We are at the stage now though where we are thinking of moving out to the Wairapa, yes Im 27 young like you and do feel a bit nervous of the idea of renting out there as it is quiet. I come from Bradford/Leeds and went to University in York, so completely different!

I have an interview in Masterton next week. I did work at Weta Digital for a few months as my background was film & tv production but realised it just wasn't the industry for me. Now I just want a cheap place to live, nice steady job and relaxed lifestyle. I love Wellington city, but my partner prefers smaller towns and he is from a small place in Pukekohe south of Auckland.

Anyway, won't give you the life story, but basically...I know how you must be feeling, it is very difficult being away from home/family/the familiar surroundings, the people back home, the list goes on...it is very different. However I have travelled around most of New Zealand, and I do think the Wairapa is great that it is unlike many other cities in NZ that has a train service connecting to a place like Wellington, I am worried though as well ...we are a gay couple moving to small town new zealand haha. Anyway, just thought it would be nice for you to know, you're not the only one!

Again just typed this quickly, apologies for the rambling :thumbsup:

Re: Lonely - any advice?
 

Also to answer your Question, yes finding friends is tricky! Making friends does take time, I think when you go an work somewhere, and or for example meet people on here, is when you will eventually start to make friends. Just be patient it will come with time, there will be high and low points! I say, get to know your partners family well, meet friends through the family, try as someone suggested one of those meet ups. And yeah just don't force it or try too hard, it will come in time. We both don't know many people here still, we have friends dotted all over NZ but no one here really. Anyway yes, just be patient, friends will develop over months/years