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LONELINESS, some questions.

LONELINESS, some questions.

Old Sep 11th 2013, 10:01 am
  #31  
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

How has social life changed since we got here ? - it has changed enormously. At times back in the UK I felt lonely - looking back I didn't appreciate what I had. We basically do not have a social life here.

Have we made friends or just acquaintances? acquaintances really. I have a couple of people I can meet for a coffee. We don't have any couple friends. We keep ourselves busy as much as we can. This one really freaks me out sometimes. That thought that if anything awful happened I wouldn't have anyone I could ring for support. I also find that the few people I have to meet are not happy and I sometimes feel like I am providing a lot of support for them and me being me not asking for it in return.

Have I felt lonely - most definitely.
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Old Sep 12th 2013, 1:07 am
  #32  
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Failure or disappointment is hard to admit for most people, especially those that have spent thousands on emigrating and months or years of expelled energy in ensuring emigrating materialises.
I do sometimes wonder if the exaggerated enthusiasm or positivity of some posters is determined by a "gritted teeth" like determination that "this will bloody work and I'll make sure of it" attitude (sorry If I've said it before).
I too, initially had this attitude about NZ.
It's now been 5 years however and I feel lonelier than ever. I can't express it as acutely as I'd like to amongst my expat colleagues or the families at the kids' school as they all seem to have the attitude above. I don't know this, but I assume that they are blaming me for not trying harder!
I miss SO much about the UK and the people but I won't post it here, that's for the MBTTUK forum which I regularly read rather than the overt optimism in the NZ forum.
I'm sorry folks, this is how it is for just us; less social life, less interests, less friends, work is becoming less interesting, shops are boring, museums not as interesting (done Te Papa three times!) and running out of places to visit that's not going to cost a fortune in time and travel and the list I'm afraid goes on.
Trash this post, if you want to, I no longer care, I just want to warn prospective emigrating families that they should take a short term view of emigrating as the novelty/newness factor definitely wears off and homesickness can set in and the rot can start to taint their new life.
UK Flights about to be booked for next year.
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Old Sep 12th 2013, 2:40 am
  #33  
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by pintaguiness-pickledegg View Post
Failure or disappointment is hard to admit for most people, especially those that have spent thousands on emigrating and months or years of expelled energy in ensuring emigrating materialises.
Agree

I do sometimes wonder if the exaggerated enthusiasm or positivity of some posters is determined by a "gritted teeth" like determination that "this will bloody work and I'll make sure of it" attitude (sorry If I've said it before).
I too, initially had this attitude about NZ.
Agree, like people who deliberately laugh too loud to advertise that they are having a good time. Or the incessant and loud, 'woo hoo' shouted at random over and over again.

It's now been 5 years however and I feel lonelier than ever. I can't express it as acutely as I'd like to amongst my expat colleagues or the families at the kids' school as they all seem to have the attitude above. I don't know this, but I assume that they are blaming me for not trying harder!
I can relate to that feeling

I miss SO much about the UK and the people but I won't post it here, that's for the MBTTUK forum which I regularly read rather than the overt optimism in the NZ forum.
I wholeheartedly agree.

I'm sorry folks, this is how it is for just us; less social life, less interests, less friends, work is becoming less interesting, shops are boring, museums not as interesting (done Te Papa three times!) and running out of places to visit that's not going to cost a fortune in time and travel and the list I'm afraid goes on.

Trash this post, if you want to, I no longer care,
Yay !

I just want to warn prospective emigrating families that they should take a short term view of emigrating as the novelty/newness factor definitely wears off and homesickness can set in and the rot can start to taint their new life.
UK Flights about to be booked for next year
.
Lucky cow. I mean that's great news. You've been nice to me, I shouldn't be rude to you !
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Old Sep 12th 2013, 8:03 am
  #34  
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by pintaguiness-pickledegg View Post
Failure or disappointment is hard to admit for most people, especially those that have spent thousands on emigrating and months or years of expelled energy in ensuring emigrating materialises.
I do sometimes wonder if the exaggerated enthusiasm or positivity of some posters is determined by a "gritted teeth" like determination that "this will bloody work and I'll make sure of it" attitude (sorry If I've said it before).
I too, initially had this attitude about NZ.
It's now been 5 years however and I feel lonelier than ever. I can't express it as acutely as I'd like to amongst my expat colleagues or the families at the kids' school as they all seem to have the attitude above. I don't know this, but I assume that they are blaming me for not trying harder!
I miss SO much about the UK and the people but I won't post it here, that's for the MBTTUK forum which I regularly read rather than the overt optimism in the NZ forum.
I'm sorry folks, this is how it is for just us; less social life, less interests, less friends, work is becoming less interesting, shops are boring, museums not as interesting (done Te Papa three times!) and running out of places to visit that's not going to cost a fortune in time and travel and the list I'm afraid goes on.
Trash this post, if you want to, I no longer care, I just want to warn prospective emigrating families that they should take a short term view of emigrating as the novelty/newness factor definitely wears off and homesickness can set in and the rot can start to taint their new life.
UK Flights about to be booked for next year.
Love your post......Good luck....I am going for a reccy in April next year....then making my hopefully short term plans...however they may take longer than I would like....
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Old Sep 13th 2013, 10:15 am
  #35  
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

The best way to meet people and get a social life is to join a sports club, cyling, yachting, golf etc all in vogue, there's always socials and events in clubs like that.
Other wise put yourself out there, invite kiwis out and they will go...
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Old Sep 13th 2013, 11:12 pm
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
3) Have you/are you lonely here?[/QUOTE]

Our social life has suffered a bit but not that bad - and we are still here.

Yes made friends and aquaintances, mixture of Kiwis and expats. Kiwis are always more difficult to pin down when we try to arrange get-togethers because they have wider social circles than us (unsurprisingly as we haven't been here as long as they have).

Not lonely as we have eachother and Skype etc in addition to our friends here.

Financial side not great though and probably the biggest issue for us by far, could be the reason why we ultimately go back to the U.K.
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Old Sep 14th 2013, 2:01 am
  #37  
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by pintaguiness-pickledegg View Post
I miss SO much about the UK and the people but I won't post it here, that's for the MBTTUK forum which I regularly read rather than the overt optimism in the NZ forum....
prospective emigrating families that they should take a short term view of emigrating as the novelty/newness factor definitely wears off and homesickness can set in and the rot can start to taint their new life.
UK Flights about to be booked for next year.
I fear you are correct..most posters have some kind of agenda - overt or not.
Enticing others over on false pretences to make yourself feel better about your lot is well - just not cricket. All the best for your move back home. Emigrating to the other side of the world is only really a good risk to take at 12k per ping (and pong back), if an employer is footing the bill as was so in our case.
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Old Sep 15th 2013, 8:02 am
  #38  
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by barnsleymat View Post
Absolutely spot on, I have very little in common with the average Kiwi and that's why I find them pretty dull.
There in lie's your problem. You find them dull, they find you what!
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Old Sep 15th 2013, 8:44 am
  #39  
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by luvwelly View Post
I fear you are correct..most posters have some kind of agenda - overt or not.
Enticing others over on false pretences to make yourself feel better about your lot is well - just not cricket.
Do you really think that? I think most posters tell it as it is from their perspective, which of course is different for everyone.
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Old Sep 16th 2013, 9:53 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by Woodlea View Post
Do you really think that? I think most posters tell it as it is from their perspective, which of course is different for everyone.
Personally I have better things to do with my time! I just tell it how it is from me. Simple.
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Old Sep 17th 2013, 9:04 am
  #41  
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

If you go over to the MBUK thread you will find quite a lot of returnees saying how great it is to be able to talk to old friends who KNOW you and how you feel more natural having a laugh with your mates, unlike with kiwis.

I experienced this in reverse. When I went to the UK in my early 20s I had plenty of friends, but in the UK I never really made any real friends (I was there for 24 years). Sure I had some very nice acquaintances and friendly neighbours who I looked up last time I was there in August, but not real friends. Because I was there so long I gradually formed the view that perhaps I wasn't very friendly!

Moving back I have caught up with old school friends and, of course, family. It's so nice to slip back into the old ways of talking and communicating. Some of those friends I haven't seen since I left but it's like it was yesterday.

What I'm trying to say is that there seems to be a difference in the way people connect and communicate. I remember meeting fellow kiwis in London and enjoying chatting, again in ways that I couldn't with my British colleagues. That's not a criticism, it's a reflection of the different cultures.

Those are my thoughts anyway. I've just back from a gallery opening for an artist whose wife was at High School with me. Fab. Lots of people there, although some were a bit posy. That's Parnell for ya.
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Old Sep 17th 2013, 10:18 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

What I'm trying to say is that there seems to be a difference in the way people connect and communicate. I remember meeting fellow kiwis in London and enjoying chatting, again in ways that I couldn't with my British colleagues. That's not a criticism, it's a reflection of the different cultures.

I absolutely agree with you. Posters who use sweeping generalisations about a whole country are just forgetting that the UK and NZ are completely different cultures. I find when I meet up with a lot of expat Brits, we instantly have something in common and we (mostly) get each others humour, whereas I struggle a bit with Kiwis on the same front. But that's just down to cultural differences, not personal traits. I love the quirkiness of NZ, it's so real. Vive la difference.

Last edited by britsinnz; Sep 17th 2013 at 10:25 am.
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Old Sep 17th 2013, 8:09 pm
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by britsinnz View Post
What I'm trying to say is that there seems to be a difference in the way people connect and communicate. I remember meeting fellow kiwis in London and enjoying chatting, again in ways that I couldn't with my British colleagues. That's not a criticism, it's a reflection of the different cultures.

I absolutely agree with you. Posters who use sweeping generalisations about a whole country are just forgetting that the UK and NZ are completely different cultures. I find when I meet up with a lot of expat Brits, we instantly have something in common and we (mostly) get each others humour, whereas I struggle a bit with Kiwis on the same front. But that's just down to cultural differences, not personal traits. I love the quirkiness of NZ, it's so real. Vive la difference.
I agree to a certain extent with regards to humour but I don't think it prevents you from forming good and deep friendships with people from other cultures. It is not humour that makes you friends but a human connection on a deeper level.
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