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LONELINESS, some questions.

LONELINESS, some questions.

Old Sep 10th 2013, 10:24 am
  #16  
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
More of a social life in the UK, just moved from Tokoroa and social life there non-existant.

2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
Invited a couple of new friends/families over but never got invited back, promises made etc etc but nothing ever materialised.

3) Have you/are you lonely here?
Yes

Hopefully this will all now change as we have moved to Upper Hutt as I have family here, our social life has improved albeit invites to family do's but hoping once we get jobs things will improve even more and we make other 'friends' outside of the family.

Lonely, not so much here, there are always going to be things we miss from the UK, but the Wellington Region has so much more to offer than Tokoroa (not surprising). I tend to go out with either my husband and/or children - do however miss having a really good female friend to talk to.
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Old Sep 10th 2013, 8:50 pm
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by Stormer999 View Post
How can they be lonely if they have each other If the kids have flown the nest what is going to be different in any country? There are over 300,000 people in Chch so if they cannot make friends amongst that many then what is going to change back in the UK ? chasing a long gone point in time ?
The old saying 'falling in love with love' seems to prevail in so many tails of woe on this forum!
Barnsleymat I pay $5 for a real pint in my drinking hole and have made plenty of friends...change pubs or hours! Get a motorbike and make stacks of friends
sometimes you can be surrounded by people, family and so called friends and still be the loneliest person in the room.
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Old Sep 10th 2013, 9:16 pm
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by britsinnz View Post
1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
3) Have you/are you lonely here?
1. We've got a social life now! Back in Barking, bar quiz nights at the golf club I was a member of, we did nothing. Our local pub was where Richard Barnbrook and the BNP had their meetings back home, so going there wasn't really an option. All the other pubs in Barking were regularly visited by the police anyway since it was very easy to get hold of Jamaicas finest Marajuana

2. We've got a mixture of English, South African, Australian and Kiwi friends. Kiwi mates are more work colleagues or through Dylans nursery.

3. We'll never be lonely over here. Not with a young one to keep us entertained. Plus if we are by ourselves, we enjoy each others company. Plus I have a golf course that I can go to whenever I want.
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Old Sep 10th 2013, 9:30 pm
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Back in the UK it most likely took you a life time to connect and make those best friends, you will make friends here but it will take some time. We have been here three years now, one and half years in Napier and one half years on the Kapati coast. We made good friends in Napier both Kiwi and expats and still go up for weekends. Down here in Paraparaumu / Rauamati we have a fantastic social life. We have a group of about 16 expats and some Kiwis who all get along and socialise we have regular get togethers and meet every weekend at the local Pub.

1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
Yes – Our kids have flown the nest but we go out more here than we did in the UK, could be that we now live on the beach and always walk to the pub at weekends. Lucky to find a group of like minded Ex-pats and Kiwis.

2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
Most of the group we socialise with are acquaintances but are becoming good friends it takes time to develop those relationships.

3) Have you/are you lonely here?
No far from it!
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Old Sep 11th 2013, 12:19 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

On the friends/acquaintances issue we found that it was much easier to make friends with other expats rather than Kiwis. We assume its because Kiwis already have well established social networks and don't need to add more. Generally expats friendships have come about via work. After 5 years here I can count the number of real Kiwi friends we have on three fingers. Bit sad really. I suspect a lot of it is due to lack of enthusiasm about rugby, pig hunting, V8s and bad beer.
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Old Sep 11th 2013, 12:31 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by nick99 View Post
lack of enthusiasm about rugby, pig hunting, V8s and bad beer.
Absolutely spot on, I have very little in common with the average Kiwi and that's why I find them pretty dull.
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Old Sep 11th 2013, 2:39 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by britsinnz View Post

1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
3) Have you/are you lonely here?
1. It hasn't, we are making friends through the kids, we are being invited to lots of things at the weekends and getting involved with community events. I fact weekends are full up for weeks
2. I suppose they are acquaintances at the moment but isn't that how good friends start?
3. I have missed my best female friends who I can tell my inner most secrets to, but these friendships have been formed over 20yrs, so not likely to get a BFF in 3 months, but I'm working on it
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Old Sep 11th 2013, 3:03 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by britsinnz View Post

1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
3) Have you/are you lonely here?
1 Yes its changed dramatically. I no longer the club going 30 year old lad about town in Sheffield. I am now a happily married man living in a town of less than 2000 people. But if the rain and wind stops, we are off out for dinner tonight with another couple.

2 We have our own social circle of myself and my wife, we tend to orbit around each other. Also we have often found when meeting another couples, we will like one of them but not get one with another (see my thread "how do I tell my best mate I can't stand his girlfriend"). But saying that, we have a couple of good friends now. We have loads of acquaintances.

3 No, in fact I would really like to have some alone time!
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Old Sep 11th 2013, 3:55 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by nick99 View Post
I suspect a lot of it is due to lack of enthusiasm about rugby, pig hunting, V8s and bad beer.
Originally Posted by barnsleymat View Post
Absolutely spot on, I have very little in common with the average Kiwi and that's why I find them pretty dull.
The average Kiwi??

Like the average south Yorkshireman is enthusiastic about rugby league, pigeon fancying, whippets and fizzy beer
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Old Sep 11th 2013, 4:34 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by Woodlea View Post
The average Kiwi??

Like the average south Yorkshireman is enthusiastic about rugby league, pigeon fancying, whippets and fizzy beer
I don't think there's a proper rugby league team in South Yorkshire, didn't the Sheffield one go bust after merging with Huddersfield? You're thinking about West Yorkshire.
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Old Sep 11th 2013, 5:40 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Whippets, that will those folks up Bradford way.
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Old Sep 11th 2013, 7:23 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by Catchafire View Post
Whippets, that will those folks up Bradford way.
And don't forget ferrets too!

I'm allowed to say that as I'm married to one...a Yorkshireman I mean. Not a ferret
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Old Sep 11th 2013, 7:44 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

We have made good friends and acquaintances in our 2.5 years here - our best friends are expats, but we have Kiwi mates too.

It's not the same as back home because they've known me 20 years. But they are still my friends, just harder to drink wine with! You don't lose your friends just because you emigrate, and you can't build friendships overnight.
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Old Sep 11th 2013, 8:44 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Lonely? No. I have my husband

Less social life? No, I was a member of a running club and a Tri club in the UK. I am now a member of the local cycling club and will join the Tri club next month. Had some good friends, lots of acquaintances in the UK, same here. Have Skype, phone, Facebook, its ok. Have friends from the plane journey (yes really!) work friends (more than the UK) sporting friends, at the moment I feel ok.

Good friends takes time, and I my oldest UK friend I have known since I was 5 so no one will ever be better friends than her.

I feel ok here in NZ at the moment. I wasn't a massive night clubber or party goer before, and have had more people round for dinner since we lived here than when we were in the UK!
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Old Sep 11th 2013, 8:44 am
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Default Re: LONELINESS, some questions.

Originally Posted by Mrs Pointer View Post
We have made good friends and acquaintances in our 2.5 years here - our best friends are expats, but we have Kiwi mates too.

It's not the same as back home because they've known me 20 years. But they are still my friends, just harder to drink wine with! You don't lose your friends just because you emigrate, and you can't build friendships overnight.
Absolutely right!
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