LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Friends of ours who have been here for 20 years shocked me today by saying they are moving back to the UK. They came here with 2 small children who have now flown the nest, one to OZ the other to UK. They said the thing that made them want to move back is the loneliness they have experienced here and that surprised me as they seemed to have settled here and were very involved where they live in Christchurch and are very sociable people. They said once their kids were no longer at school that their social circle seems to have died off and they just didn't see themselves being able to live here anymore. They felt that they had made many acquaintances but no real friends.
I was just wondering if any be'rs felt the same.

1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
3) Have you/are you lonely here?

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1. What social life! We were always out gigging and having nights out back home but it's just unaffordable here. Towards $9 for a glass beer is something we can't afford, I've always been a pub person and had a huge amount of mates back home just cos we all went to the same pubs/gigs. So meeting new people the way I always have done isn't an option.

2. Not made many mates.

3. Over the last month I've hit the homesick wall and feeling a bit lonely is probably a big part of it.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1. Shrunk from small to non existent. I miss the weekly diet class that I used to attend in Britain. I miss the people I would sit next to. I just can't find the motivation to go to a local group. I miss the weekly circuit training group we used to attend. We go to exercise classes here but it's 'only' aerobics. We'd kinda got bored of 'only aerobics' in Britain. We didn't really have any friends as a couple in Britain. So it makes no difference that we don't have them here either. If we go out it's with each other, but that's how it was in Britain. We go to the cinema or a restaurant or the park or the beach or to the shops.

2. Made acquaintances, no friends with kiwis. They're ok but actually quite dull. The look on some of their faces when a foreign accent comes out of your mouth, well. There's no point attempting to be friends with local expats if you have nothing in common except you used to live in the same country and would have probably found them to be hard work no matter what.

3. Lonely ? Not really, I prefer my husband's company anyway. Loneliness can be tied into homesickness. I've got that mostly under control. Bored of my life in NZ ? Certainly. In my heart and in my soul I want to go home.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1. Had very busy social life when I first got here. Just lucky enough to make some good friends through work and through house sharing. Regular nights out in Auckland till 2 or 3, even 5 or 6 occasionally...this changed not due to being in NZ but due to having kids. Past few years much quieter due to having small children. Still go to some gigs and have a few local nights out. Meals at ours/other people's houses quite a bit in the summer.

2. Yes, made some good friends. We're still in the small kids stage so whether it will last once they're older, who knows.

3. No, not often.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

How can they be lonely if they have each other :confused: If the kids have flown the nest what is going to be different in any country? There are over 300,000 people in Chch so if they cannot make friends amongst that many then what is going to change back in the UK ? chasing a long gone point in time ?
The old saying 'falling in love with love' seems to prevail in so many tails of woe on this forum!
Barnsleymat I pay $5 for a real pint in my drinking hole and have made plenty of friends...change pubs or hours! Get a motorbike and make stacks of friends ;)

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

In my local pub which is a bit souless it's $12 a jug and anywhere in town is 8/9 for a handle to a pint. The cheapest pint in NZ I've ever found is $6 at a local football club near my work.

I dream of $5 pints at a pub within walking distance of my house.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Monteiths Brewery bar Avonhead Chch walking/cycling distance 16:00/18:00 hrs 7 days a week Happy hours $5 for a full real pint:thumbup: Just frequented the aforesaid establishment tonight for 3 pints of Tui...well served by some delightful young ladies....less than I was paying 2 years ago in Kenilworth :starsmile:
Try the local Rugby clubs.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Amen. Motorbiking rules!!! :thumbsup:

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

I'd rather stay in than hang around in a Rugby club.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Spot on :thumbsup:
See I've made another friend already..;)

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Yeah for sure.
Mention motorbikes n I'll b your friend for life ha ha!!!
Looking forward to visiting Christchurch on the bike before end of summer. Gotta visit Coleridge Hydro Station for work n gonna take the opportunity to do it on the bike with a colleague and I can also visit my old biker buddy from back home who's gonna be moving to Rolleston this month.
He's only just this last couple weeks got his bike through conformity, warrant and registration - all black K5 gixer thou reg PMG 1 if ya see him say hi cos he's a top geeza originally from Maidstone.

I pay $5 a pint at the golf club where I'm a member in Wellington. DB Export Gold.
They also do top food.
Home made big wedge of mince onion cheese pie and a pint $9.50.
Cossie club which is a top venue and night out in Upper Hutt equally as cheap $24 for a 4 handle jug of beer with free pool, darts, massive video wall sky TV sports, live bands, betting on the horses etc area and they do food.
Tend to steer clear of Wellington CBD as its generally $9 a pint and busy as hell. If you know where to go though there are plenty "locals" dotted around the back streets that serve real ale and aren't as expensive.

If any blokes want to meet like minded people, then golf and motorbikes will prove there's never a dull moment.
I meet someone new every time I do either, and from all countries and all walks of life - sweet!

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1. No, moving thousands of miles away from my friends had no short term impact on my social life ;).
2. Yes, have friends from all over but not many kiwis. Mind you if I where a foreigner moving to the UK I'd probably expect to get along better with other foreigners. It's human nature, if you are a local you kind of fit in with a culture and place.
3. When do people find the time to be lonely? I've always been someone with just a handful of very good friend, my world fits inside a teacup and I'm quite happy with that.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1...don't really have a social life...But OH and I like each others company always have...We are not into camping in a field or drinking shite beer round the bbq at home or someone else's home or watching rugby & drinking shite beer either.....We go out on our own for a Thai or Curry when funds allow, have a couple of drinks then come home...We miss proper pubs to sit by the fire have a couple of beers....atmosphere is just not the same in NZ

2..Just acquaintances

3..Yes; friend lonely.....Bored YES!

:frown:

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1) I had a lot of friends in the UK, I worked a lot but regularly managed to meet up with people and catch up. Here - I have not made a single real "friend" - in over 2 years of being here. I now spend extra time at work or I come home and study, read/watch videos about the latest IT developments - oh and I come on here.

2) There is one guy I go for an after work drink with once a fortnight to bitch about the cost of living, houses and work. There is another guy I worked with who I see about once a month.

3) You could say that I am lonely, certainly I spend most of my own time alone or with the Mrs. I don't generally feel lonely, but I do feel very alone at times if that makes sense. I just accept that as part of life in NZ. Most Kiwi's I've met just seem to do family stuff and don't socalise with others very much at all. I have my partner, and we spend weekends together - which helps a lot. Although in truth we both feel at times quite alone (i.e. it would be nice to have friends, not just us). However, saying that - she has made lots of nurse friends here that she semi-regularly goes out for dinner with or the occassional coffee catch up.

Barnsleymat - saw your post. Do you think you ever might return?

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1. Social life is pretty much the same. Out a couple of times a week either to a friends house for a few beers or to the pub/cinema/gigs (just back from bitchin' bingo at our local with a few friends...not really my thing but they have alcohol so its all good)

2. I have a pretty good group of kiwi friends as well as a wider circle of acquaintances. Its actually the expats that I met at first that have mostly drifted off over time, I found a greater lack of enthusiasm to just go out and try stuff amongst that group than I did with the newer kiwi friends.

3. I occasionally miss my old social life for the 'comfort' of long term friends but cant say I'm ever really lonely. I live alone though and enjoy my own company but I also catch up with friends every few days and usually work 12 hours with great colleagues the days in not doing that so not much time to get lonely.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
More of a social life in the UK, just moved from Tokoroa and social life there non-existant.

2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
Invited a couple of new friends/families over but never got invited back, promises made etc etc but nothing ever materialised.

3) Have you/are you lonely here?
Yes

Hopefully this will all now change as we have moved to Upper Hutt as I have family here, our social life has improved albeit invites to family do's but hoping once we get jobs things will improve even more and we make other 'friends' outside of the family.

Lonely, not so much here, there are always going to be things we miss from the UK, but the Wellington Region has so much more to offer than Tokoroa (not surprising). I tend to go out with either my husband and/or children - do however miss having a really good female friend to talk to.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

:) sometimes you can be surrounded by people, family and so called friends and still be the loneliest person in the room. :)

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1. We've got a social life now! Back in Barking, bar quiz nights at the golf club I was a member of, we did nothing. Our local pub was where Richard Barnbrook and the BNP had their meetings back home, so going there wasn't really an option. All the other pubs in Barking were regularly visited by the police anyway since it was very easy to get hold of Jamaicas finest Marajuana

2. We've got a mixture of English, South African, Australian and Kiwi friends. Kiwi mates are more work colleagues or through Dylans nursery.

3. We'll never be lonely over here. Not with a young one to keep us entertained. Plus if we are by ourselves, we enjoy each others company. Plus I have a golf course that I can go to whenever I want.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Back in the UK it most likely took you a life time to connect and make those best friends, you will make friends here but it will take some time. We have been here three years now, one and half years in Napier and one half years on the Kapati coast. We made good friends in Napier both Kiwi and expats and still go up for weekends. Down here in Paraparaumu / Rauamati we have a fantastic social life. We have a group of about 16 expats and some Kiwis who all get along and socialise we have regular get togethers and meet every weekend at the local Pub.

1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
Yes – Our kids have flown the nest but we go out more here than we did in the UK, could be that we now live on the beach and always walk to the pub at weekends. Lucky to find a group of like minded Ex-pats and Kiwis.

2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
Most of the group we socialise with are acquaintances but are becoming good friends it takes time to develop those relationships.

3) Have you/are you lonely here?
No far from it!

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

On the friends/acquaintances issue we found that it was much easier to make friends with other expats rather than Kiwis. We assume its because Kiwis already have well established social networks and don't need to add more. Generally expats friendships have come about via work. After 5 years here I can count the number of real Kiwi friends we have on three fingers. Bit sad really. I suspect a lot of it is due to lack of enthusiasm about rugby, pig hunting, V8s and bad beer.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Absolutely spot on, I have very little in common with the average Kiwi and that's why I find them pretty dull.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1. It hasn't, we are making friends through the kids, we are being invited to lots of things at the weekends and getting involved with community events. I fact weekends are full up for weeks
2. I suppose they are acquaintances at the moment but isn't that how good friends start?
3. I have missed my best female friends who I can tell my inner most secrets to, but these friendships have been formed over 20yrs, so not likely to get a BFF in 3 months, but I'm working on it :D

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1 Yes its changed dramatically. I no longer the club going 30 year old lad about town in Sheffield. I am now a happily married man living in a town of less than 2000 people. But if the rain and wind stops, we are off out for dinner tonight with another couple.

2 We have our own social circle of myself and my wife, we tend to orbit around each other. Also we have often found when meeting another couples, we will like one of them but not get one with another (see my thread "how do I tell my best mate I can't stand his girlfriend"). But saying that, we have a couple of good friends now. We have loads of acquaintances.

3 No, in fact I would really like to have some alone time!

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

The average Kiwi??

Like the average south Yorkshireman is enthusiastic about rugby league, pigeon fancying, whippets and fizzy beer :rofl:

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

I don't think there's a proper rugby league team in South Yorkshire, didn't the Sheffield one go bust after merging with Huddersfield? You're thinking about West Yorkshire.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Whippets, that will those folks up Bradford way.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

And don't forget ferrets too!

I'm allowed to say that as I'm married to one...a Yorkshireman I mean. Not a ferret :rofl:

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

We have made good friends and acquaintances in our 2.5 years here - our best friends are expats, but we have Kiwi mates too.

It's not the same as back home because they've known me 20 years. But they are still my friends, just harder to drink wine with! You don't lose your friends just because you emigrate, and you can't build friendships overnight.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Lonely? No. I have my husband

Less social life? No, I was a member of a running club and a Tri club in the UK. I am now a member of the local cycling club and will join the Tri club next month. Had some good friends, lots of acquaintances in the UK, same here. Have Skype, phone, Facebook, its ok. Have friends from the plane journey (yes really!) work friends (more than the UK) sporting friends, at the moment I feel ok.

Good friends takes time, and I my oldest UK friend I have known since I was 5 so no one will ever be better friends than her.

I feel ok here in NZ at the moment. I wasn't a massive night clubber or party goer before, and have had more people round for dinner since we lived here than when we were in the UK!

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Absolutely right! :goodpost:

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

How has social life changed since we got here ? - it has changed enormously. At times back in the UK I felt lonely - looking back I didn't appreciate what I had. We basically do not have a social life here.

Have we made friends or just acquaintances? acquaintances really. I have a couple of people I can meet for a coffee. We don't have any couple friends. We keep ourselves busy as much as we can. This one really freaks me out sometimes. That thought that if anything awful happened I wouldn't have anyone I could ring for support. I also find that the few people I have to meet are not happy and I sometimes feel like I am providing a lot of support for them and me being me not asking for it in return.

Have I felt lonely - most definitely.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Failure or disappointment is hard to admit for most people, especially those that have spent thousands on emigrating and months or years of expelled energy in ensuring emigrating materialises.
I do sometimes wonder if the exaggerated enthusiasm or positivity of some posters is determined by a "gritted teeth" like determination that "this will bloody work and I'll make sure of it" attitude (sorry If I've said it before).
I too, initially had this attitude about NZ.
It's now been 5 years however and I feel lonelier than ever. I can't express it as acutely as I'd like to amongst my expat colleagues or the families at the kids' school as they all seem to have the attitude above. I don't know this, but I assume that they are blaming me for not trying harder!
I miss SO much about the UK and the people but I won't post it here, that's for the MBTTUK forum which I regularly read rather than the overt optimism in the NZ forum.
I'm sorry folks, this is how it is for just us; less social life, less interests, less friends, work is becoming less interesting, shops are boring, museums not as interesting (done Te Papa three times!) and running out of places to visit that's not going to cost a fortune in time and travel and the list I'm afraid goes on.:(
Trash this post, if you want to, I no longer care, I just want to warn prospective emigrating families that they should take a short term view of emigrating as the novelty/newness factor definitely wears off and homesickness can set in and the rot can start to taint their new life.
UK Flights about to be booked for next year.:D

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Lucky cow. I mean that's great news. You've been nice to me, I shouldn't be rude to you !

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Love your post......Good luck....I am going for a reccy in April next year....then making my hopefully short term plans...however they may take longer than I would like....:goodpost:

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

The best way to meet people and get a social life is to join a sports club, cyling, yachting, golf etc all in vogue, there's always socials and events in clubs like that.
Other wise put yourself out there, invite kiwis out and they will go...

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
3) Have you/are you lonely here?[/QUOTE]

Our social life has suffered a bit but not that bad - and we are still here. :D

Yes made friends and aquaintances, mixture of Kiwis and expats. Kiwis are always more difficult to pin down when we try to arrange get-togethers because they have wider social circles than us (unsurprisingly as we haven't been here as long as they have).

Not lonely as we have eachother and Skype etc in addition to our friends here.

Financial side not great though and probably the biggest issue for us by far, could be the reason why we ultimately go back to the U.K. :unsure:

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

I fear you are correct..most posters have some kind of agenda - overt or not.
Enticing others over on false pretences to make yourself feel better about your lot is well - just not cricket. All the best for your move back home. Emigrating to the other side of the world is only really a good risk to take at 12k per ping (and pong back), if an employer is footing the bill as was so in our case.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

There in lie's your problem. You find them dull, they find you what!

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Do you really think that? I think most posters tell it as it is from their perspective, which of course is different for everyone.

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Personally I have better things to do with my time! I just tell it how it is from me. Simple.