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-   -   LONELINESS, some questions. (https://britishexpats.com/forum/new-zealand-83/loneliness-some-questions-808730/)

britsinnz Sep 10th 2013 6:44 am

LONELINESS, some questions.
 
Friends of ours who have been here for 20 years shocked me today by saying they are moving back to the UK. They came here with 2 small children who have now flown the nest, one to OZ the other to UK. They said the thing that made them want to move back is the loneliness they have experienced here and that surprised me as they seemed to have settled here and were very involved where they live in Christchurch and are very sociable people. They said once their kids were no longer at school that their social circle seems to have died off and they just didn't see themselves being able to live here anymore. They felt that they had made many acquaintances but no real friends.
I was just wondering if any be'rs felt the same.

1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
3) Have you/are you lonely here?

barnsleymat Sep 10th 2013 7:06 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 
1. What social life! We were always out gigging and having nights out back home but it's just unaffordable here. Towards $9 for a glass beer is something we can't afford, I've always been a pub person and had a huge amount of mates back home just cos we all went to the same pubs/gigs. So meeting new people the way I always have done isn't an option.

2. Not made many mates.

3. Over the last month I've hit the homesick wall and feeling a bit lonely is probably a big part of it.

Snap Shot Sep 10th 2013 7:12 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Originally Posted by britsinnz (Post 10893648)
1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
3) Have you/are you lonely here?


1. Shrunk from small to non existent. I miss the weekly diet class that I used to attend in Britain. I miss the people I would sit next to. I just can't find the motivation to go to a local group. I miss the weekly circuit training group we used to attend. We go to exercise classes here but it's 'only' aerobics. We'd kinda got bored of 'only aerobics' in Britain. We didn't really have any friends as a couple in Britain. So it makes no difference that we don't have them here either. If we go out it's with each other, but that's how it was in Britain. We go to the cinema or a restaurant or the park or the beach or to the shops.

2. Made acquaintances, no friends with kiwis. They're ok but actually quite dull. The look on some of their faces when a foreign accent comes out of your mouth, well. There's no point attempting to be friends with local expats if you have nothing in common except you used to live in the same country and would have probably found them to be hard work no matter what.

3. Lonely ? Not really, I prefer my husband's company anyway. Loneliness can be tied into homesickness. I've got that mostly under control. Bored of my life in NZ ? Certainly. In my heart and in my soul I want to go home.

A Rush And A Push Sep 10th 2013 7:21 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 
1. Had very busy social life when I first got here. Just lucky enough to make some good friends through work and through house sharing. Regular nights out in Auckland till 2 or 3, even 5 or 6 occasionally...this changed not due to being in NZ but due to having kids. Past few years much quieter due to having small children. Still go to some gigs and have a few local nights out. Meals at ours/other people's houses quite a bit in the summer.

2. Yes, made some good friends. We're still in the small kids stage so whether it will last once they're older, who knows.

3. No, not often.

Stormer999 Sep 10th 2013 8:09 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 
How can they be lonely if they have each other :confused: If the kids have flown the nest what is going to be different in any country? There are over 300,000 people in Chch so if they cannot make friends amongst that many then what is going to change back in the UK ? chasing a long gone point in time ?
The old saying 'falling in love with love' seems to prevail in so many tails of woe on this forum!
Barnsleymat I pay $5 for a real pint in my drinking hole and have made plenty of friends...change pubs or hours! Get a motorbike and make stacks of friends ;)

barnsleymat Sep 10th 2013 8:20 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Originally Posted by Stormer999 (Post 10893711)
Barnsleymat I pay $5 for a real pint in my drinking hole and have made plenty of friends...change pubs or hours! Get a motorbike and make stacks of friends ;)

In my local pub which is a bit souless it's $12 a jug and anywhere in town is 8/9 for a handle to a pint. The cheapest pint in NZ I've ever found is $6 at a local football club near my work.

I dream of $5 pints at a pub within walking distance of my house.

Stormer999 Sep 10th 2013 8:28 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Originally Posted by barnsleymat (Post 10893723)
In my local pub which is a bit souless it's $12 a jug and anywhere in town is 8/9 for a handle to a pint. The cheapest pint in NZ I've ever found is $6 at a local football club near my work.

I dream of $5 pints at a pub within walking distance of my house.

Monteiths Brewery bar Avonhead Chch walking/cycling distance 16:00/18:00 hrs 7 days a week Happy hours $5 for a full real pint:thumbup: Just frequented the aforesaid establishment tonight for 3 pints of Tui...well served by some delightful young ladies....less than I was paying 2 years ago in Kenilworth :starsmile:
Try the local Rugby clubs.

escapedtonz Sep 10th 2013 8:45 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Originally Posted by Stormer999 (Post 10893711)
How can they be lonely if they have each other :confused: If the kids have flown the nest what is going to be different in any country? There are over 300,000 people in Chch so if they cannot make friends amongst that many then what is going to change back in the UK ? chasing a long gone point in time ?
The old saying 'falling in love with love' seems to prevail in so many tails of woe on this forum!
Barnsleymat I pay $5 for a real pint in my drinking hole and have made plenty of friends...change pubs or hours! Get a motorbike and make stacks of friends ;)

Amen. Motorbiking rules!!! :thumbsup:

barnsleymat Sep 10th 2013 8:47 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Originally Posted by Stormer999 (Post 10893729)
Try the local Rugby clubs.

I'd rather stay in than hang around in a Rugby club.

Stormer999 Sep 10th 2013 8:49 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Originally Posted by escapedtonz (Post 10893741)
Amen. Motorbiking rules!!! :thumbsup:

Spot on :thumbsup:
See I've made another friend already..;)

escapedtonz Sep 10th 2013 9:21 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Originally Posted by Stormer999 (Post 10893744)
Spot on :thumbsup:
See I've made another friend already..;)

Yeah for sure.
Mention motorbikes n I'll b your friend for life ha ha!!!
Looking forward to visiting Christchurch on the bike before end of summer. Gotta visit Coleridge Hydro Station for work n gonna take the opportunity to do it on the bike with a colleague and I can also visit my old biker buddy from back home who's gonna be moving to Rolleston this month.
He's only just this last couple weeks got his bike through conformity, warrant and registration - all black K5 gixer thou reg PMG 1 if ya see him say hi cos he's a top geeza originally from Maidstone.

I pay $5 a pint at the golf club where I'm a member in Wellington. DB Export Gold.
They also do top food.
Home made big wedge of mince onion cheese pie and a pint $9.50.
Cossie club which is a top venue and night out in Upper Hutt equally as cheap $24 for a 4 handle jug of beer with free pool, darts, massive video wall sky TV sports, live bands, betting on the horses etc area and they do food.
Tend to steer clear of Wellington CBD as its generally $9 a pint and busy as hell. If you know where to go though there are plenty "locals" dotted around the back streets that serve real ale and aren't as expensive.

If any blokes want to meet like minded people, then golf and motorbikes will prove there's never a dull moment.
I meet someone new every time I do either, and from all countries and all walks of life - sweet!

Charismatic Sep 10th 2013 10:24 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Originally Posted by britsinnz (Post 10893648)
1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
3) Have you/are you lonely here?

1. No, moving thousands of miles away from my friends had no short term impact on my social life ;).
2. Yes, have friends from all over but not many kiwis. Mind you if I where a foreigner moving to the UK I'd probably expect to get along better with other foreigners. It's human nature, if you are a local you kind of fit in with a culture and place.
3. When do people find the time to be lonely? I've always been someone with just a handful of very good friend, my world fits inside a teacup and I'm quite happy with that.

pixiewink Sep 10th 2013 10:27 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Originally Posted by britsinnz (Post 10893648)
1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
3) Have you/are you lonely here?

1...don't really have a social life...But OH and I like each others company always have...We are not into camping in a field or drinking shite beer round the bbq at home or someone else's home or watching rugby & drinking shite beer either.....We go out on our own for a Thai or Curry when funds allow, have a couple of drinks then come home...We miss proper pubs to sit by the fire have a couple of beers....atmosphere is just not the same in NZ

2..Just acquaintances

3..Yes; friend lonely.....Bored YES!

:frown:

davros1984 Sep 10th 2013 10:33 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 
1) I had a lot of friends in the UK, I worked a lot but regularly managed to meet up with people and catch up. Here - I have not made a single real "friend" - in over 2 years of being here. I now spend extra time at work or I come home and study, read/watch videos about the latest IT developments - oh and I come on here.

2) There is one guy I go for an after work drink with once a fortnight to bitch about the cost of living, houses and work. There is another guy I worked with who I see about once a month.

3) You could say that I am lonely, certainly I spend most of my own time alone or with the Mrs. I don't generally feel lonely, but I do feel very alone at times if that makes sense. I just accept that as part of life in NZ. Most Kiwi's I've met just seem to do family stuff and don't socalise with others very much at all. I have my partner, and we spend weekends together - which helps a lot. Although in truth we both feel at times quite alone (i.e. it would be nice to have friends, not just us). However, saying that - she has made lots of nurse friends here that she semi-regularly goes out for dinner with or the occassional coffee catch up.

Barnsleymat - saw your post. Do you think you ever might return?

lisamct Sep 10th 2013 10:37 am

Re: LONELINESS, some questions.
 

Originally Posted by britsinnz (Post 10893648)
1) How has your social life changed since you've been here?
2) Have you made friends or just acquaintances ?
3) Have you/are you lonely here?

1. Social life is pretty much the same. Out a couple of times a week either to a friends house for a few beers or to the pub/cinema/gigs (just back from bitchin' bingo at our local with a few friends...not really my thing but they have alcohol so its all good)

2. I have a pretty good group of kiwi friends as well as a wider circle of acquaintances. Its actually the expats that I met at first that have mostly drifted off over time, I found a greater lack of enthusiasm to just go out and try stuff amongst that group than I did with the newer kiwi friends.

3. I occasionally miss my old social life for the 'comfort' of long term friends but cant say I'm ever really lonely. I live alone though and enjoy my own company but I also catch up with friends every few days and usually work 12 hours with great colleagues the days in not doing that so not much time to get lonely.


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