Browner_

Should your first reply have been:

"You are right, I handnt noticed, I will get her off the table".

Then everyone would have been happy.

Catchafire

If it had been pointed out in a reasonable way, then that most likely would have been the outcome.

bourbon-biscuit

Ah, very glad to read that your objection was actually to this woman's obnoxious manner, rather than objecting to not sitting on tables. She would have p***ed me off too, though I think I'd have been more embarrassed than anything else.

I don't think it matters whether she was maori or not. If we try to unpick all the subtle cultural norms and taboos of British culture we're sure to find a huge variety of origins. We're bi-cultural and it's considered bad form to sit on tables here, whether you're maori or not. Was hard drilling it into my 9 year old when we arrived!

Shame your brunch was ruined by her being obnoxious, but you probably do need to teach your kids not to sit on tables in the same way you teach them not to eat with their mouths open or to burp or fart at the table. There's no real reason for it, just the way it is.

yjx1nt7

I know exactly how you feel ,, my second week in the country there was a staff meeting in the tea room , Everyone was crammed in and all chairs had been taken I mistakenly put one cheek on the table . In front of all the staff my lovely boss stated I know you are British but it is culturally unacceptable to sit on a table and you are insulting all of us here !!!!
Needless to say I was mortified and embarrassed by her comment,,
Talk about learning the cultural differences the hard way

Charismatic

If you wear grass skirts and no underwear it's good advice...but we don't.

Anyway so what if you actions could be seen as offensive? It's her right to be offended and bemoan the fact but that right doesn't yet extend to stopping you from doing as you please with your family. Frankly it smacks of bullying when it is a taboo for only a small minority in society and clearly the incident isn't designed to provoke.

However selfishly having children and then inflicting them on other decent members of society by allowing them to be seen in public is clearly overstepping the line. If we are going to uphold a taboo let it be one that makes the world a better place .

Charismatic

Worrying as a foreigner, did they intend to uphold another native - cannibalism? Talk about a rubbish day at work .

dannigirl

Sounds like she could have handled it better, but she was right to point it out especially in a cafe. I agree with Browner, no big deal just take your daughter off the table.

You don't just follow Maori custom and protocol within a Marae. It Also what does it matter if she was Pakeha or Maori?

I really think it was inappropriate for you to swear back at her!

And frankly for someone to call this bullying, OMG people get a grip!

Catchafire

Ok, no it should not have been a big deal. My (please note) 20month old daughter was sitting on a coffee table (not dining table) next to the toy box. I had my back turned for maybe 20secs! Then some sanctimonious woman comes rushing up to berate me for being culturally insensitive, whilst I am ordering food.

Jan n Neil

your first reaction was right i would have told her to f@#k off as well

Neil

dannigirl

So why turn it into a big deal and swear at her....if she was being a twat then better to ignore her, no?

simonsi

I was taught not to sit on tables, its not a Maori thing. Equally I cut peeps with young children a lot of slack....after all it wasn't like you deliberately sat her on the table.....

dannigirl

Just on a side point, what a lovely husband you are giving your wife a break!

I was just telling my hubby about your post and my 2 1/2 year old daughter is YELLING at us, you don't sit on the table you sit on the chair....hilarious!!!!

josephine123

thanks for the info i was not aware of this and will be very mindful. sorry i thought you had placed your daughter on the table, its early here in the UK and i am not awake yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but as you say it only takes a couple of seconds for accidents to happen, i would have personally been thankful for the woman pointing it out to me for the dangers , sorry.

yjx1nt7

I think as I have now found by my bosses reaction,, That some cultural beliefs are used to score points and dare I say belittle people whom quite innocently are ignorant of these sensitive issues, ( However it backed fired as the staff were up in arms of how rude she was to me )
But as everything there are polite ways to speak to people and not intimidate them in public just because they are unaware

Am Loolah

It doesn't take much to stun me after years on BE, but the comments on this thread have.

Goodness, I don't know what you are all doing with your 20 month old children, but I wish I'd had access to whatever it is when mine were 20 months old.

He turns his back for less than a minute and his toddler sits on a coffee table ...

Get real people ...

Not his fault. Not the toddlers fault. Not deliberately causing offense. Come on ...

I apologise for my kids (who are significantly older than 20 months) when I walk in a room, because I am damn sure I'll be apologising for them when I walk out of it.