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Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Old Apr 19th 2016, 3:43 pm
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Unhappy Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Hi, I've been offered a job in Wellington after a recent visit to see friends. I'm now applying for residency for myself, my wife and two school age children via SMC from the UK. We have just received the ITA and now need to get all docs etc.

The only problem now is that wife and one child are extremely nervous!!! After reading some of the above, it's not surprising she's nervous. Hopefully we will get through it together though and it won't be too terrible when we get there. Her friend is suggesting I go out first and start work for 3 months to make sure it's ok. Then they can follow me later. I'm not sure, but I know she is worried about the eldest and schools etc (year 6/7)
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Old Apr 19th 2016, 7:50 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness v. A lack of belonging.

Originally Posted by Munchkjn View Post
Hi, I've been offered a job in Wellington after a recent visit to see friends. I'm now applying for residency for myself, my wife and two school age children via SMC from the UK. We have just received the ITA and now need to get all docs etc.

The only problem now is that wife and one child are extremely nervous!!! After reading some of the above, it's not surprising she's nervous. Hopefully we will get through it together though and it won't be too terrible when we get there. Her friend is suggesting I go out first and start work for 3 months to make sure it's ok. Then they can follow me later. I'm not sure, but I know she is worried about the eldest and schools etc (year 6/7)
It might be worth putting this in a new thread - if you want to, contact the mods.

As I see it, one of the problems with Brits is they have an over-inflated view of how wonderful NZ is. It is a great country and has lots of benefits, but it's not paradise. The problem for people in your position is you won't really know until you get here whether it is right for you or your family. My advice would be to give it a go, but recognise that if it's not all you hoped for you can return with no shame or disappointment. It's nice to scratch the itch and you would probably regret not taking a chance. I don't think it's fair for one person to force another to stay, and I think you need to discuss this with your wife - if one of you hates it, and the other loves it, what are you going to do?

The other thing that strikes me is that the pros and cons of various countries can change quite quickly. For example, a few years ago NZ was considered a very cheap place to live. I remember arriving in the UK in the 1980 and being shocked at how much everything cost, and I can assure you, my income was not 3x what my NZ wage was. With the current economic climate things might change - who knows? I would be keeping all my options open right now.
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 2:51 am
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Originally Posted by Munchkjn View Post
Hi, I've been offered a job in Wellington after a recent visit to see friends. I'm now applying for residency for myself, my wife and two school age children via SMC from the UK. We have just received the ITA and now need to get all docs etc.

The only problem now is that wife and one child are extremely nervous!!! After reading some of the above, it's not surprising she's nervous. Hopefully we will get through it together though and it won't be too terrible when we get there. Her friend is suggesting I go out first and start work for 3 months to make sure it's ok. Then they can follow me later. I'm not sure, but I know she is worried about the eldest and schools etc (year 6/7)
I notice that you had originally put this in the thread that I started. It's understandable that your wife and a child are extremely nervous about making the move here. That's an extremely normal feeling to have when moving especially when it's to the other side of the planet.

The first time we came out here my OH came a few months earlier then I followed on afterwards when I'd sold the house etc. I wish with hindsight that we had come out together because I stressed more on my own at home alone. Just because you might be okay here doesn't mean that your wife will be.

I think you should come with a realistic plan of giving it a couple of years and then making a decision whether to stay or go. It takes a least a couple of years for most people to settle. A feeling of being trapped here can make a person feel worse, having a get-out clause is vital in my view.

Just because of my own situation doesn't mean that I would tell you not to come. We are all different people. I don't regret coming here, I've done some things I'd never even envisaged myself doing. I appreciate the simple pleasures in life so much more.

Life here isn't better or worse than living in the UK, it's just different. I know plenty of Brits who absolutely adore it here and wouldn't consider going back to live in the UK.
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 8:57 am
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Take on board what is said on here, but act on the opinions of people you personally know and trust (ie your friends). Sorry you guys have gotten nervous. We live in a good country here IMO. Come and join us
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 10:06 am
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Originally Posted by garethwm View Post
Take on board what is said on here, but act on the opinions of people you personally know and trust (ie your friends). Sorry you guys have gotten nervous. We live in a good country here IMO. Come and join us
That's were I went wrong, I listened to my friend telling me to come here. She's a very positive person who doesn't worry very much and I'm her polar opposite .

So I introduce her as "This is my friend ........ and it's her fault I'm here!"
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 10:25 am
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

MrF came out before myself and kids, 6mths actually. The rental he got I would not of agreed to but he thought it would do, the area he got ended up to be a complete nightmare. All well and good him being in NZ but it left me tying up all the loose ends in UK, selling house and all the hassle that goes with that, doing the kids goodbyes, dealing with all the paperwork. All he was doing was working then out and about at the weekends, all very nice for him, whilst I was having to sort out homes for the animals (to old to fly over), sort the family issues out, MIL saying good for you guys, FIL saying this is going to break her heart taking the grandchildren away, why you being so selfish etc.

Please if you do decide to come over before the rest please please have quite a lot of the logistics on what needs to be done before you go. Ours possibly a bit different scenario as MrF came out to have a look round for 3weeks and was meant to come back but got offered a job and started whilst on the those weeks so there wasn't much choice for me but to do it all, but believe it it was very stressfull.
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 10:34 am
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Originally Posted by Munchkjn View Post
Hi, I've been offered a job in Wellington after a recent visit to see friends. I'm now applying for residency for myself, my wife and two school age children via SMC from the UK. We have just received the ITA and now need to get all docs etc.

The only problem now is that wife and one child are extremely nervous!!! After reading some of the above, it's not surprising she's nervous. Hopefully we will get through it together though and it won't be too terrible when we get there. Her friend is suggesting I go out first and start work for 3 months to make sure it's ok. Then they can follow me later. I'm not sure, but I know she is worried about the eldest and schools etc (year 6/7)

Most people move for a better life and it always depends how you live now and what you will have there. Getting a job is the first step and easy enough, but a job these days doesn't mean you'll have a good lifestyle in that location and depends what you think will be an improvement (housing, money to spend, working hours, friends etc.).




I could probably get a good job in Hong Kong, but would hate it and I could probably get a good job in Auckland, but still wouldn't be better off than were I am now.
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 10:47 am
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Default Re: Homesickness v. A lack of belonging.

Originally Posted by jmh View Post
It might be worth putting this in a new thread - if you want to, contact the mods.

As I see it, one of the problems with Brits is they have an over-inflated view of how wonderful NZ is. It is a great country and has lots of benefits, but it's not paradise. The problem for people in your position is you won't really know until you get here whether it is right for you or your family. My advice would be to give it a go, but recognise that if it's not all you hoped for you can return with no shame or disappointment. It's nice to scratch the itch and you would probably regret not taking a chance. I don't think it's fair for one person to force another to stay, and I think you need to discuss this with your wife - if one of you hates it, and the other loves it, what are you going to do?

The other thing that strikes me is that the pros and cons of various countries can change quite quickly. For example, a few years ago NZ was considered a very cheap place to live. I remember arriving in the UK in the 1980 and being shocked at how much everything cost, and I can assure you, my income was not 3x what my NZ wage was. With the current economic climate things might change - who knows? I would be keeping all my options open right now.


Thanks, some good advice there. If Mrs M hates it, we would be returning pretty quickly I imagine. Although I'm thinking she will like it from my limited experience of NZ. The weather is better, we are both foodies and I was really impressed with the food while I was there. We all like walking (currently live near peak district), roller blading (a bit weird), and cycling. Also, the laid back culture and fewer people really appeals after living in a really busy place ( I have to live near cities for my line of work).

I've tried to keep an open mind by investigating the negative to balance my natural optimism but its hard to examine how you are likely to feel in 2 years time once the novelty has worn off and when we maybe are in a rut (it happens from time to time wherever you are). Such a hard decision, but I keep coming back to "you only live once" its an experience and I would definitely regret it if I didnt "scratch the itch".
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 10:55 am
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Originally Posted by Vitalstatistix View Post

Just because of my own situation doesn't mean that I would tell you not to come. We are all different people. I don't regret coming here, I've done some things I'd never even envisaged myself doing. I appreciate the simple pleasures in life so much more.

Life here isn't better or worse than living in the UK, it's just different. I know plenty of Brits who absolutely adore it here and wouldn't consider going back to live in the UK.
'Just different' is the key here I think. I'm excited about coming and so the others, but I think we would try to contain ourselves by knowing it is not a paradise and we will have to work at it to make a success. I really want to make sure Mrs M can contribute in some way so she isn't stuck at home with no friends, no job and just taking kids to school and picking them up. That is a possible recipe for disaster. To that end, we are debating between being in a city suburb e.g. Northland, Island Bay, Brooklyn or whether to live out on the Kapiti (Waikanae, Paraparam, Raumati Beach) where we'd be closer to the good weather, beaches and ski fields.
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 10:57 am
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Originally Posted by garethwm View Post
Take on board what is said on here, but act on the opinions of people you personally know and trust (ie your friends). Sorry you guys have gotten nervous. We live in a good country here IMO. Come and join us
My friends are already signing me up for skiing trips and trying to find me houses!

Thanks for the vote of confidence!
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 11:05 am
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Originally Posted by MrsFychan View Post
MrF came out before myself and kids, 6mths actually. The rental he got I would not of agreed to but he thought it would do, the area he got ended up to be a complete nightmare. All well and good him being in NZ but it left me tying up all the loose ends in UK, selling house and all the hassle that goes with that, doing the kids goodbyes, dealing with all the paperwork. All he was doing was working then out and about at the weekends, all very nice for him, whilst I was having to sort out homes for the animals (to old to fly over), sort the family issues out, MIL saying good for you guys, FIL saying this is going to break her heart taking the grandchildren away, why you being so selfish etc.

Please if you do decide to come over before the rest please please have quite a lot of the logistics on what needs to be done before you go. Ours possibly a bit different scenario as MrF came out to have a look round for 3weeks and was meant to come back but got offered a job and started whilst on the those weeks so there wasn't much choice for me but to do it all, but believe it it was very stressfull.
I'm sorry it was so bad for you. That does sound a bit [email protected] I think on balance it might be best for us to all go together, I'm sure the job will be fine for me and if it really isn't, I could probably find another relatively easily. We have probably 2 or 3 months before we get the residency so we can hopefully use the time to get the house rented, stuff packed up and shipped, do the goodbyes etc as a family.

We are thinking about the Kapiti coast as a base. What are your experiences of that area? Is it fairly sociable with activities and sports clubs. My daughter is into ballet and gymnastics. Son loves lacrosse, cricket and animals allthough I'm sure they are open to doing new stuff. Is there much in the way of work there? Offices? P/T stuff?

Thanks.
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 11:15 am
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Originally Posted by Moses2013 View Post
Most people move for a better life and it always depends how you live now and what you will have there. Getting a job is the first step and easy enough, but a job these days doesn't mean you'll have a good lifestyle in that location and depends what you think will be an improvement (housing, money to spend, working hours, friends etc.).




I could probably get a good job in Hong Kong, but would hate it and I could probably get a good job in Auckland, but still wouldn't be better off than were I am now.
All good points Moses. There's always a risk with that, but the job is doing something I'm familiar with, very similar to employer/role that I have here with a bit of a pay rise. Hours are reasonable and 5 weeks paid hols on top of public hols. So I think we could manage on the one wage in Welly region unless we live in one of the really posh areas.

There isn't a real definitve reason to move overseas. Its more a collection of things. We are quite itchy footed having moved around a fair bit in the UK (think there must be some traveller blood in me), so partly we are just looking for a change of scenery, plus better climate, we want the kids to be kids instead of the tendency (in our part of the UK at least) for 7 yo + of being exposed to everything and anything. More regular snow activities are also an attraction now the kids are a bit older too and generally a more relaxed approach to life and being close to the coast without making too many compromises on job/school etc.
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 12:05 pm
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Originally Posted by Munchkjn View Post
All good points Moses. There's always a risk with that, but the job is doing something I'm familiar with, very similar to employer/role that I have here with a bit of a pay rise. Hours are reasonable and 5 weeks paid hols on top of public hols. So I think we could manage on the one wage in Welly region unless we live in one of the really posh areas.

There isn't a real definitve reason to move overseas. Its more a collection of things. We are quite itchy footed having moved around a fair bit in the UK (think there must be some traveller blood in me), so partly we are just looking for a change of scenery, plus better climate, we want the kids to be kids instead of the tendency (in our part of the UK at least) for 7 yo + of being exposed to everything and anything. More regular snow activities are also an attraction now the kids are a bit older too and generally a more relaxed approach to life and being close to the coast without making too many compromises on job/school etc.


As long as you've done your homework, I'm sure it will work out. If you managed with one income in the UK then you'll be fine, but losing a salary can often be difficult for people. At least you've been to Wellington, but I wouldn't say climate is better/worse. Overall, it's only a bit more sunnier than parts of East Sussex with more rain and more wind.




Doesn't bother me, but I've heard of people who left Wellington because it was too windy for them, so as long as you don't expect the med, I think you'll manage.
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 12:18 pm
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Originally Posted by Moses2013 View Post
As long as you've done your homework, I'm sure it will work out. If you managed with one income in the UK then you'll be fine, but losing a salary can often be difficult for people. At least you've been to Wellington, but I wouldn't say climate is better/worse. Overall, it's only a bit more sunnier than parts of East Sussex with more rain and more wind.




Doesn't bother me, but I've heard of people who left Wellington because it was too windy for them, so as long as you don't expect the med, I think you'll manage.
I went to Wellington on a lovely day! in late March! I notice that the temps around Kapiti coast are still in the low 20's this week. I've never lived in East Sussex, but I suspect the summers are considerably shorter than those even in Welly. I know it gets very windy at times (I've seen the youtube clips of people being blown over), so I'm certainly not expecting the Med. Maybe something like southern brittany where it can be lovely sometimes but changeable with rainstorms (maritime climate) with a med-style uber-mistral thrown in for good measure. The views of the bay are something to behold though and I liked the real ale sorry craft beer scene.
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Old Apr 20th 2016, 12:37 pm
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Default Re: Job offer Wellington but wife concerned

Vitalstats, as long as Munchkjn blames his friends and not me if it goes pear shaped ... hehe
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